Sexual Purity!!! Tried and Failed!

[brownsugarflyygirl]

For the past year I have made a conscious decision not to "date" and it has truly been amazing as God has been restoring my heart and mind. One of the things that God has been healing me of is my anguish over the loss of my virginity and subsequent sexual relationships. I have been trying to figure out "why" I became sexually active because it seems on several fronts that with my value system, personality, and Christian beliefs that I should still be a virgin.

I looked at several factors...the lack of a father, my mother's mental illness which caused a lack of discipline and boundaries, but finally the truth came. The problem was that I BELIEVED A LIE. I believed that it was impossible to keep your virginity until marriage....yes it was the ideal but it just wasnt feasible....so I lost my virginity in high school. Then after that, I believed that it was impossible not to give in to sexual temptation...whether it be going all the way or just foreplay...it was just inevitable no matter how hard you tried to stay away. Even when I did sucessfully abstain for periods of time, I belieived that it was only a matter of time before I messed up again. After all, look at David...a man after Gods own heart....even He fell to sexual sin. Many great men and women have fallen to it...so I what made me think that I was any special exception. Regardless of my walk, the spiritual "example" that I set for my peers, etc. I felt this was the one area that I would never truly overcome..I thought it was impossible. Well....as I pondered these things...God revealed to me that the entire mindset that I had about sexuality was a lie being fed to me by Satan. It was the same deception he used to get Eve to eat the fruit...and has been using for centuries. I had been set up for the okey doke.

I now know and realize that sexual purity is possible. Satan is a liar. I had to first renew my mind to align with the Word of God. So for you ladies out there struggling with abstinence and sexual purity, I just want to encourage you that it is possible! And by purity, I mean purity, not hugging to tight, kissing, rubbing, touching, etc..nothing! I plan to kiss my husband for the first time at the altar....I have been stating this desire for years...but this is the first time I say it and KNOW it to be TRUE! I am blowing the lid off the LIE that Satan has used to bind women! There are women, like me, who are completely SOLD OUT to their walk with God but still feel bound my the oppression of sexual immorality! It doesnt have to be so...SEXUAL PURITY IS POSSIBLE!

In addition to coming into the knowledge of the truth.
Here are the tips that I have learned to maintain sexual purity, hopefully they will be a blessing to you. They have TRULY helped me.

1) Put your thoughts under subjection to the word and will of God! No dwellling on throwback memories, close your eyes on sex scenes in movies and TV, skip the romance novels, no participation in elicit conversations, no playing R Kelly, Maxwell or songs that make you think about sex, no blackwoman/blackmen in erotic poses posters, etc. Basically anything that puts you in that mindset...Stop exposing yourself to that! My favorite phrase is "That is NOT conducive to abstinence!" If those thoughts pop up...send them right back where they came from...the pit of Hell!!

2) If a man does not respect the fact that you do not want to participate in sexual immorality in any shape or form, then he should not have a place in your life! He has got to go! Do not compromise by doing "a little" something to compensate for the fact that you wont go "all the way." Eventually you will and even if you dont...its not just fornication thats a sin...so is sexual immorality so foreplay with someone that is not your husband is sin!

3) Public places, public places, public places! As JR says, "Lord help me to keep my mind because I am weak in the flesh and I am about to wile out." Temptation is real...so keeping romantic exchange to public places keeps all that in check. Dont get caught alone with your sweetie in private...that is opening the door. Group outings are great defense for this too! Yes, Im grown, but my flesh is weak. So do what you gotta do to make sure you dont find yourself in a tempting situation.

4) Dont start nothing wont be nothing! Kinda related to number 2. Your body is not created to get aroused and then stop..so dont even get it started. Everything leads to something else. Kissing leads to passionate kissing...which leads to touching....which leads to other things that yall all know! So dont even start....draw the boundary at the start line.

(I plan for holding hands to be my limit when I start dating again. I am going to have to pray about cuddling...erplexed that might be to much for me...lol)

5) Value your temple!! Your body is sacred and precious. Any time a man puts his hand, mouth, or any other part on or in you outside of a marriage covenant, that is defiling what is precious and sacred! You are violating and perverting God's perfect plan for the joining of a man and woman. Your body is not yours to be allowing other people to touch...it belongs to your husband!

6) Believe in yourself! You can do it! You can be sexually pure, chaste, and holy before God. It doesnt matter what you may have done in the past, it is covered under the blood as soon as you repent and are forgiven! Dont let Satan torment you with past mistakes and downfalls! Its over and done with. Walk in the power and victory of God to truly live out His word!

Our culture has it all wrong...but even as society changes....God standards remain the same. Sexual purity is IMPORTANT and it is ATTAINABLE! Dont believe the LIE!!

Hopefully this will help someone as this truth has truly helped me and set me free.

God Bless

 

[prettywhitty]

I agree with everything in your post. As someone who has had struggles in this area, I wanted to let you know of 2 books God has used to set me free. Kiss the Girls and Make Them Cry, By Lisa Bevere, and No More Sheets, The Truth About Sex, By Juanita Bynum. Brownsugarflygirl, I wanted to tell you that God will keep you walking in purity. Just keep your focus on Him and make Him #1 in your life.

 

[MSee]

I applaud you. Your sharing will help many ladies.
I'll add pray, pray, pray and get an accountability partner if you can.

God bless you.

 

[crlsweetie912]

Excellent post! I have 3 boys and have been single and celibate for almost 3 years. I know what it's like to have "been there" and to struggle with changing your life/actions completely! I just take things one day at a time and remember that God promised me all of the blessings in His Word, IF, I follow his ordinances!

