Being a PK...or a child of someone in Church Leadership

[TrendySocialite]

This topic was being discussed a while back in the OT forum, but I thought I'd bring it over here, if it's not already (I didn't see it when I searched).

I'd love to hear the experiences and thoughts of PKs or even those whose families (parents in particular) are in church leadership (ministers, deacons, elders, etc.)

Does it influence or affect your relationship with Christ? How have you/did you cope? What is it that you wish others would understand about the life and experience of a PK?

 

[topsyturvy86]

What's a PK?

 

[TrendySocialite]

Sorry....Preacher's kid

 

[plainj]

I'm a new Christian but from what I can see of PK's and kids of leadership--they are the baddest kids I've ever seen. I just want to whoop 'em!!

 

[topsyturvy86]

Does it influence or affect your relationship with Christ? How have you/did you cope?

My father's a Pastor and it has influenced my relationship in a way ... I grew up in a good Christian home and have always been a Christian but it wasn't until recent that I became a Christian for real and fell in love with God. As an old proverb goes, you can force a horse to the stream but you can't force it to drink of the water. I was brought up that way but I ended up doing exactly what I wanted to do for years and no one could make all the Christian stuff really sink in till I went through stuff and was ready. When I was ready, I had a good solid foundation built subconciously over the yrz and great support network to keep me strong and going.


What is it that you wish others would understand about the life and experience of a PK?

It is pretty much the same as everyone else's really. I think its important for people to understand that it was the calling/choice of their parent(s) to go into ministry, not theirs. I know people want to see a good example of a Christian family and usually look at the Pastors/Preachers family but the kids are individuals themselves and have the same desires and temptations that non PK's have, they're just judged more.

 

[Ms.Honey]

Does it influence or affect your relationship with Christ? How have you/did you cope?

My father's a Pastor and it has influenced my relationship in a way ... I grew up in a good Christian home and have always been a Christian but it wasn't until recent that I became a Christian for real and fell in love with God. As an old proverb goes, you can force a horse to the stream but you can't force it to drink of the water. I was brought up that way but I ended up doing exactly what I wanted to do for years and no one could make all the Christian stuff really sink in till I went through stuff and was ready. When I was ready, I had a good solid foundation built subconciously over the yrz and great support network to keep me strong and going.


What is it that you wish others would understand about the life and experience of a PK?

It is pretty much the same as everyone else's really. I think its important for people to understand that it was the calling/choice of their parent(s) to go into ministry, not theirs. I know people want to see a good example of a Christian family and usually look at the Pastors/Preachers family but the kids are individuals themselves and have the same desires and temptations that non PK's have, they're just judged more.

Excellent post!!!!!

 

[TrendySocialite]

This is a long post...LOL

I'm a PK...

In addition to being a PK, 2 of my uncles are pastors, my grandfather was a pastor, my cousin is a MAJOR bishop (and past prez of Hampton Ministers Conf.) and my other cousin is the personal assistant and armorbearer to a popular nationally-known minister. I've seen and know things that would make some people cringe...

I've rebelled and I've walked the straight and narrow. Honestly, it's never been because of the pressure from my mom (the preacher, now pastor) or from my dad (deacon and church financial administrator), but from other folk in the church.

I'm the super protective PK over my mom. I will cut my eye at you in a nano-second if you even look sideways at my parents in church. So I guess that's my form of rebellion.

Before my mom became a pastor we went through a very hurtful time at our previous church. As a result I stopped going to that church. My parents knew they couldn't talk me into going, so they just stopped. I essentially didn't go to church for 3 months. I hadn't done that since my early 20s when I was super rebellious. But this time it was for different reasons.

I definitely think it has influenced some things about me. It's a bit unnerving when people walk up to you in a restaurant and say "Isn't your mom Rev. so and so?" I'm like so how long have they been watching me in this restaurant with my mixed drink?!?!?! LOL Sometimes it's not that bad, but it does make me conscious of what I do, especially locally.

I do try to consciously not bring shame to my parents out of respect and love for them, not because they make me obligated to do so.

Quite frankly, there are people in the church that are manipulative, mean-spirited, clingy, needy and just generally get on my nerves (LOL). They take a lot of a pastor/preacher's time and energy and that is time taken away from his/her family. I've been blessed that my parents have rightly balanced the roles of church leadership with family life. But I know so many Pastors that haven't and their relationships with their children are sometimes damaged forever.

