How do you mentally prepare to transition?

[BrownieBrie]

I always see people say "When you transition your hair, you have to transition mentally as well." ,or something of that nature. My question is; How do you go about that? To the ladies who had been relaxed forever, or had no idea what their natural texture was

What steps did you take to mentally transition to natural?

Also to BCer's who chopped alot of hair (APL or longer), How did you feel about losing all the hair you had worked to retain?

TIA Ladies!

 

[yaya24]

I was not ready to mentally prepare-- so I BC'd..no transition. After my BC I was glad for my decision. I think last month was the first time since my BC that I had cutters remorse.. It was triggered by me looking over old pictures with my SO and I realized how much I missed my length..

 

[bklyncurly]

I cut approx. 1/2 in. off my ends every month, so I never had any regrets about cutting off my hair aka the 'bc'. Since my hair basically stayed the same length until all of the relaxer was cut off there wasn't a lot of mental preparation needed. I did have to come to terms with the fact that I had to figure out how to shampoo/con/style my original hair texture since I had both relaxed and natural hair. I won't lie to you, that was a challenge! But, it was actually fun seeing my curly roots get longer every month and the straight hair getting less and less apparent. Also, knowing that I didn't have to run to the hairdresser to get my new growth relaxed was awesome!

 

[MsBoinglicious]

I didn't really! I didn't know what I was doing was called "transitioning" until about 7 months after I stopped relaxing my hair and found the hair boards. I just knew I didn't want to relax anymore and the curls at the new growth were kinda cool.

 

[lilsparkle825]

it just HAPPENS...for me, i made a decision that i wasn't getting relaxers because i discovered this great place called the dominican salon and they were able to get my 3 month post hair relaxer straight....

i did realize that people would look at me differently, and whenever i didn't have a fresh blowout i got the "ugh, you need a PERM" comments from family and friends, and that is what helped me. a lot of it was actually hearing and anticipating those comments though -- that was my mental transition, anyway. i don't think it's something you can plan out...

 

[lovenharmony]

I didn't really need too much mental preparation to start transitioning - my hair decided for me that it didn't like chemicals. My natural hair is thicker, softer and healthier than my relaxed ends so it became easier for me to make the decision to go natural.

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

- Always bear in mind that if you have an issue with your hair, then that means that there is something amiss with your techniques and/or products. Never look at your hair or your texture as the issue.....it never is.

- Embrace the notion that straight hair is not the most presentable hair ever and that natural styles can be just as fabulous and presentable for any occasion or event.

- Regularly expose yourself to natural beauties styles and proud natural ladies even if its just online...look at fotki's, threads, youtubes you name it to regualrly expose yourself to the beauty of natural hair.

- Don't let other people's insecurities or ignorance about textured hair get to you

- Understand that natural hair is no more difficult then hair in any other state. Your hair will not be difficult to handle once you get your technique tight and the best group of products that agree with your hair. You might need to change up alot of products and there will be a period of trial and error don't let it get you down when a product doesn't agree with your hair.

- Be adventurous, switch up your styles, don't get into a rut then assume that your natural hair is limited, youtube tutorials are great.

 

[MummysGirl]

I didn't mentally transition... I spent a couple of days going through naturals' fotkis and thought to myself, "Why Not Now? Why 'sometime in the future'?" I always said I'd eventually transition to natural hair....

It probably was an easy decision because I had reached my goals as a relaxed (APL) but then had a setback which led to me cutting quite a few inches off.
My hair was back in good shape after my cut and I was looking forward to growing back to APL but then I took more of an interest in natural hair... and here I am now

 

[Ltown]

Everyone has already said some great things. I did what MG did read what others did and knew that it was going to be a challenge. I just completed my transition in Jan 10 after 15 mths and still style challenge but I know it going to get better with patience and learning new styles. Good luck!

