Michelle Obama’s Rules Of Assimilation (nytimes Opinion Piece) Do You Agree?

Discussion in 'News - Breaking News & Political Forum' started by ZedianChic, Mar 4, 2019.

  1. Miss_Luna

    Miss_Luna Well-Known Member

    Blog Posts:
    0
    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2008
    Messages:
    1,228
    Likes Received:
    6,546
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Location:
    On the equator
    I've felt this way for a while, but I would never say it out loud amongst non-Black people :look:

    After reading Becoming, I felt like I was missing something...I have been a "first" in a few programs in my life and I really wanted to get her perspective on how she remained unapologetically Black and maintained her integrity when dealing with conscious and unconscious bias from non-Black people. I didn't get that, at all. It was more like how she modified her behavior and held her head high. I wanted to know how she managed to not roll her eyes or flare her nostrils when someone mentioned her hair or her body type, etc.

    But then I thought that this book isn't for "us", it's for everybody. That made me sad.

    I have an executive coach that is an older Black woman, around Michelle's age, and she received feedback that I was too direct and it offended a white woman. The white woman told my coach that she was probably offended because she's not used to young Black women speaking up for themselves. My coach told me to temper my speech to make these white women more comfortable. I'm the only Black person in the group so it would be me speaking like a child, while everyone else says whatever tf they want. So I told her if I have to change who I am to accommodate every white woman then I'm not being myself and I'd rather not work at a place that doesn't accept me. That was the millenial in me with a no effs given. I expected Becoming to discuss these kinds of experiences and it frustrated me.
     
  2. Everything Zen

    Everything Zen Well-Known Member

    Blog Posts:
    0
    Joined:
    Apr 20, 2007
    Messages:
    13,176
    Likes Received:
    72,371
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Location:
    With the cool kids
    Sigh... Y’all gonna make me not finish this book. :nono: I’m only on the chapter where she just got the letter to Princeton.
     
  3. Miss_Luna

    Miss_Luna Well-Known Member

    Blog Posts:
    0
    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2008
    Messages:
    1,228
    Likes Received:
    6,546
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Location:
    On the equator
    Finish it!

    But it feels like there is an elephant in the room, that only Black people tend to notice. She touches on a few things that resonated, but you can tell that this book is for everybody.
     
  4. Everything Zen

    Everything Zen Well-Known Member

    Blog Posts:
    0
    Joined:
    Apr 20, 2007
    Messages:
    13,176
    Likes Received:
    72,371
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Location:
    With the cool kids
    Oh I’m going to finish it. I just think the Millenial generation is going to have to carry the torch at this point. I think people are asking too much of Michelle and the baby boomers. They’ve done what they can from their perspective.

    @Miss_Luna I can relate to your work experience and I think our generation is used to giving the finger to those conventions. We’re making strides in spite of the micro and macro aggressions that come our way and still speaking up and out about our experiences. We don’t need Michelle to speak for us. It would be nice but she is an individual and as others said maybe she’s still evolving.
     
  5. Ms. Tarabotti

    Ms. Tarabotti Well-Known Member

    Blog Posts:
    0
    Joined:
    Feb 16, 2010
    Messages:
    1,531
    Likes Received:
    12,963
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Location:
    Brooklyn
    I haven't read the book yet.

    I think that it's the tension that many 'firsts' feel- how do you succeed while being true to yourself. The majority feel that you are too whatever (too black, too female, etc) while your own group feels that you are not 'whatever' (fill in the blank) enough in the space that you are in.



    And future generations might say that this millennial generation still didn't do enough.
     
  6. 1QTPie

    1QTPie Elder Sim

    Blog Posts:
    0
    Joined:
    May 27, 2005
    Messages:
    30,087
    Media:
    5
    Likes Received:
    174,790
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Location:
    In the elevator with Solange and Jay Z

    I was trying to find better photos of her and saw this connected to a blog post she wrote about the death of her husband. That's him.
     
    sunnieb and naijamerican like this.
  7. ScorpioBeauty09

    ScorpioBeauty09 Well-Known Member

    Blog Posts:
    0
    Joined:
    Apr 16, 2010
    Messages:
    11,761
    Likes Received:
    54,162
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Location:
    Rivendell
    I can let Michelle as an individual off the hook. She's only one person. But the Boomers as a whole can and should do more. Or at the least they can get out of the way so we can carry the torch.
     
