Nat 4a's!! Save My Niece from a Relaxer!!

[Much2much41]

Hello Ladies!!

My 5 year old niece has natural 4a hair. It is wavy at the root, and is a little past her shoulder when stretched, but coils tightly when wet. I personally think it's beautiful, although my sister is getting tired of the work involved in maintaining it. I have purchased conditioner from the Crown and Glory website, and have shown my sister how to section and loosely braid my niece's hair to reduce the shrinkage and tangles, but she keeps saying she wants to relax it because it's so thick and hard to manage on a daily basis. Her hair is also very, very dry. She keeps it braided right now, but is still considering a relaxer. I would like to know your regimens, such as what you use to wash your hair, how you condition it, oils/gels you use, and anything else you might use to help with managability when combing your hair on a daily basis. Sorry for the length of the paragraph, but I'm about ready to whoop my sisters' @ss!!! Please help!!!

 

[PaperClip]

Sigh... there should be a law...at least and a call to CPS....

Anyhoo.... It looks like you've said and done everything you're supposed to do.... I don't have routine suggestions, but I can come from the perspective of trying to tell somebody else about their child's hair: hey, it's not your child (and I know you know this, but sometimes it helps to hear it/read it out loud...'cause that's what I had to do....

Peace....

 

[Much2much41]

Sigh... there should be a law...at least and a call to CPS....

Anyhoo.... It looks like you've said and done everything you're supposed to do.... I don't have routine suggestions, but I can come from the perspective of trying to tell somebody else about their child's hair: hey, it's not your child (and I know you know this, but sometimes it helps to hear it/read it out loud...'cause that's what I had to do....

Peace....

Well, maybe I can kill my sister and adopt my niece!! She'll be mine then!!!

All jokes aside, I should have mentioned that I told my sister I would ask you guys and see if you all had any suggestions. She's willing to give me time to come up w/a decent regimen. Anybody have anything for me?

 

[PaperClip]

Well, maybe I can kill my sister and adopt my niece!! She'll be mine then!!!

All jokes aside, I should have mentioned that I told my sister I would ask you guys and see if you all had any suggestions. She's willing to give me time to come up w/a decent regimen. Anybody have anything for me?

Thanks for your sense of humor! What a blessing to know that your sister is willing.... I'm sure you'll get some valuable information. Good success to you!

 

[DDTexlaxed]

A relaxer is not recommended for children under the age of 13. That being said, Y not ask her to take her daughter to a salon? If she can't do her hair, take her to someone that can. I don't care what Just Beginnings relaxer tries to market this, but a "children's relaxer" is just as harsh as an adult one. I fear for this one...

 

[BroadstreetBully]

Let her know that a 5 year old should NEVER be exposed to such chemicals!!! I can't even imagine how harmful this can be. Tell her to keep her hair braided which is the most appropriate style for a child her age. I like Kids Organics products because they smell nice and the bottle even says they do not contain Petroleum or Mineral Oil. I had my first relaxer at a young age and my young scalp could not take it. Imagine a young child with chemical burns obtained by using a CHILD'S RELAXER!!! Even today my scalp has always felt tender. A relaxer will do more harm than help!!!

 

[locabouthair]

im not against relaxers although she is a little young for one IMO. i never understood people who would say i had to perm her hair i couldn't comb it yadda yadda. i have the nappiest coarsest driest hair. if there was anything past 4b that would be me. if i can comb through my hair ANYONE can. what a lot of people do, which makes absolutely no sense to me, is using a fine tooth comb to deal with type 4 hair and then complain when they can't comb it. i use a wide tooth comb and i comb my hair while it's wet or with mosturizer and i have no problems whatsoever combing my hair. combing in sections also helps.

what has helped me with my dryness wash s curl. if it can help me it can help anyone. i think, especially for people with type 4 hair, you should moisturize daily. maybe even twice daily. it doesn't have to be s curl. i don't know if they still make this but i used a creme in a jar from african pride and it made my hair really soft. i don't like using grease becuz i believe it doesn't help me whatsoever with moisture all it does is sit on top on your hair. if she just sticks with the big tooth comb, oh and she should start combing from the ends and work her way up, and moisturize daily, and she should be fine. HTH

 

[sunnyjohn]

Please don't let them put a relaxer in that babies hair. She it too young! Hide her if you have to!