The most hurtful thing I've encountered as a PK is when people ask me if I sing or play an instrument and I tell them no. They look at me like "What kind of PK are you?" And what function could you possibly serve?

I think it's important that any PK find their own gifts and callings and not have them dictated to by folk around you. That's why PKs end up rebelling. Trying to be all things to all people....

I have a lot of responsibilities in our church. And there are times where I draw the line and tell my parents that I can't do this or that because I need to do something else (usually that I want to do).

But I'd be lying if I didn't say that there are many a Sunday that I truly want to sleep in...LOL

I know the "out there" PKs and I look at their parents and the relationship they have with them (usually lack thereof) and it's not a far stretch that they are the way they are...

 

[TrendySocialite]

Does it influence or affect your relationship with Christ? How have you/did you cope?

I think the most important thing for me is to remain my authentic self. You can easily become disjointed if you try to follow the advice, criticism, opinions, "helpful" suggestions and such of others (even your parents). I've relied on my own personal relationship with Christ and the leading of the Holy Spirit to teach me all things related to my own personal relationship with Him and how I am supposed to live my life.

What is it that you wish others would understand about the life and experience of a PK?

We are people. We like to laugh and have fun. We don't go around speaking in tongues all day. We have interests outside of spending all of our time in church. Don't be surprised to see us out in a restaurant, at a play, at a concert, etc.

I think for me it's important to know that while my parent is your pastor, that's my parent. And that role in my life (especially when I was younger) is important to me. Respect the fact that sometimes my mom can't stay on the phone with you for hours while you lament over your life challenges, because she has a family of her own to tend to.

Oh and I have my own unique gifts and callings which may or may not include preaching. That doesn't mean I'm any less anointed or called than my mom.

 

[plainj]

Interesting responses. I've always thought it must seem tough being a PK--having to share your parents with everyone. Seeing it up close in my own pastor, I wonder about his children (one young teen, one older teen). My pastor has a huge loving heart and takes special care & really watches over his "flock". His wife is just the opposite and seems VERY protective. There are also lots of people around him that seem very protective of him which makes him seem untouchable. It also makes me wonder if he's made "mistakes" in his past. These responses put a whole new perspective on this for me. Can't wait to read more.

 

[TrendySocialite]

Interesting responses. I've always thought it must seem tough being a PK--having to share your parents with everyone. Seeing it up close in my own pastor, I wonder about his children (one young teen, one older teen). My pastor has a huge loving heart and takes special care & really watches over his "flock". His wife is just the opposite and seems VERY protective. There are also lots of people around him that seem very protective of him which makes him seem untouchable. It also makes me wonder if he's made "mistakes" in his past. These responses put a whole new perspective on this for me. Can't wait to read more.

Yes, it can be tough to share your parents. A huge part of how the situation can play itself out is based on the parents and the value they place on their own family life.

I believe that your family is your first ministry if you are in church leadership. If your family life is chaotic but you're at the church everytime the doors are open, I think your priorities should shift until things get better.

Before my mom became a pastor, my old pastor would scold us from the pulpit about using "Family Fun Week" as a time to spend with families. These were weeks 4 times a year that there were no meetings or events at church. It usually followed major holidays. My friends and family always said we didn't need a family fun week to spend time with each other, we do that anyway. Unfortunately, my former pastor's home life was really dysfunctional. He was a very stern man, and sometimes just mean (witnessed that first hand). And when he became ill last year, the church really had to pitch in because his family was at times scarce. My dad took him to dialysis at least twice a week....and my pastor has an adult son that lives at home.

I think that pastors and those in leadership have to go above and beyond to ensure the stability of their own home life.

Now this is definitely an interesting twist for me, because my mom is a minister (that's a whole other topic). But she declares publicly that when she steps out of the pulpit that she is "Mrs. so and so" She is a wife and a mother and that her first ministry is at home. So when she ministers in public she can do so under God's total anointing because she has left her own home decent and in order.

I remember one year we were going to a women's conference out of town and the night before she was up til 2 AM cleaning and making some snacks for my dad. They good brother was cheesing like a cheshire cat at gestures like that.