  8. Everything Zen

    Everything Zen Well-Known Member

    Blog Posts:
    0
    Joined:
    Apr 20, 2007
    Messages:
    13,176
    Likes Received:
    72,371
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Location:
    With the cool kids
    ^^^^ Now I’ll agree with you about wanting them to get out of the way but actually the baby boomers are still waiting for some of the older generations to move over.

    Last presidential election- the average age of everyone running was like 70. Nancy Pelosi is 78 years old but she was exactly who we needed as Speaker. I’m not saying that older people need to go knit in a retirement home but they are staying in positions longer. Then everyone has the nerve to wag fingers at Millenials and delayed milestones of achievement in adulthood.
     
  9. Southernbella.

    Southernbella. Well-Known Member

    Blog Posts:
    0
    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2005
    Messages:
    31,251
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    282,892
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Location:
    Drunk in love
    Re: the bolded...
    Barack Obama should not have gone to Morehouse and talked about not being lazy and blaming white people. An HBCU, graduating black men who have made something of themselves, and THAT'S what he talked about. Or visiting the CBC and telling them to stop whining and put their shoes on and do some work. An organization filled with people who were beaten and attacked by dogs and water hoses and whatnot.

    Nah. He's always been a condescending person towards AAs, a group who paved the way for him to even become president. Sorry, I'm AA and I'm never giving him passes on that and it's why even when he does manage to read a room and say the right thing, I'm not applauding it as much as feeling like ok, so he DOES know how. He just chooses not to.

    I don't disagree with the rest of your post.
     
    Last edited: Mar 5, 2019
    Alta Angel, sunnieb, Kanky and 13 others like this.
  10. Southernbella.

    Southernbella. Well-Known Member

    Blog Posts:
    0
    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2005
    Messages:
    31,251
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    282,892
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Location:
    Drunk in love
    I had a similar experience that I think I posted about before where I was training a white girl and we went to lunch and ki-ki'd and she never said a word to me but then she went to my manager (a bw) and complained that I was too harsh with her. My manager called me in and rolled her eyes and told me she would just have someone else train the girl because she knew it was ridiculous.

    I was young and that was my first experience with ww in a corporate environment. But what's interesting is that a study came out awhile back saying black women's assertiveness is valued in the corporate world while ww's and bm's is not. I couldn't find the original but I found a summary:

    https://www.psychologicalscience.or...roved-for-assertiveness-in-the-workplace.html


    Obviously this is just talking about bw in leadership but I hope someone expands on it and maybe even does a case study on Michelle and how she stands right at the intersection of race and gender in the workplace. For bw it's the combination of both that we have to navigate.
     
  11. Everything Zen

    Everything Zen Well-Known Member

    Blog Posts:
    0
    Joined:
    Apr 20, 2007
    Messages:
    13,176
    Likes Received:
    72,371
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Location:
    With the cool kids
    But he didn’t do that at the Howard commencement. I felt like that speech was appropriate so I’m very shocked and need to watch this one. I’ve heard you speak up about this in the past. I need to pay more attention. Honestly though that’s how a lot of black baby boomers speak to younger generations. Doesn’t make it right. My dad is one of the few that acknowledges the selfishness of his generation as a whole.
     
  12. LadyPBC

    LadyPBC Well-Known Member

    Blog Posts:
    0
    Joined:
    Oct 6, 2009
    Messages:
    2,109
    Likes Received:
    4,621
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Sometimes I think that we forget that President Obama is half white. He was abandoned by his African father and Midwestern mother and raised by his White grandparents. It is who he is and he has been 'successfully' navigating different cultures for some time. I don't think it would be fair to ask him to choose a side. Maybe for that reason, I'm no expert and can't speak for the GFLOTUS of all time, she treads carefully when discussing race and how challenging it can be. She, unlike many others, has had lots of White folks who embraced and were nice to her. I don't know. I'm not mad at her. I'll always be a fan.
     
  13. naijamerican

    naijamerican Well-Known Member

    Blog Posts:
    0
    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2005
    Messages:
    24,408
    Likes Received:
    144,618
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Location:
    Kalakuta Republic
    I agree with you and that's basically what I was saying, that Michelle, at the very least, is opening up avenues for important conversations that will likely be initiated and sustained by those who follow her. I honestly don't expect her to adopt the same approaches that Millenials and younger generations are using. I've even observed this with my friends who are Millenials and the disappointment they express in some of our older mentors. I think that we need to figure out how to strike the balance between demanding more from those who are older, while maintaining a sense of grace and empathy from the standpoint that there are some things they are not ready to address publicly, let alone wrestle with privately.

    Oh wow. I know who this writer is because I remember when her husband died. Her blog post about her husband's death was, quite frankly, very moving and thoughtful. It made me think about how Black women in interracial relationships negotiate their work when their focus is on issues of race, power, and privilege.

