Why Won't He Just Leave Me and My Hair Alone!!!!

[BrownSkinQT]

Okay, so I have a male friend that I can speak freely to about close to anything. Every once in a while, the hair subject comes up. I will either mention I need to wash or whatever and he'll say, "Girl, you need to stop washing your hair so much." This was when I was co washing almost everyday. I tried to explain to him that black hair needs moisture in order to thrive and he brought up the old "black people only need to wash their hair once every two weeks" bit and I'm on the phone rolling my eyes. I know better from what y'all have taught me on the boards. Now he is old school (in his 40's) and I can understand why he has those beliefs. He doesn't have a problem with hair; in 2007 he cut his hair to not-quite-bald and as of now he is a little past sl and wears it in two gangsta-style ponytails in the back. He does ps'ing in a sense by moisturizing and covering in a doo-rag. My frustration comes in evertime we talk hair and he tells me what I should and shouldn't be doing to MY hair. Last month I got kinky twists and he made the comment "You're not gonna wash them are you?" I said yeah due to build up and I want to keep them in for a while. Of course, he protested but I ignored him. Last week I said I had to get off the phone so I could rinse the buildup out of my hair and twists and again I ignored his remarks. I decided to just keep my mouth shut and let the results I get speak for themselves.

Why can't he comprehend that diff'rent strokes are for diff'rent folks? What do you ladies think?

 

[longhairlover]

just ignore him, or firmly put him in his place about commenting so much on you washing your hair, I have to wash my hair every 4 days at least or my scalp will start to smell lol!!! seriously. my friend however for years gets her wash and sets done every 2 weeks, but that's her, but then she has dandruff at times hmmmmm wonder why.

I have read that it's ok to wash black hair frequently just not everyday because you want your natural hair oils to form but not to the point of blockage, you want to keep your scalp clear of oils so that it doesn't block the hair folicules therefore hindering growth. you can explain it to your friend that way OR just tell him to leave you and your hair regi alone and to talk about something else, don't even talk hair with him since he knows it all.

 

[BrownSkinQT]

I feel you but sometimes I mention things about hair forgetting who I'm talking to at the time. I stopped cowashing everyday due to overmanipulation but not because of him. I just let the 'bs' blow in the breeze with him now.

 

[BrownSkinQT]

BTw thanks longhairlonger for the advice.

 

[CurlyMoo]

I stopped disscussing hair with friends who think I wash my hair too much or those that can't believe I can grow my hair very long. I say change the subject when hair comes up and stop disscussing it with him.

 

[shocol]

I would pay him no mind. Like most men, he probably showers everyday and gets his hair wet. IOW, he gives his hair moisture everyday. He just doesn't realize that's what he's doing.

 

[plastic]

you need to stop talking to him about hair , if he brings it up ... change the subject .. if he says something you know is wrong ... listen to him and smile to yourself. Why talk to him about it in the first place if it makes you fee a certain way after every hair convo ? Do you and be happy

 

[YankeeCandle]

Whenever someone in real life gives me advice about hair (or skincare or nutrition or what have you) that I personally believe to be less than effective based on my own extensive research, I simply smile and nod like a little puppet. They keep blabbing...I keep smiling and nodding like a demented Pinocchio doll.

Makes for better relationships.

 

[Kranbery]

I agree with the other posters. You should find a hair friend (it doesn't matter what type of hair they have, just as long as it is healthy of course), and talk to them. I had a hair friend (naturally wavy hair) and we talked for hours about haircare. There was no negativity, only positive suggestions and advice. Much fun was had

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

Whenever I tell people how often I wash my hair I either get the side eye or they have something to say but I go so far into depth about the hows and whys that they eventually they say well, shrugs, you're the girl thats always been crazy about hair so you'd know lol

If that were me I woulda schooled him just because thats my nature being pre-law and all lol but its different strokes for different folks, if you wanna avoid the 3rd degree from him just change up the subject hun

 

[Glamorous_chic]

Whenever someone in real life gives me advice about hair (or skincare or nutrition or what have you) that I personally believe to be less than effective based on my own extensive research, I simply smile and nod like a little puppet. They keep blabbing...I keep smiling and nodding like a demented Pinocchio doll.

