PLEASE VOTE:NATURAL HAIR FRUSTRATIONS..WOULD YOU RELAX IF YOU FELT THIS WAY?

[Mandy4610]

UPDATED june 14/09: I am pleased to say that I am still nappy and I am in LOVE with my hair ladies. Thanks for all your comments.

I am really just giving up on natural hair. Don't get me wrong I love natural hair and I love the natural heads on here, but mine is driving me mad. The shrinkage is crazy, it looks dull, can not get it to feel soft and moisturized, can not style it, can not find age appropriate styles, it hurts to comb and I have pretty much lost all excitement about it. I don't hate it, but I am not enjoying every moment of it either. Some days are good, but other and horrible. My natural hair used to be soft when I was younger, now my TWA is thick thick thick and my hair is course.
This is not a "natural hair is bad/good thread", this is just me venting and trying to do what makes me happy, but also making sure I don't make a rushed decision. I think I BCed too soon, so before I make any decisions I want to make sure it is what is right for me.

 

[HollyGolightly1982]

Yes. I wore my hair natural for about five years or so and once I started feeling the way you mentioned I telaxed. I don't regret it

 

[SignatureBeauty]

Mandy this is really getting to you! I also think you BC too soon, but listen at how frustrated you are, I don't see you giving up on natural hair, I just see that you aren't ready for that Twa, When starting from a Twa for some it can be hard! Is there anyway you can hide your hair for awhile? if not then do what you feel!

 

[gymfreak336]

THIS IS GYM"S SISTER...

I can totally relate, my last perm was Oct. 07 and I BC'd in March...

I am frustrated with my hair as well, I just texurized it about two weeks ago LIGHTLY texed, I mean only 6 minutes of processing but it is still knotty at the ends, still very dry and rough.... I love my new growth but even despite a recent 1/2" trim my ends are horrible... I understand I too am wondering should I relax even though I LOVE the freedom and ease of coming and going that I have while natural... I am interested in the responses you get... sorry I couldn't be more of a help

 

[Mandy4610]

THIS IS GYM"S SISTER...

I can totally relate, my last perm was Oct. 07 and I BC'd in March...

I am frustrated with my hair as well, I just texurized it about two weeks ago LIGHTLY texed, I mean only 6 minutes of processing but it is still knotty at the ends, still very dry and rough.... I love my new growth but even despite a recent 1/2" trim my ends are horrible... I understand I too am wondering should I relax even though I LOVE the freedom and ease of coming and going that I have while natural... I am interested in the responses you get... sorry I couldn't be more of a help

This was helpful enough girl...Thank you. It feels good to relate.

 

[Mandy4610]

Yes. I wore my hair natural for about five years or so and once I started feeling the way you mentioned I telaxed. I don't regret it

Mandy this is really getting to you! I also think you BC too soon, but listen at how frustrated you are, I don't see you giving up on natural hair, I just see that you aren't ready for that Twa, When starting from a Twa for some it can be hard! Is there anyway you can hide your hair for awhile? if not then do what you feel!

Thank you ladies.

 

[msa]

Mandy this is really getting to you! I also think you BC too soon, but listen at how frustrated you are, I don't see you giving up on natural hair, I just see that you aren't ready for that Twa, When starting from a Twa for some it can be hard! Is there anyway you can hide your hair for awhile? if not then do what you feel!

I agree with this. I think that maybe you should hide your hair for awhile (braids, wig, weave, cornrowed, something).

I've never had a twa but my hair is the shortest it's ever been right now and the only way I can deal with it is to hide it. Right now, there's no style that I like just using my hair. So, I'm weaving it up until it gets long enough to do things that I will like.

Try hiding it for while and if after that it doesn't work then consider relaxing. I feel like longer hair will give you more options and maybe you just have to wait it out.

 

[Mandy4610]

I agree with this. I think that maybe you should hide your hair for awhile (braids, wig, weave, cornrowed, something).

I've never had a twa but my hair is the shortest it's ever been right now and the only way I can deal with it is to hide it. Right now, there's no style that I like just using my hair. So, I'm weaving it up until it gets long enough to do things that I will like.

Try hiding it for while and if after that it doesn't work then consider relaxing. I feel like longer hair will give you more options and maybe you just have to wait it out.