I am not anti-relaxer by any means.

Perhaps a shampoo and a blowout on a mild setting once a week (to relax the curl) and a French braid would help. She could tie her hair down each night to keep the braid neat for 4-5 days.

 

[mslionheart]

Is there a reason that she has to comb your niece's hair daily? A well-braided style should last about a week, even if your niece is very active. The daily combing is probably adding to your sister's frustration, making her think she has to relax her daughter's hair. I would tell her to set aside one day a week for washing, detangling, and braiding or twisting. After a good moisturizing shampoo (shampoo in sections!), she might want to use a detangling spray or lotion to help make detangling and combing (with a wide-tooth comb!) easier. Qhemet Biologics makes a popular detangling cream and there are a ton of commercial detangling sprays for kids. Then if she takes her time and makes the braids neat, they should hold up for a week. If your niece's hair is that coily, then twists would hold well too. It might take your sister a couple of hours, but it would save her time during the rest of the week. She could then spritz the hair daily with water to moisturize and keep it fresh. If she still insists on daily combing, then she must use a detangling spray/cream each time.

There is a fabulous ebook at http://herspecialhair.com/ that was put together by a lovely lady who is a former stylist and has been natural for years. Your sister might want to check it out.

 

[Much2much41]

A relaxer is not recommended for children under the age of 13. That being said, Y not ask her to take her daughter to a salon? If she can't do her hair, take her to someone that can. I don't care what Just Beginnings relaxer tries to market this, but a "children's relaxer" is just as harsh as an adult one. I fear for this one...

That's a consideration as well. We are trying to find a Dominican/Egyptian salon in the south suburbs of Chicago, but I haven't actually found a "recommended" one yet. There are shops here, but I don't want her just going to anybody, you know?? Have my baby with one strand of hair on the right side of her head

 

[Much2much41]

Let her know that a 5 year old should NEVER be exposed to such chemicals!!! I can't even imagine how harmful this can be. Tell her to keep her hair braided which is the most appropriate style for a child her age. I like Kids Organics products because they smell nice and the bottle even says they do not contain Petroleum or Mineral Oil. I had my first relaxer at a young age and my young scalp could not take it. Imagine a young child with chemical burns obtained by using a CHILD'S RELAXER!!! Even today my scalp has always felt tender. A relaxer will do more harm than help!!!

I agree, that's why I came running to my LHCF ladies!!

 

[Much2much41]

im not against relaxers although she is a little young for one IMO. i never understood people who would say i had to perm her hair i couldn't comb it yadda yadda. i have the nappiest coarsest driest hair. if there was anything past 4b that would be me. if i can comb through my hair ANYONE can. what a lot of people do, which makes absolutely no sense to me, is using a fine tooth comb to deal with type 4 hair and then complain when they can't comb it. i use a wide tooth comb and i comb my hair while it's wet or with mosturizer and i have no problems whatsoever combing my hair. combing in sections also helps.

what has helped me with my dryness wash s curl. if it can help me it can help anyone. i think, especially for people with type 4 hair, you should moisturize daily. maybe even twice daily. it doesn't have to be s curl. i don't know if they still make this but i used a creme in a jar from african pride and it made my hair really soft. i don't like using grease becuz i believe it doesn't help me whatsoever with moisture all it does is sit on top on your hair. if she just sticks with the big tooth comb, oh and she should start combing from the ends and work her way up, and moisturize daily, and she should be fine. HTH

*writing* S curl is on the list!!!

 

[Much2much41]

Is there a reason that she has to comb your niece's hair daily? A well-braided style should last about a week, even if your niece is very active. The daily combing is probably adding to your sister's frustration, making her think she has to relax her daughter's hair. I would tell her to set aside one day a week for washing, detangling, and braiding or twisting. After a good moisturizing shampoo (shampoo in sections!), she might want to use a detangling spray or lotion to help make detangling and combing (with a wide-tooth comb!) easier. Qhemet Biologics makes a popular detangling cream and there are a ton of commercial detangling sprays for kids. Then if she takes her time and makes the braids neat, they should hold up for a week. If your niece's hair is that coily, then twists would hold well too. It might take your sister a couple of hours, but it would save her time during the rest of the week. She could then spritz the hair daily with water to moisturize and keep it fresh. If she still insists on daily combing, then she must use a detangling spray/cream each time.

