I have a crush...

[BeautifulFlower]

Can you tell me about your courtship?

Keep us updated. You are doing a great job of guarding your heart it sounds like. There are some resources I wish I'd known about back then like LHCF (well it didn't exist) and some of the books we discuss here that are written for future wives/single women. But you're doing good.

When you're feeling those feelings and you're struggling and you want to see a sign and all that that can come with this, holler at us! We're here to support you.

 

[Raspberry]

Of course pray that your heart will be in the right place and covered emotionally, but also find ways to hang out with this guy in groups so you can get a good handle on his everyday personality.

It's easy to fall head over heels for a spiritual guy in a church setting - because it's definitely a turn-on to see a man humbly walking with the Lord, but remember he's still a person with quirks, great qualities and not so great ones that may get on your nerves lol. If you interact with him around his family and friends and not just in church you'll get more of a balanced picture of him.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

Of course pray that your heart will be in the right place and covered emotionally, but also find ways to hang out with this guy in groups so you can get a good handle on his everyday personality.

It's easy to fall head over heels for a spiritual guy in a church setting - because it's definitely a turn-on to see a man humbly walking with the Lord, but remember he's still a person with quirks, great qualities and not so great ones that may get on your nerves lol. If you interact with him around his family and friends and not just in church you'll get more of a balanced picture of him.

Very true. Gotta remember that.

 

[Supergirl]

Can you tell me about your courtship?

Yes, it is quite a long story! I will PM you later with the details when time allows. But I will say that it was loooonnngggg--much longer than I thought it would be and much longer than I (at the time) wanted it to be. But everything was done in God's timing, not Supergirl's timing and I appreciate that God loved me enough to make sure it happened His way.

 

[jade998]

Yes, it is quite a long story! I will PM you later with the details when time allows. But I will say that it was loooonnngggg--much longer than I thought it would be and much longer than I (at the time) wanted it to be. But everything was done in God's timing, not Supergirl's timing and I appreciate that God loved me enough to make sure it happened His way.

Could you post it here.. would love to hear the story

 

[Belle Du Jour]

Good luck girl! I just want to say I've been thinking about someone for about a YEAR! It's too ridiculous! LOL But it's like I knew this guy from the moment I saw him. I just knew we were compatible. Then I found out how much we were and it was scary. I also asked God to help me forget him, but the feelings are still there. Anyway, I'll be moving away soon, so the matter will likely be settled anyway. Just pray as someone said. I know God can do some major things when you least expect it. He hears our earnest prayers, no matter how silly they seem to us.

 

[Precious_1]

Pretty are there any updates on your crush?!

 

[BeautifulFlower]

Pretty are there any updates on your crush?!

Wow!
Umm...well lets see....

He's a great guy. Handsome, gentleman, wise, godly, etc...Perfect guy. However, I decided I could not see myself with a guy I am several inches taller than with heels. Shallow, maybe. Perference, yes. Honest, double yes! We are good friends now. I enjoy being around him.

I have however been hanging "kinda" with this other guy. I am kind of digging him but he doesnt know.

 

[BrooklynSouth]

Shallow, ummmm...yes. Go to lunch with shortie...that lunch may confirm or kill it.

 

[Precious_1]

Wow!
Umm...well lets see....

He's a great guy. Handsome, gentleman, wise, godly, etc...Perfect guy. However, I decided I could not see myself with a guy I am several inches taller than with heels. Shallow, maybe. Perference, yes. Honest, double yes! We are good friends now. I enjoy being around him.

I have however been hanging "kinda" with this other guy. I am kind of digging him but he doesnt know.

He sounds really wonderful, well, at least you got options. Does the "other guy" possess all these great qualities as well? You may change your mind on the height thing. Either way he sounds like he could be a really good friend.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

Shallow, ummmm...yes. Go to lunch with shortie...that lunch may confirm or kill it.

