Marriage trouble!!!!

[Evolving78]

I have been having problems in my marriage for over a year now and it doesn't look like things are going to get better. My husband seems to think that he should be able to do as he pleases and have a life that doesn't really include his wife or children. He thinks he can go out, stay out late, sleep in late, neglect his household duties, he plays video games all day long, and he doesn't really spend time with our son. He doesn't sacrifice much for us. We talked about me staying at home with the kids, but he is not willing to get a second job to help us out. I have to nag him to help me out all the time and I'm just getting tired. I'm expecting our second child next month and I feel like a single mother already with our 1 year old son. I'm ready to leave him, but I feel trapped right now, because my money is funny and I'm pregnant and about to have this baby. I have been told to leave pray and leave it in God's hands, but I really don't know how to do that or even if I want to do that. I feel like he is just taking up space and I don't need a man acting like a child in my life. He doesn't care anything about my condition at all. I'm suppose to be on disability from work getting rest and that is not happening.

How do I wait on God, but not get the love and support I need from my Dh.

 

[Evolving78]

Bumping...Bumping...

 

[chellero]

I don't really feel qualified to offer you any advice in this matter, but I am sorry that you are going through this and I will pray for you and your family.

 

[BrooklynSouth]

I have been having problems in my marriage for over a year now and it doesn't look like things are going to get better. My husband seems to think that he should be able to do as he pleases and have a life that doesn't really include his wife or children. He thinks he can go out, stay out late, sleep in late, neglect his household duties, he plays video games all day long, and he doesn't really spend time with our son. He doesn't sacrifice much for us. We talked about me staying at home with the kids, but he is not willing to get a second job to help us out. I have to nag him to help me out all the time and I'm just getting tired. I'm expecting our second child next month and I feel like a single mother already with our 1 year old son. I'm ready to leave him, but I feel trapped right now, because my money is funny and I'm pregnant and about to have this baby. I have been told to leave pray and leave it in God's hands, but I really don't know how to do that or even if I want to do that. I feel like he is just taking up space and I don't need a man acting like a child in my life. He doesn't care anything about my condition at all. I'm suppose to be on disability from work getting rest and that is not happening.

How do I wait on God, but not get the love and support I need from my Dh.

Shortdub, I feel for you..wish there was an easy answer to shoot out to you but it's too serious a matter to be flippant or even throw out a solution. I can say......"Sincerely ask God, be patient and the answer will come". Seek love and support from your blood relatives.
May God bless your home.

 

[StrawberryQueen]

Have you gone to any professional counseling (religious or marriage specific)? Have you spoken to him about his behavior? Is this a sudden change or has he always acted like this? Is your husband a Christian? Read the Bible with him and show him exactly what he's supposed to be as a Christian husband.

I don't know what to tell you, but listen to your spirit and you will get the answers you desire. Some folks might tell you to stay regardless of the circumstances, but I won't be the one to tell you that, nor will i tell you to leave. I have no advice beyond what I've said to give you, but I will pray for you.

 

[donna894]

I am seconding Strawberry Queen's post. Has he always been this way? And do you have family or friends to support you during this time? Also is he a Christian? Do you have a church home that could counsel the two of you?

 

[Evolving78]

Have you gone to any professional counseling (religious or marriage specific)? Have you spoken to him about his behavior? Is this a sudden change or has he always acted like this? Is your husband a Christian? Read the Bible with him and show him exactly what he's supposed to be as a Christian husband.

I don't know what to tell you, but listen to your spirit and you will get the answers you desire. Some folks might tell you to stay regardless of the circumstances, but I won't be the one to tell you that, nor will i tell you to leave. I have no advice beyond what I've said to give you, but I will pray for you.

