What Would Jesus Do?

[misstobz]

I had a very good friend who I recently had a fall out with. At the begining of the year, I lent my friend some money after he fell into a bad situation. After the fallout, I was left feeling like I couldnt trust this person, so at that point I was wondering if I would ever get my money back. We dont talk anymore as I had decided it would be better for me, as this relationship was really weighing me down. So last night I called him and asked him if we could talk about the money and come up with a plan that worked for both of us. He was so rude and disrespectful to me I was in absolute shock. He was basically telling me that he is busy and would be able to talk to me in like 1.5 weeks, and things dont run on my timetable. It really hurt my feelings and I cried after talking to him. Well he called later on that evening-I wasnt cussing but was definitely angry and hurt about the whole situation. After a while I believe he had stopped listening as he wasnt saying anything. I kept quiet for a while to hear if he had anything to say and the phone was silent and I just cut the phone. After that I started to pray and I really felt God saying to leave it to Him and walk away. For me it has become more that just about the money but the "principle". It just doesnt seem fair ;-(

 

[Renovating]

It doesn't seem fair, because it isn't. As a general rule concerning money, PLEASE DO NOT LEND MONEY IF YOU ARE GOING TO NEED IT BACK. WHEN YOU LEND MONEY IN THE FUTURE, DO SO WITH THE EXPECTATION THAT YOU MAY NEVER SEE IT AGAIN.

I know you feel disappointed and hurt right now, but you must forgive him. (I'm sure its about the lack of value you feel he placed on your friendship) Forgive him for yourself. It's not a cliche. Unforgiveness can only hurt you (not him).

Also, please consider that he may be going through some things that are causing him to act out of character. I'm assuming this isn't normal for him, because you stated you were shocked about his behavior. (I am not excusing his behavior at all.)

Please be encouraged and rememeber to never lend money expecting it back. It sounds strange, but if you expect it back, it leaves room for conflict. Conflict= distance between reality and expection.

 

[Prudent1]

Misstobz,
You're right, things happen in life that are not fair at all! I'm sorry you had to go through this but if you go through you will have learned a very important lesson. Money is an amplifier. Whatever is in you good or bad will be magnified when money excess or lack thereof comes into play. This is why lottery winners or those suddenly thrust into a rich lifestyle (don't confuse with wealth- which involves wisdom) crash and have more problems than before. It is because their behavior/ thinking towards money did not change. Chances are the circumstances your friend found himself involved in were the result of some unwise choices he made. Attitutudes, behaviors, things, cannot come out of you if they were never in you to begin with. Do you ever watch the TV shows Operation Repo or any TV judge? Those folks know they owe that money. People usually get an attitude with the entities they owe when it's time to pay but amazingly enough they don't approach them to borrow with that same attitude now do they? I've had the same experience you're going through. It is best not to 'lend' money to friends or relatives b/c it changes the dynamics of the relationship. Prov. 22:7 says"...the borrower is slave to the lender."You can give money to friends or family if you like but not lend. If they repay you great but lending is best reserved for business relationships and with a contract of some sort involved. Only give out of your discretionary income never out of funds you would truly miss. Not that you can't help others, it's just that we live in a time where most people do not have integrity and feel as though life owes them something. Forgive your friend. It may take time. God has spoken. He knows your heart. He will restore all that has been taken from you and then some. He has not forgotten you. Don't allow this to settle in your heart and cause you to miss out on bigger and better things. BTW- my ex-husband owes my kids thousands of dollars. I had to decide to forgive. It took time. I am very blessed b/c of my attitude. You can do it!

Prudent1

 

[misstobz]

You are right forgiveness is a must, for myself and my relationship with God. I have definitely learnt my lesson. At this point I will just consider it a writeoff. As you said what hurts the most if he lack of value he has placed on our friendship. Thank you for your wise words.

It doesn't seem fair, because it isn't. As a general rule concerning money, PLEASE DO NOT LEND MONEY IF YOU ARE GOING TO NEED IT BACK. WHEN YOU LEND MONEY IN THE FUTURE, DO SO WITH THE EXPECTATION THAT YOU MAY NEVER SEE IT AGAIN.

I know you feel disappointed and hurt right now, but you must forgive him. (I'm sure its about the lack of value you feel he placed on your friendship) Forgive him for yourself. It's not a cliche. Unforgiveness can only hurt you (not him).

Also, please consider that he may be going through some things that are causing him to act out of character. I'm assuming this isn't normal for him, because you stated you were shocked about his behavior. (I am not excusing his behavior at all.)

Please be encouraged and rememeber to never lend money expecting it back. It sounds strange, but if you expect it back, it leaves room for conflict. Conflict= distance between reality and expection.

 

[misstobz]

He had some very serious car issues due to an accident he had with uninsured illegal immigrants. But as you highlighted the fact that he didnt have his own funds was a result of poor choices that he made in his past. You are definitely right about lending vs. giving and family/friends vs. business relationships. Forgiveness is what I am working on. While it would be nice to get the money back, deep down I do know that God meets all my needs and God knows that me "lending" him the money came from a place of compassion.