 

[TyHill21]

I have transitioned twice the first time I transitioned for 3 months and when the spring season (rainy, humid) began I gave up. I got a relaxer. I wasnt there mentally to deal with two textures.

While I was getting my relaxer, I immediately felt defeated so at that time I made up my mind that I if I could make it to 6 months I can do it.

Currently I am close to 10 months into my transition and I love it. Now that spring is coming I am ready for buns, twistouts whatever it takes to make me feel comfortable with my hair.

Oh, and without the support of this board I have no idea if I would be this far along.
I do not plan on bc'ing until 18 months

 

[peachykeen]

The Easy Part
My hair had gotten so bad I wanted to go natural (through transitioning) so I just stopped using relaxers and got it flat ironed. That part wasn't hard at all. In fact I thought it was fun looking at my new growth under my relaxed ends. My hair was growing like weed and it was all fun.

The Hard Part

Some stylist decided that my transition needed to be "cut" shorter than I expected. So, when it happened I felt like a lion in the wild who had lost her cub, lol. I was so hurt my length was gone. I wanted it. And my ends were like live wires, although healthy. I had no clue what to do with my hair. I over estimated how much was cut off and drove everyone crazy with all my new found hair knowledge and promptly started taking hair vitamins.

Conclusion
I never tell anyone to big chop or transition, it is a personal decision. I think that people should take into account not only their personal beliefs, but their lifestlyes. The best way to mentally prepare for the going natural is to do it your way and in your own time.

 

[dymondgurl]

I started out stretching my relaxer initially. I had begin seeing loose haired naturals on the board and admired it. My big chop was spur of the moment thing. I hadn't planned to do it, but deep down I think it was meant to be. Early one Feburary morning(2007) I took my hair scissors and started cutting. Next thing I knew I had a TWA. My hair had never been that short in my life ,it was a little shocking looking at myself for the first time. I can tell you I didn't regret it. I've had good hair days and bad ones but in time I got over my insecurities. I also had very supportive family,friends and co workers not to mention my SO (then) had locs and encouraged me to stay natural when I had those days when I didn't fell so cute without the length I cut off. I've had setbacks,but that's to be expected when learning something new. I've come a long way baby and continue to love the journey.

 

[BrownieBrie]

- Always bear in mind that if you have an issue with your hair, then that means that there is something amiss with your techniques and/or products. Never look at your hair or your texture as the issue.....it never is.

- Embrace the notion that straight hair is not the most presentable hair ever and that natural styles can be just as fabulous and presentable for any occasion or event.

- Regularly expose yourself to natural beauties styles and proud natural ladies even if its just online...look at fotki's, threads, youtubes you name it to regualrly expose yourself to the beauty of natural hair.

- Don't let other people's insecurities or ignorance about textured hair get to you

- Understand that natural hair is no more difficult then hair in any other state. Your hair will not be difficult to handle once you get your technique tight and the best group of products that agree with your hair. You might need to change up alot of products and there will be a period of trial and error don't let it get you down when a product doesn't agree with your hair.

- Be adventurous, switch up your styles, don't get into a rut then assume that your natural hair is limited, youtube tutorials are great.

This is exactly what I was hoping to see. Thanks BlackMasterPiece

 

[NIN4eva]

I just kept myself busy and enjoyed co washing. I had NO IDEA what my hair was going to look like so I braided for about 6 months and tried not to think about it.

 

[nomoweavesfome]

I'm no longer transitioning, but when I did decide to both times, I did mentally prepare. I think for some people it just happens but for others there is a thought process. I think just like anything else you "mentally prepare" for, you weigh pros and cons, you look at outcomes, time and money spent.

I prepared by researching tutorials, fotkis, you tube, I read everything about natural hair. I fell in love with the idea that I could actually go natural and unwind years of brainwashing. Besides who told me that I was not beautiful with natural hair?? What voice was I listening too? What lie was I believing? After I got over that and embraced the beauty of natural hair, I was at that point of preparing for it to happen.

