Living with a Man

[Sweet C]

Here is the scenario:

You are single and you live by yourself in an apt in a city where rent is not cheap. You have to change jobs so you can no longer afford to live by yourself, and thus must get a roommate. All of your female friends in an around the city already have roommates so u have exhausted that particular option. You have a male friend whom you have known for a long time, whom you are not and have not been attracted to, who is also in search of a roommate. He offers to get an apt with you b/c u are both essentially in the same situation. What do you do as a Christian woman?

 

[Bublnbrnsuga]

Even though the idea seems innocent, by you being a Christian woman, this situation would not be appropriate. Say there's no physical attraction none whatsoever and you two will not engage in sexually activity. This would be great and you are a responsible adult,but how do you think this would affect your walk and your testimony as a Christian? Even though you know that you two aren't doing something out of the will of God, how will others perceive the situation. I don't know you very well,but I believe you are a smart woman and will make a wise choice

 

[Poohbear]

As a Christian woman, I would not live with the man....whether he's a male friend, boyfriend, fiance, s/o, whatever. I'm going to wait to live with a man when I'm married...when that man is my husband. For this situation, this man can have his own separate apartment and I have my own separate apartment...

Here's an article about what the Bible says about cohabitation (unmarried couples living together).: http://www.addisville.org/pastorscornersummer2003.htm.

 

[sithembile]

I realise that they may just be friends, but since they already get along so well, the chance for physical attraction to develop there. It may never happen, but we are told not to put ourselves in situations that might lead to temptation. Also, and bubbln said, it could affect their witness. Paul says we must refrain from doing certain things so as to not be a stumbling block to others, even if those things are not wrong within themselves. So although we are not living to please others, we must not do things that could hinder them from coming to God. We are also told that among us there must not even be a hint of sexual immorality. Therefore, if people perceive that they are in a relationship, they could be hurting their witness.

I realise she might be desparate for a room mate, but if she trusts and honours God, He will provide for her. Maybe it would not be so bad if there were several room mates and it would be obvious that it was just a house sharing arrangement and not a relationship.

 

[divinefavor]

God will supply all of your needs and He will provide for you.

I am a single mom of two boys, with a mortgage, bills piling up, business moving very slow and no job (at the moment). But God!! He remains Faithful to me and to His Word!

I can truly say that God is Jehovah Jireh! He will provide for you. You have to depend and trust in Him!

Do all things in life as unto the Lord.

 

[sugaplum]

ITA with PoohBear. I lived with my ex-fiance for 8 months. Everything was wonderfull in the begining and we trid to live without sin...yeah right!! The Lord kept revealing things to me but I ignored them. But let me tell you first hand this was the biggest mistake of my life and I paid dearly.

I had a good paying job, nice car...all of that was taken away from me becuase I put this guy first!! I know the idea of moving in with someone that your not attracted to might be easy, but temptation will always be there. Trust me.

Now I'm single and living on my own and making it and I am happy with my life. If it's financial strain that you are worried about, pray that the Lord relieves this strain from you and place in a job that you love. This is what I did.

 

[slwe415]

God will supply all of your needs and He will provide for you. ...

I can truly say that God is Jehovah Jireh! He will provide for you. You have to depend and trust in Him!

Do all things in life as unto the Lord.

I totally agree. God will make a way somehow!

 

[Stormy]

I wouldn't do it. You would definitely put yourself in a situation where you may start getting tempted (or he may). The flesh is just funny, I mean you just never know when an urge may hit you. Rather than to possibly get caught up in a sinful situation, it's best to just keep looking for a female roommate, or tough it out by yourself. God will provide a way. He always does.

 

[Sweet C]

Thanks ladies! The reason I had posted this is b/c one of my friends who just recently got saved not to long ago, is going through this. I tried to show her scripture behind why this would be wrong, but she just seemed to not be able to see. Well, I took some of your comments and talked to her again about this matter, and she know sees the situation for what it really is.....an open door to the enemy to attack. So I told her to trust the Lord and to ask people at her church if they could help her out in any way. You all just keep her in your prayers. Your advice was priceless and God sent!

