Learning to Forgive

[Livingmylifetothefullest]

I don't if this question as been asked here so please forgive me.

How on earth do you forgive someone that has hurt you? I've read the bible verses on this subject but I can't bring myself to do it. I mean, they hurt me so bad that I built a wall so thick and high, I don't think anyone will be able to penetrate it. I've tried moving on in my life but I see some of these same people everyday and it brings back those memories.

 

[mrselle]

Forgiveness is so very hard when it comes to certain things. A person accidentally steps on my toe and I can forgive that person all day long, but a person lies to me….well that trust is broken and forgiveness is hard. I’m not even sure if I’m the right person to tell you how to forgive because I still struggle with this myself, but I know from experience that not forgiving someone is followed by resentment, bitterness, and anger. In addition to being resentful, bitter and angry I was unhappy and sad. I would snap at people and justify it in my mind by saying, “Well, that person just gets on my nerves.” I would snap at my husband and justify it by saying, “He doesn’t listen to anything I say.” It even began to affect my skin and my hair and my general appearance. I didn’t feel like myself. When I decided to forgive and move on and let God heal me from all the mess it was like everything changed in an instant. I felt so much peace on the inside. It was peace that I hadn’t felt in years. It was like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I was happy, I had joy, I smiled more and I laughed more. I have been more patient with my husband and more loving. My skin cleared up, my hair bounced back and I felt like myself again. Every now and then those old feelings pop back up, but I think about the peace that I have now and I just don’t want to go back to that place I was in. Also, God showed me a glimpse of what my future could be like if I chose not to forgive. He showed me a person who has spent most of her life not forgiving people who have hurt her and I decided that I didn’t want to be like that. I don’t want to wake up 20 years from now and still be mad that someone lied on me. God knows the truth so why hold on to it?

 

[Renovating]

I don't if this question as been asked here so please forgive me.

How on earth do you forgive someone that has hurt you? I've read the bible verses on this subject but I can't bring myself to do it. I mean, they hurt me so bad that I built a wall so thick and high, I don't think anyone will be able to penetrate it. I've tried moving on in my life but I see some of these same people everyday and it brings back those memories.

I think about all of the humbling experiences I've had thus far, all of the times I've disappointed someone, all of the times I've disappointed God, and every time I've been forgiven for something (big or small). Then I think about how many times God has forgiven me, ( even for sins I wasn't even aware of - b/c this is apart of my daily prayer) and how regardless of what I've done, despite my imperfections- HE still forgives me AND LOVES ME.

Everything else seems small when I compare it to the times I didn't know my worth and did things I know God wasn't pleased with BUT HE STILL LOVES ME. IMPERFECT ME.

 

[zenith]

Forgiveness is something that you can ONLY achieve thru God's Power.
Trust me i have tried it in my way and it never worked.

Talk to God about it. Tell Him that you wanna forgive, forget and move on but you have barriers set up. Cry if you have to, wail even.

The weight will lift off you and those negative thoughts will clear.
You have to make sure that you don't go back into those thoughts esp when you see them.
Your heart will heal eventually and trust, you will not even be able to pinpoint when it happened, you will wake up one day and you will even try to remember the hurt because it will be so far taken from you.

I pray it will be well with you.

 

[Highly Favored8]

Forgiveness is something that you can ONLY achieve thru God's Power.
Trust me i have tried it in my way and it never worked.

Talk to God about it. Tell Him that you wanna forgive, forget and move on but you have barriers set up. Cry if you have to, wail even.

The weight will lift off you and those negative thoughts will clear.
You have to make sure that you don't go back into those thoughts esp when you see them.
Your heart will heal eventually and trust, you will not even be able to pinpoint when it happened, you will wake up one day and you will even try to remember the hurt because it will be so far taken from you.

I pray it will be well with you.

You hit right on the head.

 

[Prudent1]

LHCF2009,
I'm sorry they hurt you. Sometimes life can be so unfair. The people closest to us are the ones who should be the most sensitive to our needs but the very nature of our relationship to them allows us to be vulnerable emotionally to them. The ladies here are all correct. In addition to the wonderful advice you've received I will say that sometimes the process of allowing God to do a work only he can do takes time. We have to learn to forgive though b/c unforgiveness is like you taking poison and sitting back watching the other person waiting for them to die. Here is a prayer I want to share with you.