There is a fabulous ebook at http://herspecialhair.com/ that was put together by a lovely lady who is a former stylist and has been natural for years. Your sister might want to check it out.

Typically, she doesn't comb it daily, but when she's in between braidings, she has to comb it, and my niece is EXTREMELY tenderheaded. I'm going to have her look at the link you posted. Looks like good stuff!

Anybody else???

 

[Dee-Licious]

don't really have anything to add as far as a relaxer.. but my mom actually hid me in the bathroom from my dad and permed my hair at the age of one & a half... and I don't even have thick hair.. I do not even know how to deal with my natural hair, because I have never experienced it natural. Maybe she should let her daughter get a little older and see what texture she likes. Be it.. relaxed or natural.

 

[Much2much41]

don't really have anything to add as far as a relaxer.. but my mom actually hid me in the bathroom from my dad and permed my hair at the age of one & a half... and I don't even have thick hair.. I do not even know how to deal with my natural hair, because I have never experienced it natural. Maybe she should let her daughter get a little older and see what texture she likes. Be it.. relaxed or natural.

And that's what my sister would have to do, because my brother-in-law doesn't want my niece's hair permed, EVER. So I at least have somebody on my side in this

 

[OnceUponAtime]

I keep hearing raves from folks about this product for detangling, used by children and adults.

I'm looking for it in my local stores with no luck at the moment.

 

[GodMadeMePretty]

Well, when you say tenderheaded, do you mean that she doesn't want to get it combed/brushed or that she actually has a tender scalp? My daughter has a tender scalp and I bought a shampoo online that works like nobody's business. It turned out that her scalp wasn't getting clean enough no matter what shampoo I used and it was causing tender spots on her scalp. Once I used this shampoo, it was no wincing. She didn't know that the shampoo was to help with the tenderheadedness and the first day that I used it, she was wincing when I touched her scalp. Just touching it. I went through it asking her which areas were tender.

After I massaged the shampoo into her scalp for a few minutes, I asked her if it still hurt. She said no. She wasn't doing her normal "ow, ow, ow, ow." After I rinsed the shampoo out and conditioned it and did everything that I normally do, I went through her scalp straight to the parts that she said initially hurt prior to the shampoo - NO TENDERNESS AT ALL. I actually found the miracle product for her. It's called Follicleanse.

But your sister can try to get the scalp as clean as possible and I mean really taking the time to get to every area of the scalp. No putting the shampoo on the hair and hoping that it will get to the scalp. This will help if she has a tender scalp. If she just doesn't want to get her hair combed, then this won't help at all.

When I'm sectioning and braiding or twisting my daughter's hair, I keep it wet. If her hair dries before I get to that part, it gets a squirt of my water/conditioner mix before I even start doing anything. I've tried many moisturizers out there for her hair and by far the best one that I've found for HER is UBH creme moisturizer. I tried the kinky-curly custard and that works fine but for day-to-day (when I do it daily), the best, by far, is the UBH.

I hope you guys find what works for her.

 

[Much2much41]

I keep hearing raves from folks about this product for detangling, used by children and adults.

I'm looking for it in my local stores with no luck at the moment.

On the list

 

[OnceUponAtime]

On the list

They also have shampoo and a mayo conditioner for kids, but don't let your sister shop for it, because they also have box relaxer kits. We don't want to tempt her.

 

[Much2much41]

Well, when you say tenderheaded, do you mean that she doesn't want to get it combed/brushed or that she actually has a tender scalp? My daughter has a tender scalp and I bought a shampoo online that works like nobody's business. It turned out that her scalp wasn't getting clean enough no matter what shampoo I used and it was causing tender spots on her scalp. Once I used this shampoo, it was no wincing. She didn't know that the shampoo was to help with the tenderheadedness and the first day that I used it, she was wincing when I touched her scalp. Just touching it. I went through it asking her which areas were tender.

After I massaged the shampoo into her scalp for a few minutes, I asked her if it still hurt. She said no. She wasn't doing her normal "ow, ow, ow, ow." After I rinsed the shampoo out and conditioned it and did everything that I normally do, I went through her scalp straight to the parts that she said initially hurt prior to the shampoo - NO TENDERNESS AT ALL. I actually found the miracle product for her. It's called Follicleanse.

