Marriage in Trouble, HELP!!

[Mz_Zartavia]

Good Morning Ladies!!

I haven't been on lately and that has been mainly because of what's going on in my marriage. Somewhere, somehow there has been a disconnect in my marriage. We argue all the time. Seems as though we can't go more than 48 hrs of peace before we are back at it again. And majority of the stuff we argue about is petty. It's so upsetting that I have drawn back. I don't openly express myself to my husband nor share my ideas/concerns because of being felt like my discussions/ideas/concerns are meaningless. So, my friends have started to become twice my outlet. And THAT in itself has caused even MORE problems.

He accuses me of wanting to be with other people. Accuses me of having something going on with my male friend, who by the way was my best friend before I met my husband (who is 17 yrs older than me). Tells me that I need to get rid of ALL prior friendships because they are a threat to our marriage. And feels that my wanting to travel, be adventurous, go out to cultural events, and things of that sort (mind you with him) to be a waste of his time and energy. The spark has died. As soon as we said "I Do", things changed.

I could go into this soooooooo much deeper but I don't want to bore you ladies. My reasoning behind posting today is this:

- Are there any married women on the board that can guide me into finding scriptures that pertain to strengthening the marriage? To keeping the devil at bay?

TIA

 

[HERicane10]

Good Morning Ladies!!

I haven't been on lately and that has been mainly because of what's going on in my marriage. Somewhere, somehow there has been a disconnect in my marriage. We argue all the time. Seems as though we can't go more than 48 hrs of peace before we are back at it again. And majority of the stuff we argue about is petty. It's so upsetting that I have drawn back. I don't openly express myself to my husband nor share my ideas/concerns because of being felt like my discussions/ideas/concerns are meaningless. So, my friends have started to become twice my outlet. And THAT in itself has caused even MORE problems.

He accuses me of wanting to be with other people. Accuses me of having something going on with my male friend, who by the way was my best friend before I met my husband (who is 17 yrs older than me). Tells me that I need to get rid of ALL prior friendships because they are a threat to our marriage. And feels that my wanting to travel, be adventurous, go out to cultural events, and things of that sort (mind you with him) to be a waste of his time and energy. The spark has died. As soon as we said "I Do", things changed.

I could go into this soooooooo much deeper but I don't want to bore you ladies. My reasoning behind posting today is this:

- Are there any married women on the board that can guide me into finding scriptures that pertain to strengthening the marriage? To keeping the devil at bay?

TIA

Ms. Z, I want to salute you for having the courage to ask for help. I have been battling my own marital demons as well. I find that the scriptures I rely on are ones dealing with peace.
Psalms 34:14
Depart from evil, and do good; seek peace, and pursue it.
Proverb 31:10-12 10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. 11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. 12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.

I believe it is vital that we not allow OURSELVES to become selfish and wallow in self pity. Satan is defeated when we begin to pray for our HUSBANDS. Stormie Omartian's book Power of A Praying Wife is a wonderful tool to help guide you in HOW and WHAT to pray for your husband. Withdrawing is our safety mechanism, we don't know what to do and we don't want to be hurt either, BUT often our husbands are dealing with issues/concerns that are just as real to them.

Romans 8:11-14 says 11 But if the Spirit of him that raised up Jesus from the dead dwell in you, he that raised up Christ from the dead shall also quicken your mortal bodies by his Spirit that dwelleth in you. 12 Therefore, brethren, we are debtors, not to the flesh, to live after the flesh. 13 For if ye live after the flesh, ye shall die: but if ye through the Spirit do mortify the deeds of the body, ye shall live. 14 For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God.

If we are willing to not give into our FLESHLY desire to retreat and isolate and allow God to be our guiding power THEN we can truly see His power to change every situation.

Please feel free to PM me if you'd like to talk more or want additional scripture references. "No weapon formed against you will prosper! You will go out with joy and be lead with peace!"