Prudent1

Forgiveness of Others Prayer
Heavenly Father, I forgive anyone who has ever wronged me or hurt me or cursed me or lied to me or prayed witchcraft prayers over me and I bless them in the Name of Jesus Christ. Heavenly Father I ask You to forgive me for any unforgiveness, any bitterness, any anger, any strife,
for any animosity, and any resentment that I have in my heart toward anyone at this time, in Jesus Name I pray. Amen.

 

[Shimmie]

Forgiveness is so very hard when it comes to certain things. A person accidentally steps on my toe and I can forgive that person all day long, but a person lies to me….well that trust is broken and forgiveness is hard.

I’m not even sure if I’m the right person to tell you how to forgive because I still struggle with this myself, but I know from experience that not forgiving someone is followed by resentment, bitterness, and anger.

In addition to being resentful, bitter and angry I was unhappy and sad. I would snap at people and justify it in my mind by saying, “Well, that person just gets on my nerves.” I would snap at my husband and justify it by saying, “He doesn’t listen to anything I say.” It even began to affect my skin and my hair and my general appearance. I didn’t feel like myself.

When I decided to forgive and move on and let God heal me from all the mess it was like everything changed in an instant. I felt so much peace on the inside. It was peace that I hadn’t felt in years. It was like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I was happy, I had joy, I smiled more and I laughed more. I have been more patient with my husband and more loving. My skin cleared up, my hair bounced back and I felt like myself again. Every now and then those old feelings pop back up, but I think about the peace that I have now and I just don’t want to go back to that place I was in.

Also, God showed me a glimpse of what my future could be like if I chose not to forgive. He showed me a person who has spent most of her life not forgiving people who have hurt her and I decided that I didn’t want to be like that. I don’t want to wake up 20 years from now and still be mad that someone lied on me. God knows the truth so why hold on to it?

Mrselle, you are one of the most 'Beautiful' examples of a living witness of 'forgiveness' that I know of. I've learned a lot from you and it takes a real woman of God, such as you are, to have lived your life and still love and forgive.

So in answer to the bolded, you are truly one who can share and advise. Truly you are.

One day, I'll share how your strength has strengthened me.

 

[Shimmie]

LHCF2009,
I'm sorry they hurt you. Sometimes life can be so unfair. The people closest to us are the ones who should be the most sensitive to our needs but the very nature of our relationship to them allows us to be vulnerable emotionally to them. The ladies here are all correct. In addition to the wonderful advice you've received I will say that sometimes the process of allowing God to do a work only he can do takes time. We have to learn to forgive though b/c unforgiveness is like you taking poison and sitting back watching the other person waiting for them to die. Here is a prayer I want to share with you.


Prudent1

Forgiveness of Others Prayer
Heavenly Father, I forgive anyone who has ever wronged me or hurt me or cursed me or lied to me or prayed witchcraft prayers over me and I bless them in the Name of Jesus Christ. Heavenly Father I ask You to forgive me for any unforgiveness, any bitterness, any anger, any strife,
for any animosity, and any resentment that I have in my heart toward anyone at this time, in Jesus Name I pray. Amen.

Everyone of you are speaking so much truth and you are blessing me.

LHCF2009, thank you for creating this thread. You may not realize it, but you have Ministered much through your desire to 'forgive'.

I have a family member, my flesh and blood sister, that I have to forgive for placing our mom's life in danger. She willfully lied to my mom's doctor, who in turn had her hospitalized and they placed my mom on medication which could have killed her.

My mom is fine, I found out in time to have the doctor's take her off of the medication and protect my mom from this happening again. Yet, it's hard to forgive, but only God can help me.

Thank you for this thread for all of the excellent advice and Ministry from all of you. You are all truly loving women of God.

 

[mrselle]

Mrselle, you are one of the most 'Beautiful' examples of a living witness of 'forgiveness' that I know of. I've learned a lot from you and it takes a real woman of God, such as you are, to have lived your life and still love and forgive.

So in answer to the bolded, you are truly one who can share and advise. Truly you are.