    In case people want to read how she described their relationship, here's the lank: https://www.kcet.org/history-society/love-across-the-color-line-remembering-alan-kaplan. One quote that stood out to me is this:
     
  14. ScorpioBeauty09

    ScorpioBeauty09 Well-Known Member

    Blog Posts:
    0
    Joined:
    Apr 16, 2010
    Messages:
    11,761
    Likes Received:
    54,162
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Location:
    Rivendell
    Same with my mother.
     
  15. ScorpioBeauty09

    ScorpioBeauty09 Well-Known Member

    Blog Posts:
    0
    Joined:
    Apr 16, 2010
    Messages:
    11,761
    Likes Received:
    54,162
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Location:
    Rivendell
    The bolded. It's why I've never felt the kinship that many AAs felt toward him.
     
  16. dancinstallion

    dancinstallion Well-Known Member

    Blog Posts:
    0
    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2009
    Messages:
    3,665
    Likes Received:
    17,445
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Location:
    Houston, Texas
    it doesn't happen in mine either. The closest I have been to a group of black parents really looking to build our kids and advance them was at the mandarin School our kids attended. How freaking ironic. Since most of the kids will be or are going to different schools now, it is hard keeping most of the Black kids advanced as a group. It is like pulling teeth to try to get my black friends and their kids to take educational opportunities.
     
  17. dancinstallion

    dancinstallion Well-Known Member

    Blog Posts:
    0
    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2009
    Messages:
    3,665
    Likes Received:
    17,445
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Location:
    Houston, Texas
    About reading programs. I told dd lets start a book club with advanced vocabulary studies in the area and she was down. I know the little white girl down the street that is being homeschooled will join but I had the bright idea to keep it for black kids. Well the first few parents I asked didnt seem interested, then I asked another parent who is a teacher and she said her daughter doesnt like to read. :confused: This 6th grade.

    My hope for black kids rising as a group and surpassing whites Asians im education and opportunities is nearly non existent. Forget assimilating I want to pass them or create our own lane and path but that has been challenging to get other AAs to join the lane.

    I already said dd is the only black kid in all of her advanced classes.

    I rarely see black dads at the school meetings and functions unless they are African.
     
    Last edited: Mar 6, 2019
  18. ajoke

    ajoke Well-Known Member

    Blog Posts:
    0
    Joined:
    Mar 25, 2007
    Messages:
    1,239
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    3,021
    Trophy Points:
    113
    What in the world! I feel personally offended for you. Not just that the white woman actually dared to say that aloud, but also that your coach told you about it. Keep your head up girl!
     
    Miss_Luna likes this.
  19. Everything Zen

    Everything Zen Well-Known Member

    Blog Posts:
    0
    Joined:
    Apr 20, 2007
    Messages:
    13,176
    Likes Received:
    72,371
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Location:
    With the cool kids
    That’s just how it is. My manager said that “I come across strongly” and “I am too quiet” all the same performance review at my last job.

    Being deemed too quiet is sometimes worse than being too assertive. I’ve learned that at several jobs.

    But I’ve kind of gotten to the point that I’m going to end up being some version of myself regardless.
     
    Last edited: Mar 6, 2019
    sonsireegemini and Atthatday like this.
  20. Miss_Luna

    Miss_Luna Well-Known Member

    Blog Posts:
    0
    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2008
    Messages:
    1,228
    Likes Received:
    6,546
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Location:
    On the equator

    I think it's a unique study and I'll look into it, but I think Ursula Burns also presents herself in a somewhat unfeminine style, possibly on purpose but probably also preference, to make gender less of a distraction.

    In my experience white women expect us to either look like Ursula or less feminine than them, in general, and when we highlight our attributes and are assertive/demand respect, it makes them feel challenged. This could just be my experience, but I have seen this with white women and gay white men.

    Either way, I'm here for a reason and I work hard for it, so I don't let it stop me. I know there are women that have conquered this space, but I struggle to find a platform, other than this board, where we can see success stories or ways to navigate this space.
     
  21. Southernbella.

    Southernbella. Well-Known Member

    Blog Posts:
    0
    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2005
    Messages:
    31,251
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    282,892
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Location:
    Drunk in love
    Yeah it's going to be hard if they aren't all at the same school. DD and several of her friends all applied and were accepted into a STEM magnet program here. They've been friends since kindy and the moms have stayed close. With ds, it's the dads who talk. Dh met a couple of families at the boxing gym ds went to who attended different schools and they exchanged info and keep in touch. I think the key is that folks have to be likeminded. You're gonna run into black folks who talk a good game but aren't truly interested in more than just talking. I meet them too and once it's clear, I keep it moving. But once you find likeminded folks, it's a lot easier.

