There has to be an easier way.....

[JudithO]

Do you ever think... there must be an easier way?? I really believe God made everything perfect including my hair... but sometimes I wonder.. why can some people wash their hair every single day, comb out and be gone... and I can't? Heck why can't I just comb my hair for the heck of it... why do I have to understand all these things? Porosity? Density? Texture? Read labels? Steam? Wear bags over my head? Not swim with some peace of mind? Why does it have to be so hard to keep hair on my head? For some naturals it may be easier, but for others with hair textures like mine @mwedzi @Nonie .. there has to be an easier way than staying in braids 24/7.. or spending 5 hrs to detangle.... Someone once commented on my YT channel that people with my hair texture (including her) are meant to be in dreadlocks... I laughed at that comment then but I'm starting to believe...

There must be an easier way to have this hair texture without getting a perm... Wishful thinking maybe? Maybe we haven't discovered it yet... or maybe i'm meant to be bald.... lol...

 

[MissAlinaRose]

I completely understand your frustrations as I and many others have felt the same as you have more than once. Trust me you're not alone. I've been there many times very upset about the state of my hair especially when it never turned out right. However, it is my belief that there is always an easier way; it just has to be discovered.

I have thick afro-textured hair similar to mwedzi's. In my specific journey I took the scientific method approach to figuring out my hair. The first thing I did was decide what I wanted for myself which was cute, soft, good smelling, stretched out hair that did not take a long time to style. I identified my problems early on (tangly hair, knots, non-soft hair, etc.) and then tried different methods that worked for people with a similar hair texture to mine to see if it would alleviate my issues. Half of the time they didn't, but I found the best practices through experimenting and modifying what others were doing.

I knew I didn't want my wash days to be a hassle. I knew I didn't want to spend 18 hours detangling. I knew I wanted to maintain the softness from moisturizing. I knew I didn't want to protective style all the time and not enjoy my hair. It just took time for me to discover what worked for me.

In my humble opinion, I do not believe it is necessary to learn all the extras either to achieve "manageable" hair...just some honest experimentation. I also believe that it does get easier. Keep in mind that everyone has not so great feelings about their hair at some point or another. Some people with naturally straight, thin, and/or limp hair may be upset with the fact that their hair cannot hold a style or that there is zero versatility. Just a thought. Hang in there and thank you for sharing your thoughts lovely lady!

P.S. I disagree about the loc comment. Our afro-texture can do whatever you want it to do imho

 

[bride91501]

judy4all - (((hugs)))

Take a deep breath. It'll be ok- really it will. You've gotten your hair all the way to APL+, so that tells us you're clearly doing something right.

The thing about this journey that I've learned, is that if you spend it focusing on what your hair *can't* do instead of what it *can*, you'll be very disappointed. My 4b hair can't do wash n go's, I can't manipulate my hair daily (weekly even) and still expect 100% retention.

But when I give her what she loves- protective styling, lots of water, and gentle, gentle care, she thrives . So, that's what I do. Do what works for *you* and *your* hair and when she repays you with phenomenal retention and health, you will have long forgotten what works for the next chic, cuz you'll be so focused on you

 

[JudithO]

@MissAlinaRose @bride91501 Thanks for the encouragement ladies... I have my hair in braids now so I don't have to deal with it... but just thinking about it drives me nuts sometimes.... I don't want to protective style 24/7... as a matter of fact I plan to learn how to properly blow dry and flat iron this hair this year... MissAlinaRose I'm going to be going thru your blog... Hopefully I can pick up some tips.. Like you, I just want tangle-free, soft, stretched out and cute hair with easier short days. Please feel free to share what you do... Else I'll just go thru your blog and PM you with any questions... thanks much... Nice to know that other people feel this too sometimes...

BTW i've figured out some products that work for me.. and how to retain via 24/7 PS'ing and leaving my hair alone... but that just bores me to death... So I need to learn less "extreme" ways to keep the hair on my head... Or accept that I'm meant to PS 24/7 and stop bothering everyone with my whining...

