I need your help ladies!

[NIK]

I need your help ladies! (Healing a broken heart)

Hello LHCF family,

I'm new to the LHCF family. I've been lurking this site for awhile now and I've observed the amazing and loving support this site offers. And now I decided to post my issue that I've been struggling with for years, in hopes of receiving some advice and input from strong believers.

About six years ago, I met this guy who I was "seeing". I enjoyed his company but never knew his intentions towards me. After a few months of "seeing" this guy with some intimate moments (no sex involved), I decided to ask him about his intentions towards me. He answered: "I'm not the guy for you...you're a 'good girl'." So I expressed to him via email that I just needed to remove myself from his life because my feelings were getting involved. When he wanted to discuss about the email, I didn't even allow him to express himself fearing that he might hurt me even more. (Maybe I should've...it was bad advice that I received and a mistake). His action and his words never matched: He would say things to diminish how he felt but his actions were contrary (driving hours to come see me, etc...) so I was afraid of being even more confused so I just drew my own conclusion and kept it moving.

Despite my efforts of staying away from him, after a few months, I found myself back in his life "chillin'" but also found out that he had a new girlfriend. Why would somebody who thought that I meant nothing to him want to hang out with a girl when he very well knew that he wasn't going to get anything from me??? Since I realized that my feelings for him were still strong (though I surpress them or didn't express them at all), I decided to cut him off completely. I haven't seen or talked to him for the past 2 years, but now I'm still hurting so bad. Though I still have feelings for him, I know that I have to let go because he is in a relationship. But I don't know how? I've tried everything for this feeling to go away. I cry and pray to God day after day for this feeling to go away, be delivered and stop hurting but I'm still hurting. This has been going on for too long and I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I'm crazy and embarrassed because I was never in a "real" relationship with this guy but I still have feelings for him and even find myself praying for him. Sometimes, I want a second chance with this guy to even see if this could go anywhere (even a friendship). But I know I can't because now he has been in this relationship for 4 years now. Sometimes, I even think of going to counseling because to me it just doesn't make any sense how I feel. I wish I never met this person because I don't even see the purpose or lesson learned in all of this.

Ladies please help! Thank you in advance...

 

[Saida]

do you think that you feel this way because you guys never had the chance of having a real relationship, and your kinda lost in the feeling of what could have happend?erplexed

 

[cutiestyles]

It's not easy to get over someone you have strong feelings for but I believe in time you will. Try not to focus on what could of been because you'll prevent yourself from moving forward. I am a strong believer that everyting happens for a reason. Maybe if this guy was still in your life he could have caused a lot more pain to you. He already acknowleged that you were a 'good girl' implying that you deserve someone better or he can't treat you the way you want to be treated, when he said 'I'm not the guy for you'.
If a person condricts they're actions with their words they often don't know what they want. When you're involved with someone you deserve to know where you stand and you deserve to respected also. I think you made a very strong decison to cut him out of your life. This happened for a reason and in time it will show. God is making way for something new in your life. Please Stay confident in the Lord and be encouraged that you God favours those who seek and love him and you show that you are one of them. Take care and God bless you

 

[pebbles]

Hello LHCF family,

I'm new to the LHCF family. I've been lurking this site for awhile now and I've observed the amazing and loving support this site offers. And now I decided to post my issue that I've been struggling with for years, in hopes of receiving some advice and input from strong believers.

About six years ago, I met this guy who I was "seeing". I enjoyed his company but never knew his intentions towards me. After a few months of "seeing" this guy with some intimate moments (no sex involved), I decided to ask him about his intentions towards me. He answered: "I'm not the guy for you...you're a 'good girl'." So I expressed to him via email that I just needed to remove myself from his life because my feelings were getting involved. When he wanted to discuss about the email, I didn't even allow him to express himself fearing that he might hurt me even more. (Maybe I should've...it was bad advice that I received and a mistake). His action and his words never matched: He would say things to diminish how he felt but his actions were contrary (driving hours to come see me, etc...) so I was afraid of being even more confused so I just drew my own conclusion and kept it moving.

