Hair comment that made me think

[Blackbird77]

Last night I was talking to a white friend of mine. She has shoulder length fine hair. She was telling me that she has never had hair longer than the length she currently wears. And she also told me something else - that she was wearing extensions! I had heard some ladies on this board mention that white women sometimes admit to having problems growing long hair but this is the first time I've actually encountered that. At the end of the conversation she resolved herself to having fine, shoulder-length hair by saying, "Well, it's just hair." In other words, there are so many other things that could have gone wrong in her life besides that. And I thought to myself that I'd been spending the last 8-9 years obsessing about growing BSL or MBL hair and wearing phony ponies to the point of never really enjoying my own hair.

My hair appears to be between APL and BSL when stretched but flat-ironed looks not much longer than between SL and BSL. It seems very disappointing to be doing all that hard work with no real results because my hair is very fine and split ends are the devil. So it seems that no matter what I do, I keep getting cheated out of length. Before I talked to my friend I had already resolved to wearing braids off and on so that I can keep my hands out of my hair and perhaps not concentrate on it so much. I guess I'm going to have to do a leave-it-alone challenge as well as the bootcamp 2008 challenge. I figure if a white girl is struggling with the same thing I'm going through and has very straight not-curling-up-with-humidity-hair and still has a problem growing it long, then I'm going to have to be a little more patient and revise the way I comb my hair. I think I'll go back to not combing it at all or not combing it all the way through to the ends. I always thought that the straighter the hair, the less of a problem breakage would be when combing it. I guess I was wrong.erplexed

 

[PittiPat]

I feel your pain, BB77. Look at how long I've been here and my hair is still at raggedy shoulder length. This alopecia is killing me, and sometimes I feel like I just can't win. But like you stated, things could be worse than just my hair. So, I'm thankful for that.

 

[ladylibra]

see it's not just my old roommate... y'all thought i was making it up.. LOL

we've all just gotta find what works best for us.

 

[Cleve_gryl]

Well, IMHO if it was "just hair" and didn't have that much importance to us as women....why the extensions?

 

[ladylibra]

^^^prolly just her way of blowing it off... like if you're underpaid at your job and don't have a lot of disposable income so you kinda complain about it to a friend and then say, "oh well, it's only money..."

 

[graCeful_89]

Yeah, at first I thought that black hair just didn't grow. But as I got older and ran into more and more women (white, asian, spanish) that weren't really able to grow their hair past a certain length, I knew that it was just a matter of taking care of your hair. If you all hadn't noticed, Paris Hilton JUST started wearing her real hair again. She had that pixie cut back in 03/04 and it never seemed to grow back. She always had extentions. Mmhmm,

 

[Blackbird77]

Well, IMHO if it was "just hair" and didn't have that much importance to us as women....why the extensions?

I think she was wearing them for thickness since it's so thin. I guess she wanted to acheive a certain hairstyle but it was too thin to do what she wanted it to do. She needed to do a certain style so I guess she figured she could always buy some.

 

[Blackbird77]

^^^prolly just her way of blowing it off... like if you're underpaid at your job and don't have a lot of disposable income so you kinda complain about it to a friend and then say, "oh well, it's only money..."

Yeah, that's exactly how she said it! That's her way of dealing with it.

 

[mscocoface]

I live in California and the many of the white women I see have more tracks than you can imagine.

It is so common here for them to wear them. I am sure there are many reasons they are worn, but I see more for length than anything else.

 

[InnerSoul]

when you get right down to it... it is just hair. So many people take it for granted and then I am constantly reminded about it when I interact with people fighting for their lives from cancer... and they lose their hair. It wakes me up real quick. Even people who suffer from alopecia. Hair does grow back from when we damage it(usually) but not always from incurable diseases that we have no control over.

 

[Traycee]

I live in California and the many of the white women I see have more tracks than you can imagine.

It is so common here for them to wear them. I am sure there are many reasons they are worn, but I see more for length than anything else.

You so telling the truth...I live in Southern Cali too and I see more white, Asian, and Spanish with weaves than sista's !!!

 

[Blackbird77]

when you get right down to it... it is just hair. So many people take it for granted and then I am constantly reminded about it when I interact with people fighting for their lives from cancer... and they lose their hair. It wakes me up real quick. Even people who suffer from alopecia. Hair does grow back from when we damage it(usually) but not always from incurable diseases that we have no control over.

That's true, I agree. I have a friend my age in Buffalo who has alopecia and has to wear a wig. That was the first time I thought about my struggle to grow longer hair. I had to think about how fortunate it is for me to have hair at all when there are people out there who don't have any due to medical reasons.

 

[Country gal]

see it's not just my old roommate... y'all thought i was making it up.. LOL

we've all just gotta find what works best for us.