 

[Nonie]

@judy4all, I don't mean to dismiss your struggles but I swear I don't find my hair a burden. I think part of the reason for that is I've never looked at any other hair and wished it for myself. I never played that towel on the head game where you swang it like hair, and I didn't get my hair relaxed at a young age so that straight hair became my norm. From a young age, my nappy/kinky hair is all I knew. My mom cornrowed it for the week, and undid the cornrows and washed my hair on the weekend. Or she sent me to the hairdressers to get it cornrowed and then I washed it once a fortnight. So my norm was leaving my hair alone in styles that were pretty to me. I loved and still love cornrows. If I could do them as well as @Mook's hair, I'd be rocking cornrows on me all the time and to me that'd be an easy and very glam look.

When I'm wearing my hair loose, I do comb it every day without fail and it doesn't hurt my hair for me to do this. That's because I braid it every night and I never allow it to tangle plus I comb it when wet with S Curl...and because I stretch it in braids, combing is easy.

Wearing a baggy is no chore to me. It's quicker than trying a scarf...and yeah I couldn't just get a silk pillow because I prefer baggying. I don't read labels, I don't worry about texture, porosity, density. I think a lot of people make this hair journey more work than it's supposed to be. Today I just found out that so many sites actually tell people that to check for porosity using fingers you're supposed to stroke your hair strands from ends toward the scalp. What sort of BS is that? Of course strands will feel coarse coz you're going against the grain and scraping the edges of the scales. No wonder so many people worry about porosity coz you have so-called "gurus" copying crap from different sites and passing it on like the myth that cold water closes pores on skin. Porosity tests should all agree and so if you feel rough strands because you do that silly test but then the strands don't sink, hello? Doesn't that tell you that one of those tests is wrong? I'm so glad I don't read blogs. They can seriously give people complexes coz people just echo stuff they read without really doing their own research.

I stay in twists 24/7 because I WANT to. If I didn't, I'd wear my hair out. I do what I want when I want. Only when I wear my hair out, I expect to treat my hair the way it deserves to be treated. I don't look at others and wish I could do what they do. I don't want their hair. I love what mine can do and I love it enough to do whatever it takes to make it easy for me. By never letting it tangle, I never have to do WORK. My hair is so easy for me that I honestly never wory about it. Doing my twists is the way I relax because my hair is fun for me.

I don't know how long you've been natural OP (Sorry my memory is bad and I can't keep track of stuff I read so forgive me if you already said before) but I am so at home with my hair that I can just read something someone says and know before even trying it that it would not work for me. I am lazy and hate work, and trust me if my hair was a burden, I'd not deal with it. Folks will tell you that I can be so lazy that I will even leave home without drawing in my eyebrows--the ONLY makeup I used to make a point of wearing w/o fail. So for someone THAT lazy, trust me if my hair was difficult, I'd not have any.

 

[Nonie]

bride91501 said something that I think is very important: Focus on what your hair can do!!!

Many times when I discover a new do, it's usually while playing with my hair that I'll just try something that I didn't see anywhere, but it just occurs to me that perhaps I could try this and to my surprise whatever I was trying works. And it looks good. And I think that's why I keep saying focus on your hair and it alone. I think videos and blogs while encouraging can also be discouraging. I only ever go to Youtube to look at hair vids if someone here posts a link that intrigues me...or a friend PMs me a link to one of hers. Otherwise, my journey has just been about me getting to know my hair letting it alone show me what it can do. Maybe that will work for you.

Ironically, the people I got my haircare regimen from were people with hair that was relaxed (Cathy Howse, Brenda Sliker, Wanakee, Adrienne0914...) so I never found myself trying to emulate whatever they did with their hair, but rather I garnered info that was beneficial to hair as a whole and applied that to my hair and then saw where that took me. Even blonde knee-length haired JJJ was one of the people I got ideas from. Because I focused on learning basic hair care...not making hair do anything but just good haircare habits.

