My friend wants me to straighten my hair for her wedding!

[FemmeFatale]

Im a Muslim. So if my best girlfriend ever asked me to be in her wedding if she gets married and she wants me to wear a spaghetti strap dress and ONLY wants a spaghetti strapped dress for uniformity's sake, should I do it for her day?

NO!

Either I will wear what is appropriate for me or I will just watch her jump the broom from the side line. Simple, right?

Apples and oranges. Your religious faith and hair are not comparable..

 

[~Sparklingflame~]

Assuming much...? where did I put hair is crown and glory blah blah blah ?

oh and I say that as a natural who straightens twice a month




I agree it's either you can or you can't. I've seen a wedding like this actually, where one of the bridesmaids wore a hijab and love sleeve underneath the garment.

Yeh my cousin was in a wedding before and she wore something different for the wedding and the bride didnt get all bent when she didnt wear the sleevless dress.

Apples and oranges. Your religious faith and hair are not comparable..

The principle is still the same.

 

[Qualitee]

Wow Really people?No wonder OP barely come back

 

[Stunner09]

Im a Muslim. So if my best girlfriend ever asked me to be in her wedding if she gets married and she wants me to wear a spaghetti strap dress and ONLY wants a spaghetti strapped dress for uniformity's sake, should I do it for her day?

NO!

Either I will wear what is appropriate for me or I will just watch her jump the broom from the side line. Simple, right?

What if she gave you the option to put a shawl over your shoulders. Would you have the same response? The OP stated that her friend gave her an additional option. She didn't just say straighten your hair or nothing.

 

[LunadeMiel]

Wow Really people?No wonder OP barely come back

Your siggy hurts my heart

 

[~Sparklingflame~]

What if she gave you the option to put a shawl over your shoulders. Would you have the same response? The OP stated that her friend gave her an additional option. She didn't just say straighten your hair or nothing.

Sure I would. I see nothing wrong with that.

As for the OP and that situation she may not have felt comfortable with straitening her hair for her own reasons which is fine. They are her reasons. Personally if she was a good friend I would have just straitened it but hey.......

 

[FemmeFatale]

I honestly think that it's not about hair at all and some people just live to be snarky and difficult. Why? Who knows.

 

[Kurlee]

I honestly think that it's not about hair at all and some people just live to be snarky and difficult. Why? Who knows.

j e a l o u s y

 

[FemmeFatale]

j e a l o u s y

At first that seemed like a reach but now it's not so far fetched after reading some of the comments .

 

[LunadeMiel]

Ya'll serious think people are jealous ?

As a married woman I cringe whenever I hear brides playing the tyrant when it come to a wedding. I've never been the one to go by this it's my day business. A wedding is about more than the bride.

When DH and I renew our vows next year (we will be getting married again), our bridemaids will feel 100% comfortable while the helping me celebrate. I will be honored that others will want to take the time to celebrate with DH and me

Oh and yes I will be footing the bill for their attire

 

[Kurlee]

Ya'll serious think people are jealous ?

As a married woman I cringe whenever I hear brides playing the tyrant when it come to a wedding. I've never been the one to go by this it's my day business. A wedding is about more than the bride.

When DH and I renew our vows next year (we will be getting married again), our bridemaids will feel 100% comfortable while the helping me celebrate. I will be honored that others will want to take the time to celebrate with DH and meal

Oh and yes I will be footing the bill for their attire

i think in some cases, yes the women are unconsciously jealous, envious or whatever you want to call it. i chalk it up to people being different and culture. Etiquette and norms vary when it comes to weddings, gift giving, etc. Knowing this, I will choose bridesmaids who are on the same page as me when it comes to these things. I don't care if you want me to walk down the aisle in a pink tutu. If that's your theme and i'm your "girl", then my job is to wear the damn tutu and hand you tissues when your mascara runs during the vows. It's not about me and the bride shouldn't have to kiss my booty.

 

[alive]

Nothing's wrong with a wig, I guess. I have three that I LOVE.

I guess it just hurts my feelings that she feels MY hair isn't good enough for her wedding.

OT: I haven't read past this post, but i just wanted to let you know that i think you did a good job of expressing yourself in this post. i don't know, but there's something about the simplicity and directness of your statement.

*back to topic* i'll go read some more. i want to know how the wedding went

 

[Curlee_lurker]

I've never been the one to go by this it's my day business.

So does it make it wrong that someone wants it to be their day because you didn't/don't want to feel that way on your day? I think it's awesome that different people feel differently about their wedding day. It's the most beautiful thing in the world that people make different choices and have different likes and dislikes.

