Relaxed As A Child and Regrets

[DaDragonPrincess]

Hello LHCF, I became relaxed when I was a little girl, my mom relaxed my hair,not sure why... But to the relaxed ladies that has been relaxed since child hood, do you have any regrets and feel robbed of the right to decide rather you wanted to be relaxed or stay natural???

Me myself, I do have some regrets sometimes, not being able to ever know what it's like being natural and to make the decision to go relax on my own.

I do wonder what it would be like being natural, I always liked natural and relaxed hair.

I'm sure some of you ladies out here feel the same, I hate when a parent relax a childs hair at such a young age...then they grow up with regrets and feeling robbed of the rights to pick rather they want to be natural or relaxed.

I remember I use to hate getting relaxers done when I was little, I was scared.

Any regrets...???​

 

[I Am So Blessed]

whats good DDP!!!

i understand where your comming from and all, but you dont have to feel robbed NOW, Becuase NOW you have the choice! grow it out if you REALLY wanna know how if feels/looks to be natural!

relaxers are not permanent. (smile)
HHJ!

 

[DaDragonPrincess]

whats good DDP!!!

i understand where your comming from and all, but you dont have to feel robbed NOW, Becuase NOW you have the choice! grow it out if you REALLY wanna know how if feels/looks to be natural!

relaxers are not permanent. (smile)
HHJ!

Your right, I have thought about transitioning a couple times, I stretch my relaxers 10 to 12 weeks are more. And every time I stretch and my roots are puffy people always have something to say like "You Need A Relaxer".

 

[I Am So Blessed]

Your right, I have thought about transitioning a couple times, I stretch my relaxers 10 to 12 weeks are more. And every time I stretch and my roots are puffy people always have something to say like "You Need A Relaxer".

AHHHH GIRL!!! dont pay them people no mind, they just wish they had YOUR HAIR!! cuz your hair is a serious cause for hateration!

im also growing out my natural hair again, and will have the most haterationalized twistout!!!!
grow it DDP!!! Grooww them curls!

 

[Ms. Feliz]

I don't regret that the decision was made for me because those who took care of me during my childhood didn't have any clue on how to take care of natural hair. All that matters to me is that I have the choice now.

 

[Twix]

My mother relaxed my hair when I was fairly young. I don't feel traumatized or robbed. When I got to be on my own, I wanted a fro and discovered that it grew curly naturally, and as such I started growing it out natural. Switched things up, back to a relaxer, then when natural, then relaxed and am once again natural.

You have the ability to make a choice now. Take the opportunity and make one.

 

[DaDragonPrincess]

AHHHH GIRL!!! dont pay them people no mind, they just wish they had YOUR HAIR!! cuz your hair is a serious cause for hateration!

im also growing out my natural hair again, and will have the most haterationalized twistout!!!!
grow it DDP!!! Grooww them curls!

you a trip

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

I asked for a relaxer as a child - for length - but I understand how you would feel. Maybe you could try a long stretch and then decide what you want to do. Stay relaxed or transition to natural. HTH.

 

[HauteHippie]

My mom relaxed my hair when I was young, somewhere around 4 or 5. I did, sometimes, feel a little resentment about that. I think it damages the scalp to do it that early and I have fine strands. I always hated getting a relaxer, even though I probably would have begged her for one if given a choice. I'd "stretch" by not being around when it was relaxer time or washing my hair at my [White] friend's house. Can we say "spankings galore"? My mom would get so mad when I would wash my hair at my friend's house; she thought it would fall out. I remember that they used White Rain and the shampoo always made my hair feel hard. Anyway, as I got older I relaxed less frequently and then just quit altogether. My family wasn't thrilled, but my older sister had already gone natural. When I decided to go natural, it wasn't a big deal to me. My hair was in good condition at the time (I'd found a stylist I trusted) and I'd always wanted to know what my hair was really like. I was also moving and I wasn't about to let just anyone relax my hair! On a much smaller scale, it was kind of like searching for my birth parents (just an analogy). I thought I knew exactly what I was getting into, but it's been a surprising and emotional experience-- emotional in ways I can't even explain. I feel really good and just so complete in a way I didn't before. I'm still a bit like, "It's just hair!" and who knows, maybe I will relax again in 2-3 years...but I doubt it. This just fits all of me, now.

