"Stop Lying to her, it's DNA!"

[havilland]

She is a moron. A complete moron. How do you keep from slapping her?

^^^^^ this

 

[CurlyMoo]

She is a moron. A complete moron. How do you keep from slapping her?

Well she texted me today right before I was suppose to leave for class and let me know that my request for time off from work was not approved. I hope my supervisor let her know and she didn't peek at my paperwork. I needed to have that clear in order to go to school. I was able to handle it before I was in big trouble. So she saved my butt today. She's good for that; but when it comes to hair, travel, dating, culture, etc. I can't really listen to her without being perplexed. erplexed She's very aggressive toward me, planning her lunch breaks around mine so we can talk/gossip. Because we have had so much drama in our small circle I try to keep things civil. There are times when she really makes me want to snap on her but I remember the White cane. If a man steps on your toe, don't cuss him out see that he is blind.

 

[CurlyMoo]

DON'T TALK TO HER AND DON'T DIRECT HER ARSE OVER HERE

I started to tell her about this site but something told me not to.

 

[CurlyMoo]

Ethiopians don't have food!??? WHAT!? omg...

Nope, she said they don't have food and are hungry. How can they have a restaurant? She called me gross for eating their food. She wanted to know how did they come to Chicago when they are too weak and too poor to travel. She saw it for herself on the infomercials. I thought she was joking so I laughed but she didn't laugh with me. I informed her of their food and the fact that they have an entire community here. She claims to have lived up in Rogers Park with her husband at one point so I don't understand how she could have missed them.

 

[caribeandiva]

Well she texted me today right before I was suppose to leave for class and let me know that my request for time off from work was not approved. I hope my supervisor let her know and she didn't peek at my paperwork. I needed to have that clear in order to go to school. I was able to handle it before I was in big trouble. So she saved my butt today. She's good for that; but when it comes to hair, travel, dating, culture, etc. I can't really listen to her without being perplexed. erplexed She's very aggressive toward me, planning her lunch breaks around mine so we can talk/gossip. Because we have had so much drama in our small circle I try to keep things civil. There are times when she really makes me want to snap on her but I remember the White cane. If a man steps on your toe, don't cuss him out see that he is blind.

Well dayum, what can yall talk about then? I'd keep a close eye on her if I were you. I don't know her personally but based on what you've written so far she's not to be trusted.

 

[CurlyMoo]

Well dayum, what can yall talk about then? I'd keep a close eye on her if I were you. I don't know her personally but based on what you've written so far she's not to be trusted.

Yeah I don't completely trust her, I sometimes feel she lies to me about what my supervisor says about me behind my back. She asks a lot of questions. I have stopped telling her about my trips. I took a trip to Germany a year ago and she thought it was great but proceeded to tell me I should have spent that money on a new car. erplexed

She has also blurted out some personal stuff that I would have liked to keep private. She asked me if my boyfriend like my hair curly or straight. I told her curly. She then proceeded to ask me if he was White. I said yes, I didn't see any reason to deny it. But then she calls people into the room to tell them she knew my then boyfriend was White because Black men like our hair straight. I told her not to tell my business. But I know it was my fault for sharing it with her.

I have been grappling with trying to figure out if she is a friend or foe. She comes off like she likes me but I think she does have some jealousy going on. Anyway, I will take everyone's advice and keep it polite and change the subject.

 

[Elnahna]

I wouldn't waste my precious time on her.

 

[candy626]

Ppl are just strange. I have stopped telling ppl my heritage when they ask me what i'm mixed with...i just stick with "both of my parents are black and their parents are black....whatever i'm mixed with was about 5 or 6 generations ago". Ppl will always find a reason to believe that nothing pretty comes from being Black.

It's not about that...its about taking care of what you have. It wouldn't flourish if you didn't take care of it. And that goes for anything.

So true. When people ask me about my background I say I am black or African and leave it at that. People really stop probing when I say West African.

You don't have to have "Cherokee" or white in your family to have healthy or long hair.

 

[whiteoleander91]

she sounds obsessed with you, OP. really creepy.

 

[MrsJaiDiva]

Yeah I don't completely trust her, I sometimes feel she lies to me about what my supervisor says about me behind my back. She asks a lot of questions. I have stopped telling her about my trips. I took a trip to Germany a year ago and she thought it was great but proceeded to tell me I should have spent that money on a new car. erplexed

She has also blurted out some personal stuff that I would have liked to keep private. She asked me if my boyfriend like my hair curly or straight. I told her curly. She then proceeded to ask me if he was White. I said yes, I didn't see any reason to deny it. But then she calls people into the room to tell them she knew my then boyfriend was White because Black men like our hair straight. I told her not to tell my business. But I know it was my fault for sharing it with her.

I have been grappling with trying to figure out if she is a friend or foe. She comes off like she likes me but I think she does have some jealousy going on. Anyway, I will take everyone's advice and keep it polite and change the subject.

That right there is called a Frienemy....and she's a foe. In fact she's even worse than a foe, cause she'll spend more time and energy trying to jack your life up...all while smiling in your face. Her jealousy is Bone Deep, and her motivation is being better than you by any means necessary. Because, unfortunately, some people can't feel good about themselves unless they're standing on someone else's neck.