Yes and be happy at the stage we are at. I get discouraged too sometimes because I just feel stuck between sl and apl. I want longer hair.

 

[Hair Iam]

I guess because I'm here in a predominantly white society(thought that's changing every day, only a Canadian in Toronto would know what I mean) I hear and see a lot of wait women who are unable to grow past shoulder. It's more common than you may think.

 

[Lovelylocs]

Did you offer her some treatments, like protein?

 

[Lovelylocs]

That's true, I agree. I have a friend my age in Buffalo who has alopecia and has to wear a wig. That was the first time I thought about my struggle to grow longer hair. I had to think about how fortunate it is for me to have hair at all when there are people out there who don't have any due to medical reasons.

Yeah. Alopecia makes me sad. On the same note, since I am so fortunate to have hair, I might as well take extra extra good care of it.

 

[Blackbird77]

Did you offer her some treatments, like protein?

No, we were really talking about something else and kinda just touched on the subject. She just mentioned the problems she had with her hair to another woman and I just hijacked the conversation to sympathize. It was almost like a convo on the run.

 

[naturalgurl]

This is why I focus solely on the health of my hair and not the length. Hair breaks and fall out, but if it's healthy I don't think no one notices the length.

 

[ajoyfuljoy]

This is why I focus solely on the health of my hair and not the length. Hair breaks and fall out, but if it's healthy I don't think no one notices the length.

Good point! I loved my hair at chin/neck length b/c my hair cut was fierce!

Now I'm just about APL and I'm sick of my hair! I think I need a haircut, lol!

 

[~~HoneyComb~~]

What is your friend's hair regime? Don't forget that some caucasian women blow-dry daily and/or flatiron, not to mention harsh hair colors, esp. blonde. These type of things could be a reason why her hair isn't progressing. I worked with a Caucasian woman for 2 years and her hair was the same length (shoulder length) but she flat-ironed just about everyday. Rarely she wore her natural texture (2a or 2b) and her wavy hair, to me, looked so much better than the flat-ironed hair. During this time my hair went from chin length to past shoulder length, but I wasn't doing the heat or dyes because some folks hair just can't handle all that. Sometimes what you do to your hair might stiffle the growth erplexed.

 

[Nightingale]

My white teammate complained aboutnot being able to grow her hair past her shoulders. It looks healthy, but she has 3a hair she always wears straight and she colors her hair often.

 

[youwillrise]

My hair appears to be between APL and BSL when stretched but flat-ironed looks not much longer than between SL and BSL.

yeah...when i stretch my hair with my hands, it's pretty much APL

but when i've flat ironed...it looks SL (i have to pull it down to see/show that it's APL)

but yeah...it is just hair. i love taking care of mine and learning new things about it...and i can get obsessive about it sometimes, honestly...but you know...

 

[ClassicBeauty]

One of my white classmates from law school could not get her hair below her shoulders and it was extremely thin. She used to ask me for advice on how to get her hair long and thick like mine.

I also know another younger white girl who wanted to give her hair to locks of love, but she couldn't get it past her shoulders. Black women are not the only ones who have difficulty sometimes. I honestly believe we wouldn't have so many problems if we didn't use so many chemicals, heat and grease/bad products on our hair. (Don't hate me for my opoinion.)

 

[Blackbird77]

What is your friend's hair regime? Don't forget that some caucasian women blow-dry daily and/or flatiron, not to mention harsh hair colors, esp. blonde. These type of things could be a reason why her hair isn't progressing. I worked with a Caucasian woman for 2 years and her hair was the same length (shoulder length) but she flat-ironed just about everyday. Rarely she wore her natural texture (2a or 2b) and her wavy hair, to me, looked so much better than the flat-ironed hair. During this time my hair went from chin length to past shoulder length, but I wasn't doing the heat or dyes because some folks hair just can't handle all that. Sometimes what you do to your hair might stiffle the growth erplexed.

I think it's mainly wash and go. I asked her if she flat irons and she says no. Her hair is so straight that it dries straight after washing. She doesn't use chemicals and after a bad dye job last year she's not doing this anymore either, it appears.

 

[Fine 4s]

Last night I was talking to a white friend of mine. She has shoulder length fine hair. She was telling me that she has never had hair longer than the length she currently wears. And she also told me something else - that she was wearing extensions! I had heard some ladies on this board mention that white women sometimes admit to having problems growing long hair but this is the first time I've actually encountered that. At the end of the conversation she resolved herself to having fine, shoulder-length hair by saying, "Well, it's just hair." In other words, there are so many other things that could have gone wrong in her life besides that. And I thought to myself that I'd been spending the last 8-9 years obsessing about growing BSL or MBL hair and wearing phony ponies to the point of never really enjoying my own hair.