The bride doesn't sound like a tyrant to me, but maybe that's because I'm used to the bridesmaids having on the same dresses, makeup, hairstyles, jewelry and shoes. Maybe that's a cultural thing.

 

[FemmeFatale]

So does it make it wrong that someone wants it to be their day because you didn't/don't want to feel that way on your day? I think it's awesome that different people feel differently about their wedding day. It's the most beautiful thing in the world that people make different choices and have different likes and dislikes.

The bride doesn't sound like a tyrant to me, but maybe that's because I'm used to the bridesmaids having on the same dresses, makeup, hairstyles, jewelry and shoes. Maybe that's a cultural thing.

This all the way.

 

[curlyninjagirl]

I honestly think that it's not about hair at all and some people just live to be snarky and difficult. Why? Who knows.

^^^
Wrong. Sorry!

Some people care a lot about their hair and that's their own business.

As a natural, in the beginning I felt embarrassed about my hair and it's ability to defy gravity. Since then, I've become okay with my hair, even if a lot of people still aren't. (Even my best friend of 14 years still makes ignorant comments about my hair from time to time that pi$$ me off.)

So if my best friend asked me to cover up the hair I spent 7+ years trying to be OKAY with, I would be hurt and angry.

Also, I would rather skip an event than put heat to my delicate hair if the event required such. That's just how I feel about my hair and again, that's my own business.

But I guess, you feel how you feel and I feel how I feel and there's no changing that. But I think a little empathy for how people feel wouldn't hurt....

 

[LunadeMiel]

So does it make it wrong that someone wants it to be their day because you didn't/don't want to feel that way on your day? I think it's awesome that different people feel differently about their wedding day. It's the most beautiful thing in the world that people make different choices and have different likes and dislikes.

The bride doesn't sound like a tyrant to me, but maybe that's because I'm used to the bridesmaids having on the same dresses, makeup, hairstyles, jewelry and shoes. Maybe that's a cultural thing.

To each their own *shrug* Some might think that I'm too nonchalant about it. I won't fault them for it. IMO it's tyrinical to want everyone to do exactly as you say and want. To others it may not be *shrug* IME it's only in American weddings where I see the people screaming it's HER day, it's HER day. I thought a wedding was about two families joining or at least two people

 

[Curlybeauty]

Seriously?

#STFU

 

[LunadeMiel]

Seriously?

#STFU

Why do people always want threads to end. The beauty of the internet is being able to engage in conversations with people which otherwise would have been impossible. Being able to share a different perspective is a beautiful thing. Whether we disagree or not, we all should be able to carry on a healthy (insult free) debate.

*Apologies if this is not what you meant*

 

[Curlee_lurker]

I thought a wedding was about two families joining or at least two people

Well that's your feeling on it. For some it's about a fairytale day where they spend up all their money and max out 4 credit cards re-enacting some fantasy they had since they were 3.

I will be getting married at the JOP and wearing denim cut off shorts and t-shirt. I won't invite anyone and I won't discuss it with everyone. That is how I want my day to be. I'd be angry if someone tried to tell me that my wedding day is wrong because they feel that it should look like xyz.

If someone doesn't want to be a part of the vision of someone that sees a wedding party as listed below they can opt out:

 

[FemmeFatale]

^^^
Wrong. Sorry!

Some people care a lot about their hair and that's their own business.

As a natural, in the beginning I felt embarrassed about my hair and it's ability to defy gravity. Since then, I've become okay with my hair, even if a lot of people still aren't. (Even my best friend of 14 years still makes ignorant comments about my hair from time to time that pi$$ me off.)

So if my best friend asked me to cover up the hair I spent 7+ years trying to be OKAY with, I would be hurt and angry.

Also, I would rather skip an event than put heat to my delicate hair if the event required such. That's just how I feel about my hair and again, that's my own business.

But I guess, you feel how you feel and I feel how I feel and there's no changing that. But I think a little empathy for how people feel wouldn't hurt....

So clearly that comment wasn't meant for you. I actually do empathize w/ you because I get it...but there are others who put heat in their hair, wear wigs, etc but would rather be snarky and difficult about it just because...

 

[curlyninjagirl]

Seriously?

#STFU

What the ***?? LOL

 

[LunadeMiel]

Well that's your feeling on it. For some it's about a fairytale day where they spend up all their money and max out 4 credit cards re-enacting some fantasy they had since they were 3.

I will be getting married at the JOP and wearing denim cut off shorts and t-shirt. I won't invite anyone and I won't discuss it with everyone. That is how I want my day to be. I'd be angry if someone tried to tell me that my wedding day is wrong because they feel that it should look like xyz.