But your sister can try to get the scalp as clean as possible and I mean really taking the time to get to every area of the scalp. No putting the shampoo on the hair and hoping that it will get to the scalp. This will help if she has a tender scalp. If she just doesn't want to get her hair combed, then this won't help at all.

When I'm sectioning and braiding or twisting my daughter's hair, I keep it wet. If her hair dries before I get to that part, it gets a squirt of my water/conditioner mix before I even start doing anything. I've tried many moisturizers out there for her hair and by far the best one that I've found for HER is UBH creme moisturizer. I tried the kinky-curly custard and that works fine but for day-to-day (when I do it daily), the best, by far, is the UBH.

I hope you guys find what works for her.

Lord knows thats a beautiful baby you have! Don't let me see him, cause he WILL come up missing!!

As far as the bolded, I can't tell. She doesn't want it touched. She doesn't want it parted, and she winces when it's blow dried, even though we've put a really good detangler in it, so it doesn't catch on the blow dryer attachment. Letting it air dry is pretty much out of the question, because we would NEVER get it parted, although she's had bantu knots before that we've let airdry. It's just so THICK, sometimes we BOTH end up combing it to save time. And my niece is starting to get negative feedback on her hair from other kids. We would let her wear afro puffs a lot (which I think are beautiful), and the kids started calling her "PuffGirl", which she didn't like. Also, the next door neighbors' child walked up to her and told her that her hair was nappy (which it isn't, it's just not bone straight from a perm like that little girl's hair is). I think if we could just find the right product combo, she could have shiny, pretty, moisturized curls. I don't want my niece with self-esteem problems because of her hair. Life is hard enough, you know??

 

[Much2much41]

They also have shampoo and a mayo conditioner for kids, but don't let your sister shop for it, because they also have box relaxer kits. We don't want to tempt her.

I know girl. We sure don't.

And actually, I think my niece's hair could look like the baby's in your siggy, if we could find the right products. It looks about like that at the root when it's sectioned off, we just have to find something to make the whole head look moisturized. I would LOVE for her hair to look like that!!!

 

[natstar]

Is there a reason that she has to comb your niece's hair daily? A well-braided style should last about a week, even if your niece is very active. The daily combing is probably adding to your sister's frustration, making her think she has to relax her daughter's hair. I would tell her to set aside one day a week for washing, detangling, and braiding or twisting. After a good moisturizing shampoo (shampoo in sections!), she might want to use a detangling spray or lotion to help make detangling and combing (with a wide-tooth comb!) easier. Qhemet Biologics makes a popular detangling cream and there are a ton of commercial detangling sprays for kids. Then if she takes her time and makes the braids neat, they should hold up for a week. If your niece's hair is that coily, then twists would hold well too. It might take your sister a couple of hours, but it would save her time during the rest of the week. She could then spritz the hair daily with water to moisturize and keep it fresh. If she still insists on daily combing, then she must use a detangling spray/cream each time.

There is a fabulous ebook at http://herspecialhair.com/ that was put together by a lovely lady who is a former stylist and has been natural for years. Your sister might want to check it out.

That's the first thing that came to my mind. I have 4a/4b (4b mostly IMO) and I wear my hair loose some of the time, but it does dry out and tangle if it isn't braided. I use elucence poo and condish. The condish works really well for me in terms of getting rid of tangles. I leave it on longer at times to for deeper conditioning. I then put some unrefined or whipped shea butter on my hair for moisture. Afterwards I put my hair in twists. Normally they stay in for a week but if I decide to make smaller twists I can go a few weeks w/them in. I only comb when my hair is wet and w/conditioner. Braids will probably give her a break. I hope this helps. Pretty much everything stated above i agree with and do.

 

[OnceUponAtime]

I know girl. We sure don't.

And actually, I think my niece's hair could look like the baby's in your siggy, if we could find the right products. It looks about like that at the root when it's sectioned off, we just have to find something to make the whole head look moisturized. I would LOVE for her hair to look like that!!!

Moisturize like all get out for that look. A good product for wash and go styles is Miss Jessie's Baby Buttercreme.

I think there are members here that use this. The price is no joke. missjessies.com

 

[OnceUponAtime]

For quick and easy styling...

Ask your sister to experiment with puffs. A little water in a spray bottle, a detangler and a good moisturizer (no petroleum, preferably an oil or cream) is all it takes to up keep. Don't forget to use satin scrunchies. Try to stay away from elastics.