One day, I'll share how your strength has strengthened me.

Thank you, Shimmie. You'll never know how these words have helped me today.

 

[Livingmylifetothefullest]

Everyone of you are speaking so much truth and you are blessing me.

LHCF2009, thank you for creating this thread. You may not realize it, but you have Ministered much through your desire to 'forgive'.

I have a family member, my flesh and blood sister, that I have to forgive for placing our mom's life in danger. She willfully lied to my mom's doctor, who in turn had her hospitalized and they placed my mom on medication which could have killed her.

My mom is fine, I found out in time to have the doctor's take her off of the medication and protect my mom from this happening again. Yet, it's hard to forgive, but only God can help me.

Thank you for this thread for all of the excellent advice and Ministry from all of you. You are all truly loving women of God.

Thanks, it was actually really difficult to decide whether to post this thread or not because like I said, the memories come flooding back. It's great knowing there are others out there who feel the same emotions I feel because I thought I was alone. Even though I have my family (whom I'm extremely close to and thank God everyday for them), you all know how on the inside you feel like your alone. Once again, thanks

 

[Livingmylifetothefullest]

LHCF2009,
I'm sorry they hurt you. Sometimes life can be so unfair. The people closest to us are the ones who should be the most sensitive to our needs but the very nature of our relationship to them allows us to be vulnerable emotionally to them. The ladies here are all correct. In addition to the wonderful advice you've received I will say that sometimes the process of allowing God to do a work only he can do takes time. We have to learn to forgive though b/c unforgiveness is like you taking poison and sitting back watching the other person waiting for them to die. Here is a prayer I want to share with you.


Prudent1

Forgiveness of Others Prayer
Heavenly Father, I forgive anyone who has ever wronged me or hurt me or cursed me or lied to me or prayed witchcraft prayers over me and I bless them in the Name of Jesus Christ. Heavenly Father I ask You to forgive me for any unforgiveness, any bitterness, any anger, any strife, for any animosity, and any resentment that I have in my heart toward anyone at this time, in Jesus Name I pray. Amen.

Thank you soo much, I have printed this prayer out to read everyday. It's funny, after reading it, I started crying and I don't know why

 

[mzcris]

You forgive those who have hurted you...by Faith and through the Blood of Jesus

 

[mscocoface]

Also remember that just because you have to forgive does not mean that you have to have those folks in your life, trust them, or even speak with them. You can remove yourself from the toxic situation but what you can't have is unforgiveness.

The forgiveness really isn't about the person who has hurt you it is about you and your relationship with God.

 

[Prudent1]

Also remember that just because you have to forgive does not mean that you have to have those folks in your life, trust them, or even speak with them. You can remove yourself from the toxic situation but what you can't have is unforgiveness.

The forgiveness really isn't about the person who has hurt you it is about you and your relationship with God.

(Thanks so much for this point too Ms Cocoface!)
Sometimes in wisdom we learn after forgiving that it is ok to love from a distance. The bible tells us in as much as possible live in peace with all people (Rom 12:18). Some folks take that and use it as a crutch but I don't believe any of us here would do that. I'm happy to have been able to share that prayer with you. Even though we may never meet on this side, God has us all here to fellowship with each other by design. Perhaps your emotional response to it was a sure sign that healing is already taking place. He is Jehovah-Rapha the God that heals us and he loves you!

 

[mrselle]

The forgiveness really isn't about the person who has hurt you it is about you and your relationship with God.

Exactly. I couldn't have said it better myself.

 

[Prudent1]

Thanks, it was actually really difficult to decide whether to post this thread or not because like I said, the memories come flooding back. It's great knowing there are others out there who feel the same emotions I feel because I thought I was alone. Even though I have my family (whom I'm extremely close to and thank God everyday for them), you all know how on the inside you feel like your alone. Once again, thanks


We've all been deceived by Satan at some point in this manner too. He makes us feel like we are the only ones going through something or makes us ashamed of our less than holy thoughts/ feelings. You are never alone. We are many members but the same body on this forum and in this world. Jesus will never leave us nor forsake us- never!!