 

[charmingt]

I will pray for you and your husband. It sounds like you are going through some growth and change in your lives and maybe more growth is on your side. The Word says to leave and cleave to one another. However your husband is to love you like Jesus loves the Church. As wives we are to respect our husbands. Is he patient and kind to you? Sometimes men's egos are very vulnerable especially when they feel that they are losing someone that they dearly love. The male best friend may be a possible threat. He may need to step away because your husband may see him as a problem. I know that God loves you and ask the Holy Spirit to guide you into working this out.

 

[klb120475]

{{Hugs}} How long have you all been married?


Eta: I just noticed you're in China Lake, Ca. I use to live in Ridgecrest.

 

[HERicane10]

Ms. Z, check out these artilces on marriage at crosswalk.com:
www.crosswalk.com/marriage/1367991/

www.crosswalk.com/marriage/1362927/

 

[Mz_Zartavia]

HERicane10 - Thank you SO MUCH for the insight and scriptures. I'm printing your whole post out right now!!! And Stormie is absolutely a BLESSING. I have had her book "Power of A Praying Wife" for a few years now. Received it for a gift before we were married. I just received her other book "Power of A Praying Husband" yesterday in the mail. I'm going to give it to my husband as a gift this weekend. I had laid off purchasing it because my husband doesn't attend church nor really talk about GOD in general. But over the past few months of me praying day in and day out for some help, we surprised me one day with not only agreeing to go to counseling BUT asked if I wanted to start attending church!!! I almost passed out!! I will definitely have to keep in touch with you for more support and discussion!!

charmingt - You are so right about feeling as though they are losing something they love dearly. At this moment, I am in Los Angeles (my hometown) and he is 3 hours away on the base we are stationed at. I'm here working as the economy in Ridgecrest is HORRIBLE and most spouses of the military opt to just not work at all. Not me. Before we moved back here we did have issues also so I am now starting to understand that me coming to L.A. working (leaving on the terms we are on) only opened it up to assumptions and stress. And we are working on that. Thank you for your comment!! I really really appreciate that. (and that male bf is currently being pushed out of my life to save my marriage )

klb120475 - We've been together for 4 yrs this October. And had our 1 yr. wedding anniversary last December!! Yes girl, we were relocated to boring behind China Lake/Ridgecrest. Soooooo different from what we are use to so it has been HARD for us. And to be stationed here until '09 maybe even '10 is gonna be HARDER. Luckily we have my hometown not far and some of his family up in Oakland, CA. My husband is originally from New Orleans. His brother and sister-in-law stay in Memphis!!!

 

[madamdot]

The the book the 5 love languages. Very useful. We also did some marriage counseling courses- there are a few tapes with the course that I thought were excellent. I will ask my husband for the name and let you know (BTW, the guy on the tape mentioned the love language before . . . I was so happy because until then i was having a hard time getting my hubby to read it.)

You and your husband will be in my prayers.

 

[HERicane10]

Ms Z, I'll continue to pray for you and have added you as a buddy so that I can check on you from time to time.

I'm listening to Bishop Edie Long's Love Series now:

Gentleness = love emphathizing

Joy = love enjoying itself

Peace = love resting

Kindness = love reacting

Faithfulness = love keeping its word

Fruits of the Spirit: Galatians 5:22-23

 

[klb120475]

klb120475 - We've been together for 4 yrs this October. And had our 1 yr. wedding anniversary last December!! Yes girl, we were relocated to boring behind China Lake/Ridgecrest. Soooooo different from what we are use to so it has been HARD for us. And to be stationed here until '09 maybe even '10 is gonna be HARDER. Luckily we have my hometown not far and some of his family up in Oakland, CA. My husband is originally from New Orleans. His brother and sister-in-law stay in Memphis!!!

Girl shut yo mouth! What are the odds of me ever meeting anyone from China Lake online?! Well, this explains everythang....that desert will depress anyone. Then his folks stay in Memphis. Okay, you and I are gonna have to keep in touch.

BTW: I'm praying for you.