We'll hang out but I already have confirmation within myself. I have to be honest with myself that if I am looking to be with someone for the REST of my life, I have to be attracted to them on every level. I am not sexually attracted to him. When I look at him I feel like a big sister ready to protect...

He sounds really wonderful, well, at least you got options. Does the "other guy" possess all these great qualities as well? You may change your mind on the height thing. Either way he sounds like he could be a really good friend.

He's interesting. Alot of great qualities. I am attracted to him on every level. He's never had a gf. He's still growing in alot of ways. Spiritually, he attends church but thinks its important to know truth for myself so he growing there. I push understanding the word for yourself alot so I understand here he is at. Physically, well....athletic, cleans up very well and he's tall. As a man, very, very smart, gentleman, funny but corny but I dont mind, etc. I am just enjoying spending time with him now.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

I got confirmation again...I am really getting good at this figuring what I want and need stuff down.

I asked God for confirmation by him making plans to hang out again this past weekend. He did. I was like ok God and I am going to keep moving forward. This other guy is cool whoever I see something in him that was in my ex boyfriend that I absolutely hated. My Knight and Shining Armor isnt here yet and thats ok with me.

 

[inthepink]

pretty - Thanks for keeping us posted. You learn something in everything! It's great that you have these learning options. And I'm sure one day, it will turn out to be more than just learning.

 

[Raspberry]

I agree with hairlove - have fun and stay open, you're blessed to have access to all these christian guys at your stage in life, you'll learn a lot.

 

[aribell]

Meant to post this a while ago. But for the ladies struggling with having a longtime crush, but struggling in a bad and painful way, pray not just that the Lord would take the feelings away, but pray that the Lord would bring both your mind and heart into line with His will for your relationship with this person. Pray that if the feelings are out of place that He would help you to see and understand how this man is not for you. Meditate on the fact that the man that the Lord has for you will pursue you, and if this man is not doing so, then He is not the one.

Think of it as a spiritual battle, and an issue of truth and falsehood--so continually pray, "casting down vain imaginings and everything that exalts itself against Christ" and His truth. Pray that the Lord would bring you into line with His truth and to show you the truth between you and this man.

I write because crushes can really turn into painful emotional bondage. I have experienced it myself and in close friends of mine, and it costs us so much emotional and spiritual energy and can go on for years if we do not actively fight it. We have to learn to guard our heart always and to not open it until the Lord has made it clear that this is the man to open it for (meaning that he is both a godly man and is pursuing you in a godly manner; and even then continue to guard your heart until the Lord confirms it in both of you that you will be together). If you find yourself with an attraction, don't automatically let yourself indulge in all the thoughts and feelings and giddy conversations with your girlfriends, but immediately submit it to prayer and meditation, and see what the Lord has to say about it. Let time reveal what will be between you two.

Song of Solomon says not to awaken love until it is pleasing, meaning until it is timely and appropriate. If we let our emotions run away from us, we end up being vulnerable to spiritual attack in developing an emotional attachment to someone that the Lord doesn't have for us. Not to scare anyone! But those who have been there will understand.

 

[inthepink]

Meant to post this a while ago. But for the ladies struggling with having a longtime crush, but struggling in a bad and painful way, pray not just that the Lord would take the feelings away, but pray that the Lord would bring both your mind and heart into line with His will for your relationship with this person. Pray that if the feelings are out of place that He would help you to see and understand that this man is not for you. Meditate on the fact that the man that the Lord has for you will pursue you, and if this man is not doing so, then He is not the one.

I write because crushes can really turn into painful emotional bondage. I've seen it in myself and in close friends of mine, and it costs us so much emotional and spiritual energy. We have to learn to guard our heart always and to not open it until the Lord has made it clear that this is the man to open it for (meaning that he is both a godly man and is pursuing you in a godly manner). If you find yourself with an attraction, don't automatically let yourself indulge in all the thoughts and feelings and giddy conversations with your girlfriends, but immediately submit it to prayer and meditation, and see what the Lord has to say about it. Let time reveal what will be between you two.