Despite my efforts of staying away from him, after a few months, I found myself back in his life "chillin'" but also found out that he had a new girlfriend. Why would somebody who thought that I meant nothing to him want to hang out with a girl when he very well knew that he wasn't going to get anything from me??? Since I realized that my feelings for him were still strong (though I surpress them or didn't express them at all), I decided to cut him off completely. I haven't seen or talked to him for the past 2 years, but now I'm still hurting so bad. Though I still have feelings for him, I know that I have to let go because he is in a relationship. But I don't know how? I've tried everything for this feeling to go away. I cry and pray to God day after day for this feeling to go away, be delivered and stop hurting but I'm still hurting. This has been going on for too long and I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I'm crazy and embarrassed because I was never in a "real" relationship with this guy but I still have feelings for him and even find myself praying for him. Sometimes, I want a second chance with this guy to even see if this could go anywhere (even a friendship). But I know I can't because now he has been in this relationship for 4 years now. Sometimes, I even think of going to counseling because to me it just doesn't make any sense how I feel. I wish I never met this person because I don't even see the purpose or lesson learned in all of this.

Ladies please help! Thank you in advance...

Hi Nik, welcome to the forum!

I know you're in a difficult place right now, but trust me when I tell you; this too shall pass. I've been where you are, and I know it hurts.

James 1:8 tells us that a double minded man is unstable in all his ways.

This young man tells you that he's not for you because you're a good girl, but will spend hours driving to come and see you. His words and actions are contradictory. A man of integrity is a man of his word, and he backs it up with his actions. If a man says one thing, yet does another, don't waste your time. This isn't someone you want to be with.

Men have the unfortunate habit of giving women just enough to keep us hanging on, hoping that there's a chance for a relationship, when in reality, they're ready to move on in a minute. I always advise women, and especially my sisters in Christ, that they should take a man at his word if he ever hints or tells you that he's not for you or not interested in you. If he ever says it, he means it.

The truth is that if he wanted you, he'd be with you, not someone else. You've spent years crying over this man, but it's time to let it go now. When you pray and ask God to take this burden from you, leave it at the Lord's feet. Don't pick it back up after you pray over it. Ask the Holy Spirit to direct your thoughts and desires to other things around you, and not on things not intended for you. Pray for God to free you from this hurt, and walk in that freedom! Claim it daily! This isn't going to pass overnight. It will take time, but be determined that you've lost enough years over this, and decide that you're not willing to give it any more of your time.

After prayer, the best thing to do now is to find a new focus for yourself. Is there anything you've ever really wanted to do? Focus your energy on it and reach for it. It's time for you to put yourself first. Live, sis. Don't dwell on the past anymore, it's over. Believe that God is doing a new thing in you.

Let me pray briefly for you:

Lord, we lift our sister Nik before You and ask You to consider her. She's been in pain for a very long time, and we ask Lord that you would heal her heart and heal her mind, right now. Break any ties that bind her to this man, in the name of Jesus. Do a new thing in her. Give her a new direction and a new purpose. Open doors of opportunity that were never there before, and bring people after Your heart into her life so that they may be a source of strength and comfort for her.

Father Your word says that he whom the Son has set free is free indeed. Thank you, Lord, that Your word will NOT come back void, but it shall accomplish all that You've set it out to do.

Thank you that Your promises are true, and we can trust that You know what's best for us, and Your plan for us WILL be fulfilled. Help Nik to walk in the fullness of that promise. In Jesus' name we pray, Amen.

Be blessed, Nik!





Edited: spelling

 

[cutiestyles]

Hi Nik, welcome to the forum!

I know you're in a difficult place right now, but trust me when I tell you; this too shall pass. I've been where you are, and I know it hurts.

James 1:8 tell us that a double minded man is unstable in all his ways.

This young man tells you that he's not for you because you're a good girl, but will spend hours driving to come and see you. His words and actions are contradictory. A man of integrity is a man of his word, and he backs it up with his actions. If a man says one thing, yet does another, don't waste your time. This isn't someone you want to be with.

Men have the unfortunate habit of giving women just enough to keep us hanging on, hoping that there's a chance for a relationship, when in reality, they're ready to move on in a minute. I always advise women, and especially my sisters in Christ, that they should take a man at his word if he ever hints or tells you that he's not for you or not interested in you. If he ever says it, he means it.

The truth is that if he wanted you, he'd be with you, not someone else. You've spent years crying over this man, but it's time to let it go now. When you pray and ask God to take this burden from you, leave it at the Lord's feet. Don't pick it back up after you pray over it. Ask the Holy Spirit to direct your thoughts and desires to other things around you, and not on things not intended for you. Pray for God to free you from this hurt, and walk in that freedom! Claim it daily! This isn't going to pass overnight. It will take time, but be determined that you've lost enough years over this, and decide that you're not willing to give it any more of your time.