    You may have better luck online. I know you don't homeschool but there are a growing number of black parents who are homeschooling and/or supplementing trad education at home and there will be likeminded folks in those groups for sure.

    http://www.nbhe.net

    https://www.matermea.com/blog/10-black-homeschool-moms-you-should-follow

    FB groups:

    Black Homeschooling Families, African-American Homeschool Moms, Minority Homeschool Connection, and Black Stay at Home Moms.

    Also, if there's a Mocha Moms chapter in your area you should check it out. I've seen good things happening with them.
     
  22. UmSumayyah

    UmSumayyah Well-Known Member

    Blog Posts:
    0
    Joined:
    Feb 6, 2003
    Messages:
    13,014
    Likes Received:
    31,879
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Location:
    Rivendell
    Exactly. That Morehouse thing was such an insult.
     
    MilkChocolateOne likes this.
  23. naturalgyrl5199

    naturalgyrl5199 Well-Known Member

    Blog Posts:
    0
    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2009
    Messages:
    12,432
    Likes Received:
    68,711
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Location:
    America
    I'm happy to say this is going on in my community. But I live in a very Political Town with an HBCU smack dab in the middle of it. But the town is a medium sized one.
    I didn't read Becoming and don't feel a pull to buy it. But I love Michelle.

    I will say only this on the blowback for the Black Men thing: The conversation for what Blacks Should Do is one I feel is for "family."
    Like we not gonna discuss family business with DeWytes. But the conversation about twerking, images of black men and women in the media IS an important one. The conversation can't be nuanced? Its part and parcel of why we are perceived as such and we as a people have co-signed on some of this in exchange for money to get ahead and in many cases get the benefits (clothes, access, jewelry, acceptance) that DeWytes have. No one likes to hear it. I remember when Jesse Jackson was salty about Barack Calling out black men.
    Edited: I forgot he said that to Morehouse Men. Wrong Audience....really.
     
    Last edited: Mar 7, 2019
    Evolving78 likes this.
  24. naturalgyrl5199

    naturalgyrl5199 Well-Known Member

    Blog Posts:
    0
    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2009
    Messages:
    12,432
    Likes Received:
    68,711
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Location:
    America
    ETA: He said that to the wrong audience...Agreed.
     
  25. HappilyLiberal

    HappilyLiberal Well-Known Member

    Blog Posts:
    0
    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2009
    Messages:
    16,986
    Likes Received:
    86,304
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Girl... they get the receipts on everybody... the FBI and CIA should come here to recruit!
     
    naijamerican likes this.
  26. HappilyLiberal

    HappilyLiberal Well-Known Member

    Blog Posts:
    0
    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2009
    Messages:
    16,986
    Likes Received:
    86,304
    Trophy Points:
    113
    :worship2: :worship2: :worship2: :worship2: :worship2:
     
  27. HappilyLiberal

    HappilyLiberal Well-Known Member

    Blog Posts:
    0
    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2009
    Messages:
    16,986
    Likes Received:
    86,304
    Trophy Points:
    113
    But they need to pull their pants up and stop acting like hoodlums. What we are sorely missing in the black community is the sense of community shame that would keep these elements in line!
     
  28. HappilyLiberal

    HappilyLiberal Well-Known Member

    Blog Posts:
    0
    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2009
    Messages:
    16,986
    Likes Received:
    86,304
    Trophy Points:
    113
    You're preaching today my sister!

    :worship2: :worship2: :worship2: :worship2: :worship2:
     
    FemmeCreole likes this.
  29. HappilyLiberal

    HappilyLiberal Well-Known Member

    Blog Posts:
    0
    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2009
    Messages:
    16,986
    Likes Received:
    86,304
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Why should she have regret? That fool went out there and showed his entire black :censored:! The Obamas rightfully did the [​IMG] to him and kept it moving!
     
    LaFaraona and FemmeCreole like this.
  30. HappilyLiberal

    HappilyLiberal Well-Known Member

    Blog Posts:
    0
    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2009
    Messages:
    16,986
    Likes Received:
    86,304
    Trophy Points:
    113
    But Michelle is not a millennial... so she is not going to have a millennial's approach to dealing with workplace conflict... Let us know how that worked out for you in thirty years!
     
    LaFaraona and LivingInPeace like this.

Share This Page