I know this because I've had 2 Frienemies in my life. Cut her off Hard, and watch your back. Keep it religiously professional with her. Oh...and NEVER bring your man around her. Or anyone else you like, for that matter.

 

[prettybyrd]

I have been grappling with trying to figure out if she is a friend or foe. She comes off like she likes me but I think she does have some jealousy going on. Anyway, I will take everyone's advice and keep it polite and change the subject.

After reading your post, I don't think that she's necessarily a foe, but she is certainly not your friend.

 

[c*c*chic*]

Yeah I don't completely trust her, I sometimes feel she lies to me about what my supervisor says about me behind my back. She asks a lot of questions. I have stopped telling her about my trips. I took a trip to Germany a year ago and she thought it was great but proceeded to tell me I should have spent that money on a new car. erplexed

She has also blurted out some personal stuff that I would have liked to keep private. She asked me if my boyfriend like my hair curly or straight. I told her curly. She then proceeded to ask me if he was White. I said yes, I didn't see any reason to deny it. But then she calls people into the room to tell them she knew my then boyfriend was White because Black men like our hair straight. I told her not to tell my business. But I know it was my fault for sharing it with her.

I have been grappling with trying to figure out if she is a friend or foe. She comes off like she likes me but I think she does have some jealousy going on. Anyway, I will take everyone's advice and keep it polite and change the subject.

Wtf? Telling folks business = grounds to get ya a$$ whooped! That is not a friend. She is mad because she did what you told her you did and because she didn't get results overnight so she wants to make it about DNA. Certified hater. Since she is scheduling her lunches around urs, take ur lunch when she isn't. Switch it up. I never understood how ppl want to know what it is that you do to get the results that you have and then dismiss your advice and tell u-- no that's not it. ??? Wth did u ask for then?? She sounds envious. Be careful

 

[luckiestdestiny]

Something more is going on. What I'm concerned about is the fact that she came in shouting at you, seeking you out. What in the world? You can't talk hair with other people without her storming in. She needs to mind her own business.

 

[Begoody]

You must be a saint! I applaud your restraint and civility. If I met a person who questioned whether Ethiopians, or any other group on this planet had FOOD....I just couldn't talk to them anymore or ever take them seriously.Her level of stupidity is congenital and there is no cure. Please stay away from her, more worthy people deserve your friendship.

 

[LivingInPeace]

My mother has a friend like this and because my mother is a saint she just ignores what the friend says because she just accepts that she is an insecure, jealous person. I bring this up because they are in their eighties and the friend has always acted defensive about anybody who had something she didn't. Your coworker is unlikely to change her personality. My advice is to treat her the way you would treat someone with a mental illness. Recognize that she cannot help herself and be kind.

 

[candy626]

Yeah I don't completely trust her, I sometimes feel she lies to me about what my supervisor says about me behind my back. She asks a lot of questions. I have stopped telling her about my trips. I took a trip to Germany a year ago and she thought it was great but proceeded to tell me I should have spent that money on a new car. erplexed

She has also blurted out some personal stuff that I would have liked to keep private. She asked me if my boyfriend like my hair curly or straight. I told her curly. She then proceeded to ask me if he was White. I said yes, I didn't see any reason to deny it. But then she calls people into the room to tell them she knew my then boyfriend was White because Black men like our hair straight. I told her not to tell my business. But I know it was my fault for sharing it with her.

I have been grappling with trying to figure out if she is a friend or foe. She comes off like she likes me but I think she does have some jealousy going on. Anyway, I will take everyone's advice and keep it polite and change the subject.

Oh heck no. You need to have a serious one on one with her if that happens again. Why would she tell everybody your boyfriend is white? That's not something that needs to be pointed out in that way. That just sounded awkward. And why she spoke for black men as a group is also weird. I know black men that like curly and straight hair, short and long.

She got issues. Watch her!

She does fit the profile of a frenemy. Just share very limited info with her...nothing you don't mind everybody else knowing.

 

[Leeda.the.Paladin]

OP, I dont' normally say this but it sounds like you just need to flip out on her one day. I mean really go off. Or just start treating her really coldly and stop talking to her. She seems to have gotten too comfortable saying things that are none of her concern. I would cut off all association with her unless it's work related.

 

[CurlyMoo]

My mother has a friend like this and because my mother is a saint she just ignores what the friend says because she just accepts that she is an insecure, jealous person. I bring this up because they are in their eighties and the friend has always acted defensive about anybody who had something she didn't. Your coworker is unlikely to change her personality. My advice is to treat her the way you would treat someone with a mental illness. Recognize that she cannot help herself and be kind.

Yes I ignore much of what she says, however sometimes it really has me ready to cuss her out. But then I decide otherwise, because she can be helpful. Interesting that you mention mental illness because we work in a mental institution. Sometimes I think my co-workers are actually escapees.