I think if you can just work on making whatever seems like a chore easier--like why can't you comb your hair daily while I can? What is it you do that makes this hard? There are people with very simple regimens like Yassylane, maybe her regimen could work for you? Today in the skin forum I was just sharing how we create more work for ourselves assuming we NEED so many steps when really it's not that complicated--whatever it is we're trying to do. Sometimes the rules that everyone says are necessary for hair growth may not apply to you so just throwing everything out and starting from simply understanding of hair and what makes hair happy may be all you need to figure your hair out.

 

[aquajoyice]

It can be that simple. But know that mainstream society is all about straight hair. As long as you love and accept your natural texture you can do whatever you like. In all honesty one of the great things about our hair is we don't need to wash and comb everyday. It doesn't get much easier than that.

 

[JudithO]

aquajoyice Nonie Thanks for chiming in ladies....

I've been natural almost 4 years now, been relaxed every time in my life before that so I still haven't gotten to a place where my hair texture is my "nature" (as much as I would love it to be). I also get bored with my hair relatively easily... so I think I just need to define 1. What I want my hair to be while understanding its limitations 2. Figure out how to get there... I know PS'ing 24/7 is definitely not my preference... One day at a time.

 

[yuhlovevybz]

I think the best thing to do is fall in love with your hair. I have type......idk, kinky? hair and surprisingly, it thrived most off of daily wash/rinses and some scurl. I stopped doing this because I was insecure about the length and texture of my hair, and in return my hair suffered. Now that it's winter, I either straighten or use banding. I don't think our hair should be that hard, it's only hard if we make it.

unpopular opinion: products don't really mean that much. Everything I own for my hair costs less than three dollars. I buy more expensive things if they look pretty or smell good (my version of expensive is 6-8 dollars), or if I get curious I may splurge on something from another country just for fun. I don't stress about ingredients as much as what I like, smell, textures, colors, and how my hair reacts to it. No ph strips, powder mixing, and other expensive time consuming things. We don't need all that. When I first went natural it was so terrible I had no idea what to do, but now that I've learned my hair, I realize that less is more. Piling products causes narsty hair and breakage. Washing your hair will not kill you. Grease and mineral oils increase your shrinkage and lock out moisture. If you wanna know what your hair REALLY, truly honestly looks like, grab a cheap 2-in-1 like suave or vo5 and wash your hair with it, maybe a couple times to clarify. When you remove all that gunk from your hair and strip it, you might be surprised. I thought my hair was type 4xyz before I stopped using grease and washed my hair a few times. Miraculously moisture returned to my hair, it wasn't snapping, it was softer than I remember it, and it stopped tangling. My hair actually had a unique pattern to it. It was like twilight zone.

I think everyone's hair works differently. Some people can live in braids and there hair thrives. People like me, however, have hair adhd and don't like hair in a single style. I put my hair in twists and fell in love at the ease, but then I wanted to play. Basically, you gotta figure out what you want your hair to be like and how to get it there. If you're kind of like I am, growing your hair out to suit a specific purpose, than for now ps-ing might be for you. Once I reach my hair goal I'll straighten occasionally but wash and go for the rest of my life, because my hair likes it and I like my hair. If you truly don't like your natural hair, you can always press it and see how you feel about it before deciding to relax, or you can just be a (carefully) straightened natural. I went that route for awhile, got tired of it, switched up, got tired of that, switched back.

You can do whatever you want with your hair. Don't be intimidated by all these mixtures and concoctions and strategies, it might just not be for you. Try to remember the easiest time you ever had with your hair and do it like that. It's a mind over matter thing, once you stop stressing it you'll be surprised of the process you can make. Of course, keep up the basics, but maybe set aside all this porosity, hair type (heck I still don't know mine and i ain't asking either) and what other people's hair is doing. I found out the hard way that my hair isn't like most people's and some things people can do with their hair will have mine crying bloody murder. Just because somebody has buttlength hair doesn't mean yours will thrive under their regi.

 

[Nonie]

(((judy4all))) Yes, one day at a time. You'll get there. I think for those of us who have had natural hair for so long it's easy to forget that it's like learning to drive a stick shift, ride a bike, walk...whatever for those who not only grew up with straight hair but even our first hair client (dolls) have hair that isn't kinky. So really it's a lot to ask of one.