 

[PretteePlease]

-i dont see anything wrong with it
-somebody show me some scriptures because the article by pooh is about couples living together this isn't sweets friends situation
-how come nobody said this might be a blessing how come everyone immediately goes to the "this isnt right path"
-what about charity, what about God using people to bless us, what about the possible goods

-what about elisha 2 Kings 4:1-7 going to stay with the woman and her son and the pot of oil never going empty wasnt she a woman wasnt he a man i want to know (pooh corrected me the right verses are 2kings 4:8-11 he stayed with a woman and her husband during his travels they even make a room in their house for him)
-should women not accept help from men?

*** i understand that this could be an opening to an attack but at the same time attacks by the enemy could work out to the good of those who love the Lord. ***

i'm not saying she should move in with him because we dont know all of the details she could be moving from the pan to the fire i'm just saying why is it wrong it should go beyond she is a woman and he is a man

 

[LondonDiva]

ITA with Ms Portugal.

 

[Poohbear]

-what about elisha 2 Kings 4:1-7 going to stay with the woman and her son and the pot of oil never going empty wasnt she a woman wasnt he a man i want to know
-should women not accept help from men?

Where in those verses does it say Elisha stayed or lived with the woman in her sons? Those verses are just talking about Elisha providing money for this poverty-stricken woman. This woman's creditor was not acting in the spirit of God's law. Elisha's kind deed demonstrated that God wants us to go beyond simply keeping the Law...we must also show compassion.

 

[Honeyhips]

Iono. I think it can be dangerous. Intimacy starts by conversation and time spent with someone. You can be totally unattracted to someone and then all of a sudden, bam. I know I'd get tempted. Especially the week before and after my cycle. I personally would have to avoid it. I think people forget they can be a blessing from a far.

 

[PretteePlease]

Where in those verses does it say Elisha stayed or lived with the woman in her sons? Those verses are just talking about Elisha providing money for this poverty-stricken woman. This woman's creditor was not acting in the spirit of God's law. Elisha's kind deed demonstrated that God wants us to go beyond simply keeping the Law...we must also show compassion.

thanks pooh for calling me on this one i was actually a few verses off these stories are close to eachother
--i got the two stories confused here is the right story


2kings 4:8-11 he stayed with a woman and her husband during his travels
they even make a room in their house for him

 

[Sweet C]

I guess to me, this thing sort of fell into the "Shun all appeareances of evil" bit. Maybe I would feel a little better (not much) if it was another woman in the house, but the fact is your living in the house with a man that is your friend, so you already have a certain level of closeness to begin with. I know circumstances i have been in where I didn't like the person at all, but after spending a certain amount of time day in and day out, some sort of additional attraction develops, and all of a sudden, you are in a place you have never intended to be.

 

[zora]

I don't see it as a big deal. Maybe I'm not as tempted by the flesh as others are, but if there's no attraction, then why not.

Now if you know what your limitations are and you know you will be tempted in this situation, then I can understand

 

[InsertCleverNameHere]

I don't see it as a big deal. Maybe I'm not as tempted by the flesh as others are, but if there's no attraction, then why not.

Now if you know what your limitations are and you know you will be tempted in this situation, then I can understand

Ditto! Only she knows her limitations. I mean dang, give people some credit. Just because you live in the same house with someone doesn't neccesarily mean you have to jump each others bones.

 

[Sweet C]

Ditto! Only she knows her limitations. I mean dang, give people some credit. Just because you live in the same house with someone doesn't neccesarily mean you have to jump each others bones.

To me I guess it not solely about her jumping his bones. ..lol. The bible speaks of 2 sins to flee (run from) and that is sexual immorality and idolatry. So if the Word says to flee it at all costs, that means not to put any trust in the flesh when it comes to these areas. But aside from the possible sexual connotations or ramifications associated, your home is a very sacred place. Who knows what type of spirits this person can be bringing into your home (this goes for any roommate, whether man or female). And what if she met someone she wanted to date. You would have to explain the situation of your male roommate (i.e. why is a man answering the phone?)? Lets be real, if most of us (not saying all), the moment we would hear of a female roommate, and cousin, sister, relative, does not follow, that would pretty much be the end of the conversation. Or we would at least ponder seriously about considering a rlp with the person

 

[sithembile]

Well said, SweetC. We are to put "no confidence in the flesh"!

 

[VelvetRain]

I agree with what everyone is saying. Why put yourself in situation where you will be tempted to sin against god. Living with a man puts you in a compromising situation. The flesh is very weak.