Yes we have been to counseling. Premarital and we went to a professional counselor a couple of months ago. He felt we didn't need to continue because I wasn't nagging him anymore. I just gave up fighting for a momment and was trying to let things go over my head and blow it off, but that didn't work either. Ever since we tied the knot he has acted like this. I don't even feel like talking to him anymore. He doesn't care no matter what I say or how I say it. I tried to have him checkout some Christian marriage websites. I printed out stuff for him to reading concerning what God wants for our marriage, but I get nothing. He is late coming home now and I feel like he treats me like a live-in babysitter. I just don't even know how to turn to God in this situation. I have prayed and cried. I'm just going to be still right now, but I feel like I need to make a plan of escape. I will have two babies that I have to take care of and it seems like I will end up doing it on my own. I'm going to have to find a job during the day that will pay more and find another place to live. My credit isn't all of that right now, but I don't even have the money to fix it right now. I have tried applying for work from home jobs, but nothing has come up yet. Plus, I'm having a c-section and I know I won't be able to do much and I'm going to need help. I do have my mom and a couple of friends, but I don't like to lean on other people with my problems.

 

[StrawberryQueen]

Yes we have been to counseling. Premarital and we went to a professional counselor a couple of months ago. He felt we didn't need to continue because I wasn't nagging him anymore. I just gave up fighting for a momment and was trying to let things go over my head and blow it off, but that didn't work either. Ever since we tied the knot he has acted like this. I don't even feel like talking to him anymore. He doesn't care no matter what I say or how I say it. I tried to have him checkout some Christian marriage websites. I printed out stuff for him to reading concerning what God wants for our marriage, but I get nothing. He is late coming home now and I feel like he treats me like a live-in babysitter. I just don't even know how to turn to God in this situation. I have prayed and cried. I'm just going to be still right now, but I feel like I need to make a plan of escape. I will have two babies that I have to take care of and it seems like I will end up doing it on my own. I'm going to have to find a job during the day that will pay more and find another place to live. My credit isn't all of that right now, but I don't even have the money to fix it right now. I have tried applying for work from home jobs, but nothing has come up yet. Plus, I'm having a c-section and I know I won't be able to do much and I'm going to need help. I do have my mom and a couple of friends, but I don't like to lean on other people with my problems.

Can you pinpoint when these things started to happen? Was it right after you married? Did he think he had to stop courting you? Is this like a total personality change? Is he violent or cheating on you? Maybe he's going through some personal he (wrongly) has chosen not to share with you.

God might be giving you your answer right now. It sounds like you are with a man who does not value this relationship, you or the children. You said you've gone the counsling route, extnesive talking, etc. It might be time to leave. I know you don't want to stay with folks, but you have to push away your pride. You might have to go on welfare for a short time too. Anything that helps.

Try to lean on the church as much as you can and see what they can give you in terms of assistance. If you do decide to not only leave, but divorce-get an order of support so that your children will be provided for if he does not pony up the money when you ask for it.

I know it will be hard, but remember the Lord never gives you too much.

 

[star]

You submit yourself to God's will. Do not make any decisions in this state of mind and without asking God. Although, your spouse is absent from the relationship God is not. Take what you know about God and just rehearse it. THis would be his goodness, his mercy, his love for you etc. God knew this was going to happen before you did so now would be the time to pray and read your word. God will give you peace. I would not say anything to the husband right now about what he is not doing but just talk to God. God will give you peace in the storm. Just open your mouth and speak whatever is on your heart. God will take care of the husband just love on God right now so he can heal you.

 

[Mocha5]

You submit yourself to God's will. Do not make any decisions in this state of mind and without asking God. Although, your spouse is absent from the relationship God is not. Take what you know about God and just rehearse it. THis would be his goodness, his mercy, his love for you etc. God knew this was going to happen before you did so now would be the time to pray and read your word. God will give you peace. I would not say anything to the husband right now about what he is not doing but just talk to God. God will give you peace in the storm. Just open your mouth and speak whatever is on your heart. God will take care of the husband just love on God right now so he can heal you.

(((Hugs))) I agree. Don't take your problems to DH, your momma, or your friends. Take it to the Master. And I know this is hard especially when you're hurting and you feel like you need answers right away. It seems so much easier to seek answers from those who are close to us. But the truth is that no one is closer to you than our Father. And He will not lead you wrong. Be still and seek Him. Try not to cry too much and upset yourself because that precious baby feels everything that you do.