Song of Solomon says not to awaken love until it is pleasing, meaning until it is timely and appropriate. If we let our emotions run away from us, we end up being vulnerable to spiritual attack in developing an emotional attachment to someone that the Lord doesn't have for us. Not to scare anyone! But those who have been there will understand.

Yes, I understand and I've been there as a Christian and non-Christian. Lady in Waiting talks about this and it's very similar to what you said. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

Thank you ladies for all your words on encouragement. I am managing well. No crushing anymore. Just alot of observing. When I first came out of my relationship, I decided not to date. I am still holidng to that but going on dates doesnt equate to dating. Going out with different people has helped TREMENDOUSLY in discovering what I do not like. I have discovered alot of things that men do that really bother me and I am happy I have found that out now.

I think the major thing I found was I can not be with a financially cheap man. I HATE THAT! Its a long story how a discovered this but I never considered it before. I love to give and I want a man to do the same. I also discover my preference points are taller than me with heels and fit, muscular bodies.

I remain objective by not letting them know I am interested. That way they dont know I am observing them in that manner and they are more real with me. I think I have mentally given 3 to 4 guys in the last month. I waste no time.

I am having alot of fun though. Godly, pure fun that is....but fun known the less.

 

[disgtgyal]

Girl have godly fun but be on the alert and remember you wanna marry your Isaac not Ishmael. Just pray and ask God to continue to make you into the image of the wife your husband needs and when you find yourself being attracted to someone just ask God if he isn't for you remove your feelings and believe He will do it cause He's done it for me many times.

 

[preciouzone]

Whew, loved this thread and thanks for the many great advice ladies.

"Crushing can lead to emotional baggage..." Hmmm, so that's what's going on with me. I have been silently crushing a guy for about 2 years now. I think I made up in my mind 3-4 months after we met that he is my "Boaz". This came after I realized that he fit most of the qualities on my list and that we had a lot in common.

We've remained friends ( keep in touch over the phone, haven't reunited yet since ) after meeting at a business conference and we have a weird friendship/relationship. Our conversations mostly revolve around business and we assist each other in being accountable to our goals. He's a godly man as well and that's definitely a plus! Many times I wanted to just let him know that I am interested and that I like him but I can never bring myself to do this. I truly believe that a guy should do the pursuing. It's frustrating at times because he can flirt with me one minute and then the next minute resort back to a professional demeanor and change the subject.

It hurts so much to crush or like someone and the person really doesn't respond how I think they should - one day I think he likes me and then the next day I think he can care less... and it sucks.

Anyways, I am going to shorten this up. Last week he just came to my mind and I decided to send him a text. And then he sent me a text back stating that he was soo surprised to hear from me because I was running through his mind all day. So he called my later on that evening and eventually he started telling me that the reason I came across his mind and why he couldn't stop thinking about me was because he started reading this book about 4 months ago on relationships and that one of his goals was to finally settle down in a serious relationship this year. ( He's been single for a little over 3 years now. )

Then he tells me that one of his lessons was to write down his do's and don'ts of what he wants in his partner... and after reviewing his list he notices that I fit majority of his list. He then ask me about where I would like to see us in the next 2 years... ( I didn't answer him completely... I told him I still see us being good friends and in each others lives ) and he just finishes off and says that he can see us together getting serious and on the verge of getting married. During the conversation I just kept quiet and listened mostly and let him pour his heart out. He also told me that he started having feelings for me about 4-5 months after we first met. We both kinda know that there's something there but neither of us have ever spoken up about the "feelings" that are obviously there.

I really don't know where we will go from here but that last conversation we had was rather interesting. We stay in different cities so if anything does jump off anytime soon it will be a small distance relationship. I live by this motto of "Don't listen to what people say, watch what they do"... so I will not bring anything up about that convo and let him lead and pursue if this is truly in his heart ( and God's will ). All I can do is pray.

