How do you know if a Church is the right church for you?

[longhairby2010]

For about 6 months now Ive been going to an independent fundamentalist Baptist church (which I just realized that is what you call this kind of church). Now when I first began going to this church I noticed that all the women wore dresses and that they were not allowed to talk during the sermon. It bothered me a little bit but I didn't really pay much attention to it because I felt the pastor was a good preacher. Then recently I was at one of the church members house and she answered her husband yes sir. So after that I've been kind of scared and unsure about whether this is the right church for me and what did I get myself into. All in all the members are very nice to my daughter and I. But Im unsure if can live this way and I dont want to feel like GOD is upset with me for not wearing a long dress every day and for being an unwed mother. I also feel offended when they make jokes about Liberals and Barack Obama. ( currently I live in one of the whitest states in the U.S.) Also this church has a bus which picks people up on Sunday mornings for church. On Wednesday and Sunday night service another church member brings me and my daughter to church. So my point is I dont have to worry about getting to church and using gas, being that I am on a fixed income. So It will be hard for me to attend a church in which I will have to drive to. There is another church in a town 15min away from me in which I got saved at, but Im unsure I will have gas to get there 3x a week. A friend of mine her aunt goes to a black church in a town which is 40min away, and I can meet her at her house but im worried about gas. Also that friend and aren't talking anymore so im unsure if she will give me her aunts # So I really like the church but am unsure if I can or want to adapt to their standards of living and thinking, especially in regards how they think a woman should be. I've been trying to pray to GOD about helping me find the right church but have not gotten word form him yet! During this time I feel myself becoming scared of this church because they seem almost cult like to me. I dont know if thats the devil telling me this or if GOD really wants me to adapt this kind of lifestyle. I know Im rambling on but im really scared because im unsure about what to do. I do know one thing that I need to be in church 3x a week which is the only way im going to survive the stress im going through and grow in my faith. Please pray for me and give any ideas.

 

[HeChangedMyName]

For me, what was true was that when I first went to my church, I felt at home. I didn't know a single person there, but I felt like God had led me there, and I had an attachment to all the people there. It felt just like home. Now as far as the beliefs that you are talking about. I can't say if it is right or wrong. I know some people stick very strictly with the roles of women in the church and have scriptural back-up for it, however, Jesus said to come as you are. At my own church we don't have a dress code(just not to wear anything distracting, i.e. If you walk out the door thinking how hot and sexy you look, then you probably shouldn't wear that outfit to church). As far as transportation, I feel you on that. gas will keep you from a lot of things, including church. I would say to pray about the situation and ask God if this is the church for you. Also know that God accepts you and loves you regardless of being an unwed mother(((Mary was pregnant and unwed before God revealed to Joseph to go ahead and marry her))). As far as adapting your lifestyle, just make sure that any changes you make, are directly from the Bible. No need to adopt a man made belief that is being masked as religion. Be careful about doing anything that makes you uncomfortable. and keep praying.

 

[NGraceO]

For me, what was true was that when I first went to my church, I felt at home. I didn't know a single person there, but I felt like God had led me there, and I had an attachment to all the people there. It felt just like home. Now as far as the beliefs that you are talking about. I can't say if it is right or wrong. I know some people stick very strictly with the roles of women in the church and have scriptural back-up for it, however, Jesus said to come as you are. At my own church we don't have a dress code(just not to wear anything distracting, i.e. If you walk out the door thinking how hot and sexy you look, then you probably shouldn't wear that outfit to church). As far as transportation, I feel you on that. gas will keep you from a lot of things, including church. I would say to pray about the situation and ask God if this is the church for you. Also know that God accepts you and loves you regardless of being an unwed mother(((Mary was pregnant and unwed before God revealed to Joseph to go ahead and marry her))). As far as adapting your lifestyle, just make sure that any changes you make, are directly from the Bible. No need to adopt a man made belief that is being masked as religion. Be careful about doing anything that makes you uncomfortable. and keep praying.

Exactly. Thats how I feel at my church home also. Its just home. period. Also, I think the fact tht you're having all these objections to the church may be a sign, however, I can't be the one to judge, God has the last say in that. In asking God for this answer, seek Him with ALL your heart. This is a very serious matter, so maybe you should consider some fasting and praying. Just a few suggestions. HTH, God Bless, and I'm praying for you!!!!

