Getting the courage to go natural

Discussion in 'Hair Care Tips & Product Review Discussion' started by VelvetRain, Jul 6, 2010.

  1. VelvetRain

    VelvetRain Well-Known Member

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    Just how do you do this? I have been struggling with my desire for sometime now but can never quite take the plunge. Sometimes I feel I am locked in some sort of relaxer prison where I just can't get out the routine. Every 10 weeks I am back sitting in the chair again.

    My mom has been natural for a little over a year. Her hair was breaking from all the chemical abuse with colors and was thinning. She has been wearing human hair wigs for the last year and has a decent size afro going on under it that she keeps braided. Haven't seen my mom in close to a year until I flew back home a few weeks ago. She asked me to do her hair and would you know she has the most cutest little coils and curls once it all got wet. Our hair types are pretty much the same. Fine 4a strands. I see evidence of this in my own hair once I get to 10 weeks before I get it relaxed. Once it dried it was a different story. It was a huge puffball. Combing/parting her hair was out of the question. This experience alone made me rethink once again if it was going to be a good idea for me. If anything I am really afraid of the unknown.
     
  2. BEAUTYU2U

    BEAUTYU2U Well-Known Member

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    I wanted to go natural when I was 15, decided to do it when I graduated high school and moved to college - didn't happen - then I really did do it when I was 20. Sometimes it feels like a wasted five years but I guess it took me that long to be completely sure I was ready. More than anything I was worried about how people would act towards me and the short length - not so much the texture change. I kept my hair is short, relaxed cuts and I think that got me mentally prepared for the natural BC.

    HTH ... I may have been rambling. :spinning:
     
  3. chrisanddonniesmommy

    chrisanddonniesmommy New Member

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    After 21 years of relaxing, I just said to myself, "Boink that! I'm in my thirties and I'm doing it for me and no one else." I escaped the prison and now scaling the walls over to natural land. Look in the mirror and ask yourself what is best for you. Go from there. Baby steps are perfectly fine.
     
  4. tHENATuRALhAiRpRoJEcT

    tHENATuRALhAiRpRoJEcT Well-Known Member

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  5. VelvetRain

    VelvetRain Well-Known Member

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    Thanks ladies for your encouragement. At least whatever I decide to do in the end there are kind folks here who are supportive. Each time I dare mention something folks are like why would you want to do that. Honestly I care less of what folks think but concerned if this is something I can manage and still look halfway decent.
     
    Last edited: Jul 6, 2010
  6. BEAUTYU2U

    BEAUTYU2U Well-Known Member

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    Judging by your signature pic ... you would ALWAYS look at least half way decent (lol) I don't think you're the type to let yourself go (lol) :yep:
     
  7. Relentless

    Relentless Reinventing Staff Member

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    I am giving going natural a try myself. My hair is about 3 to 4 inches from Bra Strap length. You're not alone. There is a wealth of information here on sisters going natural. We can do it. Babysteps...
     
  8. Nali1987

    Nali1987 New Member

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    It was pretty easy for me. I just woke up, saw my damaged relaxed hair and decided to go natural. Transitioned for about two months maybe? And then bought scissors and cut it all off. No 'aha'-moment, no opening skies lol. I wasn't really bothered about what people would think, honestly. But the response has been positive. My friends/family love my little coils. Somedays I wake up with dry-hard-pillow-hair-afro that feels like straw but I'm learning a lot about my hair and that's happening less and less.
     
  9. QueenNefi

    QueenNefi Well-Known Member

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    I did it for one year just to give my hair a chemical break. I also wanted to know what my natural hair looked and felt like after so many years of using chemicals. I had reservations because I did not know what to expect. Here is what I did and what I suggest- try wigs, twist and braids just to get you comforatble with the transition. While your hair grows out you can look at it on wash days and decied if you want to go in that direction. Good luck.
     
  10. YaniraNaturally

    YaniraNaturally WL-HL???

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    My motivation came from my desire to join the peace corps after I graduate college. I don't know where I'll end up and I don't want to be screwed just because I can't have my mom to relax my hair.

