Trouble being happy for others...prayer please?

[BreeNique]

Hello, ladies!

I'm a college student, and almost always surrounded by folks who I'm CERTAIN are gonna end up on posters and in the news and MAKING the news, and doing what God has called them to do. Anyway, lately I don't like hearing the good news og God's blessings from folks, I feel down about myself, and get somewhat depressed. I noticed this not too long ago, and have been praying for God to help me not "knock" the blessings he gives to His children, and to be happy for them. But sometimes their amazing (earthly) accomplishments get to my core, and I feel rotten. I know that's not of God, that's pride and envy. Anyway, any tips on how I can remember to be happy for others, the way others are happy for me, and the way God is happy for me? It's to the point where I don't like asking people how they're doing, because I know they've got so much going for them, and I've even stepped back away from some friendships.

Thoughts?

 

[LifeafterLHCF]

Dig deep as to the reason why you feel this way and fix it.

 

[diadall]

I am interested in hearing some thoughtful advice but I applaud you for your honesty and quest for betterment.

 

[loolalooh]

As human beings, it is in our nature to feel envious of others who are doing well, especially if things are not going so well in our own lives. The best advice I can give is to remember why we are here. Remember that our spiritual walk and growth are far more important than any earthly accomplishment.

Laela (one of our members) posted a great thread touching on this subject; it discusses a man who was upset because his fellow coworker received a promotion that he (the man) thought he deserved. (Here is the thread.)

I suggest that you read that thread, read the book of Romans, and talk to God. Remember Matthew 6:19-20:

19 “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20 But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.

Other ladies with much wisdom will chime in soon ...

 

[zzirvingj]

I don't come in this part of the forum much but I saw your post and it touched me. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone, for I am going through the same exact thing as you right now.

One thing you might want to consider is the fact that other peoples happiness does not take away from your own. Same with other peoples accomplishments. What makes jealously a dangerous thing is that I see it as a slippery slope; there's always someone to be jealous of. Honestly, I think the situation you're in could be a reflection of some deep-rooted disappointment in yourself. What kinds of things are you noticing you are jealous about? Does your jealousy revolve around peoples finances/status? Their romantic relationships? Their accolades/educational/career related work accomplishments?

I find myself being jealous of specific things that I feel I have not accomplished myself, or that I fear I cannot or will never attain. I feel as though if I believed I could or ever would have the same thing(s) as others, I'd have no problem feeling happy for them. So I'm trying to work on alleviating that fear. I'm also trying to work on understanding that even if I never accomplish all the things I want to, there will be things I can be happy about in my life. I just have to CHOOSE to be happy about them. I have a saying that goes, "Happiness is as much of a choice as it is an emotion." I've come to believe that I have more control over my happiness than I've been giving myself credit for; it's just that I've been choosing to think in a negative way, which impacts my ability to be happy for myself, and in turn, happy for others.

Maybe you should take some time to really focus inward and start appreciating the things that you do have to be thankful for. For instance, some days when I'm having a really bad day, I find that if I focus on things I should be grateful for and happy about, my spirit lifts. I may be down about something and pass by someone in the hospital I work at who's in a wheelchair with no legs. I quietly thank God for those moments because I feel like they are reminders of how easy it is to focus on the negative instead of the positive. There may be people who are quietly wishing they could be like you in some way or another

I'm sorry I didn't have much direct advice to give you, but be patient and understanding with yourself. Don't be hard on yourself for the way you're feeling. The fact that you recognize this, want to fix it and trying to do so says that you may very well not be as prideful as you are thinking. The fact that you want to be happy for others as much as you possibly can is a very admirable thing indeed. I wish you the best in doing so

 

[BostonMaria]

I try to turn it around by saying "Lord, if you blessed them I know you will bless me too because you are not a respecter of persons" I also remember that I'm a child of the most high God and able to receive those same blessings or more.

I'm glad you're honest with yourself. I will say that sometimes I feel the same way as well. Acknowledging the problem and Repenting is definitely the way to go.