Thank you girl...I am not a fan of fake hair and DH absolutely hates it, so that is out of the question. At some point I thought the same thing. I thought if I had more length, I would feel different, but I am not sure that I would

 

[Akemi]

I know exactly how you feel. Sometimes I am tempted to relax, but then I remind myself of why I went natural in the first place (I wanted more versatility, hated getting touch-ups, wanted healthier hair, etc.) Then I realize that I would probably regret it if I relaxed and would probably go natural all over again. So, since my hair is kinda difficult for me to work with with all of the shrinkage I get, I've been wearing protective styles such as sew-ins, and braids, and flat-ironing occasionally until I get to a length that I can do more with. You said you don't wear weaves, so I think you should try straightening your hair, which will make it easier to work with, maybe until it gets longer (I don't know how long your hair is stretched). Or you can straighten your hair once to see if you like it and if wouldn't mind it if it were permanently that way (relaxed). HTH

 

[lilsparkle825]

honestly hon...if it is killing you that much texlax it. i feel like your past few threads have all gotten the point across that you feel trapped and want something different...you can always try again later. do what makes you HAPPY!

 

[SignatureBeauty]

honestly hon...if it is killing you that much texlax it. i feel like your past few threads have all gotten the point across that you feel trapped and want something different...you can always try again later. do what makes you HAPPY!

IA! We can all feel your frustrations!!

 

[Crackers Phinn]

I feel like the OP, but I'm going to test the 'pressed' route for a while.

 

[LadyKaypnyc]

I didn't vote, I just don't feel right telling you what you should do with yoru hair (especially when chemicals are involved)

I just say you should do what you think is best for you...if that means relaxing, texlaxing, texturizing, or staying natural, then by all means, do you girl

 

[LynnieB]

I am really just giving up on natural hair. Don't get me wrong I love natural hair and I love the natural heads on here, but mine is driving me mad. The shrinkage is crazy, it looks dull, can not get it to feel soft and moisturized, can not style it, can not find age appropriate styles, it hurts to comb and I have pretty much lost all excitement about it. I don't hate it, but I am not enjoying every moment of it either. Some days are good, but other and horrible. My natural hair used to be soft when I was younger, now my TWA is thick thick thick and my hair is course.
This is not a "natural hair is bad/good thread", this is just me venting and trying to do what makes me happy, but also making sure I don't make a rushed decision. I think I BCed too soon, so before I make any decisions I want to make sure it is what is right for me.

LADIES, IF YOU FELT THIS WAY ABOUT YOUR HAIR WOULD YOU RELAX/TEXLAX IT? PLEASE VOTE

I'm sorry you're feeling this way sis

I have to ask you what you're using to maintain your hair now, like poo's, conditioners, deep conditioners and how often do you do these things? How are you styling your hair, how and what are you using to comb it, etc.

There's a few products that can help with shrinkage issues but time will outweigh even the best of products and techniques.

Even though I didn't bc to a twa, I still missed my length and felt a little frustrated that I couldn't do what I was used to doing with my hair because of it.

Of course, you have to do what makes you happy whether it's relaxing or staying natural, I'd just like to suggest (if it's ok) that you try to find alternatives or try adjusting your regimen so that your hair will have to time to grow out.

{hugs}

 

[MizaniLocs]

The shrinkage is crazy, it looks dull, can not get it to feel soft and moisturized, can not style it, can not find age appropriate styles, it hurts to comb and I have pretty much lost all excitement about it. I don't hate it, but I am not enjoying every moment of it either.

Reading this yes, I would relax it.

If you said these things in regards to being relaxed I would tell you to go natural. Therefore it's not about natural being bad for me, it's just that I couldn't get up every morning just to fight with my hair. It's just too much. I have way too many things on my plate and life is just too short for that.

 

[tocktick]

well, your hair looks pretty in your sig to me. i've been natural for nearly two years and have, and still sometimes do, feel the way you do. but then i remember what led me to go natural in the first place (short, breaking and extensively damaged hair). even with all the knowledge i have of how to get healthy relaxed hair, i realise there would be things i'd miss about being natural, the thickness of my hair would work against me, i'm too lazy to regularly relax and straight hair would lose its novelty after awhile. when i got frustrated, i put in braids as i was sick of the sight of my hair.

i'm not saying don't relax since i have been tempted several times (and may end up doing so in the future) but i do think you should take a while to work things out before making a big leap. ultimately though, your hair should never make you very unhappy; being natural just isn't worth feeling like that, imo. do what you're 100% confident is best for you. no-one can really decide that but you.

