In Need of Godly Advice on Ex-Boyfriend

[BeautifulFlower]

Ok, this situation is very sensitive and I want to do the right thing but I am a little conflicted.

My ex-boyfriend and I had a very bad break up exactly two years ago today. It was a very traumatic event that only until recently I was able to fully acknowledge my unforgiveness and let him and what happened go.

New Year's Day this year at 3 in the morning he sent me a text message breaking the silence. His note said something to the degree of well wishes and I still have love for you in my heart. I was a bit irritated and tickled because I've always known I was the best thing to ever happen to him even though he treated me second rate. I never responded.

I felt led to reconcile with him 3 weeks ago. I was going to send him a note today asking to meet up with him. I already know that I would never be with him again (he treated me terribly, he has bad credit, he's lazy, and he has a son [convinced when we were together] that he does not proudly own up to).

But whenever I would go to send him the note, I'd freeze up and not send it. I was convinced this was the right thing to do for the Lord commands that we live peaceably with all, always ready to forgive, and love unconditionally even our enemies.

Me not being able to put this mess behind me has definitely hindered my ability to have a successful romantic relationship over the past couple of years. My family has nicknamed me "maneater" because "I love em, and leave em" they say. It really hit me hard when a guy I was recently dating and I fell in love with, left me. I knew something had to change.

So I know this is alot of details but ultimately I want to be able to move on, truly let go, not have beef with my past, and allow God to lead me into a successful loving relationship.

Would you go and see him? Would you just send a note? Would you forgive and not contact him at all?

 

[cinnamon08]

IMO, stay away. I once heard this: it's foolish to go back into something God bought you out of. And I know this from experience.


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[AnotherLevel]

IMO, stay away. I once heard this: it's foolish to go back into something God bought you out of. And I know this from experience.


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I second this.

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[Detroit2Dallas]

I think the reason why you hestitate is because it probably wont end well if you decide to meet up with him. It took you a long time to let all of the issues go because you had so many strong feelings. As much as you try to convince yourself that you are totally over this guy I think in the back of your mind you may still harbor some sort of feeling and you hesitate because you know that. I would leave this guy alone and move on, dont go back to a situation that was so hurtful that it took you years to get over. Sometimes you have to just forgive someone in your heart without all the hoopla of a face to face especially if its detrimental to your mental being. Ultimately you know what you should do, and why you should do it. Sometimes we just need to hear confirmation.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

Thank you ladies. I asked God for 3 yes, but He sent me 3 no's. I will be obedient. I am ready to move pass this and go on.

 

[LoveisYou]

I would also leave it alone, I would ask God to help me to forgive and move on and to break any soul connections with this guy.

 

[mrselle]

Let it go. To meet up with him would be nothing more than a distraction. He can not and will not give you the kind of closure you are looking for. Continue to pray for God to heal your heart and to let go of the past.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

Let it go. To meet up with him would be nothing more than a distraction. He can not and will not give you the kind of closure you are looking for. Continue to pray for God to heal your heart and to let go of the past.

You're probably right. I am not sure what I was looking for. Maybe an I am sorry. But I'd probably be expecting too much. He is lazy and the fact that he sent a simple text message expecting something in return confirms that. A text message of a few lines is the best you can do? Probably not.

I am glad I can stand up to him in this way actually. It was something I was never able to do in the past. I was a gluten for punishment with this man.

I just want to be able to push the buttons of this chapter in my life and not feel the pain. I think I am there but it took a long time.

Anyway, thank you ladies. Maybe I just needed to talk to someone about it.

 

[Shimmie]

There's a void and the enemy is tempting you to fill it with 'his choice' and not God's. It's one of the oldest tricks he has when a woman has been 'abandoned' and she looks for 'love' by one familiar who suddenly appears back into her life and shows her 'attention' or 'interest' and a little repentance.

This is when I look at him and say, "Is this the best you can do?"

These are all crumbs and stale crumbs at that, when instead God wants you to have the finest of love in your life.

You owe 'old boo' nothing, except to move on. If you were to re-connect with him you'd only end up with more to 'forgive' him for as he has not changed and in that absence of change, he'd do something stupid --- again --- to make you mad at him ---- again and then..... erplexed

Well, it's just a waste time and of life. Move on, as God's Word says, 'Drop it, leave it', let it go'. This is a real scripture and it means just that for women with past men... Drop them, leave them, let them go...'

You have better things to text about and better men to text them to.