After prayer, the best thing to do now is to find a new focus for yourself. Is there anything you've ever really wanted to do? Focus your energy on it and reach for it. It's time for you to put yourself first. Live, sis. Don't dwell on the past anymore, it's over. Believe that God is doing a new thing in you.

Let me pray briefly for you:

Lord, we lift our sister Nik before You and ask You to consider her. She's been in pain for a very long time, and we ask Lord that you would heal her heart and heal her mind, right now. Break any ties that bind her to this man, in the name of Jesus. Do a new thing in her. Give her a new direction and a new purpose. Open doors of opportunity that were never there before, and bring people after Your heart into her life so that they may be a source of strength and comfort for her.

Father Your word says that he whom the Son has set free is free indeed. Thank you, Lord, that Your word will NOT come back void, but it shall accomplish all that You've set it out to do.

Thank you that Your promises are true, and we can trust that You know what's best for us, and Your plan for us WILL be fulfilled. Help Nik to walk in the fullness of that promise. In Jesus' name we pray, Amen.

Be blessed, Nik!

Your words are very beautiful Pebbles. God bless you for your knowledge
I have been hurt by a yes/no man in the past too and your words are very encouraging indeed.

 

[pebbles]

Your words are very beautiful Pebbles. God bless you for your knowledge
I have been hurt by a yes/no man in the past too and your words are very encouraging indeed.

I've been hurt by a yes/no man as well, and I know how much it hurts. I was younger then. I was in my early twenties, and I suffered for 10 years over it. It was all wasted time! I missed doing and seeing so much, and when I read Nik's post and saw the time that she'd already lost, it took me back to my own experiences, and I don't want ANYBODY to go through that if they don't have to.

The saddest thing is that while we're crying and losing time and energy over these men, they're living their lives and don't even remember or have a clue what we're suffering. God doesn't want us to hurt over things like this.

This happens a lot to women because for us, there are unresolved issues in our mind, and it keeps us from moving forward. We keep thinking of what could have been and we keep contemplating on what a good relationship we've lost. The truth is, we haven't lost a good relationship. We lost a painful, hurtful, unproductive relationship, and we have to recognize it for what it is. Men don't suffer like this because for them it's been resolved; it's over. We need to learn to do the same thing. Let it be resolved in your mind and your spirit: it's over and done. It wasn't right for you. Then move forward. God has something better in store for you. Believe it!!

 

[NIK]

do you think that you feel this way because you guys never had the chance of having a real relationship, and your kinda lost in the feeling of what could have happend?erplexed

Yes Saida. I think you're right. I think I feel this way because I never had the chance of having a real relationship with him. And now I'm all confuse on what could have been or what I could've have done.

 

[NIK]

It's not easy to get over someone you have strong feelings for but I believe in time you will. Try not to focus on what could of been because you'll prevent yourself from moving forward. I am a strong believer that everyting happens for a reason. Maybe if this guy was still in your life he could have caused a lot more pain to you. He already acknowleged that you were a 'good girl' implying that you deserve someone better or he can't treat you the way you want to be treated, when he said 'I'm not the guy for you'.
If a person condricts they're actions with their words they often don't know what they want. When you're involved with someone you deserve to know where you stand and you deserve to respected also. I think you made a very strong decison to cut him out of your life. This happened for a reason and in time it will show. God is making way for something new in your life. Please Stay confident in the Lord and be encouraged that you God favours those who seek and love him and you show that you are one of them. Take care and God bless you

Thank you Cutiestyles for your encouraging words! There are days when it's so hard to believe that I'll ever be over this hurt because it's been going on for too long. I just pray that God removes this feeling that I have inside. And may His will be done.

 

[NIK]

Hi Nik, welcome to the forum!

I know you're in a difficult place right now, but trust me when I tell you; this too shall pass. I've been where you are, and I know it hurts.

James 1:8 tells us that a double minded man is unstable in all his ways.

This young man tells you that he's not for you because you're a good girl, but will spend hours driving to come and see you. His words and actions are contradictory. A man of integrity is a man of his word, and he backs it up with his actions. If a man says one thing, yet does another, don't waste your time. This isn't someone you want to be with.