 

[longhairby2010]

Thank you both, your feedback helped clear my mind on this issue. I just need to continue to pray on this matter, and in the meantime visit other churches.

 

[crlsweetie912]

For me, what was true was that when I first went to my church, I felt at home. I didn't know a single person there, but I felt like God had led me there, and I had an attachment to all the people there. It felt just like home. Now as far as the beliefs that you are talking about. I can't say if it is right or wrong. I know some people stick very strictly with the roles of women in the church and have scriptural back-up for it, however, Jesus said to come as you are. At my own church we don't have a dress code(just not to wear anything distracting, i.e. If you walk out the door thinking how hot and sexy you look, then you probably shouldn't wear that outfit to church). As far as transportation, I feel you on that. gas will keep you from a lot of things, including church. I would say to pray about the situation and ask God if this is the church for you. Also know that God accepts you and loves you regardless of being an unwed mother(((Mary was pregnant and unwed before God revealed to Joseph to go ahead and marry her))). As far as adapting your lifestyle, just make sure that any changes you make, are directly from the Bible. No need to adopt a man made belief that is being masked as religion. Be careful about doing anything that makes you uncomfortable. and keep praying.

CO SIGNING!
For me there was NO DOUBT from the first moment. I don't even remember how it came to be. It just fell into place. Trust and belive that God will MAKE A WAY if the other church is for you. All you need to do is step out on faith. He has your way already made. Don't worry and just TRUST in HIS plan.

 

[Caramela]

I just sat here and typed out a really long message and then my computer timed out and I lost it. I have to try to remember what I wrote because it was a lot!

You said 2 things that really concern me:
#1- is you don't know if you can or want to adapt to their standards of living
- and -
#2 - is you have prayed to God but haven't gotten an answer yet

Regardless of which congregation God leads you to you never want to adapt to their standards of living. The only standard of living you need to concern yourself with is God's standard of living. And to find out what is pleasing and acceptable in His sight, you only need to consult the word of God, the bible.
Is the congregation doing something that contridicts the word of God? Women are supposed to submit to and respect their husbands, so a woman saying Yes Sir to her husband isn't an automatic sign that something is wrong. I'd honestly be MORE concerned if you saw her roll her eyes or cuss him out than simply saying "yes sir"... further, yes, as a Christian you aren't supposed to have all your assets hanging out... you are suppposed to dress not conforming to the world so I'm not sure if that constitutes this being a cult either. I think what it boils down to is , what are you being taught? Is leadership at your congregation teaching you according to the word of God? Are they believing, practicing, teaching, and preaching God's inspired word?
Basically, is the problem what's being taught? Or is the problem the person that's being taught?
Stop worrying about what the people may think of you being an unwed mother. If you have repented of your ways (ie you've stopped fornicating) and have moved on to do God's will, then only God can know your heart. These people have no Heaven or Hell to put you in.
And lastly, while praying to God for an answer is fine, sometimes the answer is right in the bible. We can sometimes seek answers that we already have if we'd just open the bible. Cross reference what you are being taught with the bible. If it lines up then the congregation is performing in a way that is acceptable to God. (You don't have to want to do it, you don't have to like it, you don't have to accept it. But if you want to please God, then you will do what his word says.) If it doesn't line up, then that's trouble.
To answer your question of how I knew I was in the right place, is simple. It was the word of God. It was being preached and practiced and it was given to me according to the bible and not according to the traditions of man.
You don't want to stay in a congregation out of convenience (ie, not having to put out money for gas) ... that may conveniently end you up somewhere you don't want to be, and cost you more than you're willing to pay.
ETA - There are some things I see that I would be concerned with regarding your congregation but this is a personal decision and I pray with God's help you make the right one!

 

[Caramela]

I know some people stick very strictly with the roles of women in the church and have scriptural back-up for it, however, Jesus said to come as you are.

I agree with "come as you are"... but that doesn't mean you have to STAY as you are.

 

[firecracker]

From what you posted that church is the church for you sweetie. Stay strong in prayer.