I counted the cost- it meant new products, money spent, style options, time spent, etc, etc.
I weighed the pros and cons, pro - healthy chemical free hair, con- cutting 2 1/2 years of progress achieving length.

Just like if you were to decide to transition to being relaxed from natural which I did, I did the same thing. I mentally prepared myself and considered the whole thing. If you were transitioning from singlehhood to couplehood, or motherhood, you would go through the same cycle- read about it, prepare, count the cost, what's the outcome, what it means to you.
Although I am relaxed and content, I have no regrets about transitioning to natural and I still love natural hair.

This is a great thread because most of us on here r strong and knowlegeable about natural hair, but a newbie may not be.

 

[Diva_Esq]

Great thread, OP! Loving the responses, ladies. You're all so insightful and helpful.

 

[Janet']

For me, it was amazing to see how others responded to my transition. I was literally transitioning several aspects of my life, not just my hair...So, I think that I got lumped into- "Oh, lord, she's going through some things...give her a minute and she'll be back to 'normal'". It does take a determined person to follow through with a long-term transition because people start coming out of the woodwork telling you what they think about YOUR hair-when you never asked for anyone's opinion. I knew ahead of time that people would have "stuff" to say, but I really learned so much about me in the process...

 

[nique3]

I wore weaves through out my transition and even after my big chop, so i never got a chance to get to know my natural texture, which was a big shock when i started wearing my real hair out. At first i wasn't sure how to care for my hair, but after i learned how to care for my real hair properly it wasn't a big deal.

 

[CherryCherryBoomBoom]

'Mentally transition' sounded a little odd to me, I always thought it was just hair. But now I see what you mean, it seems like a case of just really knowing your hair and drastically changing how you care for it. Before my hair journey, I had no idea I could really manage and wear my natural hair. But now that I've been able to care for it between stretches, it doesn't seem so hard. And then I see so many wonderful naturals online, so I decided not to bother with relaxers anymore. I know I'm gonna look and feel different when I BC, but I'm excited about the change

 

[Taleah2009]

I didn't start "purposely" start to transition from relaxed to natural. My last relaxer was January 2009. And I was a slave to the hair dresser, so i never washed my hair on own. I didn't even own shampoo. Every two weeks I had a standing appointment so I never new how much new growth I had, because I would get my hair washed, blow dried, and curled. And it was winter time so i was not exposed to the heat and humidity, so my hair would never revert. So I just kept pushing and pushing. I actually think it was just a matter of be being lazy. I used to relax my hair my self (which is why i now see the reason I stayed at SL FOREVER. I just thought my hair never grew) Any who, it was not until my hair dresser said what you growing your perm out, I was like uuummm ok) That was about April/May ish.

It was not until I hit mid summer that I freakederplexed. This was the second time I transitioned, but I gave up in the summer because of the heat, and any ounce of sweat, I puff. So then my quest began and I found blogs and LHCF and I have never looked back. And I never have had the urge to relax again. I always hated how flat and stiff it was right after a relaxer, but I didnt know any other way. I have been relaxed since about the age of 6 (I would never do this to my child)

But anywho, I think you just have to really begin to love yourself, and know that you are not your hair, and that there will be good days and will be good days, and there will be hair haters who have something to say. But as long as you love it, *** what other people think

 

[Lyoness]

Hmmm my transition started by me being lazy.. the "I know Im due a relaxer but I can't e bothered to" phase kicked in... I started noticing naturals more on tv and rl... then I started to go out my way to look for naturals... watching youtube vids & bcs & befores and afters... I don't think I realised at the time but that was part of the mental transition..

the hardest step was the bc...i looked different..my hair was shorter inc shrinkage etc so that was a second phase to the transitioning phase..

its definitely a reality..

 

[Southern Belle]

I agree w/ one of the PP when she said "it just HAPPENS". You'll look in the mirror one day, and know it's time.

