I was so Excited to meet another hair obsessed woman IRL until...

[LdyKamz]

Yesterday I went to the bank and the bank teller I got was a black woman around my age (late 20's). When I got to her window she said "How's your transition going?" I told her that I wasn't transitioning anymore and that I was fully natural. My hair was in a puff but I had slicked my edges with ors edge control.

Anyway, she told me she was transitioning under her weave and we chatted about hair for a while. I was so excited to meet someone in real life that was into hair until she started in about good hair/bad hair. After telling me her regimen she says suddenly "You must have good hair because even though the top is nappy your front and sides are wavy" I didn't know what to say to that. But she just kept on talking about how she only wears her hair out in the winter when there's no one around and weave in the summer because she wants to look cute.

The worst part? She went on to say that when she wakes up in the morning she looks like she just got off the slave ship. She was talking really loud and was the only black teller in between 2 white girls. When she made the slave ship comment one of the girls looked at her and smirked. She looked back and said "you wouldn't know nothing about that because you got that good straight hair. I'm gonna cut it off" erplexed And white girl tugs on her own hair and smiles like yeah I know I'm the ish. I was dumfounded.

I guess I just wanted to vent because I've never experienced anything like that. I wanted to tell her off but at the same time just wanted to get away from her. I was so embarrassed. After thinking about it more later on I got really mad. I wanted to run back to the bank and tell those white girls that black women don't envy them like this one right here was doing. But of course I didn't. I should have said something though.

 

[blackeyes31626]

Dang!
.....

 

[LdyKamz]

Never seen anything like it.

 

[Adiatasha]

KammyGirl it's happened to me !!!!!!!

The conversation always starts out positive but ends with good hair/bad hair ..... I get super annoyed

 

[Urban]

So why is she bothering to transition if she hates natural hair so much?

 

[LdyKamz]

Urban

She said she's sticking with it because her hair grows better without the relaxer. I told her I used to weave it up too. But I wanted longer hair that I could actually show off, not hide forever. And that's when she said "Me too! But girlllll I don't know if I can do this. When I wake up in the morning I be looking like I just got off the slave ship" And then she cackled like I was going to laugh too. I just looked around because I was embarrassed.

 

[PureSilver]

Sorry this happened to you but Teller girl hasn't found herself in the hair world yet and she's clearly not happy with her decision. I wonder who held her up at gun point and forced her to transition/natural hair life?

I don't know if i would handle it like you but relaxed or natural i would be real with her in one sentence that will have her thinking for days.

 

[DoDo]

Back away from that slowly. There is nothing you can do at that moment in that bank to clarify years of ignorance .

The white girl in that scenario irks me too when she knows damn well she flat irons/blow fries and probably colors that mess too. Straight my .

Don't bother with the ignorance. White and black are frequently awestruck with my hair in it's natural 'fro state. Before we were ever slaves for far longer we were royalty, warriors, and merchants. We need to find that place in ourselves that can remember that.

I am getting irked too right now, just hot, I can't.

 

[EnExitStageLeft]

I walk away from people like that. Either that or give them the "Your REALLY stupid" look.

 

[whiteoleander91]

Don't bother with the ignorance. White and black are frequently awestruck with my hair in it's natural 'fro state. Before we were ever slaves for far longer we were royalty, warriors, and merchants. We need to find that place in ourselves that can remember that.

I am getting irked too right now, just hot, I can't.

Wow, I really liked the sentence in bold. That really resonated with me.


I've had people say some uncomfortable things to me regarding natural hair, which is one of the reasons why I find it very uncomfortable to be stopped and questioned. It's just never not awkward. And what do you say to someone who is adamantly putting their own hair down? I can't make you believe in the moon if all you have ever known is the sun.

 

[Amarilles]

She just doesn't know any better (yet, hopefully) and hasn't found people around her who do. I wouldn't give her a stupid look, I can remember when I would say off things about my hair when I needed a relaxer...and I was just repeating the words that the women in my family said.

I do remember who planted a little seed in me. She said she bets my natural hair would be gorgeous. I said nope, trust me it's bad. She said but God didn't create any part of us to be bad. I stayed quiet because it's true, He says just the opposite. It took some years to conform and act but I got it.