But you're right, first learn what gives it moisture and makes it soft. Does it like protein? If not, maybe light protein? How long can you go w/o washing? Like get your hair first to where caring for it doesn't seem like a chore. And everything else will just come to you.

It seems like work coz it's new, but the more you do it, the more it becomes the norm for you, the easier it'll all become. And you don't have to PS 24/7 but you may find that in time you actually appreciate doing that because there are crazy people out there that cut off stranger's hair. And as my friend will tell you, getting caught in your bag strap or between you and the chair can be so annoying coz it hurts! But yes, once you understand how to solve whatever seems like a problem because you GET your hair, you'll be surprised how everything else will fall into place.

 

[MissAlinaRose]

@MissAlinaRose @bride91501 Thanks for the encouragement ladies... I have my hair in braids now so I don't have to deal with it... but just thinking about it drives me nuts sometimes.... I don't want to protective style 24/7... as a matter of fact I plan to learn how to properly blow dry and flat iron this hair this year... MissAlinaRose I'm going to be going thru your blog... Hopefully I can pick up some tips.. Like you, I just want tangle-free, soft, stretched out and cute hair with easier short days. Please feel free to share what you do... Else I'll just go thru your blog and PM you with any questions... thanks much... Nice to know that other people feel this too sometimes...

BTW i've figured out some products that work for me.. and how to retain via 24/7 PS'ing and leaving my hair alone... but that just bores me to death... So I need to learn less "extreme" ways to keep the hair on my head... Or accept that I'm meant to PS 24/7 and stop bothering everyone with my whining...

I'm more than happy to give more insight as to what my techniques are. I understand that they may not be universal but I don't think it hurts to look at what other people do to get ideas.

The inbox is always open

 

[anon123]

Do you ever think... there must be an easier way?? I really believe God made everything perfect including my hair... but sometimes I wonder.. why can some people wash their hair every single day, comb out and be gone... and I can't? Heck why can't I just comb my hair for the heck of it... why do I have to understand all these things? Porosity? Density? Texture? Read labels? Steam? Wear bags over my head? Not swim with some peace of mind? Why does it have to be so hard to keep hair on my head? For some naturals it may be easier, but for others with hair textures like mine @mwedzi @Nonie .. there has to be an easier way than staying in braids 24/7.. or spending 5 hrs to detangle.... Someone once commented on my YT channel that people with my hair texture (including her) are meant to be in dreadlocks... I laughed at that comment then but I'm starting to believe...

There must be an easier way to have this hair texture without getting a perm... Wishful thinking maybe? Maybe we haven't discovered it yet... or maybe i'm meant to be bald.... lol...

This is in my humble opinion, and everyone is free to disagree with me. But I do believe that hair of my texture was "meant" (whatever that means to folks) to either:

• be in braids most of the time
• be in twists most of the time (though really, braids are better)
• be in cornrows most of the time (oh, wait, this is still braids. )
• be dreadlocked
• be kept quite short
• be blown out or kept straight or something like that

When I think of most cultures (including AA) that have people with my texture of hair and how they wore their hair before perms, it was one of the ways above. And for good reason. In my personal experience (I understand not everyone's is the same), if I don't do one of the above, I will spend hours detangling.

It isn't that your hair is not perfect. It's that you want it to do things it's not meant to do. You see the things other people's hair does and think if yours can't do it, it's inferior. I understand wanting your hair to do those things, but at least understand that is just your desire and doesn't mean something's wrong with your hair if it doesn't fulfill your desires (based off others' hair). If you want to wash your hair daily, well, I don't have your hair so can't so for sure. But if I wanted to wash my hair daily, I'd cut it to less than 2" or I'd dreadlock it. Even braids will tangle and mat at that frequency. And anyway, I don't think not washing hair daily means it's not perfect.

 

[discodumpling]

My hair is a pleasure to have! Too bad for u boo boo...anything worth having is worth putting some effort into. If you don't wanna deal with hair then keep it short and sweet.

 

[sherrimberri]

Im not going to lie, if i could change my hair type i would. I want long hair. My coworker and i started on the same day years ago her hair was in a bob. Several years later her hair is now down to her butt and she cuts off inches several times a year. Why cant my hair grow this fast? Why does it take so much for my hair to retain length?