    Also the more I thought about it, the more I longed to see my natural hair. So after about a day or two of thinking I decided to transition (against my moms wishes). I'm almost 14 weeks post now :yahoo:
     
  11. libertysince05

    libertysince05 New Member

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    fear of the unknown...
    1.did you always know how to treat relaxed hair?
    2.have you been learning and discovering new things about hair care as your life progresses?

    with natural hair you will go through the same processses of not knowing in the beginning and learning as you go along.
    Do what is best for you, but dont allow fear to cloud your judgement.
     
  12. Sequoia

    Sequoia Active Member

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    Well, start doing research so the unknown isn't so scary. There are some really good natural blogs, YouTube and, of course, this forum has a lot of info. Find out about different ways of transitioning, how to take care of two textures, detangling properly, how to keep your natural hair moisturized and different ways of styling natural hair.

    Also, think about why you want to be natural and start planning how you are going to get there. How long do you want to transition for? BC or long term? And check out the Transitioner's support thread becaue you're def not alone- the ladies are very supportive --> New *2010* Transitioners Support Thread!
     
  13. lovelexi

    lovelexi New Member

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    I think thats it right there. Im feeling the same way. I want to go natural but I dont think Im ready for the challenge for me to get there. Hopefully after some research you make the decision thats best for you.
     
  14. Curlykale

    Curlykale New Member

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    Whatever you decide, keep in mind that the "big chop" is not mandatory.

    I wasn't brave, and there was a first year when I had no idea about what to do with my hair, which was long and relaxed. I just didn't want to relax it, but it wasn't a decision.
    So I bunned with soft satin scrunchies for a year keeping my hair conditioned. I bunned all the time and forgot about it for a while, using a lot of conditioner and DC and keeping my hair moisturized. I forgot the "why do you bun all the time" comments and I got information. I chopped the relaxed part only when the length was enough to keep bunning and I experimented with styles and products when I was at home.
    I couldn't have "suddenly big chopped" for this reason: I prefer my face with a bun than with short hair and I wanted to feel "in control" with or without products as well as able to change my mind. I needed to take my time and study the situation slowly.
     
    Last edited: Jul 6, 2010
  15. Janet'

    Janet' Well-Known Member

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    I agree, I was a long term transitioner because I wanted to retain as much length as possible...For me going natural was traumatic enough...to go natural AND lose all my length would've been too much of a drastic change.
     
  16. BostonMaria

    BostonMaria Well-Known Member

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    I am 3B/3C and if I let my hair dry without the right products or moisturizers my hair will too become one big puff ball. Once my hair is dry not even Moses can part it LMAO.... BUT you cannot do with curly hair what you can do with straight hair. With that being said, I make sure to add the correct amount of products, style my hair and then leave it alone. My hair responds to this instead and it stays put all day. The way I see it, it took me years to figure out my relaxed hair and how to take care of it so I had to realize it would take me a while to learn how to take care of my thick, natural hair. As you transition you will learn knew techniques, then that goes out the window LOL Then its off to learning how to do your natural hair, but its so much fun. I'm glad I didn't transition with wigs because it gave me the opportunity to learn what it could do AND not do.

    BTW it took me YEARS to make the decision to transition. Mostly because I didn't want short hair. The only regret I have now is not doing this sooner. Good luck!
     
  17. LadyRaider

    LadyRaider Well-Known Member

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    I'm with you on the puffball thing.
    I was here one day knowing I was about to cut my relaxed ends off finally. But I did a test.

    My hair in the back is all natural. Cute curls while wet. I put in a leave in moisturizer and then left it alone. When the area dried, it was just a poofy cloud.

    What happened to my curls? :(

    Anyway... that experiment slowed down my quest to cut my hair. I'm definitely going to skip relaxers, but I'm deciding whether I want to be heat straight or curly right now.
     
