Your "In Laws" and Your Hair...

[bellebebe]

I'm not married yet, though I do have a boyfriend. I'm pretty close to his mother and she loves my hair. I RARELY show my hair and she hates it. She's always telling me how I should ALWAYS wear my hair out and how long it is. Mind you, I'm only at awkward length.

Ladies who have achieved long hair, how do your " in laws" treat you?
Do you get special points for your long hair?
Do they automatically know that they will have beautiful long haired grand babies?
When they describe you, do they ALWAYS go on and on about how long your hair is?

 

[Iamhim]

This is an interesting post.

To try to make a long story short.

My husband's father is mixed. My husband has two brothers and one sister. We are muslim, my sister in law wears a hijab and I do not. I rarely see her hair down, but I know that it is simply gorgeous. Hair isn't that important in this family, but whenever the topic of hair comes up. I always hear that "You know your grandmother was Caucasian and that's why she (my SIL) has such nice straight hair".

My son was born with curly hair, it just had to be because of my father in law who is mixed. yeah right.

My beef is this....I hate how people automatically assume that the only way a black person can have curly/wavy hair is if they are mixed with something. Its so not true!! Ugh. Since they are my in-laws I don't make a fuss about it. But it does get on my nerves.

 

[bellebebe]

This is an interesting post.

To try to make a long story short.

My husband's father is mixed. My husband has two brothers and one sister. We are muslim, my sister in law wears a hijab and I do not. I rarely see her hair down, but I know that it is simply gorgeous. Hair isn't that important in this family, but whenever the topic of hair comes up. I always hear that "You know your grandmother was Caucasian and that's why she (my SIL) has such nice straight hair".

My son was born with curly hair, it just had to be because of my father in law who is mixed. yeah right.

My beef is this....I hate how people automatically assume that the only way a black person can have curly/wavy hair is if they are mixed with something. Its so not true!! Ugh. Since they are my in-laws I don't make a fuss about it. But it does get on my nerves.

I think that's everyone's beef on this board lol. I hate that statement with a burning passion. That's why we LHCF ladies are changing it.

 

[miss stress]

DONT GET ME STARTED ON THOSE PEOPLE

 

[AlliCat]

^^

My ex's mother really liked my hair, she thought it was so long (even though at the time it was only shoulder length). I definitely got points for that. Imagine when I'm waist length

But at the end of the day they cared more about what was in my head, not what was on it

 

[DirtyJerzeyGirly]

DONT GET ME STARTED ON THOSE PEOPLE

I'm STILL fuming over that thread you made . Some people are just so

 

[bellebebe]

I'm STILL fuming over that thread you made . Some people are just so

there's a thread? what's the link?

 

[JayAnn0513]

My MIL has hair issues...for various reaons from medical, to bad stylist, too tight braids, etc. The length of my hair was popular topic with her until I BC's in Jan. Now it's like she doesnt know what to say, like my curls have shocked her. I'm between NL and SL but only wear WNGs 90% of the time.

 

[SimpleKomplexity]

My friend's parents think I'm krazy. They give me a pass cuz my hair is just "so darn long". They know I wash my hair at least twice a week, and I rarely wear it down even though it's longer than shoulder length. One time I came over there with it lookin krazy (remember that thread where I was supposed to get braids but I ended up just blow drying my hair and it was all poofy and shrunk up)

Well everyone could tell I had some shrinkage going on (I can only imagine how bad my shrinkage will be when I one day go natural) but my hair was still shoulder length. They shook their head and said, your hair is soo darn long it just doesn't make any sense. I don't know what you do with that hair . And it's only apl lol.

 

[LaFemmeNaturelle]

I don't think my bf's mother cares lol she may say it's cute if I have it a certain way but other than that, I get nada from her

 

[LaFemmeNaturelle]

My beef is this....I hate how people automatically assume that the only way a black person can have curly/wavy hair is if they are mixed with something. Its so not true!! Ugh. Since they are my in-laws I don't make a fuss about it. But it does get on my nerves.

Um....that IS why black people's hair is curly. Most black americans have white in their family whether thats from "massa" doin his business or from someone voluntarily reproducing with a white or asian person....but that is INDEED the reason why we have type 3s. It may not be because we have one white grandparent or a white parent but those genes from far far back down the line can still show up in us today. What other reason do you have for why we have curly hair? And why do you think curly hair is more prevalent among black americans than Africans? (Yes there are mixtures over there too). Why do you think black Dominicans and Peurto Ricans and other latinos have curly hair? Because we've all been mixed with European DNA....I mean, if I'm wrong, please enlighten me!

 

[mj11051]

My MIL doesn't like that I wear my hair natural, but my hubby loves it. So her opinion doesn't matter.