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[CoilyFields]

Hide His word in your heart.

Whenever Im dealing with an issue I have learned to find out what the word says about it.

Concerning this subject, the word tells us WHAT to do:

Romans 12:15
"Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep"
(As we are called to love ALL people, part of that is being empathetic to their various situations. Caring about them the way we want God to care about us)


WHY we should do it:

James 3: 16
"For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work"
(this is important because when we let evil things in our heart they fester. They dont just sit and stay minor and "insignificant", they mutate and manifest themselves in our daily lives)



And HOW we do it:

2 Peter 1:3
"His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence,"
(He has already provided each believer with what we need to live this life more abundantly in spiritual things and in natural things. But to access it totally we must know Him more and more...we have to seek Him and a deeper relationship with Him).

1 Corinthians 15:10
"But by the grace of God I am what I am"
(Be encouraged that God will bring you to your purpose in Him by his own Grace. You dont have to try to make something happen. Just seek Him).

And Remember...

MAtthew 7:11
"If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!"
(Don't doubt that just as God blesses others He will also bless you. We can depend on God to give us those good gifts because He is a faithful Father. And dont just focus on gifts in the natural...spiritual gifts are even greater. Some of those same people who seem to be prospering in the natural may be willing to give up everything they have just for some peace)



Be encouraged Sis! Keep searching the scriptures. Memorize the ones that you need and speak them whenever those negative thoughts try to enter your mind.

2 Corinthians 10:5
"We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."

 

[TraciChanel]

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[foxee]

I used to feel this way at some point in my life. It's hard when you're doing everything right, but you feel you're never getting anywhere. It's important to continue putting your trust in Him. His timing is always perfect.

Rev Al Sharpton was a guest preacher at my church a couple months back and he spoke on this very subject. To sum it up, when you're feeling envious of others you're essentially putting limitations on the Lord. Certainly there are enough of His blessings to go around! If He can do it for them, He can do it for you, too. Keep the faith! He's got your back.

 

[songbird8]

I've been a member for quite some time and this is first post ever! Your post touches me because I struggle with this too every now and again. Though God has really done a work on me in this area, which to put plainly, is jealousy and envy, it will still come back to haunt me. Everyone has already given you great advice and scriptures to back up their suggestions. My two cents is, when you realize how great and big God is, and you realize that he has such an awesome plan for your life, and it's bigger than you can even imagine in your own mind, that sense of longing for what others have will dissipate! God has something awesome in store for your own life! And it is BIG!!! Tap into your own giftings and callings, and ask God what he would have you to focus on in your own life. When you get busy with that, you won't get so distracted by what others are doing. You will be about your Father's business. ;o)

Also I've found staying away from triggers sometimes helps, so maybe try to identify them for you. For example, for me sometimes it's facebook. I can be doing fine, then I will see someone bragging about something great happening in their life, and it sometimes grinds my gears. I will have to stay off for a while, get my focus back, and then if I want to go back on I'm in a better place and I'm more focused! You mentioned talking to others, of course that's something you can't get away from. But as you focus more on staying busy with God's plan and your giftings, callings, it will get easier. Be encouraged because honesty is the first step! Be honest and confess exactly how you feel to God, and ask him to help you overcome in this area. I guarantee you will begin to see victory!

Also there's a book called "Jealousy; the sin no one talks about" by RT Kendall, it really brought a lot of freedom to me. I read it twice and I still go back to it! HTH

 

[Nice & Wavy]

Thank you so much for sharing your heart! I'm so happy you chose to make your first post on the CF and what you said is definately needed here.

Welcome and God bless you, sis!