I personally feel like a hypocrite if I judge others for not realizing they do not have bad hair. If I were you OP, I'd go back to the bank and give her a piece of paper with www.longhaircareforum.com written on it or www.curlynikki.com or anything that might push her in a positive direction. To me it just sounds like she doesn't have anyone around her to help her see otherwise.

 

[CheChe1881]

She sounds insecure.

 

[LdyKamz]

Amarilles

I almost told her to come here. I was about to tell her about the site when she started spewing that nonsense. I wasn't sure if it would be useful to her.

I've learned that people have to decide on their own time. When I first found the boards I used to talk to my sister about hair all the time and try to help her. She didn't want to hear it and thought our hair was "bad" too. Recently she has decided to go natural and now she lurks here. And she talks me to death about the most basic things. But I let her because she's excited about learning and I'm excited that she wants to take care of her hair.

 

[kandake]

I don't like talking about natural hair. Like someone else mentioned it's almost always awkward. And it's really sad that some black women hate their hair so much. It's one thing to prefer straight hair over curly/coily/kinky hair but to make such disparaging remarks about something that natural grows out of your scalp is disheartening to say the least.

 

[BostonMaria]

I would've turned around and walked out LOL that's when the conversation would have been OVER

The worst part? She went on to say that when she wakes up in the morning she looks like she just got off the slave ship.

I've met people like this in real life. Its very unfortunate.

 

[FelaShrine]

So why is she bothering to transition if she hates natural hair so much?

Like many, trying to see what texture they have. if it turns out not to be the "right" one,well...

I would have changed the subject op and gone back to the matter at hand. my money. that whole coon scenario with the coworkers..no thanks

 

[Platinum]

Amarilles

I almost told her to come here. I was about to tell her about the site when she started spewing that nonsense. I wasn't sure if it would be useful to her.

I used to do that when I discussed natural hair care with people like that bank teller. A few years ago, I met another lady truck driver at a truck stop. She mentioned about needing to get a perm (I don't know why because her hair was short, uneven, severely damaged and slicked down with brown gel). I suggested some products like Aphogee and deep conditioner. She looks at my hair (I was rocking a puff) and asks me why am I wearing my hair like that.erplexed Then she goes on to say that she "couldn't walk around with my hair all nappy like that". I grabbed a small section of my hair and pulled it to show length (which was much longer than hers).

I said, "Obviously, what I'm doing works for me". I'm sure she felt like a fool after that. I suggested that she check out this site as well as Nappturality to get more info about hair care.

 

[Dee Raven]

My high school girls talk like that. I had never really heard black women talk like that before them because no on in my family or circle of friends views hair in that way. But I think what is so disturbing about it is the certainty with which they make those self-loathing claims.

 

[havilland]

I walk away from people like that. Either that or give them the "Your REALLY stupid" look.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^THIS

 

[bluenvy]

depends on a situation. This white girl that did not know me from a whole in a wall ( my cousin baby momma lol) told me at a kids bday party that my hair looks crazy! My hair was in a cute fro that I got plenty of positive comments from, family, strangers etc. she said it in an playful manner. I gave her the itch please look, and politely said " Do you know anything about black hairstyles" she said no. " I know you seen styles like this before, so many people like my hair today but you, I can live with that". I love to kill a**h*** with kindness mind you this chick has not one, but two kids by my cousin with hair like mines! If you don't like it, why keep having offsprings that looks similar to me? And her hair was a dirty greasy mess lol. Did not bother mentioning her hair, she knows what she looked like before she left her mirror

 

[JazzyOleBabe]

I could have tolerated the conversation including the "slave remark". What I could not tolerated was knowing that coworkers were also a part of the convo because the volume of the speaker's voice. That giggling and profiling would send me to the moon and they would know it from the look I would have given them.

 

[Stormy]

That was not cool. Such ignorance even today with all of the knowledge we're armed with. I thought most black women were beyond that craziness now, but I guess not. As soon as I wear a twist out some still say I must have "good hair."erplexed

 

[kamille8]

I'm def more mad she gave these white girls this false impression that anything about their hair is enviable. Got this white girl patting her hair like she got it going on.

 

[JazzyOleBabe]

kamille8
I totally agree with you. Her statements just gave fodder for these chicks to boast about.