Men have the unfortunate habit of giving women just enough to keep us hanging on, hoping that there's a chance for a relationship, when in reality, they're ready to move on in a minute. I always advise women, and especially my sisters in Christ, that they should take a man at his word if he ever hints or tells you that he's not for you or not interested in you. If he ever says it, he means it.

The truth is that if he wanted you, he'd be with you, not someone else. You've spent years crying over this man, but it's time to let it go now. When you pray and ask God to take this burden from you, leave it at the Lord's feet. Don't pick it back up after you pray over it. Ask the Holy Spirit to direct your thoughts and desires to other things around you, and not on things not intended for you. Pray for God to free you from this hurt, and walk in that freedom! Claim it daily! This isn't going to pass overnight. It will take time, but be determined that you've lost enough years over this, and decide that you're not willing to give it any more of your time.

After prayer, the best thing to do now is to find a new focus for yourself. Is there anything you've ever really wanted to do? Focus your energy on it and reach for it. It's time for you to put yourself first. Live, sis. Don't dwell on the past anymore, it's over. Believe that God is doing a new thing in you.

Let me pray briefly for you:

Lord, we lift our sister Nik before You and ask You to consider her. She's been in pain for a very long time, and we ask Lord that you would heal her heart and heal her mind, right now. Break any ties that bind her to this man, in the name of Jesus. Do a new thing in her. Give her a new direction and a new purpose. Open doors of opportunity that were never there before, and bring people after Your heart into her life so that they may be a source of strength and comfort for her.

Father Your word says that he whom the Son has set free is free indeed. Thank you, Lord, that Your word will NOT come back void, but it shall accomplish all that You've set it out to do.

Thank you that Your promises are true, and we can trust that You know what's best for us, and Your plan for us WILL be fulfilled. Help Nik to walk in the fullness of that promise. In Jesus' name we pray, Amen.

Be blessed, Nik!





Edited: spelling

Pebbles,

Your words just got me into tears because I really felt like you understood what I am going through. Day after day, I try to fight it to not let it destroy me. I even fight the urges of picking up the phone to call him or write him an email, in order to recreate something that could've been. But I know I deserve better than that. I have to keep on trusting God that He has everything under control.

I completely agree with your words of wisdom but I don't know why I'm having a hard time to put it in practice and believe it. For some reason, I feel there's something that I'm not doing or getting in order to prevent my hurt to go on any longer. I know that this situation is hindering me to go to my next chapter of blessings. That is why I am determine to do whatever it takes to get over this and let go! I just need to know how??? I need to be armed the tools to let go and not let the hurt paralyze me anymore. I've tried to focus on different things I want to do for myself (like going back to school to get my MBA) but sometimes I feel like a failure when I tried but things don't work out...which makes me feel worse. I will not give up but I just need to know "How?" to put myself first and remain positive.

I'm so touched by the support that I'm getting! THANK YOU!!!

Thank you for praying for me Pebbles!

 

[NIK]

I AM SO TOUCHED BY THE SUPPORT THAT I AM GETTING!!! I SO NEED THE ENCOURAGEMENT RIGHT NOW...THANK YOU LADIES!!!

 

[pebbles]

Pebbles,

Your words just got me into tears because I really felt like you understood what I am going through. Day after day, I try to fight it to not let it destroy me. I even fight the urges of picking up the phone to call him or write him an email, in order to recreate something that could've been. But I know I deserve better than that. I have to keep on trusting God that He has everything under control.

I completely agree with your words of wisdom but I don't know why I'm having a hard time to put it in practice and believe it. For some reason, I feel there's something that I'm not doing or getting in order to prevent my hurt to go on any longer. I know that this situation is hindering me to go to my next chapter of blessings. That is why I am determine to do whatever it takes to get over this and let go! I just need to know how??? I need to be armed the tools to let go and not let the hurt paralyze me anymore. I've tried to focus on different things I want to do for myself (like going back to school to get my MBA) but sometimes I feel like a failure when I tried but things don't work out...which makes me feel worse. I will not give up but I just need to know "How?" to put myself first and remain positive.

I'm so touched by the support that I'm getting! THANK YOU!!!

Thank you for praying for me Pebbles!

Hi Nik,

I wish there were some magic formula I could give you to make it all go away instantly, but there really is none.