 

[Bint Yusef]

IMHO you have to give your hair time. You just BCd and working out the kinks takes time. Also with your length it makes it sort of awkward. I BC'd down to a .25 inches so I definitely feel your pain in the "grow out" phase when it comes to styling. I wore a lot of headbands and did the girlie thing concerning earrings, makeup, and scarves until I had more hair to work with it. Its my opinion that you should give yourself a year to work with your natural hair and then if its not the route you want to take, then relax it. By then you will have had time to work thru kinks, enough length that TOTALLY changes all your available options including enough to press.

 

[Moonxyz]

I felf the same as you and relaxed after 3 yrs of being natural
and I do not regret it.

At the end of the day YOU are the only one that is going to be dealing with your hair and taking care of it IMO should be that much of a stressful experience.

Do what makes you happy.

 

[Newtogrow]

Going natural is definately a LOVE/HATE relationship. You go through your trials and tribulations. This is how you "learn your hair".

For example: I learned that naturally my hair thicker (because of the coils)- realistically, my strands were very fine. I had to do my two strand twists smaller so I could have a full head of twists.

While I twisted I stayed on Nappurality website. Afterward, I recieved so many compliments!!!!!

Nappturality saved my life for the first two years. Then I found you guys.
I lurked here for a while and on my fourth year of being natural I texlaxed for 5 mins.

Don't relax. Try new things with your hair. Learn your hair.

Good Luck!!!

 

[momi]

I would not relax - just continue to work with it and explore other natural care options. You will soon find what works for your hair. I thought about relaxing a year or so ago - even made the appointment - but I decided to have it flat-ironed instead. This worked better for my hair. So, while I dont wear the traditional natural styles (I am a straight natural) this works better for me and I feel it fits better in my overall healthier lifestyle.... now if I could just give up cookies and cake - but that is another post

I know there are many that would disagree, but I still have some reservations about the safety of chemical relaxers.

 

[LunadeMiel]

IMHO you have to give your hair time. You just BCd and working out the kinks takes time. Also with your length it makes it sort of awkward. I BC'd down to a .25 inches so I definitely feel your pain in the "grow out" phase when it comes to styling. I wore a lot of headbands and did the girlie thing concerning earrings, makeup, and scarves until I had more hair to work with it. Its my opinion that you should give yourself a year to work with your natural hair and then if its not the route you want to take, then relax it. By then you will have had time to work thru kinks, enough length that TOTALLY changes all your available options including enough to press.

Very well said Bint...

 

[ebaby]

I keep the end in mind! What is helping me most is not looking at where I am right now but visualizing where I wil be in the future. I bc'd on June 12. I've endured the negative comments from family and friends. I have made it through the super dry stage. I've moved on past the WHAT HAVE I DONE moment. Some days my hair looks like a beautiful work of art and some days it puts you in the mind of a brillo pad. Do not focus on where you are right now but thnk abou where you will be.
Megatek is doing wonders in the growth area. No matter what we say it is your decision. You can relax and be done with it or you wait it out until you become more at ease. If you do relax and change your mind and bc again, then there is a chance you will be going through the same thing you are going through right now.

What products do you use? I cowash everyday and it makes a big difference. I use sta-sof-fro and aloe vera gel. Then I seal with my shea butter concoction. At night I apply megatek. My husband detest fake hair but I will rock "my hair buddy" in a heartbeat because they are great timesavers. Good luck with your decision!

 

[Kurly K]

I AGREE WITH THE IDEA TO TEXLAX OR HIDE IT UNTIL ITS A LENGTH U CAN MANAGE I UNDERSTAND HOW A TWA CAN BE FRUSTRATING

 

[Leeda.the.Paladin]

You said you can't style it age appropriately. What styles have you tried? Could you do some twists or finger coils? These styles have saved my sanity when my hair was giving me the blues.

I really think you would be happy once you get more length. If you (and your hubby) could stand some braids I bet you would be missing your hair after awhile. Also, maybe a product switch would help so it would be softer.

Having shorter hair is frustrating, but I just keep my eye on the prize (which for me is BSL stretched). I hope you figure out what's best for you.