 

[disgtgyal]

I too say forgive him in your heart and let things be. Remember the enemy comes to steal kill and destroy right now he's coming to steal your progress kill your peace of mind and destroy the plans God has for you. IMO and i could be wrong but that text from your ex was an intentional distraction. Unforgiveness is a powerful weapon the enemy uses and when you harbor it, the door is opened to all kinds of attacks, and hinderances. Before you can move on and grab a hold of what God has for you you've got to let go of the past and allow Him to heal you so you can move into the next season of your life. If you are still unsure, pray about it and only listen to what He says on the matter.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

There's a void and the enemy is tempting you to fill it with 'his choice' and not God's. It's one of the oldest tricks he has when a woman has been 'abandoned' and she looks for 'love' by one familiar who suddenly appears back into her life and show her 'attention' or 'interest' and a little repentance.

This is when I look at him and say, "Is this the best you can do?"

These are all crumbs and stale crumbs at that, when instead God wants you to have the finest of love in your life.

You owe 'old boo' nothing, except to move on. If you were to re-connect with him you'd only end up with more to 'forgive' him for as he has not changed and in that absence of change, he'd do something stupid --- again --- to make you mad at him ---- again and then..... erplexed

Well, it's just a waste time and of life. Move on, as God's Word say, 'Drop it, leave it', let it go'. This is a real scripture and it means just that for women with past men... Drop them, leave them, let them go...'

You have better things to text about and better men to text them to.

Oh wonderful Shimmie...you are right and I totally agree because I know that trick myself. Satan has used it on me, hook, line, and sink her (her being me). I've been caught up before, I've pass some of the Lord's test but definitely failed others. I am glad you said this to me because it made me realize something....

The enemy has always seemed to get me with very subtle acts of kindness on my part. I think I am being loving and soft hearted but I am really walking right into Satan's trap. Definitely, a wolf and lamb's clothes kinda thing.

Satan is definitely a tricky little thing. He knows my weakness and he knows how to exploit them but this time I beat him. Praise God and Amen.

Thank you ladies. Thank you all. I feel no conflict about this at all now.

 

[crlsweetie912]

There's a void and the enemy is tempting you to fill it with 'his choice' and not God's. It's one of the oldest tricks he has when a woman has been 'abandoned' and she looks for 'love' by one familiar who suddenly appears back into her life and show her 'attention' or 'interest' and a little repentance.

This is when I look at him and say, "Is this the best you can do?"

These are all crumbs and stale crumbs at that, when instead God wants you to have the finest of love in your life.

You owe 'old boo' nothing, except to move on. If you were to re-connect with him you'd only end up with more to 'forgive' him for as he has not changed and in that absence of change, he'd do something stupid --- again --- to make you mad at him ---- again and then..... erplexed

Well, it's just a waste time and of life. Move on, as God's Word say, 'Drop it, leave it', let it go'. This is a real scripture and it means just that for women with past men... Drop them, leave them, let them go...'

You have better things to text about and better men to text them to.

THANKS IS NOT ENOUGH! I guess I will share,
Almost a year and a half ago, I grew madly in love with a person that I had know as friends for almost 7 years. I thought I knew this person and everything just fell into place. Unfortunately, after just short of a year, he literally DUMPED me with not as much as an explanation and never really looked back. Then I found out the real reason, that he was actually cheating on ANOTHER woman with me. EVERYTHING he told me from the time we met (7 years) was a lie....I was heartbroken, wanted to leave my church, was so ashamed at my lack of discernment. It took a whole year to "get over" the betrayal.

Shortly after this breakup, my ex told me "it was supposed to happen this way" because he wanted us to be together. We have been apart for almost 8 years but we have a son together. The reason we broke up was because he cheated on me when my son was only 6 months old. He told me in so many words "well I'm ready NOW to settle down and you really don't expect to do better. You're not getting any younger"
For a SPLIT second I considered the fact that I might NOT be able to do any better. I'm a single mom with 3 kids, knocking on 38. But I truly believe that God doesn't want us to SETTLE! Through prayer and much consideration I know that if I never have another relationship, I'M OK WITH ME! I don't want to be with someone just for the sake of having a man. Just because something/someone is familiar or comfortable, doesn't mean he is the right person for you. Your instinct is telling you that everytime you try to contact that ex...

