Women who desire to get married

[aribell]

I say we redefine "that girl" as being that girl whose focus is so tied on God that he miraculously works things out on our behalf.

I like that.

 

[HeChangedMyName]

I like that.

I say we start a Challenge. . . . . Lord knows I need a challenge.

 

[amara11]

I have to respectfully disagree that being "That Girl" and being Christ centered/focused are mutually exclusive. If you allow it to become your idol, then yes it is wrong. But it is very possible to care for yourself physically without it being of sacrifice to the spirit. "That girl" is subjective. One person's definition of caring for her appearance may be vastly different than another's.

You do what you need to do to take care of and cherish the temple God gave you. If it's too much of a burden for you- that's fine, but don't assume that because it takes you too much time, or it takes you away from your communion with God, that it also does the same for other women. Balance is indeed possible.

Many could say the same about women who desire healthy long hair (which is everyone on the board) that it's too much (regimens, daily and weekly maintenence), and takes the focus off of the spirit and fellowship with Christ, but clearly we know this does not have to be true. The same is also true for those who think the same of the rest of their temples- skin, hair, and physical fitness.

 

[Iammoney]

bump bump bump

 

[aribell]

This is a very timely bump! I'm going to attach some reading I did today. The first link is to a blogpost on young women today with a video of a Voddie Baucham sermon on biblical womanhood. Very much worth listening to! (but you have to select the right one)

http://thelatterdays.blogspot.com/2011/03/turning-from-spirit-of-whoredoms.html

The blog talks a little about how we are to attract men, and given the above discussion of "that girl" it might be helpful. Basically, the question is, "To what aspect of ourselves are we seeking to draw men?"

 

[Shimmie]

bump bump bump

This is a very timely bump!

 

[Prudent1]

I <3 Voddie Baucham!! Ok, off to listen to his sermon.

 

[Renewed1]

This is a very timely bump! I'm going to attach some reading I did today. The first link is to a blogpost on young women today with a video of a Voddie Baucham sermon on biblical womanhood. Very much worth listening to! (but you have to select the right one)

http://thelatterdays.blogspot.com/2011/03/turning-from-spirit-of-whoredoms.html

The blog talks a little about how we are to attract men, and given the above discussion of "that girl" it might be helpful. Basically, the question is, "To what aspect of ourselves are we seeking to draw men?"

I read her entire blog. I agreed with most of it. But I believe the "feminist movement" wasn't entirely bad. But I did enjoy her blog.

 

[Poohbear]

Mitcy, thanks for your posts. You definitely put up some thought-provoking pieces on the topic of marriage!

Anyway, I'm gonna have to dissent somewhat on this person's message. Now I do agree that we singles might have missed a good man because we were with the wrong one or focused on the wrong one, but I also think that this is more of the same misinformation that is delivered to single black women and given a religious/Christian slant instead of getting to the real issues as to why many of us remain single.

I know that we all aspire to be that Proverbs 31 woman. I know that I need to work on some debts, house cleaning, cooking, etc. But no person is going to come into a marriage as a perfect husband or wife. Part of marriage involves a couple growing together. Many flawed women who can't cook, have debts and messy homes marry every day, and they marry wonderful Godly men who love them and their beautiful spirits.

I read a book by a married Christian woman who admitted that she was bad with money management, but with the help of her husband, she learned to break the chains. In turn, because of her role as his helpmeet, he became more responsible as well in areas where he was lacking.

This idea that we must reach this level of "readiness" before God "sends" us a mate can be very damaging and it does nothing to explain why millions of women who don't cavort with the wrong men, who can cook their butts off and are beautiful Godly women inside and out remain single. And again, this type of message is also not sent to men to the same degree as women... if you read this, it says so much about what single women might be lacking, but acts as if there are these perfect male specimens out there that we aren't "qualified" yet to have.

Instead of being asked, "Are you ready for him?" how about, "Is he ready for YOU?" Or better yet, "Are you ready for each other?"

But this idea of readiness has never been how marriage has worked. Not too long ago, young people married while attending school or working menial jobs. They were poor and probably had debt, but as a partnership, they often did a better job getting OUT of debt as a unit than a single person could alone.

Also, these messages of what I consider impossible readiness are not sent to white women, Asian women and Hispanic women. I think sometimes these messages can do more to make black women feel worse than better, as if she has to constantly "work on herself," and become this super human before she's "worthy" of having a husband.

The real problem is that our community doesn't esteem marriage. Until we start using our churches and our Christian calling to reaffirm marriage as the central family unit in the black community, these pseudo-religious messages to single black women about "working on oneself" as a requirement for marriage won't change much.

Sure, let's all work on ourselves and prepare ourselves to become good wives and mothers. But let's not be made to feel that those of us who are single are that way because something is lacking in us.

MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY!!!

 

[Renewed1]

^^^I miss Bunny. She always gave good insight into relationships. I admired her because, for me, I knew she spent time thinking about the concept of relationships.