Listen. God has you in the palm of His hand and He will see you through this. But you gotta wait on Him. And you may not hear from him right away but don't make any rash decisions. Prepare to stand. When you're feeling lonely, tired, or upset just call on Him. He will strengthen you and give you the joy that you need. (((Hugs)))

 

[Farida]

I'm going to recommend two books. Don't let the titles fool you, they have stuff for the men in there too.

It is quite possible he feels unfulfilled too and unhappy.

Read: the proper care and feeding of husbands and the proper care and feeding of marriage by Laura Schlessinger.

You can try and implement a few kill him with kindness tactics and if you can somehow get him to read them and highlight his needs, it may open his eyes too.

Blessings on your marriage, I'll say a prayer for you.

 

[Nice & Wavy]

(((Hugs))) I agree. Don't take your problems to DH, your momma, or your friends. Take it to the Master. And I know this is hard especially when you're hurting and you feel like you need answers right away. It seems so much easier to seek answers from those who are close to us. But the truth is that no one is closer to you than our Father. And He will not lead you wrong. Be still and seek Him. Try not to cry too much and upset yourself because that precious baby feels everything that you do.

Listen. God has you in the palm of His hand and He will see you through this. But you gotta wait on Him. And you may not hear from him right away but don't make any rash decisions. Prepare to stand. When you're feeling lonely, tired, or upset just call on Him. He will strengthen you and give you the joy that you need. (((Hugs)))

ITA with Star and Mocha. The one important thing right now is for you to have a healthy, happy baby and for your children to be happy. That's not going to be easy with what is going on in your home at this time, but God is an all knowing God and sees what is going on. He will not give you what you are not able to bear but, with it He will make a way of escape for you. Trust Him and seek Him out, you will find Him when you search for Him with all of your heart.

I am praying for you and I know that God will see you through it all....He is faithful.

 

[shalom]

(((Hugs))) I agree. Don't take your problems to DH, your momma, or your friends. Take it to the Master. And I know this is hard especially when you're hurting and you feel like you need answers right away. It seems so much easier to seek answers from those who are close to us. But the truth is that no one is closer to you than our Father. And He will not lead you wrong. Be still and seek Him. Try not to cry too much and upset yourself because that precious baby feels everything that you do.

Listen. God has you in the palm of His hand and He will see you through this. But you gotta wait on Him. And you may not hear from him right away but don't make any rash decisions. Prepare to stand. When you're feeling lonely, tired, or upset just call on Him. He will strengthen you and give you the joy that you need. (((Hugs)))

I second what these ladies said. Wait on the Lord. I will keep you in my prayers.

 

[Xavier]

(((HUGS)))I am so sorry to hear that. I don't have any advice but I do hope that everything works out for the best, whether that means leaving him or working it out.

 

[AMJMJR]

I am sorry you are going through this. I will be praying for you and your family. Let God reveal to you what you should do.

 

[Evolving78]

Hey ladies! Thank you so much for your kind words and advice. I'm still having the same issues, but today I have finally decided to turn it over to the Lord. That was very hard for me to do. Because I'm pregnant I just really wanted my husband to take a more proactive role in our lives together by helping me out more, but you can't change or make anybody do anything they don't want to do. I have learned today to stop nagging, talking, arguing about our issues with him. I'm not going to be mean or disrespectful to him either. I can't be that way if I want God to help me through this. I did ask for a divorce yesterday. I can't really make the move to do that right now, but I'm going to prepare myself for it. he pretty much said that I can do whatever I want, so I just have to take care of my kids and trust that God is going to whatever is best for my life and family. I'm going to read my bible more and pray even if I feel like it is useless. I feel like I'm being tested right now, but I know if I stay true to my faith and what I believe in then everything will work out for the best.
God Bless!

 

[MissLawyerLady]

Hang in there sis! I've have very similar issues with my DH- he's never supportive (and he thinks he is) and he always plays the victim. There have been so many times that I've been depressed and down b/c of our r'ship. So, I can tell you first hand to stand still and pray. In the past year and a half I have really committed my life to Christ- and everyone can tell the difference- including DH and believe me when one of his children is hurting, the Father listens. It may not seem like anything is changing but I assure you in the name of Jesus Christ that if you ask him for help, he will in no wise cast you out. He will make a way!

