DH's Hair Intervention

[LadyPaniolo]

DH wants me to stop wearing weaves and wigs. But I don't think I can stop!

He doesn't often interject into these matters, but he feels he can't remain silent any longer. The first couple weaves I self installed ended up damaging my hairline really badly. The wig cap and the wig combs ripped my edges up. DH pointed out that protective styling not only takes up loads of time, but is damaging my hair over time. He's not making any demands, but he's asked me from the heart several times to stop wearing them.

He wants me to wear my natural hair in 2 buns, Princess Lea style. He suggested that I can wear bun covers that I sew from silk or heavy satin, and decorate them with beads (I love to bead) I can also use hairsticks that I make myself.

I try to go with the buns, but then the weave/wig/extensions just starts calling to me.... I think I need help!

I try to stay away from my massive stash of weaves and wigs and braiding hair, but I'm drawn to it again and again.

What to do

 

[twilight80]

DH was the same with me, he hated that I wore fake hair and I wore them to give me length and the fact that I hated my short hair. I would stop wearing them and always came back. But I when I found this site, I got the motivation that I needed to grow my own hair so one day I just threw them all out, wigs and half wigs. I didn't even keep one for emergencies like I usually did. It was hard to have to wear my own hair every day but I found that I ended up keeping it healthier by not using the wigs and weaves. You have to find a style with your natural hair that you will like. I keep mine ponytailed or single bunned. When I get the urge to weave up or to buy another wig, I take the money and treat my hair to some new products or go to the salon and get a wash and style.

 

[bravenewgirl87]

 

[bravenewgirl87]

Damn you Weaveantic, weavalicious, fauxtastic freak! x 1000

 

[LadyPaniolo]

My hair is getting long, I guess. It's BSL in back and APL at its shortest layer. But it just doesn't feel long to me... even though sometimes I wear wigs that are even shorter than my own hair.

It's also a texture thing. I kinda miss having that straightness of a relaxer now that I'm natural. I don't want to relax my hair, but I feel like maybe if I wear false hair that is straight, it will keep me away from the creamy crack.

 

[RegaLady]

Dh does not like me in wigs or weaves AT all! But, I gotta do what I gotta do for now. My hair is growing,but he strongly feels that I don't need them, to grow my hair.
Sometimes weave does make you unsatified with your real hair no matter the length and texture. My mother has natural WL hair and my sister has transitioning APL hair, and they weave and wig it up 99.9% of the time. They are still unhappy with their hair. But, at least your DH is being honest with you. Is there a way to compromise?

 

[LadyPaniolo]

I don't know if there is a good way to compromise.... either the hair is fake or it isn't.. ya know? I was thinking maybe I could wear phony ponies... but they are still phoney!

I started putting in extended cornrows, which I thought was kinda a compromise, but DH is like Why are you wearing fake hair?

I fully expect to be WL this time next year, at which time I had planned to stop wearing false hair. But I'll probably not want to stop wearing it then either, if the way I'm feeling now is any indication.

I'm glad he's not the type to want me to flat iron 3x a week. He wants me to succeed in my hair growing journey. But he just can't get with the fake hair anymore. Good thing I passed on buying that $50 wig today!

 

[LadyPaniolo]

Damn you Weaveantic, weavalicious, fauxtastic freak! x 1000

Sad but true, lol.

 

[lilsparkle825]

i tihnk if you get a good press, you will see how beautiful and LONG your real hair is and that will help some. may not cure ya, but it's a start...

 

[msa]

Lately I've been thinking of doing an intervention on myself. I'm planning on doing no fake hair in at least the first 6 months of 2009. I hope that by then I'll break myself of the habit.

I just don't like the idea that I feel so comfortable in wigs. I have no advice really, but I do know how you feel. Maybe you can do a few days in and a few days out? If you switch off a little bit he'll be ok with it.

 

[jsjess]

I have the same problem with my BF, he HATES weaves, braids, and anything that is not my hair! Did I say he HATES it?

I get applause when I take them out.

I really need a cute protective hair style to wear that looks good and professional with out weave, but I think I may be wishing for too much.

