Christian humor: Stuff Christians Like & pick up lines

[brg240]

I'm not sure if this has been shared on this forum before but just in case I thought I'd post.

The site is similar to Stuff White People Like if you're familiar, just geared to Christians. It can be rather funny (and it will make you go 'that's so true'.) I actually bought the book for my bro in the summer.

Here is an excerpt from the book (and the reason I'm posting, it jumped into my head as I was thinking about perpetual singleness this morning.

STUFF CHRISTIANS LIKE...

Telling Other People That Maybe God Gave Them the Gift of Singleness

He didn't give it to me. I'm married, thank God, which I can totally say in this context because I am literally thanking God for something He gave me, which is a wife. It's weird that He didn't give you one, though. Maybe He does want you to be lonely, I mean single. Like Paul. Marriage isn't for everyone. Not everyone gets that gift. Some people, yourself for instance, get cats instead.
Or dogs. God seems like He's more of a dog kind of guy. And that's not so bad. Dogs are nice, you'll have a lot of time by yourself for puzzles and your tea will last twice as long. Think about that. Whenever my wife and I have tea, we waste two teabags. Think of the savings in tea you'll be enjoying, and you'll never have to pick a side of the bed to sleep on. You have both sides to choose from and no one ever elbows you.
I bet you didn't even consider that. Good thing I'm so insightful, which is another gift God gave me. He gave me more of a "spiritual gift basket" than just an individual gift. I got marriage and happiness and kids and joy and love, but you got the gift of singleness. Like Paul. That's great. Seriously, I'll pray you'll be willing to embrace it and not shriek every morning when you awake that gift is still sitting on your doorstep. That's what I would do. I have nightmares about being alone sometimes. But that's your gift.

Which reminds me, a long while ago my efriend and I googled Christian pick up lines after talking about using scriptures to hit on people It seems that pick up lines are the same no matter if they are Christian or Secular; some are cute, some are funny and some are rather weird or creepy. Anyway, here are some of them.

• Excuse me, I believe one of your ribs belongs to me.
• Want to practice speaking in tongues with me?
• My friend told me to come and meet you, he said that you are a really nice person. I think you know him. Jesus, yeah, that's his name. (I imagine this is said with pauses and looking all smug at the end )
• Hello, will you be my shulamite?
• You know, I'm really into relationship evangelism.
• What's your name and number so I can add you to my "prayer" list?
• I hear there's going to be a love offering tonight.
• Before tonight, I never believed in predestination.
• "If i had to choose between a romantic date with you or a night with the fellas... i would sit at home and read my Bible."
• 'You float my ark.'
• When I saw you, I knew the true meaning of "rejoice and be glad."
• “now i know why Solomon had 700 wives… Because he never met you.”
• “I used to believe in natural theology, but since i met you i’ve converted to divine revelation”
• “Did i just have mud rubbed in my eyes?”
• “your hair is like a flock of goats descending from Gilead”
• “How many times do I have to walk around you to make you fall for me?”"
• “So, my parents are home, you wanna come over?”
• “Let me remove my sandals before I come any closer..”

I'm not sure if any of this stuff will amuse you all but maybe someone has the same sense of humor as me.

If anyone has something funny to share please do.

Also would you use Christian pick up lines? Would you be receptive to them ?

 

[Shimmie]

I've never heard of these and I've been saved and 'hit on' for many a year.

"You float my Ark' was cute.

The first seven were a bit 'risque'. My response would be 'Be Still' and I'd keep it moving.

The others are cute.

Thanks for sharing this. It's good to learn something new. I'd love to read the book. The opening statement was very nice and truthful.

 

[Laela]

All LIES...from the Enemy.... rrrrruuuuuun!!!! ..... >>>

What's with the sandals?... LOL

• What's your name and number so I can add you to my "prayer" list?
• I hear there's going to be a love offering tonight.
• 'You float my ark.'
• When I saw you, I knew the true meaning of "rejoice and be glad."
• “your hair is like a flock of goats descending from Gilead”
• “How many times do I have to walk around you to make you fall for me?”"
• “So, my parents are home, you wanna come over?”
• “Let me remove my sandals before I come any closer..”

 

[BrandNew]

That piece from Stuff Christians Like is FUNNY! I used to read that site a while back, need to visit it again.

 

[delitefulmane]

• Excuse me, I believe one of your ribs belongs to me.
• My friend told me to come and meet you, he said that you are a really nice person. I think you know him. Jesus, yeah, that's his name. (I imagine this is said with pauses and looking all smug at the end

• 
  
  I would have been like
  
  

  [*] When I saw you, I knew the true meaning of "rejoice and be glad."
  [*] “now i know why Solomon had 700 wives… Because he never met you.”
  
  [*]“How many times do I have to walk around you to make you fall for me?”"

These are cute!