If it makes you feel any better, write that note, but seal it up and throw it out. Don't give it to him. And pray for the Lord to release that connection that you have with him. Exes are EXES for a reason.
I pray that the BEST comes into your life in every area! I look forward to hearing the testimony!

 

[BeautifulFlower]

I too say forgive him in your heart and let things be. Remember the enemy comes to steal kill and destroy right now he's coming to steal your progress kill your peace of mind and destroy the plans God has for you. IMO and i could be wrong but that text from your ex was an intentional distraction. Unforgiveness is a powerful weapon the enemy uses and when you harbor it, the door is opened to all kinds of attacks, and hinderances. Before you can move on and grab a hold of what God has for you you've got to let go of the past and allow Him to heal you so you can move into the next season of your life. If you are still unsure, pray about it and only listen to what He says on the matter.

I am definitely sure now. I said Lord if you send me 3 yes's, I will send him the note. I have not gotten one yes yet so that answers that. Thank you.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

This note sent chills through me. I wont go into details but its crazy that you right these things. I gotta pray about this message here because it sounds very close to him. Not that I was with your man (LOL) but there was a situation in my life that sounds similar. Its kind of crazy. Anyway, thank you for posting this. I needed to hear it.

THANKS IS NOT ENOUGH! I guess I will share,
Almost a year and a half ago, I grew madly in love with a person that I had know as friends for almost 7 years. I thought I knew this person and everything just fell into place. Unfortunately, after just short of a year, he literally DUMPED me with not as much as an explanation and never really looked back. Then I found out the real reason, that he was actually cheating on ANOTHER woman with me. EVERYTHING he told me from the time we met (7 years) was a lie....I was heartbroken, wanted to leave my church, was so ashamed at my lack of discernment. It took a whole year to "get over" the betrayal.

Shortly after this breakup, my ex told me "it was supposed to happen this way" because he wanted us to be together. We have been apart for almost 8 years but we have a son together. The reason we broke up was because he cheated on me when my son was only 6 months old. He told me in so many words "well I'm ready NOW to settle down and you really don't expect to do better. You're not getting any younger"
For a SPLIT second I considered the fact that I might NOT be able to do any better. I'm a single mom with 3 kids, knocking on 38. But I truly believe that God doesn't want us to SETTLE! Through prayer and much consideration I know that if I never have another relationship, I'M OK WITH ME! I don't want to be with someone just for the sake of having a man. Just because something/someone is familiar or comfortable, doesn't mean he is the right person for you. Your instinct is telling you that everytime you try to contact that ex...

If it makes you feel any better, write that note, but seal it up and throw it out. Don't give it to him. And pray for the Lord to release that connection that you have with him. Exes are EXES for a reason.
I pray that the BEST comes into your life in every area! I look forward to hearing the testimony!

 

[crlsweetie912]

This note sent chills through me. I wont go into details but its crazy that you right these things. I gotta pray about this message here because it sounds very close to him. Not that I was with your man (LOL) but there was a situation in my life that sounds similar. Its kind of crazy. Anyway, thank you for posting this. I needed to hear it.

After what God revealed to me about this person, I would NOT be surprised......

 

[BeautifulFlower]

After what God revealed to me about this person, I would NOT be surprised......

Its more about the part with your ex coming back to you and pretty much saying I am ready to settle down and you aint getting much younger. Something tells me a guy in my past is about to drop this on his daughter's mother. She's 41, 3 children (2 fathers), just getting her degree, and never married. I think its said he's going to marry her because he really does not want to and she deserves better than to have a man marry her out of duty and not love.

 

[paradise79]

The important has been said and your precious heart is right on place so it's all fine. Keep praying and the Lord will make you experience the sweet taste of forgiveness. Yes, He will and no need to see the face of the ex or get any contact with him. May his lazy test message get to the kingdom of laziness and you no way belong to that place .....so next!!!

 

[aribell]

Lest you need any more confirmation, my only thought after reading the op was, "Let it be."

Your intentions were good, but sometimes we want situations to be happier or rosier than they actually are and it has more to do with our own will and emotions than the leading of the Spirit. You don't have to feel the need to make a happy ending to this relationship. It's enough to forgive him before God and move on. If he were truly repentant, such that reconciliation were possible, he would have acknowledged his wrongdoing and sought your forgiveness, showing you that he is a different person.

 

[Poohbear]

No, I would not go see him nor send him a note if I were you. You can live peacefully without staying in touch with him. You just said you know you will not be with him ever again so don't give him any attention and show no interest whatsoever.