 

[Shimmie]

I love that I am celibate. Did I plan to be? ...No. Yet I've been celibate for almost 24 years. And I have never regretted one single moment. If someone has told me that I would be this long, I would have 'fainted' in more ways than one. And this is not a joke.

It happened because I wanted something more. The Love of God and His word, taught me that I was worth... 'More.' That I was entitled to more and I have His word...scripture after scripture, line upon line, precept upon precept. I have every word He has ever given me.

Have I had challenges? Of course, especially since falling in love with a wonderful man. But I am also in love with someone else...Jesus.

In natural terms, God showed me something. If I sleep with a man outside of marriage, it tells him that I don't feel that marriage is necessary, nor is it of high regard to me. Hence, the man will follow likewise ... depending on his values and the mercies of God to override it.

A woman deserves the right to be cherished for all that she is...especially her virtue.

She deserves to be able to lie in her husbands arms and whisper to him..."No one before you, my husband; in the time that I've waited, no one has been here before you...not even me." (Selah)

Whom God have joined...let no man put assunder. Not even our flesh.

 

[caligirl]

Why did God make us attracted to the opposite sex if he didn't want us to have any sexual thoughts or feelings? I'm asking out of curiosity, not because I want to start a debate.

 

[Poohbear]

Our culture has it all wrong...but even as society changes....God standards remain the same. Sexual purity is IMPORTANT and it is ATTAINABLE! Dont believe the LIE!!

SO TRUE!!! The world has nothing good to offer (to Christians at least)...
Keep on keepin' on brownsugarflyygirl... stand on His Word, even if you have to literally run from sexual temptation, do it! All Satan can do is roar! And pray for strength! More prayer, more power! Be blessed!

 

[metamorfhosis]

I have been celibate for almost 10 years (not as long as Shimmie) and haven't even had a kiss. It can be done. Don't get me wrong, I like sex but I want to experience sex with someone who really loves me and hopefully that person will be my husband.

Hang in there!

 

[pebbles]

Why did God make us attracted to the opposite sex if he didn't want us to have any sexual thoughts or feelings? I'm asking out of curiosity, not because I want to start a debate.

God created and intended sex and sexuality for marriage. We are to enjoy a healthy, physical relationship with our spouse, but we have to keep these thoughts and feelings under control until then, because NOT doing so brings hurt, heartache, and creates ties to people that God NEVER intended for us to be tied to, and that's not what God wants for us.

 

[Choclatcotton]

Hey, ladies thanks for the encouragement abt 19 yrs for me, just have not found the right one to commit to. But desire someone who will respect me for my spirituality and personality not just what i can offer sexually. I would like the first kiss to be at the altar, any thing else is a tease and a let down. THe BiBLE says it is good for a Man not to touch a woman, but to avoid fornication let every woman have her own husband and every man his own wife and not to defraud each other thats what im talkin bout.I think that is 1st or 2 Corinthians 7 . Been there done that.

 

[Shimmie]

I'm glad that this thread was posted for a number of reasons.

Brownsugarflygirl, you have found favor with the Lord. And these are not sugar coated words to flatter you. God is not in the flattering business, instead He choses to love and without condition.

Just know that because God has favored you, the very thing that you felt would hold you back is the very thing that God is going to use to propel you forward. This testimony is the beginning of a new ministry for you for God is sending you even into the prisons and shelters as well as into private homes of those who have hidden themselves in shame and have thought themselves to be the blame.

Why you? Why not you? For the strength that you impart into the hurting lives of others will also be your strength. The 'Bread of Life' that you extend to those who hunger and thirst for 'rescue', will also be your 'Bread of Life' and all that you give, will be mulitiplied back to you a thousand fold to enable you to give even more to others. A continuous overflow.

For this and more, is a fulfillment of God's prophetic word that the 'Spirit of the Lord' shall be upon you to bring liberty to those who have been held captive whom God wants to be free.

Hear the word of the Lord, angel. For of Him, you are highly favored.

 

[Shimmie]

I have been celibate for almost 10 years (not as long as Shimmie)

As serious as this subject is, I could not help but laugh when I saw 'not as long as Shimmie'. You know, it is funny...really it is and I DO get many, many jokes about it. I still can't believe it myself. The thing is, during the course of 'all this time there was still someone always trying to 'talk' to me. (You know what I mean...'talk'...)

But when God has a plan for your life...absolutely nothing gets in His way. It's all through His word. My family's background on both sides is Jesus and I was 'called' out and prayed for as a baby to give God glory. My Aunt Miriam, was an ordained minister and all she ever did was pray and talk about Jesus.

I remember when she used to annoint me with 'Oil' and pray for me whenever I went to visit her. She used to let me sleep in her 'prayer room'. It was all in white, with a small altar and a kneeling bench that she had made. I loved being in that room; it was so peaceful and I always knew that I was loved. Through that, God had a plan for me.

Angels, although we have each made mistakes which we thought would never be forgiven, God will still fulfill the plans His has for our lives.

It's all right here, Psalm 138:7,8):

Verse 7: "Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life; you stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes, with your right hand you save me.

(Oh yes, God did this exactly, for the enemies were the men trying to 'know' me (sexually).

Verse 8: The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O LORD, endures forever— do not abandon the works of your hands."

(See what I mean? Our Father will never abandon the works of His hands. And are we not such? We are each the wonderful works of God's hands...each of us fearfully and wonderfully made.)

How can we not love Him?

 

[sithembile]

Your testimonies have given me so much encouragement. I have been celibate for over 2 years and it has been a struggle, especially when my mind goes back to "Egypt" (thats what I call my past of sexual bondage and ties), but I try to pray to God that He will strenghthen me not to dwell on my past.

