"Stop Lying to her, it's DNA!"

CurlyMoo

Well-Known Member
My co-worker told me this when she found out I was giving haircare advice to another employee who works in another area.

I wore my hair down at work and the entire place went nuts. Asking what I did to get it that thick and long. Compliments coming and people saying I am a new employee. It was cute. I recommended protective styling, reading the Cathy Howse book (that's how I started my journey), vitamins, water, no sulfates shampoos, etc. The lady actually called my unit to let me know she ordered the book, then a few days later she came by to tell me she received it. My co-worker asked me what did I tell this other lady on haircare and then proceeds to tell me to stop lying. And repeated for me to stop lying and that it is DNA. On the verge of shouting. :nono: She still uses the term "good hair or good grade of hair."

I was not completely surprised by what she said, just disappointed. She is kind of ignorant anyhow, when she found out I frequent an Ethiopian restaurant she was shocked I was able to do so because Ethiopians have no food so how can they have a restaurant making food. :spinning::perplexed

I then told her that my hair was shoulder length for a long time before my hair grew this long. She's kind of strange in a way, this topic is not new but she keeps asking the same questions and then forming a combative conclusion as to why things can't be. She's also frustrated with her hair and wears it natural with occasional braids. She is thinking of relaxing again, because she can't manage it.

I guess I'm just ranting a little, I've been keeping a low profile as my hair grew. Keeping it up and not giving a lot of advice. I have made some conditioner and hair oils for my co-workers. Including this particular woman and she didn't give me any feedback. I asked her how she liked it and she said it was okay and walked off. Other co-workers have raved about it and want more. I understand my advice and products are not for everyone but what's really going on here? Is she just sharing her opinion or is there something more going on?

Last year she was grilling me on my racial background after she asked about my hair and what I do to it. :rolleyes: I told her about my grand-mother's Scottish heritage. She was convinced then that was the reason for my hair. I get a strong feeling she is undermining me to other employees on my days off. Telling them that my mixed ancestry is the reason for the long hair. She has no clue as to what it took to get to this point. :nono:

What do you guys think I should do at this point, I do like her she is helpful and we do have a positive relationship but when it comes to hair it's kind of annoying. :ohwell:
 
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bosswitch

Well-Known Member
Don't talk to her about hair anymore..you've done your part to help her, she can only help herself from this point onwards.

You can take a cow to the river, but you can't force it to drink.
 

cbanks67

New Member
I would probably just not get on the topic of hair with her. She ain't ready yet. Maybe she will be one day. I notice some people don't even want to change their shampoo. And then others love the advice. I made mixtures as well. Most of my family love them but there are those few that are like its too greasy or they don't give any feedback. I just say oh well. Everything ain't for everybody and keep it moving. I have to remember to continue to do what I know what works.
 

BostonMaria

Well-Known Member
Wow she sounds so annoying! People like this are absolutely hopeless. If I were you (and you seem very kind) I wouldn't give her any advice. Sounds to me like she doesn't really want advice. She just wants to argue with you because you're exotical and have no business giving advice. Been there done that song and dance.

Don't stop giving advice to the other women at your job that are interested in having healthy hair. There's a woman at my job that I helped for about 3-4 years and she finally did the BC and her hair is 4a, beautiful, and thick. She's beyond happy now and I didn't give up on her. There's another co-worker who's hair is dry as hayle and always looks a hot mess. She thinks I have "good" hair and doesn't take my advice because I'm Dominican. I would rather help people, but if they dismiss me for being this or that I just keep it moving.
 

LexiDior

Well-Known Member
I was not completely surprised by what she said, just disappointed. She is kind of ignorant anyhow, when she found out I frequent an Ethiopian restaurant she was shocked I was able to do so because Ethiopians have no food so how can they have a restaurant making food. :spinning::perplexed

SMMFH!!! Its sad how slow people are.

Its even sadder that she thinks full blooded Africans cant grow hair. People like her cant be educated because they think they know everything. Im not sure i could work with her on a daily basis.
 

CurlyMoo

Well-Known Member
I was hoping I was not being too sensitive. Hair is my favorite subject and I love discussing it but when people tell me all this work I put into it didn't come from my efforts it gets offensive. Depending on my mood:perplexed, I actually like helping people and hair is one way I KNOW I can do that, especially for Black women. Which is partly why I started this journey to show other Black women they can grow long healthy hair.

