Can you guys help with with something

[Inches411]

So I been dealing with alot of issues lately and I have been dealing with them alone. Lot of them are mistakes I made but mostly due to stress and feeling like empty. I know God but I can say our relationship with is shaky. Anyway i just been having issues with my mom. I go to her about things that bother me for insight and help and encouragement because I dont really have anyone else to go to . And everytime I do she gets mad at me and says I brinigng my problems home and I cause other people stress.. by doign so.

I gues she is saying I am causing her stress by coming to her with my problems. I am hurt that my own mother wouldnt want to help me. I dunno if she trying to make me get a thick skin but sometimes I need t just let out my feelings and emotions and get some advice on how to handle it. I called her to tell her about an issue going on at work... she seem okay when she was listniening.. then that night we had an arguement and she brought it up.. saying dont call me with your problems.. and i was so hurt.

This has been happening for a long time. I guess I am a fool for continuing to go to her. Anyway I often wondered if god is doing this on purpose for me to go to him more. But the thing is I do. I tell him how i feel about my problems btu sometimes i just like to go to my mom too.
Any suggestions on how I should deal with this situation. Sometimes I have to get stuff off my chest and I dont want to go to a person who will yell and get mad at me or tell me that im bothering them or causing trouble in her life by teling her my problems. Yes that wat she said.. im causing trouble in her life.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

:Hugs:

I am sorry you feel this way and your mom doesnt know who to deal with your issues. Dont get too upset with her, her mother probably did the same thing and she just dont know how to do it with you. Maybe deep inside she feels like she's the blame for the pain you are going through for whatever reason. Forgive her because she probably doesnt know how hurt you are. Pray that God begins to soften her heart.

I would suggest not opening up to her with your issues anymore. She doesnt seem to be receptive to you and its only causing you pain. I know she is your mother and she's supposed to want to help you, but thats not always the case and sometimes we have to live with that.

God often withholds things from us because he wants us to seek him first and more intensely. He wants to be first and the only because he knows whats best for you and has great things for you. I know you said you go to him with your feelings but do you give your problems over to him? Do you allow him to work it out before you to someone else to get advice to work it out yourself? There is nothing wrong with godly counsel at all. The wise seek godly counsel. However, make sure you dealing with your problems in order. Pray. Research his Word for a potential solution or encouragement about the situation. Then speak with someone.

Do you have any women in your church, like a community group, you can get involved with?

 

[Aviah]

Hey,
I can't say that I know exactly what is is you are going through, and I don't know exactly what yu and your mother are like, but maybe my similar experience can offer you some consolation.

When I first came to God, there was a huge weaning process. I used to always have a good friend, a close family member, etc that I would go to, to talk about things on my heart. So when I gave my life to God and things were not that way anymore (due to slowly separating from my best friend, then later my boyfriend the next year) I felt lonely and sometimes went to speak to my mother. I would tell her things about how I felt upset that I didn't know my father, and even before I gave my life to God I would tell her about things to do with friends and social situations. The responses I would get were to the effect of "why are you worrying about friends or boys when you should be concentrating on school?" or when it came to the issues with my father, she would say to me "what do you want me to do? Either see a shrink or go and find the man."

These things really did hurt me, and I thought the only person who has always been by my side no longer understood, and didn't seem to want to understand. Then she became adverse to the fact that I was going to church and we argued about it. I would go into my room and cry to God, telling him how it hurt, telling him I wanted thins to change, just pouring my heart out. I found that I would just get a peace over me and it wouldn't bother me so much a very short while after praying.

A long story short, God used those times to show me how to rely on Him. Psalm 118:8 says " it is better to trust the Lord than to put confidence in man" and though it hurt and was hard, and sometimes is just more comforting to have a physical person to lean on, people cannot and will not always be there. At those times you realize how important it is to lean on God, because at the end of it people will not be able to do what God can for you. In relying on Him to give you comfort and strength you can go to the places he sends you and do the things he wills for you to accomplish. Its a type of freedom, freedom from the dependency on people. Not to say that you are, and not to say you should have no one to go to, but things like this help to put it all into perspective.

I hope this helps and pray for the best with your life and your mother.
Remember through Christ all things are posssible

 

[Inches411]

:Hugs:

I am sorry you feel this way and your mom doesnt know who to deal with your issues. Dont get too upset with her, her mother probably did the same thing and she just dont know how to do it with you. Maybe deep inside she feels like she's the blame for the pain you are going through for whatever reason. Forgive her because she probably doesnt know how hurt you are. Pray that God begins to soften her heart.