For me I was relaxing more out of habit than anything. I never stopped to think that there might be another option. But when I looked deeper, and started asking myself "why do you do this?" I wasn't comfortable with the answer. Not the BS answer I was telling myself about how "it made my life so much easier, I don't have the time", blah, blah, blah. I'm talking about the HONEST answer. And IN MY CASE, the honest answer was I did not think nappy hair was attractive, feminine, or sexy. There. I said it out loud.

And once I was able to admit to myself what I've never been able to admit to another human being - the rest was easy.

The fact that one of my God given features - something that I had absolutely zero control of - was making me feel insecure and uncomfortable made me feel some kinda way. I mean, I look at my white, latina, and asian counterparts that I work with and said "hey - I'm just as smart and capable, and have MORE education than them, so why do I FEEL this way?" And once I started feeling like that, I couldn't cut that relaxed hair off my head quick enough!

Our hair isn't good enough? Says WHO?!!?!?

Anyway, that's how MY mental transition came about...

 

[ThePerfectScore]

I first started with stretching relaxers for 6 months... then I got weak and relaxed... the encouragement of a stranger at the BSS when I was buying my next relaxer told me to continue my 2nd six month stretch and just transition... so I did it.... The key was accepting the fact that I looked busted.... I wore some crazy pony tails and buns... I popped a head band over the naps... haha My hair was impossible to detangle when I still had relaxed ends. Now that I BCed its much easier to deal with and I love it!

 

[Aviah]

I always see people say "When you transition your hair, you have to transition mentally as well." ,or something of that nature. My question is; How do you go about that? To the ladies who had been relaxed forever, or had no idea what their natural texture was

What steps did you take to mentally transition to natural?

Also to BCer's who chopped alot of hair (APL or longer), How did you feel about losing all the hair you had worked to retain?

TIA Ladies!

Its about accepting few things that your natural may and may not do. It for the most part will not behave like relaxed hair, products may be different, you may need to find new staples, and styling choices (unless you intend to be a pressed natural most of the time) will be different, detangling may take longer your hair may shrink at any sign of humidity, etc...

For me it was just a styling choice at first, and I liked my natural texture. But its pretty different from when my hair was relaxed, for many good reasons and a few less than perfect, but if the good outweighs the bad for you, go with it!

 

[ctosha]

I wouldn't say that I mentally prepared but I knew when I was ready it was MY decision and I was not going to let "nay-sayers" tell me otherwise. I was so used to flat tamed hair I had to get used to the fact that natural hair is the complete opposite. It can be tamed but it would take some effort (at least for my thick hair). For me it just took time and patience to transition i did mini chops along the way so once I could put my natural hair in a little puff bye bye those permed ends went. I did not look back I will never perm again, and I can say that with the conviction. Im too in love with my natural hair even though I have splits and knots, I have come to terms that this comes with the territory with my 4a/b so I just try to do styles that will limit the amount i get and not encourage it, but my hair will never be completely free due to its hair type.

 

[Computer Blue]

The only transition I had to do mentally was changing how I handled my hair. My transitioning hair requires different handling than my natural or relaxed hair. I never experienced any negativity from others regarding my natural hair.

 

[Li-Li]

I am new to LHCF. I have no idea what hair type I have. I am a regular black girl. There is nothing exotic about my background, but I am seriously thinking about going natural. I am not interested in a big chop at all. I guess I'm scared to death of what will happen to my hair. I have shoulder length. I refuse to go any shorter than that. I want to grow my hair to my bra strap. and super kinky styles don't look good on me. HELP! Am I dreaming an impossible dream?

 

[Cisselette]

- Always bear in mind that if you have an issue with your hair, then that means that there is something amiss with your techniques and/or products. Never look at your hair or your texture as the issue.....it never is.

This is just so true... I always say that most of the time the problem is in not on the head. I wish more black women would understand that. Thank you for saying this

 

[CaliDiamond]

Bumping!!!!!!!!!