 

[~Sparklingflame~]

Hello LHCF, I became relaxed when I was a little girl, my mom relaxed my hair,not sure why... But to the relaxed ladies that has been relaxed since child hood, do you have any regrets and feel robbed of the right to decide rather you wanted to be relaxed or stay natural???

Me myself, I do have some regrets sometimes, not being able to ever know what it's like being natural and to make the decision to go relax on my own.

I do wonder what it would be like being natural, I always liked natural and relaxed hair.

I'm sure some of you ladies out here feel the same, I hate when a parent relax a childs hair at such a young age...then they grow up with regrets and feeling robbed of the rights to pick rather they want to be natural or relaxed.

I remember I use to hate getting relaxers done when I was little, I was scared.

Any regrets...???​

My mom relaxed me at 4 and I have no regrets. I ALWAYS have the option to go natural and have exercised it and will prolly go natural again soon. Hair choices are NEVER permanent. Thank God.

 

[DaDragonPrincess]

My mom relaxed me at 4 and I have no regrets. I ALWAYS have the option to go natural and have exercised it and will prolly go natural again soon. Hair choices are NEVER permanent. Thank God.

How you do it girl??? And your hair is so beautiful, I love your youtube videos and i'm a sub.

 

[Xerxes]

Hello LHCF, I became relaxed when I was a little girl, my mom relaxed my hair,not sure why... But to the relaxed ladies that has been relaxed since child hood, do you have any regrets and feel robbed of the right to decide rather you wanted to be relaxed or stay natural???

Me myself, I do have some regrets sometimes, not being able to ever know what it's like being natural and to make the decision to go relax on my own.

I do wonder what it would be like being natural, I always liked natural and relaxed hair.

I'm sure some of you ladies out here feel the same, I hate when a parent relax a childs hair at such a young age...then they grow up with regrets and feeling robbed of the rights to pick rather they want to be natural or relaxed.

I remember I use to hate getting relaxers done when I was little, I was scared.

Any regrets...???​

Girl, slap yourself! LMAO!!

You're MBL and you're sitting around pining after a 'fro! LOL

If you want to chop off all of that hair and unleash your kitchen, then go right ahead.

I'll be perfectly honest, if you're a 4a or higher, the easier your transition will be, but if you are a highly textured (i.e. wiry, cottony no discernable curl pattern, just kink-city) 4b, then good luck!

I joined the naptural bandwagon in '04 and wore my mass of cottony 4b hair out proudly. I looked best with a fade, but as it grew it out (not down and longer mind you), it became tortuous to style and those SSKs are no joke. My only savior was that greasy old Afro Sheen and my hair always looked dry as sin! And it never grew past neck length. I'm so glad at the end of '08 I started relaxing again and slowly cut off all of the frizzy hair.

I never found a routine that worked for me and I spent way too much money and time trying to make my hair look professionally done. If I could take it all back, I never would have gone natural in the first place.

However, I think this is a personal decision and it's up to you to decide if you really need to uncover your roots or not.

Also, I'm sort of glad I got to enjoy the frustration of my natural hair because I totally understand why my mom relaxed it in the first place and when I have a daughter, I undoubtedly will do the same since it works on my hair type.

Being natural is way easier and acceptable if your hair forms coils (then you can do a wash and go), but for those with no curl/coil pattern to uncover, take your decision seriously. And 8 weeks of newgrowth is enough to let you know how difficult your natural hair is.
If while combing your newgrowth it sounds like snap, crackle and pop, then you know just how much work you have cut out for you!

If I were you, I'd just buy a 3c wig and wear it when I get that "natural itch" to have a cute 'fro. Real talk.

 

[~Sparklingflame~]

How you do it girl??? And your hair is so beautiful, I love your youtube videos and i'm a sub.

How do I do what?