 

[Triniwegian]

They support my journey and they think I have "good hair"
I joked one day and told MIL that I was getting a perm...she almost lost it lol.
I think i have inspired one of my SIL's to go natural, she is about one year post

 

[bellebebe]

My friend's parents think I'm krazy. They give me a pass cuz my hair is just "so darn long". They know I wash my hair at least twice a week, and I rarely wear it down even though it's longer than shoulder length. One time I came over there with it lookin krazy (remember that thread where I was supposed to get braids but I ended up just blow drying my hair and it was all poofy and shrunk up)

Well everyone could tell I had some shrinkage going on (I can only imagine how bad my shrinkage will be when I one day go natural) but my hair was still shoulder length. They shook their head and said, your hair is soo darn long it just doesn't make any sense. I don't know what you do with that hair . And it's only apl lol.

Only APL? lol I'd rather be APL than at awkward length.

 

[meecee]

My beef is this....I hate how people automatically assume that the only way a black person can have curly/wavy hair is if they are mixed with something. Its so not true!! Ugh. Since they are my in-laws I don't make a fuss about it. But it does get on my nerves.

Um....that IS why black people's hair is curly. Most black americans have white in their family whether thats from "massa" doin his business or from someone voluntarily reproducing with a white or asian person....but that is INDEED the reason why we have type 3s. It may not be because we have one white grandparent or a white parent but those genes from far far back down the line can still show up in us today. What other reason do you have for why we have curly hair? And why do you think curly hair is more prevalent among black americans than Africans? (Yes there are mixtures over there too). Why do you think black Dominicans and Peurto Ricans and other latinos have curly hair? Because we've all been mixed with European DNA....I mean, if I'm wrong, please enlighten me!

There are plenty of UNMIXED Africans with curly hair. No mixing needed.

 

[meecee]

My inlaws are cool about my hair.

They've seen my hair 100% natural and in twists/twistouts/afros.
They've seen my hair relaxed and long. I receive nothing but compliments either way.

 

[LaFemmeNaturelle]

There are plenty of UNMIXED Africans with curly hair. No mixing needed.

Please let me know how you came to the conclusion that they are unmixed? I'm not trying to argue. I really just want to know that you know for a fact that there are people who traced their entire family line and there are no traces of whites, arabs, or other asians, yet they still have curly hair.

 

[DirtyJerzeyGirly]

there's a thread? what's the link?

Oh you know what....I'm thinking of the wrong person. My fault. But i think OP did have an issue of what her DH said about DD hair, though.

http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=464908&highlight=

 

[meecee]

Please let me know how you came to the conclusion that they are unmixed? I'm not trying to argue. I really just want to know that you know for a fact that there are people who traced their entire family line and there are no traces of whites, arabs, or other asians, yet they still have curly hair.

Yes you are. Lol..do a search. Google it if you like.

Curly hair is not exclusive to a certain race of people or is created only by racial mixing.

 

[southerncitygirl]

Please let me know how you came to the conclusion that they are unmixed? I'm not trying to argue. I really just want to know that you know for a fact that there are people who traced their entire family line and there are no traces of whites, arabs, or other asians, yet they still have curly hair.

Fyi OP, Kinky hair is also curly type 3 and 4 are both curly type 4 is more highly textured/excessively curly.....the only exception is the highly textured c-napps with no curl pattern.
I understand where you are coming from but folks act like you can have a pretty head of hair or be attractive as a black person unless you're mixed with something....which is truly annoying and disrspectful too. Yes,most black mericans are mixed up....but I tire of being asked what I'm mixed with or who in my is hispanic because of my skintone and hair. At the end of the day white folks still see me as black and still treat me like ish cause I am and they perceive themselves as above and better than me.

 

[LaFemmeNaturelle]

Yes you are. Lol..do a search. Google it if you like.

Curly hair is not exclusive to a certain race of people or is created only by racial mixing.

smh it's called having a discussion but you obviously have no input

Fyi OP, Kinky hair is also curly type 3 and 4 are both curly type 4 is more highly textured/excessively curly.....the only exception is the highly textured c-napps with no curl pattern.
I understand where you are coming from but folks act like you can have a pretty head of hair or be attractive as a black person unless you're mixed with something....which is truly annoying and disrspectful too. Yes,most black mericans are mixed up....but I tire of being asked what I'm mixed with or who in my is hispanic because of my skintone and hair. At the end of the day white folks still see me as black and still treat me like ish cause I am and they perceive themselves as above and better than me.