 

[PinkPebbles]

Forgiveness is so very hard when it comes to certain things. A person accidentally steps on my toe and I can forgive that person all day long, but a person lies to me….well that trust is broken and forgiveness is hard. I’m not even sure if I’m the right person to tell you how to forgive because I still struggle with this myself, but I know from experience that not forgiving someone is followed by resentment, bitterness, and anger. In addition to being resentful, bitter and angry I was unhappy and sad. I would snap at people and justify it in my mind by saying, “Well, that person just gets on my nerves.” I would snap at my husband and justify it by saying, “He doesn’t listen to anything I say.” It even began to affect my skin and my hair and my general appearance. I didn’t feel like myself. When I decided to forgive and move on and let God heal me from all the mess it was like everything changed in an instant. I felt so much peace on the inside. It was peace that I hadn’t felt in years. It was like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I was happy, I had joy, I smiled more and I laughed more. I have been more patient with my husband and more loving. My skin cleared up, my hair bounced back and I felt like myself again. Every now and then those old feelings pop back up, but I think about the peace that I have now and I just don’t want to go back to that place I was in. Also, God showed me a glimpse of what my future could be like if I chose not to forgive. He showed me a person who has spent most of her life not forgiving people who have hurt her and I decided that I didn’t want to be like that. I don’t want to wake up 20 years from now and still be mad that someone lied on me. God knows the truth so why hold on to it?

Mrselle - your testimony has really blessed me.

I recently had to forgive someone that deeply hurt me as well as asked the person for their forgiveness towards me. The person was at first resentful to hear from me but I had to swallow my pride. As a result, I feel so much better now and can finally move on. The best part about forgiveness is that you are no longer stuck in the past and carrying around unnecessary baggage.

Forgiveness that isn't dealt with will display negative character traits in situations where you least expect it. This can perhaps ruin a good thing or block your blessings. But with the power of God He can help us get through this....

 

[Livingmylifetothefullest]

Hey Prudent1

I've been reading the prayer you posted here for me and others and I must say that I'm slowly coming to terms with forgiveness. It will be a long road but I can kind of feel this peacefulness coming over me. It's working and I never would have known had you not posted that prayer. Thanks again

 

[Prudent1]

Hey Prudent1

I've been reading the prayer you posted here for me and others and I must say that I'm slowly coming to terms with forgiveness. It will be a long road but I can kind of feel this peacefulness coming over me. It's working and I never would have known had you not posted that prayer. Thanks again

You're welcome. Thank you for having the courage and wisdom to post your thoughts here. God is so good.

 

[Angelicus]

OP, Let me talk to you about forgiveness.

I had a really bad breakup which made me move my belongings in storage. I gave the key to a trusted friend and told her that her family could take what furniture she needed, and nothing more. I also put it in writing.

They, instead, took everything, even personal documents (the storage unit, 5x15 was empty). When I asked for only my personal documents back, the family acted nasty toward me. They now have access to my SSN, my birth certificate, and my car's title.

A few people saw my blog about me being "Doctor A. to the sick" but God was not satisfied with me because I had not forgiven what my former friend did. He would not let me operate at 100% of my calling without forgiving these people that stole my life.

You know what... I forgave them today. 5 minutes ago. I wrote them an email that pretty much said "Never mind, it's okay. Just shred everything." I will never speak to them again but my heart is at peace now. No arguing needed. I know that God will not let me enter His Kingdom with a hard heart. He deserves the glory, not hate and fear.

Only the father can take away your wall of fear and hate!

 

[daydreem2876]

to me...

forgiveness = Letting Go + Letting God

 

[Casarela]

It is hard!! Especially I tend to turn bitter when im hurt by people that are really close to me. Everytime, I try to just walk away and tell myself, forgive! forgive because you're only hurting yourself in the end and I try to always remember that whenever I pray I always ask God to forgive me the same way I forgive those who did me wrong...so yeah it is a hard process but with prayers things do change.

 

[Livingmylifetothefullest]

Unfortunately, I fell off the wagon for a few days and the emotions came flooding back. This forgiving thing is extremely difficult but I'm going to try and start again.