I thank you for your practical tips on remaining pure, my boyfriend and I love each other and its become increasingly harder to remain pure. We haven't had sex, by the grace of God, but we have put ourselves in danger by being alone together for too long etc. I just pray for all of us that the Lord will strengthen us in our weakness and also use us to be a witness to the world and glorify His name. I also pray for all of us that the Lord will bring good men of God into our lives who will love, respect and cherish us.

 

[pebbles]

Since we're comparing notes, I've been celibate for 8 years. A long time, but Shimmie still holds the record! LOL!

 

[meek&quietspirit]

For the past year I have made a conscious decision not to "date" and it has truly been amazing as God has been restoring my heart and mind. One of the things that God has been healing me of is my anguish over the loss of my virginity and subsequent sexual relationships. I have been trying to figure out "why" I became sexually active because it seems on several fronts that with my value system, personality, and Christian beliefs that I should still be a virgin.

I looked at several factors...the lack of a father, my mother's mental illness which caused a lack of discipline and boundaries, but finally the truth came. The problem was that I BELIEVED A LIE. I believed that it was impossible to keep your virginity until marriage....yes it was the ideal but it just wasnt feasible....so I lost my virginity in high school. Then after that, I believed that it was impossible not to give in to sexual temptation...whether it be going all the way or just foreplay...it was just inevitable no matter how hard you tried to stay away. Even when I did sucessfully abstain for periods of time, I belieived that it was only a matter of time before I messed up again. After all, look at David...a man after Gods own heart....even He fell to sexual sin. Many great men and women have fallen to it...so I what made me think that I was any special exception. Regardless of my walk, the spiritual "example" that I set for my peers, etc. I felt this was the one area that I would never truly overcome..I thought it was impossible. Well....as I pondered these things...God revealed to me that the entire mindset that I had about sexuality was a lie being fed to me by Satan. It was the same deception he used to get Eve to eat the fruit...and has been using for centuries. I had been set up for the okey doke.

I now know and realize that sexual purity is possible. Satan is a liar. I had to first renew my mind to align with the Word of God. So for you ladies out there struggling with abstinence and sexual purity, I just want to encourage you that it is possible! And by purity, I mean purity, not hugging to tight, kissing, rubbing, touching, etc..nothing! I plan to kiss my husband for the first time at the altar....I have been stating this desire for years...but this is the first time I say it and KNOW it to be TRUE! I am blowing the lid off the LIE that Satan has used to bind women! There are women, like me, who are completely SOLD OUT to their walk with God but still feel bound my the oppression of sexual immorality! It doesnt have to be so...SEXUAL PURITY IS POSSIBLE!

In addition to coming into the knowledge of the truth.
Here are the tips that I have learned to maintain sexual purity, hopefully they will be a blessing to you. They have TRULY helped me.

1) Put your thoughts under subjection to the word and will of God! No dwellling on throwback memories, close your eyes on sex scenes in movies and TV, skip the romance novels, no participation in elicit conversations, no playing R Kelly, Maxwell or songs that make you think about sex, no blackwoman/blackmen in erotic poses posters, etc. Basically anything that puts you in that mindset...Stop exposing yourself to that! My favorite phrase is "That is NOT conducive to abstinence!" If those thoughts pop up...send them right back where they came from...the pit of Hell!!

2) If a man does not respect the fact that you do not want to participate in sexual immorality in any shape or form, then he should not have a place in your life! He has got to go! Do not compromise by doing "a little" something to compensate for the fact that you wont go "all the way." Eventually you will and even if you dont...its not just fornication thats a sin...so is sexual immorality so foreplay with someone that is not your husband is sin!

3) Public places, public places, public places! As JR says, "Lord help me to keep my mind because I am weak in the flesh and I am about to wile out." Temptation is real...so keeping romantic exchange to public places keeps all that in check. Dont get caught alone with your sweetie in private...that is opening the door. Group outings are great defense for this too! Yes, Im grown, but my flesh is weak. So do what you gotta do to make sure you dont find yourself in a tempting situation.

4) Dont start nothing wont be nothing! Kinda related to number 2. Your body is not created to get aroused and then stop..so dont even get it started. Everything leads to something else. Kissing leads to passionate kissing...which leads to touching....which leads to other things that yall all know! So dont even start....draw the boundary at the start line.

(I plan for holding hands to be my limit when I start dating again. I am going to have to pray about cuddling...erplexed that might be to much for me...lol)

5) Value your temple!! Your body is sacred and precious. Any time a man puts his hand, mouth, or any other part on or in you outside of a marriage covenant, that is defiling what is precious and sacred! You are violating and perverting God's perfect plan for the joining of a man and woman. Your body is not yours to be allowing other people to touch...it belongs to your husband!

6) Believe in yourself! You can do it! You can be sexually pure, chaste, and holy before God. It doesnt matter what you may have done in the past, it is covered under the blood as soon as you repent and are forgiven! Dont let Satan torment you with past mistakes and downfalls! Its over and done with. Walk in the power and victory of God to truly live out His word!

Our culture has it all wrong...but even as society changes....God standards remain the same. Sexual purity is IMPORTANT and it is ATTAINABLE! Dont believe the LIE!!

Hopefully this will help someone as this truth has truly helped me and set me free.

God Bless

GOD BLESS YOU FOR "SPEAKING THE TRUTH IN LOVE"!

 

[Shimmie]

Since we're comparing notes, I've been celibate for 8 years. A long time, but Shimmie still holds the record! LOL!