My relationship with my parents have always been about the little things. We'll ride out of town on a whim. We watch 24 together every Monday night. Little stuff like that keeps things in perspective. But I'm thankful that my parents value our relationship like that....even now that I'm an adult. It's a model that I hope to improve on even more and pass on to my own family.

 

[MrJohnsonsRib]

I'm so upset I had a long post about everything and when I tried to preview it for errors it disappeared.....But I will say that I was a PK and I don't think my life was any worse than someone who was NOT a PK. I just wish that people would realize that we are all accountable for our own actions whether we stray from the church or not. We make the decisions. I think it's a serious misfortune to find that people in the world who don't even accept our way of life to come back and tell us we're doing it wrong...???? What is that? We're all human. I see it like this the great thing about being a PK is that we have the great fortune to be exposed to HIM and that's what matters most. I could not imagine having the life I did and not feel as though someone were watching over me...my step-father was a preahcer and when he backslid he was the devil in the flesh....talk about some identity issues! If I left my life up to those who think they know how Chrsitian families are to be and they have no clue about salvation-woe unto me!!! I'd be a terrible terrible mess. I made my share of mistakes and that's to be expected...simple as that. I think everyone should be a PK in some form b/c if your parents are saved then you are being raised in the same God-fearing lifestyle like your spiritual subordinates...which is a good thing. All the PKs out there, stay strong!! Hope that wasn't too lengthy. I can be long winded.

 

[lusciouslocks]

I grew up as a PK (mother was/is a minister). I am happily non-religious now and haven't stepped foot in a church in about 5 years. I could write a book on my experiences, but because I want to respect the rules of this particular forum, I will leave it at that.

 

[MrJohnsonsRib]

I grew up as a PK (mother was/is a minister). I am happily non-religious now and haven't stepped foot in a church in about 5 years. I could write a book on my experiences, but because I want to respect the rules of this particular forum, I will leave it at that.

I too agree with the book part...I could draft a whole series of books like the Harry Potter ones.....lol!

 

[TrendySocialite]

I too agree with the book part...I could draft a whole series of books like the Harry Potter ones.....lol!

Girl bye....and the movie?!?!?!?! That would be an academy award winner!!!!! But it'd also be like 3 hours long...LOL

 

[MrJohnsonsRib]

Girl bye....and the movie?!?!?!?! That would be an academy award winner!!!!! But it'd also be like 3 hours long...LOL

Girlfriend they would have to do a Roots miniseries on me....lol but I'm not special, everuybody has a life story- a testimony if you will. It just depends on how you value it...I value my testimony. I'd hate to think I endured so much just because.

 

[OhmyKimB]

This topic was being discussed a while back in the OT forum, but I thought I'd bring it over here, if it's not already (I didn't see it when I searched).

I'd love to hear the experiences and thoughts of PKs or even those whose families (parents in particular) are in church leadership (ministers, deacons, elders, etc.)

Does it influence or affect your relationship with Christ? How have you/did you cope? What is it that you wish others would understand about the life and experience of a PK?

My Granfather (Daddy) was a deacon...my grandma is a deaconess...my momma is the church clerk...and her bf is the treasurer.

Thankful my mother wasn't even assistant church clerk until I was in middle school. So every basically knew and knows my personality now. So there really isn't any point in expecting or trying to change it now. I'm still sarcastic and I will say what I think. I will saying that when the church people are working my nerves too.



I don't see how it affected my relationship with God, because it was and will always be my relationship. They have their own. The changes stuggles, good and bad I go through with God has nothing to do with them. Other then teaching me about God, and even though I'm not the type to just see and understand things I have to deal with and have a hands on his presence was always apparent in my life. However my relationship has little to nothing to do with them, just my knowledge.


Mostly what affects me is someone always asking me where my mother is or giving me a message to deliever to her. Telling me about some announce me. (Most ppl know I have the attention span of donald duck so why you would tell me "yo no soy"<----- that's probably wrong ) And then there's always a minister trying to identify who I am...I remember one (I actually like him) told me "you sure picked a good momma!"


I think the part that really bugs me is people expect me to have a personality similar to my mother's or my grandmother....which I do have my mother's but she is much more graceful and hides her sarcasm better or hold's it for private times. While I say what I think at the moment, which does and has gotten me in trouble.