I would suggest not opening up to her with your issues anymore. She doesnt seem to be receptive to you and its only causing you pain. I know she is your mother and she's supposed to want to help you, but thats not always the case and sometimes we have to live with that.

God often withholds things from us because he wants us to seek him first and more intensely. He wants to be first and the only because he knows whats best for you and has great things for you. I know you said you go to him with your feelings but do you give your problems over to him? Do you allow him to work it out before you to someone else to get advice to work it out yourself? There is nothing wrong with godly counsel at all. The wise seek godly counsel. However, make sure you dealing with your problems in order. Pray. Research his Word for a potential solution or encouragement about the situation. Then speak with someone.

Do you have any women in your church, like a community group, you can get involved with?

Yea me and the pastors wife are very close. She helps me out when she can but she is a very busy women so its hard to meet up with her and talk sometimes.

 

[Inches411]

Hey,
I can't say that I know exactly what is is you are going through, and I don't know exactly what yu and your mother are like, but maybe my similar experience can offer you some consolation.

When I first came to God, there was a huge weaning process. I used to always have a good friend, a close family member, etc that I would go to, to talk about things on my heart. So when I gave my life to God and things were not that way anymore (due to slowly separating from my best friend, then later my boyfriend the next year) I felt lonely and sometimes went to speak to my mother. I would tell her things about how I felt upset that I didn't know my father, and even before I gave my life to God I would tell her about things to do with friends and social situations. The responses I would get were to the effect of "why are you worrying about friends or boys when you should be concentrating on school?" or when it came to the issues with my father, she would say to me "what do you want me to do? Either see a shrink or go and find the man."

These things really did hurt me, and I thought the only person who has always been by my side no longer understood, and didn't seem to want to understand. Then she became adverse to the fact that I was going to church and we argued about it. I would go into my room and cry to God, telling him how it hurt, telling him I wanted thins to change, just pouring my heart out. I found that I would just get a peace over me and it wouldn't bother me so much a very short while after praying.

A long story short, God used those times to show me how to rely on Him. Psalm 118:8 says " it is better to trust the Lord than to put confidence in man" and though it hurt and was hard, and sometimes is just more comforting to have a physical person to lean on, people cannot and will not always be there. At those times you realize how important it is to lean on God, because at the end of it people will not be able to do what God can for you. In relying on Him to give you comfort and strength you can go to the places he sends you and do the things he wills for you to accomplish. Its a type of freedom, freedom from the dependency on people. Not to say that you are, and not to say you should have no one to go to, but things like this help to put it all into perspective.

I hope this helps and pray for the best with your life and your mother.
Remember through Christ all things are posssible

Thanks. Its defin hard when you dont have a actually person to lean on but imma have to learn how to just lean on god totally. i just get mad cause sometimes the way she acts is as if she doesnt care and then i dotn want to even be botheerd with her. Like i feel like i shouldnt be there and help her cause she dont evne want to listen to my problems but ill be okay. Thanks again for ur advice

 

[Aviah]

I know exactly what you mean. Ot does get hard sometimes but I just learned how to just be quiet and leave conflict alone in those cases. Its proves a lot less stressful!
All the best

 

[Empressive]

I truly understand what you are going through. Sometimes when God is trying to tell us something he has to sit us down and make us listen; which may result in removing others so we can only rely on him. I know this has happend me (more than once) and God had to sit aside family, friends, and work to get my attention.

After, I got my revelation I did a lot less complaining and a lot more thanking. Do yourself a favor and follow your mother's advice. Unfortunately, she made it very clear she did not want to discuss your troubles, but darling if you read between her lines; it is just GOD saying "As long as you have me you don't need anyone else."

 

[kayte]

Not all mothers are capable of on-call mothering....or unconditional nurturing..perhaps because they were not properly mothered themselves...

If your mother feels stressed by your troubles or challenges, it's only because she really does care...and is not able....for whatever reason to offer..more than she does.
she is doing the best she can and if she could do better ..she would...

This does not negate your very real need to unload or share or discuss or seek help...
she's just not the person to go to....it does not mean she does not love you....it just means she is limited in her capacity to give and truthfully..if it is stressing her.. that's not good for her ..for you ..for anyone....

but you can still get what you need while learning to make peace with acceptance of what your mom is capable of....

...I will pm you..this week for some other resources
in the meantime..try to have compassion for your mom..really your troubles would not stress her out ..if she did not care

and as this is about ..you..you do NOT have to go through anything alone...
God is with you...and it means He has given you other means to cope..
which I will pm later
be encouraged..head up!


ETA...I see you are in NY...that'll make it easier~