Pebs, you ain't right...but I love you...

Hey, I didn't plan it that way....

Had God said this 24 years ago, I would have said,
"Lord, can we pray about this first? ​

And it truly is funny. Even my children look at me and just 'wonder' how??? Even my friend 'wonders' but he's also very moved by it.

But you know what, Ladies? Celibacy can actually become an addiction. About 8 years ago (year 16 of the Cele 'C" ) I realized that I had become addicted to being celibate. But the addiction was attached to my love for Jesus and also to what I wanted in life that I had never had before...

I Hope This Helps Someone...

Angels, this is it: I just want to know...I just want to know what it's like to have waited.

That's what keeps me going. I've never had this treasure of an experience before..."that I waited". I was a teen when I got married and I was pregnant. My ex-husband was my 'first' in everything. After we were divorced, there were 3 relationships to follow, and I regret each one. I didn't wait.

I asked God for another chance, He gave this gift to me and it is so beautiful...a second chance after so many other 'second chances'. And Angels, I want to keep it. I don't want to lose this beautiful gift...that I finally waited. I think I want this more than to have sex again .

No really....deep down I want the satisfaction of 'having waited' more than then the satisfaction of releasing sexual tension. And that includes 'self gratification' as well. Because there are times when my 'flesh' wants to yield. But my heart doesn't. I want more.

I'm still a woman and I love Romance and the thought of making love. But I just don't want to yield unless it's to my husband. It's him that I want to make love to, but only as my husband...not him as my boyfriend, and not me trying to satisfy myself through masterbation (sp?). I want the marriage bed and nothing less.

God placed this in my heart as I was writing a message to my friend. I was sharing with him why remaining celibate was important to me.

"No one before you my husband, no one before you...not even me."

When he read it, he broke in tears, to know that a man could be loved that much. As a man, he shared with me that he never knew that this much self-respect and respect for love still existed in this day and time. And yes, he meant even in the church.

He shared that even men want to be respected in this just as much, for even though they struggle with sexual tension, they too, want more, to be right with God. A man will not leave a woman that he loves and a woman who supports his growth in the Lord. Yes, he thinks about sex -- 'a lot' -- but his heart is still fixed for a better fulfillment and that's Jesus Christ our Lord.

I have so much more to share. Every topic in this forum, God has a word. A word that I've either lived or a word that He has freshly poured into my spirit to share.

Enjoy the addiction...'Cele' C'..."Celebrating Celibacy", and it is worth celebrating...

Hugs to all...

 

[Supergirl]

For the past year I have made a conscious decision not to "date" and it has truly been amazing as God has been restoring my heart and mind. One of the things that God has been healing me of is my anguish over the loss of my virginity and subsequent sexual relationships. I have been trying to figure out "why" I became sexually active because it seems on several fronts that with my value system, personality, and Christian beliefs that I should still be a virgin.

I looked at several factors...the lack of a father, my mother's mental illness which caused a lack of discipline and boundaries, but finally the truth came. The problem was that I BELIEVED A LIE. I believed that it was impossible to keep your virginity until marriage....yes it was the ideal but it just wasnt feasible....so I lost my virginity in high school. Then after that, I believed that it was impossible not to give in to sexual temptation...whether it be going all the way or just foreplay...it was just inevitable no matter how hard you tried to stay away. Even when I did sucessfully abstain for periods of time, I belieived that it was only a matter of time before I messed up again. After all, look at David...a man after Gods own heart....even He fell to sexual sin. Many great men and women have fallen to it...so I what made me think that I was any special exception. Regardless of my walk, the spiritual "example" that I set for my peers, etc. I felt this was the one area that I would never truly overcome..I thought it was impossible. Well....as I pondered these things...God revealed to me that the entire mindset that I had about sexuality was a lie being fed to me by Satan. It was the same deception he used to get Eve to eat the fruit...and has been using for centuries. I had been set up for the okey doke.

I now know and realize that sexual purity is possible. Satan is a liar. I had to first renew my mind to align with the Word of God. So for you ladies out there struggling with abstinence and sexual purity, I just want to encourage you that it is possible! And by purity, I mean purity, not hugging to tight, kissing, rubbing, touching, etc..nothing! I plan to kiss my husband for the first time at the altar....I have been stating this desire for years...but this is the first time I say it and KNOW it to be TRUE! I am blowing the lid off the LIE that Satan has used to bind women! There are women, like me, who are completely SOLD OUT to their walk with God but still feel bound my the oppression of sexual immorality! It doesnt have to be so...SEXUAL PURITY IS POSSIBLE!

In addition to coming into the knowledge of the truth.
Here are the tips that I have learned to maintain sexual purity, hopefully they will be a blessing to you. They have TRULY helped me.

1) Put your thoughts under subjection to the word and will of God! No dwellling on throwback memories, close your eyes on sex scenes in movies and TV, skip the romance novels, no participation in elicit conversations, no playing R Kelly, Maxwell or songs that make you think about sex, no blackwoman/blackmen in erotic poses posters, etc. Basically anything that puts you in that mindset...Stop exposing yourself to that! My favorite phrase is "That is NOT conducive to abstinence!" If those thoughts pop up...send them right back where they came from...the pit of Hell!!

2) If a man does not respect the fact that you do not want to participate in sexual immorality in any shape or form, then he should not have a place in your life! He has got to go! Do not compromise by doing "a little" something to compensate for the fact that you wont go "all the way." Eventually you will and even if you dont...its not just fornication thats a sin...so is sexual immorality so foreplay with someone that is not your husband is sin!