 

[Honeyhips]

b/c intimacy can breed attraction and intimacy starts through conversation, closeness and time spent with another person. You might not necessarily be tempted in the beginning by why give the Devil room to maneuver. It isn't about someone being weak and the other person isn't. It is about what can develop, even with the best and most upright intentions.

I don't see it as a big deal. Maybe I'm not as tempted by the flesh as others are, but if there's no attraction, then why not.

Now if you know what your limitations are and you know you will be tempted in this situation, then I can understand

 

[InsertCleverNameHere]

Well you might as well only live alone. I mean can she live with a female roommate? Or should she not put faith in the flesh because she and her female roommate might end up getting down and dirty lesbian style. Or should two people not be alone with each other even if they are not living together? I mean that would be putting faith in the flesh as well, right? I mean I just don't get it.

 

[sithembile]

RealLuv

We are not trying to be extreme, we are just stating the biblical perspective.

 

[PretteePlease]

RealLuv

We are not trying to be extreme, we are just stating the biblical perspective.

I had the same idea real had might as well just live alone, i'm still trying to get some chapters and verses for te biblical perspective. I guess i'm in the minority that feels that if this is temporary it COULD be a blessing, not that I know her situation it could make matters worse.

 

[carolina_belle]

I don't see a problem with the situation as long as you know your limitations and there is no attraction. It goes without saying that there would be at least two bedrooms.

At this point in my life, I live with a roomate to be able to afford the living situation that would not be possible on my own. Just go into the situation as a business arrangement. I have always just signed an additional document with my roomates regarding the way rent, utilities, cleaning and house rules are arranged. Even though all my roomates have been female, I approached them just as I would a male. No overnight guests, answering my phone, plundering in my things, buy your own food, etc. I have been blessed with great roomates for the most part. The only problem I had was in undergrad with a Housing assigned roomate who was not a Christian. After I graduated, they added religious preferences to the roomate selection form, which I think is wonderful. Everyone has to make the decision about who to live with for themselves, under the direction of God.

 

[InsertCleverNameHere]

I don't think thats extreme. Two females can get tempted right? Oh but I forgot, people will probably say but this girl isn't attracted to females...but AHA she's not attracted to this guy either. So where's the temptation?

 

[bludacious]

-i dont see anything wrong with it
-somebody show me some scriptures because the article by pooh is about couples living together this isn't sweets friends situation
-how come nobody said this might be a blessing how come everyone immediately goes to the "this isnt right path"
-what about charity, what about God using people to bless us, what about the possible goods

-what about elisha 2 Kings 4:1-7 going to stay with the woman and her son and the pot of oil never going empty wasnt she a woman wasnt he a man i want to know (pooh corrected me the right verses are 2kings 4:8-11 he stayed with a woman and her husband during his travels they even make a room in their house for him)
-should women not accept help from men?

*** i understand that this could be an opening to an attack but at the same time attacks by the enemy could work out to the good of those who love the Lord. ***

i'm not saying she should move in with him because we dont know all of the details she could be moving from the pan to the fire i'm just saying why is it wrong it should go beyond she is a woman and he is a man

I am sorry but I don't see anything wrong with it either. If they were going to be living together like husband and wife (shacking) then I would say no. They are living together as friends.

My question is will they be sharing the same bed? If they have separate rooms, I see nothing wrong.

 

[WhipEffectz1]

Well, I have a male roommate that I grew up with and there could never ever be anything between the two of us. I have a steady boyfriend who understands the situation. Personally, I don't care what other people think because when I go to sleep at night, I can sleep well knowing that I don't have to worry about half of my bills, etc. Again, I don't see anything wrong with it because the Lord knows my heart and that is the only thing that matters.

 

[sillygurl18]

This women JUST got saved. I don't think she would be able to handle it. This could cause her to fall. Don't put yourself in any situation that MAY cause you to fall.

 

[pebbles]

This women JUST got saved. I don't think she would be able to handle it. This could cause her to fall. Don't put yourself in any situation that MAY cause you to fall.

Agreed. The Lord's prayer says:" ... and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil..." What starts out as innocent can quickly turn to something else. We have to avoid putting ourselves into these situations to begin with.

And I think Honeyhips hit it dead on:

b/c intimacy can breed attraction and intimacy starts through conversation, closeness and time spent with another person. You might not necessarily be tempted in the beginning by why give the Devil room to maneuver. It isn't about someone being weak and the other person isn't. It is about what can develop, even with the best and most upright intentions.

This is EXACTLY how it all begins.