 

[jngn]

Tell your sister not to relax that baby's hair!

My hair is 4a and this is what I do:

Pre-shampoo:
1. Section the hair into 6-8 loose braids.
2. Apply Lustrasilk mango and shea butter cholesterol conditionerand let sit for 10-15 minutes.

Shampoo:
Shampoo with the conditioner still in. I use Elucence MB. The hair will be soft, curly, and detangled. No need for a comb.

Deep Condition:
I've been using Lekair cholesterol. Apply and let penetrate for 15-30 minutes.

Style:

1. Apply a leave-in. ( I make my own by mixing water, glycerin, Nexxus Humectress, and oil)
2. Apply oil to wet/damp hair. This step is critical. A lot of the time people apply too much oil and this can harm the hair more than help it. I think about how much my scalp would produce and apply that amount. It's not a lot; one or two small drops per section. When the hair dries it will be shiny and strong.
3. Apply shea butter to the ends. I use Oyin Whipped Shea to make things easier
4. Lastly, I style. Lately I've been wearing my hair like Rosa Parks (very easy style). Usually, I wear my hair in twists or natural braids.

 

[Much2much41]

That's the first thing that came to my mind. I have 4a/4b (4b mostly IMO) and I wear my hair loose some of the time, but it does dry out and tangle if it isn't braided. I use elucence poo and condish. The condish works really well for me in terms of getting rid of tangles. I leave it on longer at times to for deeper conditioning. I then put some unrefined or whipped shea butter on my hair for moisture. Afterwards I put my hair in twists. Normally they stay in for a week but if I decide to make smaller twists I can go a few weeks w/them in. I only comb when my hair is wet and w/conditioner. Braids will probably give her a break. I hope this helps. Pretty much everything stated above i agree with and do.

I have some shea butter, but I'm not sure if it's unrefined. The kind I have is called "Organics" by "Africa's Best". Do you mean like that, or do I have to get something from the health food store?

 

[Much2much41]

Moisturize like all get out for that look. A good product for wash and go styles is Miss Jessie's Baby Buttercreme.

I think there are members here that use this. The price is no joke. missjessies.com

It sho ain't!!! She ain't the Virgin Mary, she just my niece!!! Good lawd!!!

Just kidding. I might invest in it. Sister going half on that bad boy. GEESH!!!

 

[Much2much41]

Tell your sister not to relax that baby's hair!

My hair is 4a and this is what I do:

Pre-shampoo:
1. Section the hair into 6-8 loose braids.
2. Apply Lustrasilk mango and shea butter cholesterol conditionerand let sit for 10-15 minutes.

Shampoo:
Shampoo with the conditioner still in. I use Elucence MB. The hair will be soft, curly, and detangled. No need for a comb.

Deep Condition:
I've been using Lekair cholesterol. Apply and let penetrate for 15-30 minutes.

Style:

1. Apply a leave-in. ( I make my own by mixing water, glycerin, Nexxus Humectress, and oil)
2. Apply oil to wet/damp hair. This step is critical. A lot of the time people apply too much oil and this can harm the hair more than help it. I think about how much my scalp would produce and apply that amount. It's not a lot; one or two small drops per section. When the hair dries it will be shiny and strong.
3. Apply shea butter to the ends. I use Oyin Whipped Shea to make things easier
4. Lastly, I style. Lately I've been wearing my hair like Rosa Parks (very easy style). Usually, I wear my hair in twists or natural braids.

Copy/Paste/Print

Keep em comin ladies!! Save the next hair generation!!!

 

[natstar]

I have some shea butter, but I'm not sure if it's unrefined. The kind I have is called "Organics" by "Africa's Best". Do you mean like that, or do I have to get something from the health food store?

No actually I get my unrefined shea at African festivals or African stores. I like the ones mixed w/a little palm oil even more. You can also buy online at Nasabb.com. But I like to smell my shea cause some batches are more smoky than others. If I don't used straight unrefined shea, I buy whipped shea butter online at oyinhandmade.com. It's a light consistency (i.e. whipped) so it can spread easier.

 

[OnceUponAtime]

It sho ain't!!! She ain't the Virgin Mary, she just my niece!!! Good lawd!!!

Just kidding. I might invest in it. Sister going half on that bad boy. GEESH!!!

Stop it!!!