If someone doesn't want to be a part of the vision of someone that sees a wedding party as listed below they can opt out:

Well I'm not disagreeing or trying to dictate to anyone how their wedding should be (I never said that in this thread ).

Not directed at you: but people have really been reaching in this thread In any case this has been amusing and has given DH and I many laughs

Signed
I put heat in my hair, wear a wig occasionally, and of my own free will straightened my hair for a wedding

 

[curlyninjagirl]

Yeah this is a funny thread. Hair is one of my fave topics to rant about....and read about...and dream about......Yeahhhhh....

 

[FemmeFatale]

And my point was proven. Good night.

 

[LittleLuxe]

I think this just comes down to respecting that people are different, obviously two different sides are clashing now.

Personally I think there's a lot of exaggeration going on. There is nothing tyrannical or dictatorial about wanting something special and specific on a special day. In ALL cultures we honor and respect individuals when they have made an accomplishment or had some level of success, usually we can't always control the environment either because we are too young or simply because it is unexpectated.

If I get a raise at work I obviously can't control it if my friends choose to throw me a mini-party but because they are my friends they have some idea of what I'd like and they try to honor me in that way. MANY people throughout their lives have had well-meaning individuals do things for them they didn't like but had to smile, grin, and bear it because we were simply supposed to appreciate their efforts.

That is part of what makes a wedding so special. It is a time when an individual finally has the ability to choose everything that would make them happy. Thus the emphasis on 'HER day', it is a day when one of the most special things is happening to another person and they deserve the courtesy of being able to focus on themselves for the time being. I love my friends and I do a lot to make them happy on a daily basis or whenever requested but you know what? I'm not their mother and I'm not Mother Theresa, I think as a human being I am allowed one day to be a little selfish and want things to be the way I want as opposed to catering to the whims, needs, and egos of everyone else.

Will I be concerned that others are happy? Yes. Will I try to compromise and ensure that some level of agreement can be reached so that people are comfortable? Yes. But I am not going to put others before my husband or myself for a SINGLE special day. I am going to be an adult and focus on enjoying my day and hope others can be adult enough to find peace and happiness in the day even if they don't love a dress or a pair of shoes or how their hair looks. At the end of the day I hope they could go "You know what? I can't use this dress again and the shoes pinched my feet a little but...wow...one of my friends just married the man of her dreams, started a whole new family...and I was there to celebrate the event" That is what sacrifice is and I thought it was a part of friendship.

Weddings are very rarely perfectly comfortable events even for the bride and groom. If folks wanted comfort the bride would roll up in sweats and a satin cap and the bridal party would be at a chicken joint. No, people want to try and make something they care about SO much as close to perfect as they can have it. That is why they plan ahead, why they take the time to scrutinize, why they spend a little extra and cry when the ceremony happens.

Yes weddings are about more than the bride and groom but their emphasis is not on the bridesmaid, 3rd cousin, or aunt. Those people are invited guests, some concern should be given to them and they should be treated with respect but I would liken focusing on them to putting aside a birthday girl for her guests and worrying about their wishes over her's. I won't call anyone jealous but I think there is a time to set aside personal 100% satisfaction for the greater good.

If you're someone who has no personal requirements of their bridesmaid or wedding party or ceremony and etc, fine I respect that, but for myself I am a person of order and I like things a certain way. I plan ahead to ensure I can have peace and I look at all the details to ensure I am pleased with them and that nothing falls to the wayside. That's my personality and I guess I am with friends who are like that, I understand other people aren't but they have to realize different personalities want different things and everyone deserves respect.

 

[VirtuousBeauty]

But I'm having a problem with all these assumptions

Did OP ever come back and say whether or not the BM's will all wear similar or the same hairstyle?

She never came back. Everything after her initial posts have been nothing but assumptions for the most part and people getting their own personal feelings involved.

 

[curlyninjagirl]

And my point was proven. Good night.

^^^Wrrrrrong!!! Sike Sike Sike!!

Ok, goodnight.

 

[Shinka]

I don't think the Bride is out of hand or culturally insensitive. I just think she may want the styles a certain way.

You can straighten your hair without heat---band it to stretch it, use curl forms to add some curl. Other choices:wear the wig that you occasionally rock or don't go if the bride ultimately decides she's not budging on her request.


When someone agrees to be part of a bridal party, it sought of like pledging, you go with the flow. Or just drop line......period.

 

[Lovelylocs]

She never came back. Everything after her initial posts have been nothing but assumptions for the most part and people getting their own personal feelings involved.

She will probably be surprised when she comes back to the board and sees we have been waiting for the last 2 days!

 

[LunadeMiel]

And my point was proven. Good night.

You just didn't get it

Seriously goodnight ladies. DH is giving me the sideye