Im thinking about BCing again, but more than likely if I go natural I'll wait 6 months and then chop it off instead of going all GI Jane with it like I did last time. I think DH would leave me if I did that again.

 

[ms.blue]

I had my first relaxer at the age of 8 and it was a tramatic experience. My mom had her friend daughter do my sister and I relaxer and the girl based my sister hair and forgot to base mine. My head was like this:burning: & I'm crying. In the end my sister is nice straight & thick and my hair looks like I had a mild texturizer.

I wished I was older so I would been able to make the choice to have a relaxer but I'm natural now but I really didn't regret having a relaxer.

 

[DaDragonPrincess]

Girl, slap yourself! LMAO!!

You're MBL and you're sitting around pining after a 'fro! LOL

If you want to chop off all of that hair and unleash your kitchen, then go right ahead.

I'll be perfectly honest, if you're a 4a or higher, the easier your transition will be, but if you are a highly textured (i.e. wiry, cottony no discernable curl pattern, just kink-city) 4b, then good luck!

I joined the naptural bandwagon in '04 and wore my mass of cottony 4b hair out proudly. I looked best with a fade, but as it grew it out (not down and longer mind you), it became tortuous to style and those SSKs are no joke. My only savior was that greasy old Afro Sheen and my hair always looked dry as sin! And it never grew past neck length. I'm so glad at the end of '08 I started relaxing again and slowly cut off all of the frizzy hair.

I never found a routine that worked for me and I spent way too much money and time trying to make my hair look professionally done. If I could take it all back, I never would have gone natural in the first place.

However, I think this is a personal decision and it's up to you to decide if you really need to uncover your roots or not.

Also, I'm sort of glad I got to enjoy the frustration of my natural hair because I totally understand why my mom relaxed it in the first place and when I have a daughter, I undoubtedly will do the same since it works on my hair type.

Being natural is way easier and acceptable if your hair forms coils (then you can do a wash and go), but for those with no curl/coil pattern to uncover, take your decision seriously. And 8 weeks of newgrowth is enough to let you know how difficult your natural hair is.
If while combing your newgrowth it sounds like snap, crackle and pop, then you know just how much work you have cut out for you!

If I were you, I'd just buy a 3c wig and wear it when I get that "natural itch" to have a cute 'fro. Real talk.

I feel you, yeah my hair is that 4a/4b type

 

[Hairsofab]

My first relaxer was around 8. I remember begging my mom for a relaxer too. First time I went natural and experienced my natural texture was around age 25. Since then I've BC relaxed, bc, relaxed. Now I'm mildly (very mildly) texlaxed. I think this is where I will stay. Anyway to the point of this thread I dont regret being relaxed so young. I just wish my my mom knew how to take care of my hair (Relaxed or natural) when I was young.

 

[DaDragonPrincess]

How do I do what?

Im thinking about BCing again, but more than likely if I go natural I'll wait 6 months and then chop it off instead of going all GI Jane with it like I did last time. I think DH would leave me if I did that again.

How many times have you went natural then switched back to relaxed,lol? You be tripping me out.

 

[~Sparklingflame~]

How many times have you went natural then switched back to relaxed,lol? You be tripping me out.

Just once. I always wanted to go natural before I discovered hair boards and didnt know how. Me and DH were in a ruff patch so I figured I would stick it to him and shave my hair off. It worked. After that I decided that would be a golden opportunity to finally go natural and I did.

 

[equestrian]

I don't regret getting relaxed. I got it when I was 10, I wish I had more resources to care for it properly.

 

[KurlyNinja]

I don't really regret it. I got my first relaxer at the age of 12 and I wanted it. I was sick of having "nappy" hair. I was sick of it poofing when everybody else hair stayed straight. Sometimes I wish I would have stayed natural though because I would have thigh length hair now. LOL. But then again I would have probably resented my natural hair if I had not gotten what I wanted. But I'm not complaining because now that I am transitioning back to my natural hair, I know that I can take what I learned from here.