I luv my hair because its the hair im born with and i have no other choice but to accept it and take care of it. But i do wish it was easier.

 

[JudithO]

This is in my humble opinion, and everyone is free to disagree with me. But I do believe that hair of my texture was "meant" (whatever that means to folks) to either:

• be in braids most of the time
• be in twists most of the time (though really, braids are better)
• be in cornrows most of the time (oh, wait, this is still braids. )
• be dreadlocked
• be kept quite short
• be blown out or kept straight or something like that

When I think of most cultures (including AA) that have people with my texture of hair and how they wore their hair before perms, it was one of the ways above. And for good reason. In my personal experience (I understand not everyone's is the same), if I don't do one of the above, I will spend hours detangling.

It isn't that your hair is not perfect. It's that you want it to do things it's not meant to do. You see the things other people's hair does and think if yours can't do it, it's inferior. I understand wanting your hair to do those things, but at least understand that is just your desire and doesn't mean something's wrong with your hair if it doesn't fulfill your desires (based off others' hair). If you want to wash your hair daily, well, I don't have your hair so can't so for sure. But if I wanted to wash my hair daily, I'd cut it to less than 2" or I'd dreadlock it. Even braids will tangle and mat at that frequency. And anyway, I don't think not washing hair daily means it's not perfect.

mwedzi Thanks much for coming in here. Your hair texture 'looks' the most similar to mine when dry (from your fotki)... My hair strands are extremely fine but I have a lot of it ... Based on my experience with my hair over the last almost-4-years, I'm tending to agree with you on what my hair texture is 'meant' to do (braid, twist, or keep it straight).... although I wish I could wash-n-go, twist/braid out etc.... I was going to PM you for more info, but figured someone else may have the same struggles ...

I see you used more heat for a while in 2010 or 2011.. How did that go?


What reggie do you think works the best on your hair (please share a link if you have posted it somewhere)... I know it may not all work for me, but I'm willing to incorporate tips from different pple.

Specifically..

What washing frequency works best for you to maximize moisture and minimize breakage?

Does your hair care about DC's? Steaming? Overnight DC's?

Cowashing?? Any difference?

PH: Do products of a specific PH work better for you?

Ingredients: Does your hair really like specific ingredients?

Protein: yes or no? Any types better than the others?

Any products you feel are worth shouting out cos they are so good for you?

Thanks to all those commenting on this post btw.. Really appreciate it.

 

[anon123]

@mwedzi Thanks much for coming in here. Your hair texture 'looks' the most similar to mine when dry (from your fotki)... My hair strands are extremely fine but I have a lot of it ... Based on my experience with my hair over the last almost-4-years, I'm tending to agree with you on what my hair texture is 'meant' to do (braid, twist, or keep it straight).... although I wish I could wash-n-go, twist/braid out etc.... I was going to PM you for more info, but figured someone else may have the same struggles ...

I see you used more heat for a while in 2010 or 2011.. How did that go?


What reggie do you think works the best on your hair (please share a link if you have posted it somewhere)... I know it may not all work for me, but I'm willing to incorporate tips from different pple.

Specifically..

What washing frequency works best for you to maximize moisture and minimize breakage?

Does your hair care about DC's? Steaming? Overnight DC's?

Cowashing?? Any difference?

PH: Do products of a specific PH work better for you?

Ingredients: Does your hair really like specific ingredients?

Protein: yes or no? Any types better than the others?

Any products you feel are worth shouting out cos they are so good for you?

Thanks to all those commenting on this post btw.. Really appreciate it.

I don't have a regimen yet that works great. Right now I'm trying wearing my hair in braids and redoing them every 3 weeks. I wash weekly. I will wear a braidout the final week. I bought a blow dryer with teeth (Yellow Bird) and it makes a HUGE difference in helping me be able to thoroughly detangle, so I'll do that every 3 weeks, at least for a little while. My previous use of heat did almost nothing for me.

I don't know about Ph, but I like Kimmaytube's leave in.