 

[disgtgyal]

I agree with not listening to what a person says but instead what they do and if their actions are backed by what they say. I am very old fashioned I do believe a godly woman should be pursued especially since we're in short supply. As my associate pastor says it is adam who is missing a rib so he needs to search for his missing rib. Stay on your knees girl don't ask God to make him your husband ask him to put your heart in the right place cause you don't want God to give you him if he isn't the perfect man God has for you. Stay strong my sis and don't compromise.

 

[Raspberry]

Then he tells me that one of his lessons was to write down his do's and don'ts of what he wants in his partner... and after reviewing his list he notices that I fit majority of his list. He then ask me about where I would like to see us in the next 2 years... ( I didn't answer him completely... I told him I still see us being good friends and in each others lives ) and he just finishes off and says that he can see us together getting serious and on the verge of getting married. During the conversation I just kept quiet and listened mostly and let him pour his heart out. He also told me that he started having feelings for me about 4-5 months after we first met. We both kinda know that there's something there but neither of us have ever spoken up about the "feelings" that are obviously there.

I really don't know where we will go from here but that last conversation we had was rather interesting. We stay in different cities so if anything does jump off anytime soon it will be a small distance relationship. I live by this motto of "Don't listen to what people say, watch what they do"... so I will not bring anything up about that convo and let him lead and pursue if this is truly in his heart ( and God's will ). All I can do is pray.

About the bolded, if he's admitted feelings for you - don't you think it's ok to say you've had feelings as well? Isn't it making it harder on him than necessary to be evasive about your feelings if he is begin open about his? Correct me if I've interpreted your story wrongly...

I guess I'm not sure if we should expect a guy to pursue us with no signals on our part... is that even fair? Christian dating/courting seems more complex than it should be

 

[BeautifulFlower]

Whew, loved this thread and thanks for the many great advice ladies.

"Crushing can lead to emotional baggage..." Hmmm, so that's what's going on with me. I have been silently crushing a guy for about 2 years now. I think I made up in my mind 3-4 months after we met that he is my "Boaz". This came after I realized that he fit most of the qualities on my list and that we had a lot in common.

We've remained friends ( keep in touch over the phone, haven't reunited yet since ) after meeting at a business conference and we have a weird friendship/relationship. Our conversations mostly revolve around business and we assist each other in being accountable to our goals. He's a godly man as well and that's definitely a plus! Many times I wanted to just let him know that I am interested and that I like him but I can never bring myself to do this. I truly believe that a guy should do the pursuing. It's frustrating at times because he can flirt with me one minute and then the next minute resort back to a professional demeanor and change the subject.

It hurts so much to crush or like someone and the person really doesn't respond how I think they should - one day I think he likes me and then the next day I think he can care less... and it sucks.

Anyways, I am going to shorten this up. Last week he just came to my mind and I decided to send him a text. And then he sent me a text back stating that he was soo surprised to hear from me because I was running through his mind all day. So he called my later on that evening and eventually he started telling me that the reason I came across his mind and why he couldn't stop thinking about me was because he started reading this book about 4 months ago on relationships and that one of his goals was to finally settle down in a serious relationship this year. ( He's been single for a little over 3 years now. )

Then he tells me that one of his lessons was to write down his do's and don'ts of what he wants in his partner... and after reviewing his list he notices that I fit majority of his list. He then ask me about where I would like to see us in the next 2 years... ( I didn't answer him completely... I told him I still see us being good friends and in each others lives ) and he just finishes off and says that he can see us together getting serious and on the verge of getting married. During the conversation I just kept quiet and listened mostly and let him pour his heart out. He also told me that he started having feelings for me about 4-5 months after we first met. We both kinda know that there's something there but neither of us have ever spoken up about the "feelings" that are obviously there.

I really don't know where we will go from here but that last conversation we had was rather interesting. We stay in different cities so if anything does jump off anytime soon it will be a small distance relationship. I live by this motto of "Don't listen to what people say, watch what they do"... so I will not bring anything up about that convo and let him lead and pursue if this is truly in his heart ( and God's will ). All I can do is pray.