Thanks for your response. I know type 4 hair is curly, as my hair is type 4 but when I was specifically addressing type 3 hair. Even I get annoyed when people try to guess what I'm mixed with because I'm lightskinned with light eyes and "curly" 4a hair. But I don't get upset about it because I know the history of my family and I know my eyes, skin and hair is probably what it is because of the mixtures in my family from 4 generations ago. It is what it is! I think the problem is black people try to use that mixed excuse when 9 times out of 10 they are mixed themselves somewhere along the line. I also don't see it as disrespectful, I just see it as an issue that they have within themself as well as a lack of education that they will have to overcome. I also see a problem with complaining that "black people can have curly hair without being mixed" because it implies that curly hair is prettier, when it's not. Hair is beautiful as long as it is being taken care of, and that's what people need to realize; curly or kinky, our hair is beautiful.

 

[meecee]

smh it's called having a discussion but you obviously have no input

GIRL BYE! It is not my job to "enlighten" someone who clearly has a narrow view of an ENTIRE continent's inhabitants hair. Africa is a huge and diverse place, the beginning of all humanity. The fact that you need some "proof" that curly haired folks exist there without mixing is not my responsibility.

 

[Vintageglam]

Please let me know how you came to the conclusion that they are unmixed? I'm not trying to argue. I really just want to know that you know for a fact that there are people who traced their entire family line and there are no traces of whites, arabs, or other asians, yet they still have curly hair.

Just disappointing with this whole statement. How can you speak for all black people. Oh well this is LHCF the land of sweeping generalizations.

 

[bellebebe]

aww, come on ladies. This is suppose to be fun :-(

 

[kmn1980]

My beef is this....I hate how people automatically assume that the only way a black person can have curly/wavy hair is if they are mixed with something. Its so not true!! Ugh. Since they are my in-laws I don't make a fuss about it. But it does get on my nerves.

This is errant thinking anyway because although not all curly hair is kinky, all kinky hair is curly.

What I've noticed for the decade that I've been natural is that most Black diasporans don't even really know how they look. That's why when Black folks are natural, people are in such awe of the curls, coils, and springs when they have the same thing happening on their own head as well. They automatically throw out the "you must have some white/latino/Indian in you." Nope, Adam and Eve were walking around with this.

 

[EccentricRed]

My beef is this....I hate how people automatically assume that the only way a black person can have curly/wavy hair is if they are mixed with something. Its so not true!! Ugh. Since they are my in-laws I don't make a fuss about it. But it does get on my nerves.

Um....that IS why black people's hair is curly. Most black americans have white in their family whether thats from "massa" doin his business or from someone voluntarily reproducing with a white or asian person....but that is INDEED the reason why we have type 3s. It may not be because we have one white grandparent or a white parent but those genes from far far back down the line can still show up in us today. What other reason do you have for why we have curly hair? And why do you think curly hair is more prevalent among black americans than Africans? (Yes there are mixtures over there too). Why do you think black Dominicans and Peurto Ricans and other latinos have curly hair? Because we've all been mixed with European DNA....I mean, if I'm wrong, please enlighten me!

There actually are many African's who have varied textures, just like African-American's. I've actually done projects on it when I was studying for my degree. African hair is just as diverse as European hair. It's all about the gene's!

 

[HappilyLiberal]

I'm not married yet, though I do have a boyfriend. I'm pretty close to his mother and she loves my hair. I RARELY show my hair and she hates it. She's always telling me how I should ALWAYS wear my hair out and how long it is. Mind you, I'm only at awkward length.

Ladies who have achieved long hair, how do your " in laws" treat you?
Do you get special points for your long hair?
Do they automatically know that they will have beautiful long haired grand babies?
When they describe you, do they ALWAYS go on and on about how long your hair is?

Yep... you get brownie points for long hair... because they're thinking if you have long hair their little future granddaughters are going to have that long hair for them to show-off around their friends.

 

[chasturner84]

I'm not married but I think bf's family is in love with my hair. They always comment on how long it is (ONLY grazing APL) and how shiny it is . I'll get they side eye from them when I tell them how often I wash my hair but other than that, everyone is cool. I think I may have overheard that I have the nicest hair of all the women that my bf has ever dated...whatever

 

[levette]

I have the best mother- in law period. She only compliments my hair and never tries to tell me how to wear it period. My father-in law has passed away but they are the nicest people on earth- period. I feel very fortunate to be a part of their family.

 

[ajoke]

My grandmother is very lightskinned. So were her sisters and my cousins too. We are not mixed and come from an 'obscure' African village and have no European or Arab ancestors Lol. 100% African. Seriously, you can't generalise like that, there are soooo many variations in genes.

Anyways, back to the topic, my in-laws are caucasian, they are interested in my hair. FIL always notices when I have a new hairstyle, and I've had a few in the last year while transitioning. My SIL and her daughter had cornrows last summer. My MIL hated it on them, and made no comments on my cornrolls. When I wear a bun or french rolls, she praises my hair to high heaves though. The funny thing is my daughter has 2/3 something curly hair and everybody loves her hair, but I have had to educate them that her curls are bigger than mine and her hair is a mix of mine and DH.