Can you have a successful marriage, if you did tasted the goods B4?

[PanamasOwn]

This has been a question that has LONG, troubled me. I have a very loving, very supportive, man in my life. We have built a relationship based on trust, God, friendship and love. Most of which was established before we made love. Honestly, alot of it was for my own reasons (see masturbation and single christians thread for more information)

So now it has been 3 years that we have been together and the sounds of wedding bells I believe are ringing soon. But since we have established so much, I wanted to try to take things to another level on a spirtual basis. I wanted for us to become celibate until our wedding day, so that we can spend even more time, focusing on each other and our relationship with God. I think every couple can ALWAYS improve their relationship with God, because it is never perfect. And since we started our relationship with God being a primary source, I know nothing will tear us apart.

My question is the following: We have not done 100% everything right before the eyes of the Lord in our relationship (pre-marital sex). But surpringsly, we dont even practice it that much. (like every 3 to 4 months), Can we still have a successful and lasting marriage, despite our shortcomings? Do you know anyone else like this, or have you experienced this yourself?

 

[Southernbella.]

This has been a question that has LONG, troubled me. I have a very loving, very supportive, man in my life. We have built a relationship based on trust, God, friendship and love. Most of which was established before we made love. Honestly, alot of it was for my own reasons (see masturbation and single christians thread for more information)

So now it has been 3 years that we have been together and the sounds of wedding bells I believe are ringing soon. But since we have established so much, I wanted to try to take things to another level on a spirtual basis. I wanted for us to become celibate until our wedding day, so that we can spend even more time, focusing on each other and our relationship with God. I think every couple can ALWAYS improve their relationship with God, because it is never perfect. And since we started our relationship with God being a primary source, I know nothing will tear us apart.

My question is the following: We have not done 100% everything right before the eyes of the Lord in our relationship (pre-marital sex). But surpringsly, we dont even practice it that much. (like every 3 to 4 months), Can we still have a successful and lasting marriage, despite our shortcomings? Do you know anyone else like this, or have you experienced this yourself?

Of course you can have a successful, lasting marriage! Abstaining until marriage doesn't gaurantee a lifetime of happiness (see Simpson, Jessica). It is the way God intended, this is true, but you can't beat yourself up over mistakes you've made in the past.

The important thing is that you feel convicted now, and I think you should listen to what the Holy Spirit is telling you regarding abstinence. You do need a period of time to get before God, repent, and renew your comittment to him and each other. You need to hear from him right now. It's important for you to go into your marriage with forgiveness and a clean heart.

How do I know this? I've been there. We had both abstained for years before we got together, and temptation got the best of us. We quickly got convicted and repented and spent the rest of our engagement celibate.

Don't get me wrong...as with anything, you do reap the consequences of your actions, especially when you ignore conviction and continue to do what you want to do. But there is hope, because God always accepts us when we come to him in sincere repentence.

We don't have a perfect marriage, but we are happy and we have peace in our home. God has blessed and favored us so much that we are just completely humbled by His grace.

You will be fine. Talk to your SO and make the decision together, then get before God, repent, and ask Him to strengthen and prepare you for what is to come.

 

[Shimmie]

Lauren you gave a beautiful response and I have to agree with you.

Although I believe in and practice total abstinence, I can't condemn or frown upon a couple who has slipped and I do not believe that God does.

If we come before God with a broken spirit and a contrite heart...meaning sincere repentence, anyone can begin again. As Jesus said, 'Go and sin no more.'

Now a couple has to repent in spirit, soul and body. They not only have to 'say' it, but change the pattern of their routines and time together to 'activate' and strengthen the change. Meaning, don't put themselves in situations or act in ways that will lead them into further encounters.

"Flesh is Flesh" and once a man and woman in love with each other have 'known' each other sexually, it's a real challenge not to yield to one another again. It's a natural occurence to desire 'more'. It's no longer a temptation, for you've already yielded to such, instead it is now a natural desire that wants continuous fulfillment.

So this means, less huggies, less late nights...whatever it takes to keep you from yielding to what draws you most...the desire to love.

Save it for marriage...

 

[kbragg]

Are you two engaged? If so then I don't know if this would be considered fornication, as would a one night stand or long term relationship with no plans of marriage. The reason I say this is because a Messianic friend of mine pointed out that sex between those betrothed was never considered fornication according to Mosaic law. This is the reason why marry wasn't stoned when it was discovered she was pregnant even though her and Joseph were not yet married. They were engaged and since it was their intention to marry, it was not looked upon as a sin. Now I do however acknowlege that today's definition of engaged, and their's back then a different (an engagment back then couldn't just be broken without severe consequence). Just another perspective.

 

[HWAY]

kbragg, I've heard this explanation in the past. When I was engaged, my friend warned me to be very careful because or hearts were committed to one another and engaging in sex was a natural expression of our love.