My hair appears to be between APL and BSL when stretched but flat-ironed looks not much longer than between SL and BSL. It seems very disappointing to be doing all that hard work with no real results because my hair is very fine and split ends are the devil. So it seems that no matter what I do, I keep getting cheated out of length. Before I talked to my friend I had already resolved to wearing braids off and on so that I can keep my hands out of my hair and perhaps not concentrate on it so much. I guess I'm going to have to do a leave-it-alone challenge as well as the bootcamp 2008 challenge. I figure if a white girl is struggling with the same thing I'm going through and has very straight not-curling-up-with-humidity-hair and still has a problem growing it long, then I'm going to have to be a little more patient and revise the way I comb my hair. I think I'll go back to not combing it at all or not combing it all the way through to the ends. I always thought that the straighter the hair, the less of a problem breakage would be when combing it. I guess I was wrong.erplexed

Is she your measuring stick? If so, why?

 

[lunabelle]

^^^prolly just her way of blowing it off... like if you're underpaid at your job and don't have a lot of disposable income so you kinda complain about it to a friend and then say, "oh well, it's only money..."

Exactly...oh she cares.

 

[SparklingFlame]

see it's not just my old roommate... y'all thought i was making it up.. LOL

we've all just gotta find what works best for us.

I remember you talking about that and I got scared!!

 

[cheeks87]

What is your friend's hair regime? Don't forget that some caucasian women blow-dry daily and/or flatiron, not to mention harsh hair colors, esp. blonde. These type of things could be a reason why her hair isn't progressing.

Most of the white girls I know do this. It astounds me. And most of them don't even seem to have damage from doing this. It's like their hair is made out of steel or something. They're blow-drying soaking wet hair for 30 minutes on the highest setting w no heat protectant every single morning and have shiny BSL hair. So unfair.

 

[Blackbird77]

Is she your measuring stick? If so, why?

No. She often complains about her fine hair, and that is something we both have in common. The conversation wasn't about length, it was about thickness and damage due to chemicals. She wishes she had thick hair like the rest of her family and since we were on the topic I simply asked her if she was flat ironing it, thinking that could be contributing to it.

I've found that using a white woman as a measuring stick isn't very productive when growing out my hair. Now I often try to get similar results when I see a black woman with a length that I want. That would be the only time I do the "measuring stick" thing. Since she had the same frustrations with fine hair, I wanted to reassure her that she wasn't the only person dealing with that problem. The conversation didn't go anywhere other than fine hair. Besides, she has trouble getting it to the length that I have so I don't need to use hers as a guide.

By my comment that you had in bold, I was saying generally that women with straight hair (mostly white) often have no problems growing long hair because they have no coils and bends that are potential weak spots that hinder growth in the same amount of time that 4as/bs do. Since she has this problem with stick-straight hair, it made me realize that I need to enjoy my journey instead of just focusing on the end result. It gave me a greater appreciation for what I have and that I don't need to rush things. Had this woman been a black woman with type 1 hair I would have said the same thing. But I don't know any or spoke to any personally with this type hair so I couldn't use a black woman as an example.

I said all that to say this: bone straight hair doesn't necessarily grow any faster/better than coily hair. That's all it made me realize.

 

[Fine 4s]

No. She often complains about her fine hair, and that is something we both have in common. The conversation wasn't about length, it was about thickness and damage due to chemicals. She wishes she had thick hair like the rest of her family and since we were on the topic I simply asked her if she was flat ironing it, thinking that could be contributing to it.

I've found that using a white woman as a measuring stick isn't very productive when growing out my hair. Now I often try to get similar results when I see a black woman with a length that I want. That would be the only time I do the "measuring stick" thing. Since she had the same frustrations with fine hair, I wanted to reassure her that she wasn't the only person dealing with that problem. The conversation didn't go anywhere other than fine hair. Besides, she has trouble getting it to the length that I have so I don't need to use hers as a guide.

By my comment that you had in bold, I was saying generally that women with straight hair (mostly white) often have no problems growing long hair because they have no coils and bends that are potential weak spots that hinder growth in the same amount of time that 4as/bs do. Since she has this problem with stick-straight hair, it made me realize that I need to enjoy my journey instead of just focusing on the end result. It gave me a greater appreciation for what I have and that I don't need to rush things. Had this woman been a black woman with type 1 hair I would have said the same thing. But I don't know any or spoke to any personally with this type hair so I couldn't use a black woman as an example.

I said all that to say this: bone straight hair doesn't necessarily grow any faster/better than coily hair. That's all it made me realize.

Amen to that!