  18. Ms Lala

    Ms Lala Well-Known Member

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    I think it is great that you are even considering the idea of giving up relaxers. If you do make the decision maybe you should transition for a while and not BC right away. Now I"m going to be really honest with you, if you are "going natural" with the hopes that you'll have a particular texture or that you'll have cute curls and coils as you put it, it may not be a good decision for you right now. If you are not willing to work with whatever texture grows out of your head it may not be the time for you to stop relaxing. You cannot control how your hair is going to turn out. I've just seen too many people end up disappointed because they were hoping for Tracy Ellis Ross hair and ended up w/an Angela Davis fro. I think both are beautiful personally. :yep: I'm not trying to discourage you but I've just seen it too many times where ladies go back to relaxing or end up flat ironing all the time because they don't like their texture. I guess in the end if you don't like it you can always relax again. I do hope that you make the decision to give it a try though. I love my natural hair. To get over the fear I would say check out sites like going-natural or some of the natural ladies blogs and fotkis on here to the wide variety of styles that are possible w/natural hair.
     
  19. Anew

    Anew New Member

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    I went natural when I was ready to. I never fought the feeling. I knew I was ready the day after my last relaxer, I regret ever doing that. I was 6 months into my transition and I had to start all over.

    Good luck!
     
  20. Whimsy

    Whimsy Well-Known Member

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    In order to go and stay natural you really have to make the decision and stick to it.

    To go natural, you have to have a deep desire to wear your hair in it's natural state. IMO if you just want a change, or want to experiment or just wanna see what it's like, you may go natural, but not stay natural.

    Most importantly is the mental transition. IMO women run back to the relaxer becaue they haven't transitioned their minds into believing that their natural curlskinkscoils are the way their hair is SUPPOSED to look. Because for years they believed that onced the curlskinkscoils started to show too much, it's time to go straighten them out chemically.

    Once you're able to embrace what comes out of your head naturally, it's a lot easier to stay natural.

    It can be hard, but IMO it's worth it.
     
  21. CherryCherryBoomBoom

    CherryCherryBoomBoom New Member

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    I just got fed up with relaxers, plus, there's too much risks of damage, and they seem more fuss than they're worth (for me anyway), so I just decided not to bother getting them anymore. Flat irons and weaves are good alternatives to straight hair, so I just use them occasionally. Plus, afros are hot, and natural hair is just more versatile :D
     
  22. BostonMaria

    BostonMaria Well-Known Member

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    I agree 100% with the bolded. If you're not ready to accept your natural hair then you will be frustrated and not be ready to let go of the relaxed ends. I look completely different with my curly hair than I do with straight hair. I had to embrace both looks and realize that neither define who I am. I absolutely love my natural hair, but I had to embrace the frizz and deal with the things it cannot do. Hang in there though, maybe you will come around if you transition for a long time.
     
  23. Charz

    Charz Sinister Minister

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    If you need to muster courage to take the Natural plunge, don't do it.

    This is not like trying to get courage to bungee jump or to skydive. These activities only last a few minutes and are over quickly.

    Being natural can be a lifetime or atleast long term commitment.
     
  24. Whimsy

    Whimsy Well-Known Member

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    I disagree, you can perm again at any time.
     
  25. Charz

    Charz Sinister Minister

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    I clarified that it can be a long term commitment, thus giving the possibilty of relaxing again.



    I see stories of people doing the BC and then hating the length of their hair, having a bad experience, relaxing and never wanting to do it again. I think that you need the proper mindset to be able to do the natural gig successfully.
     
  26. Bublin

    Bublin Well-Known Member

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    You sound like the perfect candidate for a long term transition. Almost 1 year in all of my hair 'acts' natural and i treat it all as if its natural and i have length to play with. BCing is a big step - i've done it before and i hated it.
    Besides you can always straighten during your transition until you get to a length ur happy with.
    .
     
  27. Keen

    Keen Well-Known Member

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    I can totally relate to the OP. I can't imaging how many times I've contemplated going natural. My friends and sisters ignore me now when I mention it.
     
  28. sungtongs

    sungtongs New Member

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    I just realized one day that burns, bald spots, and thin hair weren't doing ANYTHING for me.

    I also had the problem of trying to transition/stretch and just ending back up in my bathroom with a $5 box of relaxer. The solution? Quitting cold turkey and big cutting with no NG. That way, by the time i'd "need" a relaxer, I'd be used to not getting them anymore/the ease of wash and gos.
     
  29. ladysaraii

    ladysaraii Well-Known Member

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    This is exactly why I'm long term transitioning. I needed time to really decide if its what I wanted and if I changed my mind, I wouldn't have lost my hair.

    PLus I dont like short hair so a BC was out
     

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