Remember you can't change DH only Christ can do that. Use this time to go even deeper with your r'ship with Christ. He can give you unspeakable joy in the midst of unbearable situations b/c if you are His, He is always, always, always, in control!

A book that you may want to check out is "The Power of a Praying Wife" by Stormie O'Martian. I know you may not feel like praying for DH, but remember Job was blessed and restored when he prayed for his friends- the very friends who were scorning him.

Keep the faith, "Be strong in the Lord and the power of His might." I will be praying for your family.

Oh, and something else that really helped me was when I remembered that despite what DH is doing and how he's acting, there's is often a larger force at work and I know my DH isn't aware of it- the enemy seeks to destroy lives by destroying families and r'ships- "for we wrestle not against flesh and blood" Eph. 6:12. So turn to God for deliverance.

LIke the song says, "I"ll pray for you; you pray for me- watch God change things"

 

[Evolving78]

Hang in there sis! I've have very similar issues with my DH- he's never supportive (and he thinks he is) and he always plays the victim. There have been so many times that I've been depressed and down b/c of our r'ship. So, I can tell you first hand to stand still and pray. In the past year and a half I have really committed my life to Christ- and everyone can tell the difference- including DH and believe me when one of his children is hurting, the Father listens. It may not seem like anything is changing but I assure you in the name of Jesus Christ that if you ask him for help, he will in no wise cast you out. He will make a way!

Remember you can't change DH only Christ can do that. Use this time to go even deeper with your r'ship with Christ. He can give you unspeakable joy in the midst of unbearable situations b/c if you are His, He is always, always, always, in control!

A book that you may want to check out is "The Power of a Praying Wife" by Stormie O'Martian. I know you may not feel like praying for DH, but remember Job was blessed and restored when he prayed for his friends- the very friends who were scorning him.

Keep the faith, "Be strong in the Lord and the power of His might." I will be praying for your family.

Oh, and something else that really helped me was when I remembered that despite what DH is doing and how he's acting, there's is often a larger force at work and I know my DH isn't aware of it- the enemy seeks to destroy lives by destroying families and r'ships- "for we wrestle not against flesh and blood" Eph. 6:12. So turn to God for deliverance.

LIke the song says, "I"ll pray for you; you pray for me- watch God change things"

I so feel you on everything that you said. I did pray for him today and I've been reading the book of Job. Wow that is a amazing that you brought that up. Thank you!

 

[firecracker]

Sorry that your going through a rough patch.

I try to read this daily before I start my day:

Try to stay conscious of Me as you go step by step through this day. My Presence with you is both a promish and a protection. My final statement just before I ascended into heaven was; Surely I am with you always. That promis was for all of My followers, without exception.

The Promise of My Presence is a powerful protection. As you journey through your life, there are numerous pitfalls along the way. Many voices clamor for your attention, enticing you to go their way. A few steps away from your true path are pits of self-pity and despair, pateus of pride and self-will. If you take your eyes off Me and follow other's way, you are in grave danger. Even well-meaning friends can lead you astray if you let them usurp My place in your life. The way to stay on the path of Life is to keep your focus on Me. Awareness of My Prescence is your best protection.


I hope this comforts and assist you as it does me during rough patches.

 

[Evolving78]

Sorry that your going through a rough patch.

I try to read this daily before I start my day:

Try to stay conscious of Me as you go step by step through this day. My Presence with you is both a promish and a protection. My final statement just before I ascended into heaven was; Surely I am with you always. That promis was for all of My followers, without exception.

The Promise of My Presence is a powerful protection. As you journey through your life, there are numerous pitfalls along the way. Many voices clamor for your attention, enticing you to go their way. A few steps away from your true path are pits of self-pity and despair, pateus of pride and self-will. If you take your eyes off Me and follow other's way, you are in grave danger. Even well-meaning friends can lead you astray if you let them usurp My place in your life. The way to stay on the path of Life is to keep your focus on Me. Awareness of My Prescence is your best protection.


I hope this comforts and assist you as it does me during rough patches.

Thank you for that! I'm glad that I have ladies here can comfort and hold people accountable, letting me know that God can make anything possible if I just trust, believe and put God first. Thanks again.