Misstobz,
You're right, things happen in life that are not fair at all! I'm sorry you had to go through this but if you go through you will have learned a very important lesson. Money is an amplifier. Whatever is in you good or bad will be magnified when money excess or lack thereof comes into play. This is why lottery winners or those suddenly thrust into a rich lifestyle (don't confuse with wealth- which involves wisdom) crash and have more problems than before. It is because their behavior/ thinking towards money did not change. Chances are the circumstances your friend found himself involved in were the result of some unwise choices he made. Attitutudes, behaviors, things, cannot come out of you if they were never in you to begin with. Do you ever watch the TV shows Operation Repo or any TV judge? Those folks know they owe that money. People usually get an attitude with the entities they owe when it's time to pay but amazingly enough they don't approach them to borrow with that same attitude now do they? I've had the same experience you're going through. It is best not to 'lend' money to friends or relatives b/c it changes the dynamics of the relationship. Prov. 22:7 says"...the borrower is slave to the lender."You can give money to friends or family if you like but not lend. If they repay you great but lending is best reserved for business relationships and with a contract of some sort involved. Only give out of your discretionary income never out of funds you would truly miss. Not that you can't help others, it's just that we live in a time where most people do not have integrity and feel as though life owes them something. Forgive your friend. It may take time. God has spoken. He knows your heart. He will restore all that has been taken from you and then some. He has not forgotten you. Don't allow this to settle in your heart and cause you to miss out on bigger and better things. BTW- my ex-husband owes my kids thousands of dollars. I had to decide to forgive. It took time. I am very blessed b/c of my attitude. You can do it!

Prudent1

 

[Shimmie]

These ladies have given you excellent advise.

It's a done deal. And it is fair because not only have you learned from it, so will he. This is God's to handle now. What goes around comes around. Let the burden of this be lifted from your heart and shoulders and move on.

We tend to feel that if a person really cares, what would they disrespect us in such a way? It's not so much the money but the attitude behind it, the lack of caring when we've chosen to care for them when they were in trouble.

The bottom line is that he does 'have' the money, but he's chosen else where to spend it, rather than return it to you as a blessing for being a blessing to him.

In the Lord's Prayer it says, "Forgive us our 'debts' as we forgive our 'debtors.'

This is where God steps in and surprises us with redemption far above what we've given or loaned to someone.

We each have something that we 'owe' to someone and these are debts which we've not repaid. It may be something as small as a phone call that we did not return, or a bill still past due.

The question was asked, "What Would Jesus Do?"

Be thankful for the debts we owe or once owed and were repaid or cancelled out. The favor we received on a new car or house or new job. The unexpected sales where we were blessed with the dress or coat we wanted and couldn't afford just only a few months ago. The new length of hair. We finally found the right regime that brought us to APL and then past Bra Strap. We finally have clear skin and with an inexpensive regime.

Jesus says, let it go. Just drop it, leave it, let it go. He's already taken care of what you feel has been loss; betrayed, stolen. From all of this, we have all be 'redeemed.'

 

[Monroe Lee]

MissTobz,

It is quite disappointing when someone doesn't treat you with the same respect that you treat them with. But one thing is for sure, God never takes us where his grace does not abound. He already had the solution before you had the problem. Just rest assured that your faith will see you through!!!

 

[Shimmie]

MissTobz,

It is quite disappointing when someone doesn't treat you with the same respect that you treat them with. But one thing is for sure, God never takes us where his grace does not abound. He already had the solution before you had the problem. Just rest assured that your faith will see you through!!!

Your post just reminded me of something from Psalm 23

"Thou hath prepared a table for me in the presence of mine enemies."

The goodness of the Lord is upon us who have given much to those we love and have given little or nothing in return.

It's not for them to bless us, for they have only allowed us to sow a seed into their lives which God will abundantly increase in more ways than we can fathom. Even things that 'money' can't buy.

 

[zenith]

I had a very good friend who I recently had a fall out with. At the begining of the year, I lent my friend some money after he fell into a bad situation. After the fallout, I was left feeling like I couldnt trust this person, so at that point I was wondering if I would ever get my money back. We dont talk anymore as I had decided it would be better for me, as this relationship was really weighing me down. So last night I called him and asked him if we could talk about the money and come up with a plan that worked for both of us. He was so rude and disrespectful to me I was in absolute shock. He was basically telling me that he is busy and would be able to talk to me in like 1.5 weeks, and things dont run on my timetable. It really hurt my feelings and I cried after talking to him. Well he called later on that evening-I wasnt cussing but was definitely angry and hurt about the whole situation. After a while I believe he had stopped listening as he wasnt saying anything. I kept quiet for a while to hear if he had anything to say and the phone was silent and I just cut the phone. After that I started to pray and I really felt God saying to leave it to Him and walk away. For me it has become more that just about the money but the "principle". It just doesnt seem fair ;-(

If God told you to leave him to Him, then leave it.

God will deal with him. If you try to follow and try to get the money back, you will be more frustrated than you are right now.
You will be vindicated in the end.

 

[misstobz]

If God told you to leave him to Him, then leave it.

God will deal with him. If you try to follow and try to get the money back, you will be more frustrated than you are right now.
You will be vindicated in the end.

You are right, it is very frustrating and exhausting. It is at this point when I cried out to the Lord. A weight is lifted off your shoulders when you turn things over to God. He is so amazing