The desire to be free of this hurt and the conviction to move forward comes from within, and the power to do so comes from God.

I want you to remember this: He didn't want you, that's why he's with someone else. As much as that hurts, it's what you need to remember everytime you want to pick up the phone and call him or contact him in any way. I'm glad that you haven't given in to that impulse. Continue to pray for strength.

Another thing, don't pray for him anymore. It's not that you want bad things for him, but he has a woman in his life who's job it is to cover him with prayer. Let her do that. It's too tempting to ask God to change his heart and/or bring him back to you, and that just builds frustration.

If there's anything that continues to bring memories of him, distance yourself from whatever that might be.

As it pertains to refocusing on new things in your life, it won't be easy. Of course you'll find yourself thinking about him sometimes, and you may start to cry, but that doesn't mean you've failed. It's just the journey you must take to get over this thing once and for all. Just don't wollow in it. Don't feel that you've failed and now you can let it all hang out and fall back into old patterns. No. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and keep going. It's a struggle, but with prayer you will win. Ask God to strengthen you, daily. He is faithful, and will answer your prayers.

Remember that while you are suffering like this, he's not even thinking about you, sweetie. He's living his life and enjoying it with someone other than you. You deserve to do the same.

One day you'll wake up and it won't be so painful anymore. And in time, you'll look back and see that you've wasted too much time on this. I had the same reaction and wanted to kick myself for it! Girl, the tears I cried. Wish I could take it all back, now! LOL!

Be blessed, baby girl!

 

[NIK]

Hi Nik,

I wish there were some magic formula I could give you to make it all go away instantly, but there really is none.

The desire to be free of this hurt and the conviction to move forward comes from within, and the power to do so comes from God.

I want you to remember this: He didn't want you, that's why he's with someone else. As much as that hurts, it's what you need to remember everytime you want to pick up the phone and call him or contact him in any way. I'm glad that you haven't given in to that impulse. Continue to pray for strength.

Another thing, don't pray for him anymore. It's not that you want bad things for him, but he has a woman in his life who's job it is to cover him with prayer. Let her do that. It's too tempting to ask God to change his heart and/or bring him back to you, and that just builds frustration.

If there's anything that continues to bring memories of him, distance yourself from whatever that might be.

As it pertains to refocusing on new things in your life, it won't be easy. Of course you'll find yourself thinking about him sometimes, and you may start to cry, but that doesn't mean you've failed. It's just the journey you must take to get over this thing once and for all. Just don't wollow in it. Don't feel that you've failed and now you can let it all hang out and fall back into old patterns. No. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and keep going. It's a struggle, but with prayer you will win. Ask God to strengthen you, daily. He is faithful, and will answer your prayers.

Remember that while you are suffering like this, he's not even thinking about you, sweetie. He's living his life and enjoying it with someone other than you. You deserve to do the same.

One day you'll wake up and it won't be so painful anymore. And in time, you'll look back and see that you've wasted too much time on this. I had the same reaction and wanted to kick myself for it! Girl, the tears I cried. Wish I could take it all back, now! LOL!

Be blessed, baby girl!

Pebbles,
I wish I could hug you right now! I really appreciate your honesty and keeping it real with me. I so needed to hear this. THANK YOU!
Your words are so genuine and comforting; and helped me look at my situation in a different light. Yes it hurts but the truth will set me free.
I will print out your words to me as a reminder everytime I need a reality check and be encouraged. I will keep on praying and fighting and this too shall pass!
THANK YOU PEBBLES!!!!!

 

[pebbles]

Pebbles,
I wish I could hug you right now! I really appreciate your honesty and keeping it real with me. I so needed to hear this. THANK YOU!
Your words are so genuine and comforting; and helped me look at my situation in a different light. Yes it hurts but the truth will set me free.
I will print out your words to me as a reminder everytime I need a reality check and be encouraged. I will keep on praying and fighting and this too shall pass!
THANK YOU PEBBLES!!!!!

(((Hugs)))

You're welcome, sweetie! I thank God for all the blessings He has in store for you!

I promise you, one day this will all be a distant memory. And when you're happy and giddy in love with a man who wants YOU and no one else, remember who told you it would happen!! LOL!

 

[melodee]

NIK,,
Welcome Sister. The ladies have offered some excellent advice. Trust in the Savior and you shall rise above your struggles!!