 

[Mz_Zartavia]

madamdot - Thanks for the suggestion!! I just looked up the author and signed up for access to the free resources and will be ordering TWO of those books later on. And thank you for keeping my husband and myself in your prayers.

HERicane10 - Thanks girl. I added you to my buddy list also. I will definitely be contacting you for more insight and wisdom.

klb120475 - I would have NEVER thought I would have met anyone from this boonie town online either!! I added you to my buddy list TOO!! Thanks for keeping us in your prayers girl!!

 

[Mz_Zartavia]

Alright everyone, I haven't been on much lately and that may have to do with all the things going on in my personal life. But, I wanted to give you all an update.

Marriage life couldn't be better!!! The LORD works when you need him to. We have started attending church services together (when he NEVER went before). We signed up for a Marriage Retreat down in beautiful La Jolla, CA which we attended on Sep. 21st and brought back from there some very valuable information, lessons learned, and a renewed love. We have also been reading our daily devotional "Moment's Together for Couples" from Crosswalk.com and have been actively reading AND discussing the chapters from both "Power of a Praying Wife and Husband" books.

Liek I said, GOD has been AWESOME!!! I thank each and every one of you who responded with nothing but positivity. Those that kept me and my marriage in there prayers. And those who just lended an ear (or eyes since it's the internet, lol) when I needed to talk.

Oh yeah, one more thing:

WE ARE EXPECTING OUR FIRST CHILD IN JUNE!!!!!

Yes LORD, after 2 and a half years of trying. Being diagnosed with PCOS. Having to take medicine. The ups and the downs. We have finally been blessed with our dream that we have been wanting for so long!!!

Thanks everyone. No one could ask for a better group of online sistas then you all!!!​

 

[MrsQueeny]

Alright everyone, I haven't been on much lately and that may have to do with all the things going on in my personal life. But, I wanted to give you all an update.

Marriage life couldn't be better!!! The LORD works when you need him to. We have started attending church services together (when he NEVER went before). We signed up for a Marriage Retreat down in beautiful La Jolla, CA which we attended on Sep. 21st and brought back from there some very valuable information, lessons learned, and a renewed love. We have also been reading our daily devotional "Moment's Together for Couples" from Crosswalk.com and have been actively reading AND discussing the chapters from both "Power of a Praying Wife and Husband" books.

Liek I said, GOD has been AWESOME!!! I thank each and every one of you who responded with nothing but positivity. Those that kept me and my marriage in there prayers. And those who just lended an ear (or eyes since it's the internet, lol) when I needed to talk.

Oh yeah, one more thing:

WE ARE EXPECTING OUR FIRST CHILD IN JUNE!!!!!

Yes LORD, after 2 and a half years of trying. Being diagnosed with PCOS. Having to take medicine. The ups and the downs. We have finally been blessed with our dream that we have been wanting for so long!!!

Thanks everyone. No one could ask for a better group of online sistas then you all!!!​

Praise GOD from whom all blessings flow. I am glad to here everything is going great for you and your hubby. Congrats on the little one too!!! Q

 

[klb120475]

Glory to God! Now, that's a praise report!!

 

[blackmaven]

Congrats on your pregnancy!!! I am happy to hear everything is going fine.

 

[Shimmie]

Praise God...

Change this thread title to ..."Troubled No More - God Healed Our Marriage."

I wish you all the happiness and blessings in the world.

God bless both of you and your new baby...Wow!

 

[dlewis]

That's a wonderful testimony. God IS good.

 

[gone_fishing]

Oh wow...that update made me ...

I'm so happy for you!!!!!

 

[tffy2004]

It is so good to see that God has worked everything in your marriage, I was so sadddened by your first post and so Happy to read that all is well now and a Little Blessing is on the way.

God sure does know how to turn a thing around, don't he!!!

Congratulations, Mama!!

 

[harrison]

The devil is a liar and GOD is so good.

I'm glad to hear things have worked out well... The devil is way too busy. But good to see he didn't win!!

 

[dlove]

Just wanted you to know that I am praying for you and your husband to have a blessed marriage of love and peace.