I'll change the subject with her, it will be tough because we work together; but I will have to for my peace of mind. :ohwell:
 

DesignerCurls

New Member
Hi CurlyMoo!
Situation like this can be so annoying! But I'd say keep giving advice to those who really want it because it seems like some co-workers are actually taking your advice. And when they start seeing the benefits, they will realize it's more about health hair practices and not DNA or racial background! And as for the other doubting co-worker I wouldn't answer any more of her hair related questions (or personal questions for that matter)! Keep it strictly work related and KIM!
 

CurlyMoo

Well-Known Member
Wow she sounds so annoying! People like this are absolutely hopeless. If I were you (and you seem very kind) I wouldn't give her any advice. Sounds to me like she doesn't really want advice. She just wants to argue with you because you're exotical and have no business giving advice. Been there done that song and dance.

Don't stop giving advice to the other women at your job that are interested in having healthy hair. There's a woman at my job that I helped for about 3-4 years and she finally did the BC and her hair is 4a, beautiful, and thick. She's beyond happy now and I didn't give up on her. There's another co-worker who's hair is dry as hayle and always looks a hot mess. She thinks I have "good" hair and doesn't take my advice because I'm Dominican. I would rather help people, but if they dismiss me for being this or that I just keep it moving.

Thanks BM, I've been holding back a lot of advice due to my fear of being undermined. You are right this is bigger than both of us, in fact I think part of my hiding my hair is to keep from being put under the microscope. I have been wearing my hair in different styles lately and it's gotten positive feedback. I actually enjoy doing different things with my hair. :yep:
 
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PersuasiveBeauty

New Member
My co-worker told me this when she found out I was giving haircare advice to another employee who works in another area.

I wore my hair down at work and the entire place went nuts. Asking what I did to get it that thick and long. Compliments coming and people saying I am a new employee. It was cute. I recommended protective styling, reading the Cathy Howse book (that's how I started my journey), vitamins, water, no sulfates shampoos, etc. The lady actually called my unit to let me know she ordered the book, then a few days later she came by to tell me she received it. My co-worker asked me what did I tell this other lady on haircare and then proceeds to tell me to stop lying. And repeated for me to stop lying and that it is DNA. On the verge of shouting. :nono: She still uses the term "good hair or good grade of hair."

I was not completely surprised by what she said, just disappointed. She is kind of ignorant anyhow, when she found out I frequent an Ethiopian restaurant she was shocked I was able to do so because Ethiopians have no food so how can they have a restaurant making food. :spinning::perplexed

I then told her that my hair was shoulder length for a long time before my hair grew this long. She's kind of strange in a way, this topic is not new but she keeps asking the same questions and then forming a combative conclusion as to why things can't be. She's also frustrated with her hair and wears it natural with occasional braids. She is thinking of relaxing again, because she can't manage it.

I guess I'm just ranting a little, I've been keeping a low profile as my hair grew. Keeping it up and not giving a lot of advice. I have made some conditioner and hair oils for my co-workers. Including this particular woman and she didn't give me any feedback. I asked her how she liked it and she said it was okay and walked off. Other co-workers have raved about it and want more. I understand my advice and products are not for everyone but what's really going on here? Is she just sharing her opinion or is there something more going on?

Last year she was grilling me on my racial background after she asked about my hair and what I do to it. :rolleyes: I told her about my grand-mother's Scottish heritage. She was convinced then that was the reason for my hair. I get a strong feeling she is undermining me to other employees on my days off. Telling them that my mixed ancestry is the reason for the long hair. She has no clue as to what it took to get to this point. :nono:

What do you guys think I should do at this point, I do like her she is helpful and we do have a positive relationship but when it comes to hair it's kind of annoying. :ohwell:

She is a moron. A complete moron. How do you keep from slapping her?
 

MrsJaiDiva

Embracing the Light
Smh, she is a HATER. You're not going to get anything but foolishness from this woman, because she is JEALOUS TO THE BONE of you. Keep it cute & short with her and watch your back....because as soon as you cut her off, she will start to try to make life hard for you. I promise you. Some people are just full of negative energy...best to cut em off when you can, and KIM.

Been there, done that, came back, and still have the t-shirt! :lachen:
 

KiWiStyle

Realtor & Foodie
I can't stand ignorant people and I make it my business to steer clear away from them. Nothing you can ever do or say will every change them. It's her genetics that's playing a major role in her stupidity, smh!
 

faithVA

Well-Known Member
You are good OP. I would have told her, Girl don't come over here asking me anymore questions :lol: My patience is short though. I would have just told her straight... You aren't going to do anything I tell you so I'm not going to waste my time.