Thank you so much for sharing this. Its a little token of hope for me.

About the bolded, if he's admitted feelings for you - don't you think it's ok to say you've had feelings as well? Isn't it making it harder on him than necessary to be evasive about your feelings if he is begin open about his? Correct me if I've interpreted your story wrongly...

I guess I'm not sure if we should expect a guy to pursue us with no signals on our part... is that even fair? Christian dating/courting seems more complex than it should be

I really like your questions. I have similar ones. Christian courting does appear complex at times though I know it is for my protection. I understand the importance of guarding my heart but do I have to beat around the bush. I dont know seems like more work then necessary sometimes.

Any thoughts?

 

[inthepink]

Thank you so much for sharing this. Its a little token of hope for me.



I really like your questions. I have similar ones. Christian courting does appear complex at times though I know it is for my protection. I understand the importance of guarding my heart but do I have to beat around the bush. I dont know seems like more work then necessary sometimes.

Any thoughts?

What if you're subscribing to the courting school of thought but the men you meet have no idea what it is - men don't read about relationships as much as women?

I guess in a way, some of the things you do or don't do should cause a certain reaction from him whether he does or not?

But one thing in particular that I can think of that I can't figure out how it would work for me is the spending time in groups. Well, what if you meet online and so you are the only two people who know each other? Sure, I guess you could invite each to different church events. But seems like it would prolong getting to know each other? I don't know.

The whole thing is very complex.

 

[Raspberry]

I really like your questions. I have similar ones. Christian courting does appear complex at times though I know it is for my protection. I understand the importance of guarding my heart but do I have to beat around the bush. I dont know seems like more work then necessary sometimes.

Any thoughts?

Yea, we definitely have to guard our hearts but I don't think that means eliminating all chance of vulnerability. Life and love are a contact sport if you want to get the most of them and there's no way to remove all chance of pain or disappointment. We can't even maintain our faith in God without taking a chance on His promises and making our hearts vulnerable before Him.

It's like we're expecting the guy to take all the chances and make himself completely vulnerable while we retain the right to completely protect our own feelings.

preciouszone felt frustrated when the guy wasn't being open about his feelings and now that he has been, I don't think waiting for him to make another move before she returns the same openness is productive. He could very well interpret her silence as disinterest just like she did his..

 

[BeautifulFlower]

Yea, we definitely have to guard our hearts but I don't think that means eliminating all chance of vulnerability. Life and love are a contact sport if you want to get the most of them and there's no way to remove all chance of pain or disappointment. We can't even maintain our faith in God without taking a chance on His promises and making our hearts vulnerable before Him.

It's like we're expecting the guy to take all the chances and make himself completely vulnerable while we retain the right to completely protect our own feelings.

preciouszone felt frustrated when the guy wasn't being open about his feelings and now that he has been, I don't think waiting for him to make another move before she returns the same openness is productive. He could very well interpret her silence as disinterest just like she did his..

You have made some very interesting points.

Its so true we can not avoid all disappointment or pain. Its so true that love is sometimes a risk we take. Its even more true that our faith in God is a risk of believing in the unseen and putting your all in the God that says he loves you and will provide. If life there are no guarentees.

Though I believe strongly in Christian courtship, as I begin to observe my surroundings I've noticed alot of things. Like...

Pursuing means initiating and going after to get to know someone. But it doesnt mean I can not show interest. It also doesnt mean I can not ask him to hang out if the subject comes around.

Men are not build like men are the past. They pursue but not like yester-years men.

Group dating is a good thing. It gets harder to do as you get older and people's schedules get busier. I think the most important thing is avoiding environment that promote getting too "comfortable".

If a man does not feel you are recipricating his pursuant, biology will do one of two things: kick him into high gear or tell him she's not interested. If he kicks into high gear, I will question his motives honestly. Is he running game? Why is he so desperate? If I dont show interest, more than likely its because I am NOT interested. If you show me interest and I am interested, well...I play it out but I'll always wait for him to make the first MAJOR moves.