 

[PGirl]

Ya know it seems like the black guys I have dated hate weaves and wigs more than white guys. I'm single and have found that the brothers really have the biggest problem with it. It always felt a bit strange to me but white guys just really don't seem to care. It's almost like a white guy can just be secure about the hair thing and black guys get all insecure sometimes.

That is what I have noticed.

 

[Amerie123]

I currently wear weave myself for a protective style only because my hair is in that "in-between" stage. I had a short cut. And just like most of y'all, my DH HATES it.

But two things:
-Why do y'all love the weaves and wigs so much??? I honestly dislike it right along with DH. I almost feel insecure when I'm wearing them. But it gets the job done, and I am on a mission.

-Secondly, to the OP, if you do the weave/wig right, then you shouldn't have damage as you've mentioned. But I hope you and your DH can come to some agreement eventually. LOL. I just tell mine to suck it up for a few more months (which will fly by). I tell him, he will be happy in the long run.

 

[Leeda.the.Paladin]

Is he against extensions for braids etc? Maybe you could get some braids. I know a lot of people don't put weaves and wigs in the same category.

 

[lashannasmall]

Number 1: Are they good weaves? if they are only so so or okay,they may not realize how good you could look. When he talks about celebraties that he finds attractive, who does he talk about? Do they have weaves? Does their hair look anything like yours? I noticed with my husband that they girls he would like would all have long curly or straigt hair. I think it ruins their fantasy when they know the hair is not real. That brings me to point 2

Number 2: I think a lot of guys don't like the idea of a weave. If it was growing out your head they wouldn't mind. It is just the fact that they know it is not yours that bothers them. If that is the case, than they just have to get over it. That is their own garbage and has nothing to do with you.

 

[justsimply]

I would listen to him. It doesn't sound like he objects to protective styling, just the fake stuff. And according to your original post they have been damaging anyway. I would ditch the weaves/wigs and just go with protective styles to continue your growth journey. At brastrap length you should be able to find/do some pretty protective styles.

 

[justsimply]

love your animations btw. (lol)

 

[Minty]

Listen to your husband PLEASE!. I don't wear weave, but that creamy crack.....'it be giving me that itch, got me prowling the beauty supply, or Texas Beauty Supply for Vitale, and when my DH is with me, he snaps me out of it. (LOL)))

But in reality its no joking matter. Years, and I mean newlywed years ago he told me not to relax, he liked the twists better, but I complained that it took too much to deal with my ever expanding hair. On top of that, to not finish the hair in one sitting means I can't go ANYWHERE! If you ladies haven't noticed, I'm Muslim, and I can't go out with a gumby head cover.

So I put in the relaxer, but of course, I didn't take care of it and it broke to pieces and I lost all my length. Stupid me went through this process for many years. So now I'm natural again...just like he suggested.

They don't call them 'husbands' for no reason.

So love your man, and take his advice. We all need encouragement so my good hopes and a prayer go out to you cause it ain't easy.

 

[gissellr78]

I would listen to him. It doesn't sound like he objects to protective styling, just the fake stuff. And according to your original post they have been damaging anyway. I would ditch the weaves/wigs and just go with protective styles to continue your growth journey. At brastrap length you should be able to find/do some pretty protective styles.

I agree...I have never worn a weave or fake hair but if is damaging your hairline then is not protective right? it may help your growth journey

 

[CurliDiva]

I think it may be hard to stop cold turkey, but here are some sugguestions-.
**get a style that is as close as possible to your real (same color, length, texture)
**Wear your real hair out on the weekends or around the house (so you and DH can get used to it.
**Learn how to pamper and style your real hair (if you're unhappy you will be tempted to back)
***And like someone else mention - throw them ALL away!
Good luck

 

[naturalmanenyc]

You can stop. I was able to stop after DH asked. He saw my hair (between weaves) and realized that it was APL - which he thought was really long. HAH! He knows better now but I have stopped weaving, am transitioning to natural and even did a mini chop.

18 months ago nobody could have told me that I'd be natural and not weaving.

DH does not wigs but he deals with them for the moment. He understands that there is a goal in mind and that I cannot whip my hair into a straight style in 5 minutes with my natural hair - more like 2 hours.

 

[sunshinelady]

Your DH knows what bun covers are? And, that they could be lined with satin and beads???? Really?