I spent Father’s Day with my husband. I have a stepdaughter and my husband and I have a 10 month old. I told my parents a few weeks ago that I would not be able to see them on Father’s Day, but I invited them to come up on Saturday, the day before Father’s Day. My mom called me a few days before and told me that they would not be able to come up because she had an eye doctor’s appointment and if she rescheduled she wouldn’t be able to be seen for another month. I told her I understood and that we’d just see them another weekend.
I get the impression that my parents feel like I should have come there since they weren’t able to come up, but the truth is that my husband and I had things we needed to take care of at hour house, plus we were going to a child’s birthday party the next day (Father’s Day) that is an hour away and we didn’t want to spend our entire weekend driving all over the place.
When I called my dad Sunday to wish him a happy Father’s Day he seemed upset and very distant. I talked to my mom first because she answered the phone. She was “pleasantly cold†towards me. I could tell she didn’t really want to talk to me. I talked to my dad for all of two minutes…it was a very short conversation and he initiated getting off the phone. Later that evening when we got home from the birthday party my stepdaughter called to wish my dad a happy Father’s Day (my husband and I were outside watering the plants). Later on my husband called to talk to my dad. He’d told me earlier to tell my dad he said hello, but wanted to personally wish him a Happy Father’s Day. My husband said my mom answered the phone and told him my dad was in the shower. I asked him how my mom sounded and he said she was sort of cold and distant. My husband asked my mom if my dad had a good day and she said he had an ok day. My husband told her that he imagines that it is hard from him since this is only his second Father’s Day without his father. My mom said, “Well, that was some of itâ€, but never elaborated on what was really wrong and my husband didn’t press the issue.
I know in my heart that my parents are upset with me because I don’t visit them as often as I use to. When I was in college and before I married I would visit them at least once a month. Even right after I got married I still managed to go see them about once a month. Over the last few years I haven’t been able to get down there as often. I work full time, I’m also going back to school, I have a stepdaughter who lives with us full time and she is active in various activities. For example, she sings in our church’s youth choir and most of the practices are on Saturday. She also plays basketball and during basketball season she almost always has practice on Saturdays too. We also have a very active 10 month old baby and my husband travels for work during the week. Our weekends consist of grocery shopping, taking our oldest daughter to her various activities, me studying, cleaning the house, yard work, etc… When we do get a free moment we want to relax in our own home. A lot of times we are completely wiped out.
Prior to my baby being born my parents rarely came to visit us. They always relied on us to come to them. My parents are not old by any means. They are both in their early 50’s, have no physical disabilities and are relatively healthy. After my daughter was born they started coming up more often. Now, I guess they are tired of coming to us and want us to come to them more often. Honestly, between our every day lives and trying to divide our time between my family and my husband’s family I just don’t see where we have the time to drive two hours one way as often as they want us to come.
I guess this is my long winded way of asking if I’m doing something wrong. Am I doing something wrong? I honestly want to know. I don’t think that I’m wrong, but if I am I want to know so I can try to fix this. This is not the first time my parents have been upset with me for not visiting as often. It’s gotten to a point where they are making snide remarks about me behind my back. I believe that I should be taking care of my own home and family first and that is what I am trying to do. I’m very upset with my parents because there seems to be such a double standard. When I was growing up we didn’t always go see my grandparent’s on Father’s Day and Mother’s Day. I would think that they would be proud of me knowing that I am happy and doing well. I would think that they would realize that as I get older and start having kids that I wouldn’t be able to spend as much time with them. Am I wrong in my thinking? I would talk to my parents about this, but they don’t want to talk this out…not unless I do what they tell me to do. Am I doing something wrong?
I get the impression that my parents feel like I should have come there since they weren’t able to come up, but the truth is that my husband and I had things we needed to take care of at hour house, plus we were going to a child’s birthday party the next day (Father’s Day) that is an hour away and we didn’t want to spend our entire weekend driving all over the place.
When I called my dad Sunday to wish him a happy Father’s Day he seemed upset and very distant. I talked to my mom first because she answered the phone. She was “pleasantly cold†towards me. I could tell she didn’t really want to talk to me. I talked to my dad for all of two minutes…it was a very short conversation and he initiated getting off the phone. Later that evening when we got home from the birthday party my stepdaughter called to wish my dad a happy Father’s Day (my husband and I were outside watering the plants). Later on my husband called to talk to my dad. He’d told me earlier to tell my dad he said hello, but wanted to personally wish him a Happy Father’s Day. My husband said my mom answered the phone and told him my dad was in the shower. I asked him how my mom sounded and he said she was sort of cold and distant. My husband asked my mom if my dad had a good day and she said he had an ok day. My husband told her that he imagines that it is hard from him since this is only his second Father’s Day without his father. My mom said, “Well, that was some of itâ€, but never elaborated on what was really wrong and my husband didn’t press the issue.
I know in my heart that my parents are upset with me because I don’t visit them as often as I use to. When I was in college and before I married I would visit them at least once a month. Even right after I got married I still managed to go see them about once a month. Over the last few years I haven’t been able to get down there as often. I work full time, I’m also going back to school, I have a stepdaughter who lives with us full time and she is active in various activities. For example, she sings in our church’s youth choir and most of the practices are on Saturday. She also plays basketball and during basketball season she almost always has practice on Saturdays too. We also have a very active 10 month old baby and my husband travels for work during the week. Our weekends consist of grocery shopping, taking our oldest daughter to her various activities, me studying, cleaning the house, yard work, etc… When we do get a free moment we want to relax in our own home. A lot of times we are completely wiped out.
Prior to my baby being born my parents rarely came to visit us. They always relied on us to come to them. My parents are not old by any means. They are both in their early 50’s, have no physical disabilities and are relatively healthy. After my daughter was born they started coming up more often. Now, I guess they are tired of coming to us and want us to come to them more often. Honestly, between our every day lives and trying to divide our time between my family and my husband’s family I just don’t see where we have the time to drive two hours one way as often as they want us to come.
I guess this is my long winded way of asking if I’m doing something wrong. Am I doing something wrong? I honestly want to know. I don’t think that I’m wrong, but if I am I want to know so I can try to fix this. This is not the first time my parents have been upset with me for not visiting as often. It’s gotten to a point where they are making snide remarks about me behind my back. I believe that I should be taking care of my own home and family first and that is what I am trying to do. I’m very upset with my parents because there seems to be such a double standard. When I was growing up we didn’t always go see my grandparent’s on Father’s Day and Mother’s Day. I would think that they would be proud of me knowing that I am happy and doing well. I would think that they would realize that as I get older and start having kids that I wouldn’t be able to spend as much time with them. Am I wrong in my thinking? I would talk to my parents about this, but they don’t want to talk this out…not unless I do what they tell me to do. Am I doing something wrong?