Makes for better relationships.

lolol this post is too funny. btw, i do the exact same thing.

 

[YankeeCandle]

btw, i do the exact same thing.

LOL! Imagine if both of us were side by side, bobbing our heads. It would like a crazy toy shop where the dolls came to life.

You know what, I've learned that most people just want to believe on what we've set our minds. I personally believe in conditioner-washing, for e.g. And since my friend or relative praising shampoo washing for three hours will NOT change my mind, why should I get into a fight about it? Better to let that one slide...save all my ammo for a real battle.

 

[vainღ♥♡jane]

i say just quit talking to outsiders about hair. dang i make it sound like this is a cult or something. but anyway, some people don't want to understand different way, so just let it go.​

 

[Glamorous_chic]

YankeeCandle, that would be too funny. and like you i've learned that some people are set in their ways, and believe what they want to believe. i don't have the energy to argue back and forth about xyz. for example, i was with a few friends this weekend and we were talking about hair. i discussed how i was transitioning, and 1 of my friends said how it was time for her to get a touch up, and she might transition. she then described how much new growth she had, which was close to 6 inches, and her hair is shoulder length. now,i wanted to tell her, sweetie, that's impossible, considering you just got a touch up a month and a half ago. lolol. i let it go, and did my head nod, and said, wow, great progress. lolol. point being, i learned that sometimes, just let them say their peace, and keep it moving.

 

[YankeeCandle]

now,i wanted to tell her, sweetie, that's impossible, considering you just got a touch up a month and a half ago. lolol. i let it go, and did my head nod, and said, wow, great progress. lolol. point being, i learned that sometimes, just let them say their peace, and keep it moving.

Yup, your story is a perfect example. What good would it have done to argue with her/lecture her? Now, if someone I cared about was doing something genuinely damaging to their health or well-being, I would speak up gently, but most things people disagree on aren't that crucial.

 

[Curlyt78]

Definitly ignore him and anyone who is not hip to the new educated way to take care of ethnic hair. Some people just don't want to change their old way of thinking.
The results of your healthy, clean, hair will show for itself. I've rinsed my hair daily or every other day for over 13 years. Since oil and water doesn't mix, I believe a lot of my natural oils stay on my scalp until I actually cowash or rinse with ACV and I've never had a dandruff problem or dry scalp problem.

 

[Netta1]

...he cut his hair to not-quite-bald and as of now he is a little past sl and wears it in two gangsta-style ponytails in the back. He does ps'ing in a sense by moisturizing and covering in a doo-rag. My frustration comes in evertime we talk hair and he tells me what I should and shouldn't be doing to MY hair.

Why can't he comprehend that diff'rent strokes are for diff'rent folks? What do you ladies think?

I think he needs to worry about his own ponytails...actually.

 

[longhairlover]

your welcome, people don't understand us hair lovers, they think we are crazy most people I know that are not hair enthusiasts or in the hair industry just don't get it, and I make sure to keep those out of my hair convo's because they will just have something crazy to say.

BTw thanks longhairlonger for the advice.

 

[Oasis]

Ol boy is 40+ and wears gangsta pig tails?

 

[BrownSkinQT]

Ol boy is 40+ and wears gangsta pig tails?

Yes girl! He's still stuck in the 90's West coast thing. He's funny *** all heck that's why I keep him around.

 

[BrownSkinQT]

i say just quit talking to outsiders about hair. dang i make it sound like this is a cult or something. but anyway, some people don't want to understand different way, so just let it go.​

Sometimes this does feel like a cult or secret society. But sometimes I just can't help myself when it comes to comments and 'outsiders'. The world may never know.