 

[DreadlockedLady0171]

You gotta do what you gotta do.
Personally, I wouldn't relax or texlax. That isn't always the right solution. You could end up being just as frustrated as you are now.
Try and hide your hair for a while so you don't have to worry about it.
Or since you said your hair is dull and you can't keep it moisturized, try a regimen/product change.
Also, think of the reasons why you went natural in the first place. If you feel the same way then try and keep going. If not then do you gurl.

 

[xxBlackRosexx]

There are so many products out there now to help naturals have the straight look with heat I would use heat for a while, press the hair its better than relaxing!

Even if you relax i am not sure you will be happy, i think its more the length of your hair at the moment thats getting to you...give it a while natural, by some curly pudding for defined curls and be proud of your natural hair...! I saw the photo and it looks so thick and healthy...what ever you decide i wish you all the best...x

 

[morehairplease]

Mandy I know how you feel. I bced way too soon myself. If I had enough hair I would get braids but recently got a haircut so that is out of the question. The only thing holding me back from getting a relaxer is that my hair is extremely short and too much for the chemicals would get onto my scalp. If you decide to relax you could rock a Malinda Williams/pixie style hair do, this is what I plan on doing when I relax in Dec/Jan.

 

[la flaca]

I didn't vote, I just don't feel right telling you what you should do with yoru hair (especially when chemicals are involved)

I just say you should do what you think is best for you...if that means relaxing, texlaxing, texturizing, or staying natural, then by all means, do you girl

I agree!! Life is too short to expend hours suffering for you hair. Do whatever makes you happy.

 

[Nonie]

I've not read the whole thread so don't know where your mind is at now after hearing all the other responses. I'm sorry you're so frustrated and confused, but perhaps weighing the reasons behind you going natural will help you decide if it's worth changing that. Only you know what feels comfortable to you. Don't let others' choices push you to follow suit just because it seems cool.

OK, about the TWA... I was where you are last year Feb 2007. I didn't even choose to be there but a SHS got me there. I had no clue on products since I'd ignored every thread that catered to PJs because prior to the BC I'd been in twists and braids and didn't use any leave-in/styling products. But to wear my hair out, I needed something that made it comb easily. And I was so lucky to discover that S Curl was that staple for me. The other thing I did without fail is plait my hair every night. Big ugly square plaits that kept my hair tangle free and then I'd wear a plastic cap. Combing in the morning was so easy that I might as well have had a jheri curl. And the hair would spring back into an cute fro with gorgeous coils. The plaiting in the night made my hair not shrink too much. I loved wearing a puff like you have in your siggy. And I also loved cornrowing the front and wearing a puff in the back. I really enjoyed my hair as I didn't mind the shrinkage as long as combing was easy. I loved the cornrow do the best because it allowed me to enjoy a few days of little styling (only needing to comb the back)--I'm very lazy. The only thing I didn't like about my favorite do was that cornrowing took forever and I'd have to redo them in a few days. So that is the only reason I went into extension braids.

I am sorry I don't remember what your regimen is, but KISS worked for me. As long as I braided and baggied every night, my hair at your length was a joy to have. Granted I didn't have a lot of styling options besides, puff, frohawk, afro...but as far as combing it and appreciating how it looked, I couldn't have been happier. I was angry at having lost years of progress, but I must admit that having about 3 inches of hair stretched was actually a fun time to get to know my hair.

I think after a while, everyone does what is easiest for them. Styling everyday may not be your thing. It's definitely not mine, hence the reason I live in braids so I don't have to think about my hair. So see if there's a way hair can stop taking up all your time, focus, energy...and do that.

 

[RedVelvet310]

When I first BCed I had the same issue (For about.. 5-6 months)... I was constantly buying new products because my hair NEVER retained ANY moisture...

QUESTION:: does your hair detangle easily under water? If so here is what I do.. try it out-> I cw and detangle my hair completely with a wide tooth comb (I call it my jilbere knock off) I don't care what anyone says... I tried the whole.. detangling once a week and it DID NOT work.. I detangle with every cw which is every other day. I then come out the the shower with my hair fully detangled and dripping wet.. part my hair into sections, coat one section with castor oil comb through it with my denman brush and twist it.. I do this throughout my entire hair...

This SAVED me.. I was exactly where you were... 6weeks after my BC I made a plan to relax it for New Years because it was so rough and dry and unmanagable, but I kept experimenting and KISS and voila... I'm now loving my natural hair, its doing things I never thought it'd do.

HTH and all the best with your hair (which is gorgeous btw in your siggy)