 

[preciouzone]

It's like we're expecting the guy to take all the chances and make himself completely vulnerable while we retain the right to completely protect our own feelings.

preciouszone felt frustrated when the guy wasn't being open about his feelings and now that he has been, I don't think waiting for him to make another move before she returns the same openness is productive. He could very well interpret her silence as disinterest just like she did his..

Hey Raspberry,

I agree with you. I see where you are coming from. Apart from other reasons for my silence at the moment, I do feel that I am being a little reserved to avoid disappointment. But at the same time I am willing to be vulnerable. He's been asking for us to meet up again lately and I am going to stop being so resistant and just go for it. I have a really lame reason as to why we haven't met up yet (my weight) and I am tired of letting my insecurities stop me from living my life. It's funny because he keeps asking me why I keep rejecting him and why don't I want to see him again and here I am just feeling sorry for myself and my weight . Next time we talk I'll make sure we set a date to meet...

 

[BeautifulFlower]

Hey Raspberry,

I agree with you. I see where you are coming from. Apart from other reasons for my silence at the moment, I do feel that I am being a little reserved to avoid disappointment. But at the same time I am willing to be vulnerable. He's been asking for us to meet up again lately and I am going to stop being so resistant and just go for it. I have a really lame reason as to why we haven't met up yet (my weight) and I am tired of letting my insecurities stop me from living my life. It's funny because he keeps asking me why I keep rejecting him and why don't I want to see him again and here I am just feeling sorry for myself and my weight . Next time we talk I'll make sure we set a date to meet...

YAY FOR YOU!


You know I was just thinking about this pursuing thing. The last guy I told you all about that I was interested in but am no longer (not shortie, another guy) is asking me out quite a bit now. Sucks that I am not interested anymore but I still go and have a good time. I am certain the only reason he does ask me to good wherever with him (we went to the zoo this weekend, had a blast) is because I gave him the OK to ask me out often. I literally said to him, "I have fun with you. You should ask me out more often." I left it at that. I dont ask him out and I let him make the moves. And HE DOES. He asked me out 3 times since and I gone out 2 times with him. I know he is the kind of guy that would not ask him out on his own because he times I am high maintenance. But because he knows that I would say yes, he does ask.

Maybe more ladies would have more opportunities to get to know someone if they just let a guy know that, "Hey, its ok to ask me out because I like to have fun and I like being around you." If he doesnt ask anymore, well at least you know he's just not that into you and you can stop wondering how he feels. But if he does, then you'll never know what happens.

 

[Raspberry]

What if you're subscribing to the courting school of thought but the men you meet have no idea what it is - men don't read about relationships as much as women?


The whole thing is very complex.

So true, we have to remember that a lot of the mindsets we're adopting aren't set in stone or in the Bible, they're just methods we've developed to bring some order while striving for godly romance in an ungodly culture.

Even with most Christian men, you never know where their heads are at w/r/t dating without getting to know them in some capacity. Some Christian men have been told they need to become friends with a woman first before pursing anything, others are still getting over worldy attitudes towards women..and still others are just as confused as we are if not more so lol.

We have to employ a measure of grace with men, they're not perfect and can't read our minds, they also don't know all of our rules at any given moment. The most important thing for me right now is focusing keeping my mind renewed according to God's word .. I can then keep a healthy attitude about myself and men I meet - so I can regard them with a balance of realism and grace. I find that it's when my mind is focused on insecurities, doubts, cynical thoughts, etc that romance (heck life in general) seems complex and unfair or I get resentful and frustrated much easier with men in my life.

But one thing in particular that I can think of that I can't figure out how it would work for me is the spending time in groups. Well, what if you meet online and so you are the only two people who know each other? Sure, I guess you could invite each to different church events. But seems like it would prolong getting to know each other? I don't know.