 

[chrisanddonniesmommy]

I have some regrets. I was 13 and I wish I had listened to my mom when she was wary of my decision. But, I made it and now I'm transitioning back to the way I was. So, it's a route to discovery nonetheless.

 

[Sugar]

My mom relaxed my hair at an early age, neither of us remembers what age that was. I remember getting the relaxer, but I don't remember how old I was. I know what my natural hair looks like due to stretching my relaxers. But I have no desire to go natural...ever.

I have no regrets, nor do I feel robbed. Why should I? I was a child and it wasn't my decision to make since I wasn't the one who had to do my hair...or clothe me...or feed me...all while going through a divorce, holding down a job, and going to college. But my Mom did all that...and more. So if me having a relaxer made 1 thing in her life easier...cool beans. I wasn't hurt or traumatized by it.

 

[Chaosbutterfly]

I don't feel robbed at all.
Yes, she relaxed my hair without like...my actual consent, but she took good care of me. She didn't feel like my natural hair was ugly or undesirable...it was understood that my sister and I were relaxed because we had a lot of hair and it was just easier for her to deal with it relaxed. It's kind of a selfish reason, but I'm still not mad. She didn't relax me that early, never let the relaxer burn my scalp, kept my hair neat, and my relaxed hair flourished under her hands. I don't have anything to be bitter about.

But I can understand why people would feel robbed. I know that when I see little girls with torn up relaxed hair, I feel mad and robbed for them, because I'm sure they would look and feel much better with their natural hair.
If you want to transition, do it! Maybe you can do it in braids or a weave, if you're concerned about the snide comments. Good luck with whatever you decide!

 

[DaDragonPrincess]

Thanks for all yall replys, I don't hate my mom for it, I just wish I could have gotten the chance to pick rather I wanted to be natural or relaxed, and never gotten a chance to enjoy my natural hair,because I was relaxed as a child.

​

 

[HauteHippie]

So... Unrelaxed 4a/4b hair is not that difficult-- as long as you treat it like 4a/4b hair. I think I have just about equal amounts of each. My first transition was rough b/c I didn't know what I was doing...but I thought I did. Thank God for LHCF!

 

[aquajoyice]

I don't regret it since I was the one that begged my mother to get me one at 8. Even though if I had a daughter I would never allow this. Just becuase now I know the seriousness of relaxers and the damage it can do in the wrong hands.

 

[DaDragonPrincess]

So... Unrelaxed 4a/4b hair is not that difficult-- as long as you treat it like 4a/4b hair. I think I have just about equal amounts of each. My first transition was rough b/c I didn't know what I was doing...but I thought I did. Thank God for LHCF!

If I would have found LHCF back in high school where I had all my setbacks, I would probly have hip length hair by now or longer.

 

[glamazon386]

I understand what you're saying but you could always chop and go natural. :shrug:

I was relaxed as a child and didn't feel robbed. I got my hair relaxed maybe when I was 4 or 5. I'm not even sure why my mom did it. I don't ever recall her saying my hair was difficult to handle or time consuming. I remember keeping it braided most of the time before she relaxed my hair and afterward. IDK maybe it was easier to get through with the relaxer?

Once I got old enough to make my own hair decisions I wanted to see what being natural was like so I made that move.

 

[~Sparklingflame~]

Thanks for all yall replys, I don't hate my mom for it, I just wish I could have gotten the chance to pick rather I wanted to be natural or relaxed, and never gotten a chance to enjoy my natural hair,because I was relaxed as a child.

​

You can still experience your natural hair if you really want to.

 

[blessedandlucky]

it's important to remember that all of our parents were doing the best that they could. decisions weren't made to "rob" us. i believe a lot of the decision to relax my hair was based on the time, my location (deep south) and my grandparents concern about me "fitting" in and not giving anyone any reason to discriminate against me - although they could do that anyway, but i hope you get my gist. also, my grandparents experienced a lot of the discrimination that was prevalent during that time. so, it was not only a decision of convenience (my hair used to be very thick) but also has a historical spin on it. i'm sure that going forward children will not be relaxed as frequently as more women "go natural" - that is not to some people still won't relax their children at young ages.