AlwaysNatural
Well-Known Member
For many years, I've suffered with intrusive thoughts. It's very hard to explain to people because the thoughts are usually very blasphemous and as a result I believe I will become cursed if I say them aloud. I believe God will not hold me accountable for them because they are out of my control and even feared getting baptized because I kept having this recurring scene of me blaspheming God/Jesus while being baptized. Ive had prayers over me, holy water poured on me, claimed the blood, had pastors and group prayer done on me. Said all the chants, trying to counter it and even believed or sometimes believe I am possessed. I know it is a mind problem however and not possession, led by anxiety. I decided to just live with it.
But today on google 2hrs ago while typing in some key words tried to see if I could find any stories of other people having this problem and I finally know what this illness which is a form of OCD is called. It is called Scrupulosity. When i tried telling some people about it in the beginning they manipulated my cry for help into trying to make me believe somehow it is my fault when i humbly tried to explain and that I need to just get baptized and it will all stop not realizing that my anxious reaction is that some how I will blaspheme God and be cursed for life. I've had this problem since about 13 I am now 18 going on 19. Some have laughed at me about it both athiest and christian when i've broken down about it in my early adolescent years and since then after that i stopped talking about it. I would have triggers however when people swore.
While reading a site where people were giving their testimonies, this excerpt really caught me. I was not expecting anyone to have had this problem or situation occur to them too but this also happened to me!:
I’ve just turned 20, and I remember the first time I had these thoughts. I was about 12 or 13. After a family friend told me about the unforgivable sin, blasphemy against the Holy Spirit, my mind kept making me think such sentences as, “The Holy Spirit is from the Devil,” “Jesus is of the Devil,” and so on. Horrified, I thought for sure that I had just signed my spiritual death certificate, condemning myself to hell. I cried almost uncontrollably. I finally confessed to my dad what I was thinking and he assured me that it was something called intrusive thoughts. Above anything in the world, my biggest fear is being unforgiven by God. I now realize that it is precisely because this is my greatest fear that I found myself repeatedly thinking the worst possible thoughts.
- http://www.net-burst.net/guilty/religious-obsessive-compulsive-disorder.htm
Here some sites also explaining what it is and some of the symptoms:
http://www.beyondocd.org/index.php/clergy/scrupulosity/
http://suite101.com/article/an-examination-of-scrupulosity-a136507
I thank God for revealing this to me, because I sometimes blame myself i've always felt ashamed to address it because of judgment or talk to anyone about it because people always undermine it or do not understand how this compulsive mind intrusive habit affects my life, especially in the early years.
I'm just posting this here incase anyone else suffers from this problem.
I believe it is no coincidence that I was led to this site today and I feel very relieved.
But today on google 2hrs ago while typing in some key words tried to see if I could find any stories of other people having this problem and I finally know what this illness which is a form of OCD is called. It is called Scrupulosity. When i tried telling some people about it in the beginning they manipulated my cry for help into trying to make me believe somehow it is my fault when i humbly tried to explain and that I need to just get baptized and it will all stop not realizing that my anxious reaction is that some how I will blaspheme God and be cursed for life. I've had this problem since about 13 I am now 18 going on 19. Some have laughed at me about it both athiest and christian when i've broken down about it in my early adolescent years and since then after that i stopped talking about it. I would have triggers however when people swore.
While reading a site where people were giving their testimonies, this excerpt really caught me. I was not expecting anyone to have had this problem or situation occur to them too but this also happened to me!:
I’ve just turned 20, and I remember the first time I had these thoughts. I was about 12 or 13. After a family friend told me about the unforgivable sin, blasphemy against the Holy Spirit, my mind kept making me think such sentences as, “The Holy Spirit is from the Devil,” “Jesus is of the Devil,” and so on. Horrified, I thought for sure that I had just signed my spiritual death certificate, condemning myself to hell. I cried almost uncontrollably. I finally confessed to my dad what I was thinking and he assured me that it was something called intrusive thoughts. Above anything in the world, my biggest fear is being unforgiven by God. I now realize that it is precisely because this is my greatest fear that I found myself repeatedly thinking the worst possible thoughts.
- http://www.net-burst.net/guilty/religious-obsessive-compulsive-disorder.htm
Here some sites also explaining what it is and some of the symptoms:
http://www.beyondocd.org/index.php/clergy/scrupulosity/
http://suite101.com/article/an-examination-of-scrupulosity-a136507
I thank God for revealing this to me, because I sometimes blame myself i've always felt ashamed to address it because of judgment or talk to anyone about it because people always undermine it or do not understand how this compulsive mind intrusive habit affects my life, especially in the early years.
I'm just posting this here incase anyone else suffers from this problem.
I believe it is no coincidence that I was led to this site today and I feel very relieved.