I cowash sometimes, if for whatever reason, I'll not be able to thoroughly detangle that week. I prefer to shampoo. I also exercise and sweat, so I like getting my head clean.

Preferred products:
Trader Joe's Nourish Spa shampoo and conditioner, Aveda Damage Remedy intensive treatment OR Neutrogena Triple Moisture hair mask for deep treatment, and Kimmaytube's leave in and/or coconut oil.

I really don't want to say any more than that, because I'm just not sure. But good luck.

 

[JudithO]

mwedzi thanks for sharing even though you are still trying some things out. I know a braids regimen will work for me becos ive done it d past... i just get so bored... i need to learn to properly blw dry my hair too... my previous attempts have been quite disastrous..lol

 

[prettypithy]

@judy4all I thought you recently made the decision to relax your hair? Sounds like you're still struggling with whether that is the right call.

For me, I can finally say I will never relax my hair again. My hair has stopped feeling like a burden and suddenly feels alive with possibilities for the first time ever. It is softer, longer, easier to work with and just a pleasure for me right now. Maybe you will get to that stage, too. I usually wash once a week and twist, bun and twist-out. But if I get bored I can braid or flat iron. I genuinely think that if every detangling session is WWIII, you have not found the right regimen and need to keep experimenting as suggested above.

 

[prettypithy]

Also, don't be fooled by the bandwagons. Simplicity is and always has been the key. You don't need sixty-'leven porosity tests and ph strips and baggies and steamers to grow and maintain beautiful hair, I don't care if it is 1a or 4z!

 

[30something]

I'm sorry you have been feeling so frustrated. You don't HAVE to understand or be on the watch for Porosity, Density, Texture, Read labels, Steam or Wear bags.
I think some of use, including my old self believe that we needed to do all these scientific HHJ mumbo jumbo to grow hair, and all it does sometime is add more variables to screwing things up. Maybe you can take the complexity (if it has any) out your regimen to help it feel a little less like a marathon.

I totally agree with yuhlovevybz and Mwedzi

 

[JudithO]

prettypithy yes.. i made the decision to relax but i couldnt go thru with it. Day before appointment, panic attack, psyched myself out etc.... lol... i believe hair care should be simple.. regardless of hair type.. problem is figuring out what works as everyone's hair is different. My hair needs moisture, loves to be clean but hates to be touched... strinking a balance is tough. It all comes down to styling options.... i would like my hair to do things that it wasnt meant to... i feel i have a very limited variety of things that my hair can do.


Maybe ill stop posting my hair problems... dont want to come off like im always whining or having hair problems.. ill just keep my complaints to myself and keep trying until i get it right.

For those of you that it all figured out... kudos... im definitely not there yet.

 

[ellebelle88]

This is in my humble opinion, and everyone is free to disagree with me. But I do believe that hair of my texture was "meant" (whatever that means to folks) to either:

• be in braids most of the time
• be in twists most of the time (though really, braids are better)
• be in cornrows most of the time (oh, wait, this is still braids. )
• be dreadlocked
• be kept quite short
• be blown out or kept straight or something like that

When I think of most cultures (including AA) that have people with my texture of hair and how they wore their hair before perms, it was one of the ways above. And for good reason. In my personal experience (I understand not everyone's is the same), if I don't do one of the above, I will spend hours detangling.

It isn't that your hair is not perfect. It's that you want it to do things it's not meant to do. You see the things other people's hair does and think if yours can't do it, it's inferior. I understand wanting your hair to do those things, but at least understand that is just your desire and doesn't mean something's wrong with your hair if it doesn't fulfill your desires (based off others' hair). If you want to wash your hair daily, well, I don't have your hair so can't so for sure. But if I wanted to wash my hair daily, I'd cut it to less than 2" or I'd dreadlock it. Even braids will tangle and mat at that frequency. And anyway, I don't think not washing hair daily means it's not perfect.

Usually I agree with your points but you lost me here. Just because we wore our hair short in history does not mean that's how our hair is supposed to be. They wore their hair short or in braids because it made it easier to deal with. And a lot of times, their hair wasn't necessarily healthy either. But if our hair was "meant" to be short, it wouldn't continue to grow and there wouldn't be people on here reaching WSL and MBL. But we can agree to disagree here.