3) Public places, public places, public places! As JR says, "Lord help me to keep my mind because I am weak in the flesh and I am about to wile out." Temptation is real...so keeping romantic exchange to public places keeps all that in check. Dont get caught alone with your sweetie in private...that is opening the door. Group outings are great defense for this too! Yes, Im grown, but my flesh is weak. So do what you gotta do to make sure you dont find yourself in a tempting situation.

4) Dont start nothing wont be nothing! Kinda related to number 2. Your body is not created to get aroused and then stop..so dont even get it started. Everything leads to something else. Kissing leads to passionate kissing...which leads to touching....which leads to other things that yall all know! So dont even start....draw the boundary at the start line.

(I plan for holding hands to be my limit when I start dating again. I am going to have to pray about cuddling...erplexed that might be to much for me...lol)

5) Value your temple!! Your body is sacred and precious. Any time a man puts his hand, mouth, or any other part on or in you outside of a marriage covenant, that is defiling what is precious and sacred! You are violating and perverting God's perfect plan for the joining of a man and woman. Your body is not yours to be allowing other people to touch...it belongs to your husband!

6) Believe in yourself! You can do it! You can be sexually pure, chaste, and holy before God. It doesnt matter what you may have done in the past, it is covered under the blood as soon as you repent and are forgiven! Dont let Satan torment you with past mistakes and downfalls! Its over and done with. Walk in the power and victory of God to truly live out His word!

Our culture has it all wrong...but even as society changes....God standards remain the same. Sexual purity is IMPORTANT and it is ATTAINABLE! Dont believe the LIE!!

Hopefully this will help someone as this truth has truly helped me and set me free.

God Bless

This is great! You have spoken the truth today. Many of us have been through the same as you. I am not proud of my sexual exploits pre-celibacy. But through God's grace, I was able to become celibate and remain that way for 9 years until I got married. And I agree, you just have to watch the kinds of situations you put yourself into. You can ward off the temptation by not giving it a place in your life. You're so right!

 

[AnnDriena_]

I don't mean to make it sound to breezy but for all of those who have failed please remember God is in the forgiveness business. Many people say we here on the Christian board sound too judgemental or only down someone when they have sinned sexually. I can clearly see from this post that is not true. I'm glad someone came on here to say I have failed and I'm STILL GOING TO GET BACK UP AND KEEP ON KEEPIN' ON.

That is a great attitude to have. I really appreciate you showing such a great spirit and not taking the "Well it's not possible to not have sex and since GOD loves me and forgives me and I can't stop myself it's alright". We have to admit when we are wrong and keep it pushin'. I like the way you are not wallowing in your sin like a pig in the mud. But you are showing us you are a child of God who has fallen in the mud and soiled your beautiful white robe (like the rest of us in different areas of life and some in the same) but you have trusted him to pick you up and wash your robe in the blood of His son and make it white again.
YOU GO GIRL!!!

 

[MindTwister]

This is the second thread today in the Christianity forum that I read that I really enjoy a lot. I didn't know and had meant to ask if when people meant celibate and waiting for marriage that included things like kissing (and not necessarily "deep throating" [excuse my language but that's the best I could describe it]), staying in the same room for a long time, hugging/cuddling etc...

I have to admit that this is a bit difficult for me to comply to, especially the "not being alone together for too long" and the hugging/cuddling part (though I understand, based on 1 Corinthians 1, why it should/must be that way).
I guess my reluctance to adopt such bold/strict "rule" comes from the fact that I'm still scared of being pointed as an extremist/member of a sect (as some I know called those who have a strict following of the Bible), pointed as a fanatic etc... I guess I'm not bold enough yet and need to spend more time strenghtening myself in/with the Word.

All ya'll stories are inspiring and hopefully I'll have such stories to tell in the future. Thanks for sharing your words of wisdom and encouragement

 

[Shimmie]

This is the second thread today in the Christianity forum that I read that I really enjoy a lot. I didn't know and had meant to ask if when people meant celibate and waiting for marriage that included things like kissing (and not necessarily "deep throating" [excuse my language but that's the best I could describe it]), staying in the same room for a long time, hugging/cuddling etc...

I have to admit that this is a bit difficult for me to comply to, especially the "not being alone together for too long" and the hugging/cuddling part (though I understand, based on 1 Corinthians 1, why it should/must be that way).
I guess my reluctance to adopt such bold/strict "rule" comes from the fact that I'm still scared of being pointed as an extremist/member of a sect (as some I know called those who have a strict following of the Bible), pointed as a fanatic etc... I guess I'm not bold enough yet and need to spend more time strenghtening myself in/with the Word.

All ya'll stories are inspiring and hopefully I'll have such stories to tell in the future. Thanks for sharing your words of wisdom and encouragement

"MindTwister', you already have. Now just start adding your chapters, one page at a time.

You are one of God's beautiful 'Walking Epistles'. How beautiful are your feet which stands upon the 'mountain', the feet which bring good news to others in the 'struggle' which is really no struggle at all. It's just our 'flesh' which is under subjection to someone better...far better...Jesus.

 

[determined_to_grow]

Excellent post! I have been battling with these exact issues for the past 5 years and I am encouraged with this posting!

For the past year I have made a conscious decision not to "date" and it has truly been amazing as God has been restoring my heart and mind. One of the things that God has been healing me of is my anguish over the loss of my virginity and subsequent sexual relationships. I have been trying to figure out "why" I became sexually active because it seems on several fronts that with my value system, personality, and Christian beliefs that I should still be a virgin.