Songbird8 - I've been a member for quite some time and this is first post ever! Your post touches me because I struggle with this too every now and again. Though God has really done a work on me in this area, which to put plainly, is jealousy and envy, it will still come back to haunt me. Everyone has already given you great advice and scriptures to back up their suggestions. My two cents is, when you realize how great and big God is, and you realize that he has such an awesome plan for your life, and it's bigger than you can even imagine in your own mind, that sense of longing for what others have will dissipate! God has something awesome in store for your own life! And it is BIG!!! Tap into your own giftings and callings, and ask God what he would have you to focus on in your own life. When you get busy with that, you won't get so distracted by what others are doing. You will be about your Father's business. ;o)

Also I've found staying away from triggers sometimes helps, so maybe try to identify them for you. For example, for me sometimes it's facebook. I can be doing fine, then I will see someone bragging about something great happening in their life, and it sometimes grinds my gears. I will have to stay off for a while, get my focus back, and then if I want to go back on I'm in a better place and I'm more focused! You mentioned talking to others, of course that's something you can't get away from. But as you focus more on staying busy with God's plan and your giftings, callings, it will get easier. Be encouraged because honesty is the first step! Be honest and confess exactly how you feel to God, and ask him to help you overcome in this area. I guarantee you will begin to see victory!

Also there's a book called "Jealousy; the sin no one talks about" by RT Kendall, it really brought a lot of freedom to me. I read it twice and I still go back to it! HTH

 

[Nice & Wavy]

Hello, ladies!

I'm a college student, and almost always surrounded by folks who I'm CERTAIN are gonna end up on posters and in the news and MAKING the news, and doing what God has called them to do. Anyway, lately I don't like hearing the good news og God's blessings from folks, I feel down about myself, and get somewhat depressed. I noticed this not too long ago, and have been praying for God to help me not "knock" the blessings he gives to His children, and to be happy for them. But sometimes their amazing (earthly) accomplishments get to my core, and I feel rotten. I know that's not of God, that's pride and envy. Anyway, any tips on how I can remember to be happy for others, the way others are happy for me, and the way God is happy for me? It's to the point where I don't like asking people how they're doing, because I know they've got so much going for them, and I've even stepped back away from some friendships.

Thoughts?

I am praying for you, sis. I know its not easy to see others getting blessed and you feel as though you are not. But trust....God has His hand on your life and you will begin to see blessings, upon blessings that He wants to bestow upon you. You are His child and He adores you! His timing is perfect!!!

Sometimes it is easy to look at others and what they have...but, we don't know what they had to go through to get it. I can totally understand this as I have experienced this in my lifetime.

I know if I overcame this....you can and WILL do it!

God bless you!

N&W

 

[caltron]

Your post was so honest and true and like many I felt compelled to respond. I think it is only natural to compare your life to others and feel small in comparison. I definitely feel that way at times. For me, it's not even about having a lot of money, nice house, etc., it's just the simple things. I do have a lot of good things in my life, but a lot of times I feel like I have to work so much harder than other people to get those good things that others take for granted. I've also had to deal with some things that others have not had to deal with. Sometimes I've felt resentful because I feel like I want so little and I have to struggle for that, even though I've done all the right things in life.

You also have to remember that people usually only reveal the good that is going on in their lives. You don't hear about the heartaches or the price that they had to pay to get what they have. I often remind myself that everything that glitters is not gold and if I knew the whole story, I wouldn't have felt so down on my life in the first place. This line of thinking works for me most of the time, but then there are people who have lives that are much easier than mine, and when I think of their lives, that is when I feel like moping around feeling sorry for myself.

In the end for me the answer for me is to have a spirit of gratitude and to be thankful for the good I do have. I have the utmost faith that even though things may seem unfair and not make any sense, that God knows what he's doing and his plan for me is greater than any plan I could have had for myself. I don't question the good things that God has given me, so it's only fair that I not question the bad things that he allows to happen to me. I also have a firm belief that it is much better to get your reward in heaven than in this life. We may not reap the benefit of our struggles during our time here on earth, but we definitely get it when we meet our heavenly father. I just have faith that God loves us all equally, and he doesn't favor one of his children over another.

It is hard sometimes to truly be happy for someone who is doing better, but I think it is what happens as you become closer to God.