 

[discodumpling]

Lol girl dont share the feeling or the knowledge with those who are unworthy! Some people cannot be helped! I get the good hair comment from my cousin and im perplexed cause imho SHE has ideal hair!

 

[DirectorChic]

Yesterday I went to the bank and the bank teller I got was a black woman around my age (late 20's). When I got to her window she said "How's your transition going?" I told her that I wasn't transitioning anymore and that I was fully natural. My hair was in a puff but I had slicked my edges with ors edge control.

Anyway, she told me she was transitioning under her weave and we chatted about hair for a while. I was so excited to meet someone in real life that was into hair until she started in about good hair/bad hair. After telling me her regimen she says suddenly "You must have good hair because even though the top is nappy your front and sides are wavy" I didn't know what to say to that. But she just kept on talking about how she only wears her hair out in the winter when there's no one around and weave in the summer because she wants to look cute.

The worst part? She went on to say that when she wakes up in the morning she looks like she just got off the slave ship. She was talking really loud and was the only black teller in between 2 white girls. When she made the slave ship comment one of the girls looked at her and smirked. She looked back and said "you wouldn't know nothing about that because you got that good straight hair. I'm gonna cut it off" erplexed And white girl tugs on her own hair and smiles like yeah I know I'm the ish. I was dumfounded.

I guess I just wanted to vent because I've never experienced anything like that. I wanted to tell her off but at the same time just wanted to get away from her. I was so embarrassed. After thinking about it more later on I got really mad. I wanted to run back to the bank and tell those white girls that black women don't envy them like this one right here was doing. But of course I didn't. I should have said something though.

^^And this right here is the reason why Black Women's Engines to their star ships get blown out in space!! You let the Klingons know where it is. And wonder why you always get hit there.

In other words black women have to know when to say something and when to shut up and remain a MYSTERY. This is why other women feel smug because sisters like telling the world to a GREAT fault.

 

[DirectorChic]

Back away from that slowly. There is nothing you can do at that moment in that bank to clarify years of ignorance .

The white girl in that scenario irks me too when she knows damn well she flat irons/blow fries and probably colors that mess too. Straight my .

Don't bother with the ignorance. White and black are frequently awestruck with my hair in it's natural 'fro state. Before we were ever slaves for far longer we were royalty, warriors, and merchants. We need to find that place in ourselves that can remember that.

I am getting irked too right now, just hot, I can't.

Many of those women coming of the slave ship had longer hair..but what they did was SHAVE it. It was to dehumanize her ( sort of like in Nazi camps)
Many women in Africa in those times had long hair and I Have read their discriptions with some having waist length hair... take a look at some of the Berber women... (Not the white European ones but the original black ones.)

 

[Subscribe]

So, i guess suggesting she check out Youtube or a telling her about a hair forum didn't come to mind???

Her words are no different than a lot of women on this board prior to hair forums Her slave ship statement has been said over and over just not in front of "others".

If we don't educate our own, who will? Instead of getting up on your pedestal why not take a DEPOSIT slip and write down a name of someone with 4z hair on youtube?? It takes the same amount if not more to post to talk about her on this forum.

 

[Ari8]

Nobody's responsible for educating an adult. Especially when it comes to matters of common sense and dignity. Nobody can teach the idiot under discussion how NOT to make herself look like a piece of trash in front of others. Maybe after enough mockery she might figure it out. Or maybe not.

EDIT: Typo.

 

[LdyKamz]

So, i guess suggesting she check out Youtube or a telling her about a hair forum didn't come to mind???

Her words are no different than a lot of women on this board prior to hair forums Her slave ship statement has been said over and over just not in front of "others".

If we don't educate our own, who will? Instead of getting up on your pedestal why not take a DEPOSIT slip and write down a name of someone with 4z hair on youtube?? It takes the same amount if not more to post to talk about her on this forum.

Subscribe

If you read through the entire thread maybe you would have seen that I thought about it then thought better of it as I didn't see her benefiting from it now. I also said that people have to learn in their own time. And honestly her hating her hair is something I think she'd have to deal with. No matter what I say she's going to feel the way she feels until she doesn't.

BUT since you are so much better than me maybe I can tell you where the bank is and you can go give her some youtube suggestions. I can almost guarantee you she wouldn't be interested. Not at this time anyway.