But anyway, if our hair was meant to be braided, kept short, blah blah blah...why does it have to take so much energy to do any of those things. Braiding hair requires a skill that most people aren't born with. Keeping it short means continuously cutting it and if you want it to be neat, you need someone who knows how to cut hair. And anyway why would God give us hair just to tell us to cut it? Makes no sense. That's like saying as women, we are SUPPOSED to shave the hair on our legs or something. I'm sure keeping dreads neat and clean is something that requires skill as well. There is nothing "natural" about anything that you mentioned we must do. It's all something else we invented or decided to do to our hair and in my opinion, it's no different than the OPs frustration at not being able to style her hair the way she wants to.

As opposed to women of almost any other race where they can wash their hair and airdry it and not experience breakage or wash it and put it in a ponytail without needing a bunch of gels, moisturizers, etc. Or just wash it and BE, we don't have that luxury. We have to braid, or cut, or blow it out like you suggested. Just face it, for most of us, our hair is extremely difficult AND frustrating.

 

[JudithO]

BTW... im not frustrated with my hair really.. im in braids so i dont see it much... and even when my hair is out its great as long as its in twists.... washing n detangling still takes forever, but in the grand scheme of things... i would love my hair care to be much easier... styling much easier... breakage much less, and my routine can be better, but im ok...

this was really just a rant thread for me and anyone who hasnt entirely figured it out.. care, styling etc.. and for those who have figured it out to come in here to encourage and share tips to simplify hair care for 4b's especially...

 

[ellebelle88]

BTW... im not frustrated with my hair really.. im in braids so i dont see it much... and even when my hair is out its great as long as its in twists.... washing n detangling still takes forever, but in the grand scheme of things... i would love my hair care to be much easier... styling much easier... breakage much less, and my routine can be better, but im ok...

this was really just a rant thread for me and anyone who hasnt entirely figured it out.. care, styling etc.. and for those who have figured it out to come in here to encourage and share tips to simplify hair care for 4b's especially...

Again, this is my point. Why can't we just wash our hair and let it be? Why do we have to wear it in twists, or braids, or dreads. All of this extra stuff? I just wanna wear my hair the way it grows out of my head. I'm not even talking about straightening it.

 

[JudithO]

ellebelle88 i do not see anything unnatural with anything mwedzi suggested.. braiding definitely takes more time than anything else e.g wash n go... maybe God handpicked us 4b's specially to rock those cornrows and twists since our texture is so perfect for it.. being special aint easy... lol... maybe we just have to accept that our calling is to stay braided.. and the world will have some peace... same way some pple have to hardly study to pass while others have to study countless hrs to make it.... doesnt make them any less perfect..

 

[Tiye]

Do you ever think... there must be an easier way?? I really believe God made everything perfect including my hair... but sometimes I wonder.. why can some people wash their hair every single day, comb out and be gone... and I can't? Heck why can't I just comb my hair for the heck of it... why do I have to understand all these things? Porosity? Density? Texture? Read labels? Steam? Wear bags over my head? Not swim with some peace of mind? Why does it have to be so hard to keep hair on my head? For some naturals it may be easier, but for others with hair textures like mine @mwedzi @Nonie .. there has to be an easier way than staying in braids 24/7.. or spending 5 hrs to detangle.... Someone once commented on my YT channel that people with my hair texture (including her) are meant to be in dreadlocks... I laughed at that comment then but I'm starting to believe...

There must be an easier way to have this hair texture without getting a perm... Wishful thinking maybe? Maybe we haven't discovered it yet... or maybe i'm meant to be bald.... lol...

You can wash and comb your hair daily. But if you want to stay chemical free then you have to decide what else you want. I have tightly coiled type 4b+++ hair. For me I can wash and condition daily and slide a comb through my hair easily until about 3 inches. After 3 inches it's a different story. So do you want length - or do you want loose, natural, hair that you can comb daily?