I looked at several factors...the lack of a father, my mother's mental illness which caused a lack of discipline and boundaries, but finally the truth came. The problem was that I BELIEVED A LIE. I believed that it was impossible to keep your virginity until marriage....yes it was the ideal but it just wasnt feasible....so I lost my virginity in high school. Then after that, I believed that it was impossible not to give in to sexual temptation...whether it be going all the way or just foreplay...it was just inevitable no matter how hard you tried to stay away. Even when I did sucessfully abstain for periods of time, I belieived that it was only a matter of time before I messed up again. After all, look at David...a man after Gods own heart....even He fell to sexual sin. Many great men and women have fallen to it...so I what made me think that I was any special exception. Regardless of my walk, the spiritual "example" that I set for my peers, etc. I felt this was the one area that I would never truly overcome..I thought it was impossible. Well....as I pondered these things...God revealed to me that the entire mindset that I had about sexuality was a lie being fed to me by Satan. It was the same deception he used to get Eve to eat the fruit...and has been using for centuries. I had been set up for the okey doke.

I now know and realize that sexual purity is possible. Satan is a liar. I had to first renew my mind to align with the Word of God. So for you ladies out there struggling with abstinence and sexual purity, I just want to encourage you that it is possible! And by purity, I mean purity, not hugging to tight, kissing, rubbing, touching, etc..nothing! I plan to kiss my husband for the first time at the altar....I have been stating this desire for years...but this is the first time I say it and KNOW it to be TRUE! I am blowing the lid off the LIE that Satan has used to bind women! There are women, like me, who are completely SOLD OUT to their walk with God but still feel bound my the oppression of sexual immorality! It doesnt have to be so...SEXUAL PURITY IS POSSIBLE!

In addition to coming into the knowledge of the truth.
Here are the tips that I have learned to maintain sexual purity, hopefully they will be a blessing to you. They have TRULY helped me.

1) Put your thoughts under subjection to the word and will of God! No dwellling on throwback memories, close your eyes on sex scenes in movies and TV, skip the romance novels, no participation in elicit conversations, no playing R Kelly, Maxwell or songs that make you think about sex, no blackwoman/blackmen in erotic poses posters, etc. Basically anything that puts you in that mindset...Stop exposing yourself to that! My favorite phrase is "That is NOT conducive to abstinence!" If those thoughts pop up...send them right back where they came from...the pit of Hell!!

2) If a man does not respect the fact that you do not want to participate in sexual immorality in any shape or form, then he should not have a place in your life! He has got to go! Do not compromise by doing "a little" something to compensate for the fact that you wont go "all the way." Eventually you will and even if you dont...its not just fornication thats a sin...so is sexual immorality so foreplay with someone that is not your husband is sin!

3) Public places, public places, public places! As JR says, "Lord help me to keep my mind because I am weak in the flesh and I am about to wile out." Temptation is real...so keeping romantic exchange to public places keeps all that in check. Dont get caught alone with your sweetie in private...that is opening the door. Group outings are great defense for this too! Yes, Im grown, but my flesh is weak. So do what you gotta do to make sure you dont find yourself in a tempting situation.

4) Dont start nothing wont be nothing! Kinda related to number 2. Your body is not created to get aroused and then stop..so dont even get it started. Everything leads to something else. Kissing leads to passionate kissing...which leads to touching....which leads to other things that yall all know! So dont even start....draw the boundary at the start line.

(I plan for holding hands to be my limit when I start dating again. I am going to have to pray about cuddling...erplexed that might be to much for me...lol)

5) Value your temple!! Your body is sacred and precious. Any time a man puts his hand, mouth, or any other part on or in you outside of a marriage covenant, that is defiling what is precious and sacred! You are violating and perverting God's perfect plan for the joining of a man and woman. Your body is not yours to be allowing other people to touch...it belongs to your husband!

6) Believe in yourself! You can do it! You can be sexually pure, chaste, and holy before God. It doesnt matter what you may have done in the past, it is covered under the blood as soon as you repent and are forgiven! Dont let Satan torment you with past mistakes and downfalls! Its over and done with. Walk in the power and victory of God to truly live out His word!

Our culture has it all wrong...but even as society changes....God standards remain the same. Sexual purity is IMPORTANT and it is ATTAINABLE! Dont believe the LIE!!

Hopefully this will help someone as this truth has truly helped me and set me free.

God Bless

 

[brownsugarflyygirl]

Thank you ladies for all your replies and your willingness to share your experiences.

Shimmie - I recieve that word. I work in youth ministry and I have been really battling with this issue so that I can come to a place where I can minister to my young ladies...I also have two little sisters who are 14 and 7 and cousins in middle school...that I know I need to open up and share with them my experiences. I just had to be healed of my own pain first...

This post was a huge step for me. I am practicing talking about my experiences so I can help women who have been bound by their sexual sins and also teach women and young ladies how precious their bodies and virginity is.

When I lost my virginity nine years ago, I didnt know that I as a woman was valuable, that my body belonged to someone else besides me (meaning my future husband), or that the act of sex was a sacred covenant btw a married couple and God.

I was told fornication was wrong...but I wasnt taught what the purpose of sex was supposed to be...so I adapted the worlds cheap, watered down, distorted view as sex just fulfilling the lust of the flesh coupled with Satan's lies that there was nothing I could do to overcome this lust. No one ever explained to me the significance of the blood of the hymen being broken as significant part of the covenant made btw a man a woman and God...no one showed me the scriptures about the significance of blood in all biblical coventants...no one told me that virginity was a precious gift that you saved for your husband...no one told me these things...and although since then I have had a few 1-2 year stints of celibacy b/c I knew that it was sin, it took me 9 years to really understand. You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free....it was knowledge of what the true purpose of sex was and the truth that Satan was decieving me that set me free.