The group thing is ideal in some ways but I don't feel like it's necessary for all interactions with a guy. It's really up to where you're at in your heart. Group interactions were stressed in the courting movement to counteract problems with sexual temptation or focusing too much on physical contact that clouds judgment. Like anything else that's not forbidden in scripture, it's probably best to just use wisdom - meet up with the guy in public locations - coffee shops, etc. After you feel more comfortable with him you may want to talk and spend more time alone .. avoid time in the house alone late at night, pursue outside interests together.. there's a lot of leeway in this stuff.

One major benefit of being in group settings with a man is that you learn more about his personality by watching him interact with others .. you also can see others' impressions of his character over time. Feel free to invite a guy you meet online to your church or church related activities.

 

[Raspberry]

Its so true we can not avoid all disappointment or pain. Its so true that love is sometimes a risk we take. Its even more true that our faith in God is a risk of believing in the unseen and putting your all in the God that says he loves you and will provide. If life there are no guarentees.

Not saying that vulnerability and potential for pain is something easily embraced - I can't stand it personally lol. But I've been learning that and it has been through my painful meanderings that certain insecurites and mindsets have come to the surface so that God can bring me into wholeness - kind of like how clothes can't really be cleaned without squeezing and agitating them. Even in the area of relationships it has been only through making myself vulnerable (within the bounds of God's will, trusting me that his grace covers me) that I have grown tremendously in this area over the past 6 months.. more than I ever have.

I used to be the queen of protecting my feelings and emotionally dictating play with guys - but I also never had a genuinely fulfilling relationship, I was just using men... I was very nice to them, but still a selfish user when it came down to it.

Men are not build like men are the past. They pursue but not like yester-years men.

Maybe not, but us ladies aren't built like women past either lol.. a lot of us want to have our cake and eat it too lol..

Maybe more ladies would have more opportunities to get to know someone if they just let a guy know that, "Hey, its ok to ask me out because I like to have fun and I like being around you." If he doesnt ask anymore, well at least you know he's just not that into you and you can stop wondering how he feels. But if he does, then you'll never know what happens.

Hmm.. I'll have to think about better ways of letting guys know I'm open to hanging out in a way that doesn't come off as brazen. Recently I was getting desperate for a social life and asked a guy to be my friend (yes I said "you should be my friend" ). That's actually worked out because now he and his friends call me all the type to hang out and I have somethin of a love triangle going on now...

True .. at some point he's either into you or he isn't and yea it might suck if he turns out not to be, but never showing your cards is just gonna prolong the process and keep you in limbo.

 

[Raspberry]

Hey Raspberry,

I agree with you. I see where you are coming from. Apart from other reasons for my silence at the moment, I do feel that I am being a little reserved to avoid disappointment. But at the same time I am willing to be vulnerable. He's been asking for us to meet up again lately and I am going to stop being so resistant and just go for it. I have a really lame reason as to why we haven't met up yet (my weight) and I am tired of letting my insecurities stop me from living my life. It's funny because he keeps asking me why I keep rejecting him and why don't I want to see him again and here I am just feeling sorry for myself and my weight . Next time we talk I'll make sure we set a date to meet...

I feel you on insecurities related to weight or appearance .. a lot of people would say I look fine but I'm not where I want to be and can be obsessive about my body. I start thinking that certain men won't want me until I'm at my perfect weight or fitness level.. which leads to a spiral of negative thoughts. But I have to remind myself that I can't be a slave to others' opinions and that my eating and fitness habits are between me and God not between me and some guy I'm not even married to.

Well one thing you know is that he liked what he saw when he met you the first time . You can't control what someone else is thinking about your physical appearance but you can control your feelings about yourself - and inner beauty really does radiate to the outside. As cliched as this sounds, a beautiful spirit really is more important than a beautiful body. Meditate on God's promises and thoughts toward you... That guy will really be drawn to your confidence and sweet personality, not just your appearance. What's also interesting is that your eating/fitness habits will be easier to improve once you're feeling good about yourself and your future.