 

[caribeandiva]

Yeah I don't completely trust her, I sometimes feel she lies to me about what my supervisor says about me behind my back. She asks a lot of questions. I have stopped telling her about my trips. I took a trip to Germany a year ago and she thought it was great but proceeded to tell me I should have spent that money on a new car. erplexed

She has also blurted out some personal stuff that I would have liked to keep private. She asked me if my boyfriend like my hair curly or straight. I told her curly. She then proceeded to ask me if he was White. I said yes, I didn't see any reason to deny it. But then she calls people into the room to tell them she knew my then boyfriend was White because Black men like our hair straight. I told her not to tell my business. But I know it was my fault for sharing it with her.

I have been grappling with trying to figure out if she is a friend or foe. She comes off like she likes me but I think she does have some jealousy going on. Anyway, I will take everyone's advice and keep it polite and change the subject.

Hon, I hate to break this to you but she's no friend. I think your instincts are telling you that but you're second guessing yourself. I've been in your shoes before so I know how difficult this is for you. All of this will make you a stronger person but the time it's pver.

 

[empressri]

My mother has a friend like this and because my mother is a saint she just ignores what the friend says because she just accepts that she is an insecure, jealous person. I bring this up because they are in their eighties and the friend has always acted defensive about anybody who had something she didn't. Your coworker is unlikely to change her personality. My advice is to treat her the way you would treat someone with a mental illness. Recognize that she cannot help herself and be kind.

my mother has a friend like this too!! but she actually does have a mental problem and she's narcisstic as hell.

but my mother is all oh i feel bad for her...yeah that lady uses her mental illness as a crutch, cause she acts crazy when it suits her. when people dont put up with her nonsense and shuts her down she gets sensible real quick.

screw that i dont need anyone negative around me and that goes for at work too. bad enough i have to wake up at the buttcrack of dawn to make a couple of dollars, but i have to put up with fckry there too??

you are going to be so mad when this chick stabs you in the back or starts some mess, cause she is clearly a snake in the grass.

 

[puffball]

But um..OP..doesn't genetics have a lot to do with hair length/growth? Was she really wrong for believing that..especially since your grandma is white? I'm just saying..

 

[c*c*chic*]

Yes I ignore much of what she says, however sometimes it really has me ready to cuss her out. But then I decide otherwise, because she can be helpful. Interesting that you mention mental illness because we work in a mental institution. Sometimes I think my co-workers are actually escapees.

That feeling you have-- being ready to cuss her out, U might just have to go with it because ppl like that don't get the hint. She's too comfortable coming at you sideways and speaking about matters that aren't hers. And it's sad because you are only trying to help. Smh

 

[caribeandiva]

But um..OP..doesn't genetics have a lot to do with hair length/growth? Was she really wrong for believing that..especially since your grandma is white? I'm just saying..

puffball Not in the grand scheme of things it really doesn't. I know some white girls who have a hard time growing their hair long too. Heck some of them have never even had long hair. Good hair care trumps DNA most of the time.

 

[Postal]

.don't know how to delete a post soooo.......nevermind........don't mind me

 

[Lita]

Wow,she sounds insane..Continue giving advice to others,when she isn't around & if she brings up hair..Change the convo,nicely..



Happy Hair Growing!

 

[mallysmommy]

This woman is obviously envious of the attention you are getting over your hair. I guess her way of deqling with it is to make you out to be a liar. It is clear that she is immature and ignorant by her Ethiopian statement.

.at the bolded. its like she saying you aren't fully black...so your length doesnt count.

i honestly was a believer in the dna theory. my half sisters' and my parents and grandparents are fully black but their hair always was thicker and longer than mine. i assumed that they got "good hair" from their father's side when really i just needed to find out what i needed to do for my own hair. for the first time in my life my hair is the longest its ever been and almost caught up with theirs. and thats just from taking the time to care for my hair.

 

[ManeStreet]

It sounds like this woman is a toxic person for you. I suggest u set personsal boundaries with her. It isnt about being mean, its about keeping your own sanity & sense of calm.

Be polite, cordial but professional with her. If she tries to start convos that cross your boundary, promptly change the subject to something work related (did u get that email about..?) or find an excuse to need to leave but keep it light & breezy.

If she ever points out your change in behavior toward her then now is the time to tell her point blank without attitude or anger. "In the office I like to stay focused on my work so I really prefer to keep our interactions on a business level". Thats it.

Or you can be more straight forward "I dont enjoy discussing personal topics with you because of A,B,C. I prefer to keep our conversations work related".

You can find what to say, just make it short, to the point & assertive but not rude.

 

[empressri]

But um..OP..doesn't genetics have a lot to do with hair length/growth? Was she really wrong for believing that..especially since your grandma is white? I'm just saying..

I've seen more whites and biracials with chewed up heads of hair so there goes that theory.

White does NOT equate to having long hair, believe me. I know plenty of white women having trouble getting hair past their shoulders.

 

[Danewshe]

Wow, she sounds ignorant on so many levels. If I were you, I'd give her a wide-berth, she will only frustrate you.

 

[sillygirl82]

i have this thing of just not talking to people anymore or being very short and distant. she would be one of those people that would get treated like that. she has gotten on my last nerve and i don't even work there.

shortdub78

Is your Myers-Briggs profile INTJ as well?

I do the same thing when I'm tired of dealing with ignorant or toxic people.