 

[Shimmie]

Are you two engaged? If so then I don't know if this would be considered fornication, as would a one night stand or long term relationship with no plans of marriage. The reason I say this is because a Messianic friend of mine pointed out that sex between those betrothed was never considered fornication according to Mosaic law. This is the reason why marry wasn't stoned when it was discovered she was pregnant even though her and Joseph were not yet married. They were engaged and since it was their intention to marry, it was not looked upon as a sin. Now I do however acknowlege that today's definition of engaged, and their's back then a different (an engagment back then couldn't just be broken without severe consequence). Just another perspective.

Hmmmmm, I dunno...only because the engaged couple may break up and then the woman is no longer a 'virgin' or 'kept' when she meets someone later and follows through on marriage with the 'new' man in her life. The same applies to tha man who believes in the sanctity of sexual love.

A lot of couples today have taken this out of .... well, it is being used as an 'escaped' clause. In the Bible the woman was not 'uncovered' until 'after' the marriage (unless they were raped or premiscuious).

With Mary and Joseph, Mary's life was spared due to the fact that God had chosen her to carry the 'Word', meaning Jesus -- and it was a fulfillment of phophesy, that Jesus would come forth from a virgin; a woman untouched by man. Joseph completed the fulfillment of God's promise to enable Mary not be looked upon in scorn, and her 'child' looked upon as illegitimate. In accordance to the earthen rule, Joseph completed the family union as husband and father to Mary and Jesus.

Today, it would 'seem' okay for an engaged couple enteract in sexual intercourse, and many, many, many do, but they still are not officially married. Emotions can be just that strong when a couple is in love.

 

[kbragg]

Hmmmmm, I dunno...only because the engaged couple may break up and then the woman is no longer a 'virgin' or 'kept' when she meets someone later and follows through on marriage with the 'new' man in her life. The same applies to tha man who believes in the sanctity of sexual love.

A lot of couples today have taken this out of .... well, it is being used as an 'escaped' clause. In the Bible the woman was not 'uncovered' until 'after' the marriage (unless they were raped or premiscuious).

With Mary and Joseph, Mary's life was spared due to the fact that God had chosen her to carry the 'Word', meaning Jesus -- and it was a fulfillment of phophesy, that Jesus would come forth from a virgin; a woman untouched by man. Joseph completed the fulfillment of God's promise to enable Mary not be looked upon in scorn, and her 'child' looked upon as illegitimate. In accordance to the earthen rule, Joseph completed the family union as husband and father to Mary and Jesus.

Today, it would 'seem' okay for an engaged couple enteract in sexual intercourse, and many, many, many do, but they still are not officially married. Emotions can be just that strong when a couple is in love.

Oh I know, and that's why I mentioned there's a difference now than there was then. Now "engaged" doesn't mean much anymore in some circles (neither does marriage but that's another topic) but what I was saying is culturally it wasn't unfit for two people betrothed (i.e. they had a contract between parents and dowry had already been paid etc. The only way a man could renig then was if she was unfaithful, then her punishment was to be stoned - which is one of the reasons Jospeh chose to stay with Mary even before the Angel appeared to him. He wanted to protect her because he loved her even though he thought she had betrayed him). We also have to keep in mind that in Biblical times, the betrothed or engagment period often lasted for years (I real engagement not this worldly stuff lol). But in the OP's case, I would say that as long as they get married (very quickly lol) she will not be "uncovered" so to speak. It was the same law for children conceived pre marriage as well. As long as the child was born after they marriaged the child was still considered "legitimate" for lack of a better word.

 

[Shimmie]

Oh I know, and that's why I mentioned there's a difference now than there was then. Now "engaged" doesn't mean much anymore in some circles (neither does marriage but that's another topic) but what I was saying is culturally it wasn't unfit for two people betrothed (i.e. they had a contract between parents and dowry had already been paid etc. The only way a man could renig then was if she was unfaithful, then her punishment was to be stoned - which is one of the reasons Jospeh chose to stay with Mary even before the Angel appeared to him. He wanted to protect her because he loved her even though he thought she had betrayed him). We also have to keep in mind that in Biblical times, the betrothed or engagment period often lasted for years (I real engagement not this worldly stuff lol).

But in the OP's case, I would say that as long as they get married (very quickly lol) she will not be "uncovered" so to speak.

It was the same law for children conceived pre marriage as well. As long as the child was born after they marriaged the child was still considered "legitimate" for lack of a better word.

Lady K, I 'hear' you. And you speak the truth about engagements then and now.... And "K", so like you said, the rest is for another thread.

You know I was a 'member' of my mom and dad's wedding.... Full front and center I was neatly tucked warmly behind behind my mommie's belly button. My son was at my wedding too....

Lady K, I think you and I agree that our precious OP has a beautiful heart to please God, and that in itsself makes for a blessed marriage for her and her future husband. I wish them both the best that Heaven can give them as 'One'.