So the past few weeks, I have been in mourning over the loss of my virginity because for the first time ever in life I realized how precious it was...I had asked for forgiveness many times in years past but the depth of my repentance recently was unprecedented because I finally got a full revelation.

So here I am today pure, holy, and undefiled in the eyes of God...and I feel so blessed. Its a really tough thing to come to terms with but God is a deliverer. I know that I cant change my past, but I also know that God doesnt remember it, he only sees his perfect son's blood that covered my sins. I am striving to focus on the future and I will not let Satan or any person hold it over my head.

God is a Restorer....and I know that He can place my body back in its original state. I pray that on the day that I physically consummate my marriage...that I will see the blood that represents that covenant. God is a healer and He can do all things if you just believe. I am not worried about what any one else says... If my Heavenly Father it sees me as pure, then I am

DONT LET ANYONE TELL YOU DIFFERENT! Work those white dresses ladies, I know that on that day, I am going to work mine

 

[Shimmie]

Thank you ladies for all your replies and your willingness to share your experiences.

Shimmie - I recieve that word. I work in youth ministry and I have been really battling with this issue so that I can come to a place where I can minister to my young ladies...I also have two little sisters who are 14 and 7 and cousins in middle school...that I know I need to open up and share with them my experiences. I just had to be healed of my own pain first...

This post was a huge step for me. I am practicing talking about my experiences so I can help women who have been bound by their sexual sins and also teach women and young ladies how precious their bodies and virginity is.

When I lost my virginity nine years ago, I didnt know that I as a woman was valuable, that my body belonged to someone else besides me (meaning my future husband), or that the act of sex was a sacred covenant btw a married couple and God.

I was told fornication was wrong...but I wasnt taught what the purpose of sex was supposed to be...so I adapted the worlds cheap, watered down, distorted view as sex just fulfilling the lust of the flesh coupled with Satan's lies that there was nothing I could do to overcome this lust. No one ever explained to me the significance of the blood of the hymen being broken as significant part of the covenant made btw a man a woman and God...no one showed me the scriptures about the significance of blood in all biblical coventants...no one told me that virginity was a precious gift that you saved for your husband...no one told me these things...and although since then I have had a few 1-2 year stints of celibacy b/c I knew that it was sin, it took me 9 years to really understand. You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free....it was knowledge of what the true purpose of sex was and the truth that Satan was decieving me that set me free.

So the past few weeks, I have been in mourning over the loss of my virginity because for the first time ever in life I realized how precious it was...I had asked for forgiveness many times in years past but the depth of my repentance recently was unprecedented because I finally got a full revelation.

So here I am today pure, holy, and undefiled in the eyes of God...and I feel so blessed. Its a really tough thing to come to terms with but God is a deliverer. I know that I cant change my past, but I also know that God doesnt remember it, he only sees his perfect son's blood that covered my sins. I am striving to focus on the future and I will not let Satan or any person hold it over my head.

God is a Restorer....and I know that He can place my body back in its original state. I pray that on the day that I physically consummate my marriage...that I will see the blood that represents that covenant. God is a healer and He can do all things if you just believe. I am not worried about what any one else says... If my Heavenly Father it sees me as pure, then I am

DONT LET ANYONE TELL YOU DIFFERENT! Work those white dresses ladies, I know that on that day, I am going to work mine

I am so blessed by you. So blessed. Now, Hear the word of the Lord!

You will not have to wait as long as Shimmie did... Literally two (2) dozen years....

You will walk down the aisle to your husband upon satin soft rose petals and your name shall be "Beloved...Rose of Sharon..." (Song of Solomon 2:1)

Angel, read Isaiah 35: It's about you and your ministry.

It says you will blossom as the rose; you will blossom abundantly as in the land of Sharon.

In your ministry, you will, "...Strengthen the weak hands and make firm the feeble and tottering knees."

(You will impart wisdom and strength for the girls to stay virtuous).


You will '...say to those who are of a fearful and hasty heart, Be strong, fear not! Behold, your God will come...with the recompense of God He will come and save you.
You will minister..."Then the eyes of the blind shall be opened, and the ears of the deaf shall be unstopped."

Angel, you will open their eyes and ears to the love of God, which had been blinded and deaf to the truth. See how God's word backs up what you shared in your opening post? You're God's vessel, angel. Take this word to prayer and then get your Pastors to annoint you.

Love you much...

 

[caligirl]

No one ever explained to me the significance of the blood of the hymen being broken as significant part of the covenant made btw a man a woman and God...no one showed me the scriptures about the significance of blood in all biblical coventants...no one told me that virginity was a precious gift that you saved for your husband...

Are you saying that women are supposed to bleed the first time that they have sex with their husbands? Many adult women don't have a hymen any more even if they are virgins. And not all women will tear their hymen and bleed. Can you please provide the scripture in the bible that describes what you are saying?

 

[pearlygurl]

Are you saying that women are supposed to bleed the first time that they have sex with their husbands? Many adult women don't have a hymen any more even if they are virgins. And not all women will tear their hymen and bleed. Can you please provide the scripture in the bible that describes what you are saying?