 

[LivingDoll]

For about 6 months now Ive been going to an independent fundamentalist Baptist church (which I just realized that is what you call this kind of church). Now when I first began going to this church I noticed that all the women wore dresses and that they were not allowed to talk during the sermon. It bothered me a little bit but I didn't really pay much attention to it because I felt the pastor was a good preacher. Then recently I was at one of the church members house and she answered her husband yes sir. So after that I've been kind of scared and unsure about whether this is the right church for me and what did I get myself into. All in all the members are very nice to my daughter and I. But Im unsure if can live this way and I dont want to feel like GOD is upset with me for not wearing a long dress every day and for being an unwed mother. I also feel offended when they make jokes about Liberals and Barack Obama. ( currently I live in one of the whitest states in the U.S.) Also this church has a bus which picks people up on Sunday mornings for church. On Wednesday and Sunday night service another church member brings me and my daughter to church. So my point is I dont have to worry about getting to church and using gas, being that I am on a fixed income. So It will be hard for me to attend a church in which I will have to drive to. There is another church in a town 15min away from me in which I got saved at, but Im unsure I will have gas to get there 3x a week. A friend of mine her aunt goes to a black church in a town which is 40min away, and I can meet her at her house but im worried about gas. Also that friend and aren't talking anymore so im unsure if she will give me her aunts # So I really like the church but am unsure if I can or want to adapt to their standards of living and thinking, especially in regards how they think a woman should be. I've been trying to pray to GOD about helping me find the right church but have not gotten word form him yet! During this time I feel myself becoming scared of this church because they seem almost cult like to me. I dont know if thats the devil telling me this or if GOD really wants me to adapt this kind of lifestyle. I know Im rambling on but im really scared because im unsure about what to do. I do know one thing that I need to be in church 3x a week which is the only way im going to survive the stress im going through and grow in my faith. Please pray for me and give any ideas.

What you described does sound like a cult. You will know the right church for you because it will feel like home. You will know, believe me. I believe the doubt is God working through you. I think you should call the other church (the one you were saved at) and see if they have transportation for the congregation. If they don't I suggest you contact the pastor and let he/she know of your desire to attend. I'm certain the pastor will help you find a way even if it means picking you up himself.

Be encouraged!

 

[Ms.Honey]

You pray and ask God and He will tell you.

 

[longhairby2010]

Thank you ladies for your replies, they helped me a lot. I have decided to go to two churches now (is this wrong?). Every other Sunday I'll be going to the church that is 15min away, and the next Sunday I'll be going to the church that I discussed on this thread. For some reason I feel guilty and a sense of excitement, when I go to the church which is 15min away.

 

[LivingDoll]

Thank you ladies for your replies, they helped me a lot. I have decided to go to two churches now (is this wrong?). Every other Sunday I'll be going to the church that is 15min away, and the next Sunday I'll be going to the church that I discussed on this thread. For some reason I feel guilty and a sense of excitement, when I go to the church which is 15min away.

Will you be a member of both or just attending each until you decide on one? I attended my church for a few months before I joined.

 

[missjanelleb]

1. Are you be fed spiritually? (i.e. growing, learning). I love going to my church because I always come away with something that I can apply to my life. It seems like every sermon is for me. Sometimes I think my pastor has my house bugged, or God id telling him my business. God will tell me something and then my pastor or one of the ministers will confirm it. Also, I feel at home. 2. Why are you worried about gas? God will provide what you need especially when you a doing something that is pleasing to Him. 3. I would not attend a church out of convenience. 4. If you are asking, there is a problem. Pray and look for more options.

 

[longhairby2010]

Will you be a member of both or just attending each until you decide on one? I attended my church for a few months before I joined.

Im already a member of the church which is closer to home. But I have been going to the church which is 15min away for on and off for about 3 yrs.

 

[longhairby2010]

1. Are you be fed spiritually? (i.e. growing, learning). I love going to my church because I always come away with something that I can apply to my life. It seems like every sermon is for me. Sometimes I think my pastor has my house bugged, or God id telling him my business. God will tell me something and then my pastor or one of the ministers will confirm it. Also, I feel at home. 2. Why are you worried about gas? God will provide what you need especially when you a doing something that is pleasing to Him. 3. I would not attend a church out of convenience. 4. If you are asking, there is a problem. Pray and look for more options.

I have grown a lot since I've been going to the church that is closer to home. Thats the only reason why I've stayed for so long. But their standards is what's bothering me and making me feel like I cant live this way.