But you said you liked her so I get that. So changing the subject is the best way. And if she says anything then just nod.
 

Evolving78

Well-Known Member
i have this thing of just not talking to people anymore or being very short and distant. she would be one of those people that would get treated like that. she has gotten on my last nerve and i don't even work there.
 

DrC

Well-Known Member
this woman sounds batsh*t crazy. If I were you, I'd absolutely agree with everything she has to say and tell her all the things she "wants" to hear, flip my hair and keep going. She seems to have some major issues.
 

SmilingElephant

Well-Known Member
Ppl are just strange. I have stopped telling ppl my heritage when they ask me what i'm mixed with...i just stick with "both of my parents are black and their parents are black....whatever i'm mixed with was about 5 or 6 generations ago". Ppl will always find a reason to believe that nothing pretty comes from being Black.

It's not about that...its about taking care of what you have. It wouldn't flourish if you didn't take care of it. And that goes for anything.
 

KEWLKAT103

Well-Known Member
At this point, I would not speak to her about it anymore. I would be cordial, but all hair conversations would be off limits.
It will be funny to hear what she has to say, when the other lady your helping comes to work with beautiful, long, healthy hair. Actually, she will probably start accusing her of being mixed too.
 

HappilyLiberal

Well-Known Member
I was not completely surprised by what she said, just disappointed. She is kind of ignorant anyhow, when she found out I frequent an Ethiopian restaurant she was shocked I was able to do so because Ethiopians have no food so how can they have a restaurant making food. :spinning::perplexed

 

onyxdreams

Well-Known Member
I was hoping I was not being too sensitive. Hair is my favorite subject and I love discussing it but when people tell me all this work I put into it didn't come from my efforts it gets offensive. Depending on my mood:perplexed, I actually like helping people and hair is one way I KNOW I can do that, especially for Black women. Which is partly why I started this journey to show other Black women they can grow long healthy hair.

I'll change the subject with her, it will be tough because we work together; but I will have to for my peace of mind. :ohwell:

Next time she approaches you regarding hair quote her and tell her it's genetics then walk away. I have no time to try and convince anyone of their potential.all you can do is be a visual example.
 

abcd09

Well-Known Member
You can always call her out in a cordial way, saying "Whenever I tell you anything, you undermine me in too many ways. I don't think you really want to talk about hair and I think it's really about something else. Regardless, I would prefer not to speak with you anymore about hair."

She may have a different type of hair that is more fragile and may feel frustrated and is projecting her frustrations onto you. When I would talk about my hair at work, the white employees would compare me to the other people of black descent who has probably 3ab hair and wonder why my hair wasn't like theirs and why I couldn't just put a flat iron in it (I stopped using head for several years). The 3ab people also would ask lol. It's annoying to have to school people on the different types of hair and what can do what etc.

Regardless it's not your concern with how she feels. Maybe if you acknowledge to her that she seems frustrated, her tone will change.
 
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reeko43

Well-Known Member
This woman is obviously envious of the attention you are getting over your hair. I guess her way of deqling with it is to make you out to be a liar. It is clear that she is immature and ignorant by her Ethiopian statement.
 

empressri

Well-Known Member
You do too much, lady. I wouldn't have told anyone jack squat about my background because I just KNOW where folks are trying to go when they ask me xyz.

At the first hint of stupidity, I shuts'em down. I don't have the time and it's too late in the day for me to waste my help on someone that clearly is walking about with a closed mind and tightly shut eyes.
 

BlaqBella

Well-Known Member
HaaaHaaa..lol everything they say Curlymoo. She is extremely stupid, so avoid being offended by anyone elses stupidity. You are so kind and it makes me feel better to know there are others willing to help people like I enjoy doing. Anyhow, her foolishness will continue to speak for itself. lol #dumba$$
 
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1QTPie

Elder Sim
She just sounds envious. I think she wants to believe you, but she can't because her hair won't "do what yours does." Ignore her.
 

SoopremeBeing

Well-Known Member
CurlyMoo It's one thing to say "oh I usually think mixed people are the ones with good hair" or "I didn't know Black ppl could grow their hair that long." But for her to flat out call you a LIAR and question your background is not ok. I think any more hair conversations with her should end. Maybe one of your other co-workers can put up with her words, because you know what type of headspace she's in.

Since you are co-workers, just it as professional as possible. No hair talk with her.
 
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