I think she was referring to the historical significance of a women bleeding on her wedding night(correct me if I'm wrong). Back in the Old Testament, a woman bleeding of the first night with her husband was a symbol of her virginity and it protected her. As a matter of fact, parents of the bride kept the the bloody sheet as proof. Read Deuteronomy 22 to get more info about this HTH

Deuteronomy 22:13-19

If a man takes a wife and, after sleeping with her, dislikes her 14 and slanders her and gives her a bad name, saying, "I married this woman, but when I approached her, I did not find proof of her virginity," 15 then the young woman's father and mother shall bring to the town elders at the gate proof that she was a virgin. 16 Her father will say to the elders, "I gave my daughter in marriage to this man, but he dislikes her. 17 Now he has slandered her and said, 'I did not find your daughter to be a virgin.' But here is the proof of my daughter's virginity." Then her parents shall display the cloth before the elders of the town, 18 and the elders shall take the man and punish him. 19 They shall fine him a hundred shekels of silver and give them to the young woman's father, because this man has given an Israelite virgin a bad name. She shall continue to be his wife; he must not divorce her as long as he lives.

 

[Shimmie]

I think she was referring to the historical significance of a women bleeding on her wedding night(correct me if I'm wrong). Back in the Old Testament, a woman bleeding of the first night with her husband was a symbol of her virginity and it protected her. As a matter of fact, parents of the bride kept the the bloody sheet as proof. Read Deuteronomy 22 to get more info about this HTH

Deuteronomy 22:13-19

If a man takes a wife and, after sleeping with her, dislikes her 14 and slanders her and gives her a bad name, saying, "I married this woman, but when I approached her, I did not find proof of her virginity," 15 then the young woman's father and mother shall bring to the town elders at the gate proof that she was a virgin. 16 Her father will say to the elders, "I gave my daughter in marriage to this man, but he dislikes her. 17 Now he has slandered her and said, 'I did not find your daughter to be a virgin.' But here is the proof of my daughter's virginity." Then her parents shall display the cloth before the elders of the town, 18 and the elders shall take the man and punish him. 19 They shall fine him a hundred shekels of silver and give them to the young woman's father, because this man has given an Israelite virgin a bad name. She shall continue to be his wife; he must not divorce her as long as he lives.

Don't you just love the word of God? This didn't take but a moment to make it plain. Proof that it is written in the Word, that there is proof of what has been asked.

What a beautiful 'note' for me to log off of the forum for the night. For this is right to the point. I'm rejoicing in that you have proven that God's word has the answers. I'm rejoicing in that you hit it right on point. I'm rejoicing that you didn't 'stutter' or struggle. God's word spoke it right out. I'm rejoicing, because this is how I live...finding all that I need in the heart of God's word.

And for anyone reading who doesn't believe the Bible, the movie, 'Yentle' (starring Barbra Striesand) shows an example of this 'proof' being attempted for the sake of the parents. A glass of red wine is poured upon the white bed sheets...for 'proof' of virginity and to give the impression that the marriage was consumated.

But God's word, says it all!!!! Caligirl, thank you precious one for asking. You did the right thing and I love you for it. We're supposed to ask where God says it in His word. And you asked.

And Pearlygurl, thank you for being obedient in your studies in the word, for you were prompt and quick with the right reply.

Both of you, were on time with God and used by the Holy Spirit.

I love you both for the joy you've given my heart with this post.

Loving hugs and sweet sleep to both of you...

 

[mblake8]

Hi,
I just want to thank you for posting this. I read it a couple of times last week. I went on a date on sunday with my ex. When he dropped me off he asked if he could spend the night. I immediately thought of this thread and told him i didnt think it was a good idea. thanks again for posting this because before i would have let him and "Tried" not to mess around. Be blessed!

 

[LifeafterLHCF]

I know this is a old thread but the Lord's word is never old..its always current..Im really dealing with sexual thoughts and self gratification..I have been up the last 3 nights on the computer bc Im fighting off from relieving myself..I use to be a very sexual person..about 4 yrs ago..when I stepped out on faith and stopped shacking I have remained pure in the sense of a man entrance but there is still self..I know that if I want to be a solider for God I have to sacrifice the flesh..Lord help me that I don't cave in..I haven't dated in 4yrs..it feels so weird...I have thoughts about one of my friends but the issue he is bisexual and that a double negative...I want to be pure and clean..I know my past is just that past..I want to be whole because I know my prayer to God is I don't want to be in any relationship and not to be with anyone until Im made whole

 

[nubiennze]

I know this is a old thread but the Lord's word is never old..its always current..Im really dealing with sexual thoughts and self gratification..I have been up the last 3 nights on the computer bc Im fighting off from relieving myself..I use to be a very sexual person..about 4 yrs ago..when I stepped out on faith and stopped shacking I have remained pure in the sense of a man entrance but there is still self..I know that if I want to be a solider for God I have to sacrifice the flesh..Lord help me that I don't cave in..I haven't dated in 4yrs..it feels so weird...I have thoughts about one of my friends but the issue he is bisexual and that a double negative...I want to be pure and clean..I know my past is just that past..I want to be whole because I know my prayer to God is I don't want to be in any relationship and not to be with anyone until Im made whole

...and you know God is always on time, right?

I was just pondering on my past and reflecting on recent epiphanies I've had about why I engaged in the things that I did; I was actually a little down and starting to go back to the emotional place I was in before I was delivered. Then, by a fluke, I came back to the forum and this thread caught my eye. Just a reminder of what God's brought me from and that I don't have to go back.

Those late night hours are killer though...I know right now I'm dealing with obedience (or my lack thereof ) with regard to just going to bed at a decent hour...makes a world of difference in the direction our thoughts take, even if they're not necessarily of a sexual nature. After all, the adversary works under the cover of darkness...

Praying your continued strength in your walk!

 

[Shimmie]

I remember this thread....

With all of my heart, I pray the blessings of God's word over all who receive it.