Porosity? Density? Texture? Read labels? Steam? Wear bags over my head? Not swim with some peace of mind?

^^ Porosity and density are only relevant if you plan to DIY. Or you can just find a competent stylist and never think about them at all. You can get all the steam you need in the shower, or by wrapping a hot towel around your head. I always read labels - on cosmetics, on food, on clothes, etc.. I figure if it's my money I should know what I'm buying. Again if you don't feel like worrying about labels on hair products, go to the salon. Ask you stylist to recommend products for home use and just stick with those. I have plenty of friends who care for their hair this way and they do fine. I don't wear bags on my head. I've never worried about swimming and you shouldn't either.

And for what it's worth, for some of us dreadlocks can be the best option. Bottom line you aren't any of the ladies in your post, you are you. Even if their hair looks like yours on camera - it's not exactly the same as yours coz we're all unique. Bottom line just pick styles work with your texture instead of against it to keep things simple and you'll be happier - at least with your hair.

 

[ellebelle88]

ellebelle88 i do not see anything unnatural with anything mwedzi suggested.. braiding definitely takes more time than anything else e.g wash n go... maybe God handpicked us 4b's specially to rock those cornrows and twists since our texture is so perfect for it.. being special aint easy... lol... maybe we just have to accept that our calling is to stay braided.. and the world will have some peace... same way some pple have to hardly study to pass while others have to study countless hrs to make it.... doesnt make them any less perfect..

judy4all when I say braiding isn't "natural" I don't mean it in the way you are thinking...I simply mean that it's something that requires skill or at least the ability to know how to do. No other race has to possess a "skill" in order to do their hair. That's what all I mean when I say it's not natural. BTW, I see nothing wrong with braiding hair or anything.

 

[prettypithy]

@prettypithy yes.. i made the decision to relax but i couldnt go thru with it. Day before appointment, panic attack, psyched myself out etc.... lol... i believe hair care should be simple.. regardless of hair type.. problem is figuring out what works as everyone's hair is different. My hair needs moisture, loves to be clean but hates to be touched... strinking a balance is tough. It all comes down to styling options.... i would like my hair to do things that it wasnt meant to... i feel i have a very limited variety of things that my hair can do.


Maybe ill stop posting my hair problems... dont want to come off like im always whining or having hair problems.. ill just keep my complaints to myself and keep trying until i get it right.

For those of you that it all figured out... kudos... im definitely not there yet.

judy4all Definitely wasn't insinuating that! You have given back to the community with your videos and such so I think you can ask as many questions as you want!

 

[JudithO]

judy4all when I say braiding isn't "natural" I don't mean it in the way you are thinking...I simply mean that it's something that requires skill or at least the ability to know how to do. No other race has to possess a "skill" in order to do their hair. That's what all I mean when I say it's not natural. BTW, I see nothing wrong with braiding hair or anything.

Agreed. Nobody else has to have skills really to have long hair. Ill work on convincing myself that we r extra special... the hair 'royalty', so we have to work harder...lol

 

[prettypithy]

"As opposed to women of almost any other race where they can wash their hair and airdry it and not experience breakage or wash it and put it in a ponytail without needing a bunch of gels, moisturizers, etc."

One thing that strikes me about this thread is how distorted our attitudes are about our hair. We think of others as having an easier road but I'm not convinced that is true. For instance, they have to wash their every day or else face stinking, oily hair. I don't have to do that. In fact, I could wash my hair once a month and not have that problem. So, who has it harder? Me because I spend two hours on wash day? Or them because they spend twenty minutes a day, adding up to roughly the same time? For some reason, we have all elevated wash n' go hair to the height of luxury but why? If I braid my hair, I don't have to do a d*mn thing to it for almost three months--why isn't THAT the height of luxury?

Basically, I don't understand why we have collectively as a group accepted the fallacy that our hair is "hard" and everyone else's is "easy." And to be honest, when I used to feel that way, my hair WAS hard. It was hard because it FELT hard because I was trying to take care of my hair like it was someone else's hair. Trying to fit a round peg into a square hole. As soon as I grabbed the square peg, it glided in. It is all in the mindset.