 

[GV-NA-GI-TLV-GE-I]

I think the key is to be ever mindful of self, personal sins and shortcomings, as well as being mindful of our own desire to be forgiven by G-d which will not happen unless we forgive others. Nothing is easy but if you are committed, you can achieve freedom. I also realize that we sometimes need the steps to forgiveness, a model of action and prayer. We also sometimes need to look at it from a pragmatic approach...why forgive and what exactly does it consist of and what it does not consist of?

It's to say that I do not hold grudges of any kind against the offending person. It means that I let them off the hook with my anger and bitterness. It means that what they did was atrocious and greatfully wrong and that it was never okay to do that to me. But I let them off the hook. I forgive myself for not forgiving them. I ask G-d to forgive me for my own offenses. Very importantly, I do not let them have this emotional control over me and this past situation, to bring up the hurts and offences. I let go of those hurts and will not allow them to hurt me again with the memories.

By Mangan:


"When the allied soldiers found the Nazi concentration camp at Ravensbruck where about 92,000 women and children died, they found a note tied to a rock alongside a dead woman and child. It is actually a prayer written by one of the women:

“O Lord, when I shall come with glory into Your kingdom, remember not only the men and women of good will; remember also those of ill will.

“But do not only remember the suffering they have inflicted on us. Remember the fruits we bought thanks to this suffering: our comradeship, our loyalty, our humility, the courage, the generosity, the greatness of heart which have become part of our lives because of our suffering here.

“May the memory of us not be a nightmare to them when they stand in judgment. When they come to judgment, let all the fruits that we have borne be their forgiveness. Amen. Amen. Amen.”

Those are the exact words of the prayer that was written on that note.

You look at yourself. Put yourself up against that kind of great love and forgiveness to see how far we have to go. How much road we have to travel to become people who can be so loving and forgiving under those horrendous circumstances, just like our Lord as He was being nailed to the Cross. “Father, forgive them,” He said. “They don’t know what they are doing.”

This is what we mean by “love one another.” It’s not easy; it never was easy to love your enemies, to love your neighbor. It’s not ever going to be easy. Yet, that is what we are called to be. To be people like that . . . to be young people like that.”

 

[Livingmylifetothefullest]

I wanted to bump this thread and recommend a book that is helping me with this long journey: Radical Forgiveness by Colin Tipping.

 

[Poohbear]

Check out this song video and lyrics entitled "A Heart That Forgives":

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=indCvnD4Ji4

I want a heart that forgives
A heart full of love
One with compassion just like Yours above
One that overcomes evil with goodness and love
Like it never happened, never holding a grudge
I want a heart that forgives that lives and lets live
One that keeps loving over and over again
One that men can’t offend
Because Your Word is within
One that loves without price, like You Lord Jesus Christ
I want a heart that loves everybody....even my enemies
I want to love like You, be like You, just like You did
I want a heart that forgives,

I want a heart that forgives!
When the ones that are closest, that I’ve known the longest, hurt me the most;
I still wanna love them just like You love me
Even though I’m hurting
I want a heart that forgives
When the pain is so deep, it’s so hard to speak, about it to anyone
Just like Your Son, I give up my right to hold it against them with hatred inside
I want a heart that loves everybody....even my enemies
I wanna love like You, be like You, just like You did
Wanna walk like You, talk like You, just like You did,
Wanna be like You, live like You, just like You did

'Cause the heart that forgives is the heart that will live
Totally free from the pain of the past
And the heart that lets go is the heart that will know so much freedom

Lord I wanna let it go
God I need to let it go
Lord its been holding me back
And I don't want it, I don't want it, I don't
I don't want it no more
I don’t know exactly what to do to get rid of it, but ah...
Here I am Lord Jesus, here I am ohh, here I am Lord Jesus...ohh
Lord I need You, I need You, I know this is me that You're talking to
This is me, this is me, this is me Lord, this is me
Lord I let it go, every person, every person that's ever hurt me
God I let it go
Every single hurt
God I let it go
Every single pain
God I let it go, I let it go, I let it go
Lord You can have it, Lord You can have it,
Lord You can have it, Lord You can have it,
You can have it now, You can have it now,
'Cause I don't want it no......more

 

[CoilyFields]

In my bible study class we're reading a book called The Bait of Satan. Its about offense and forgivenss. Very relevant...

 

[plainj]

In my bible study class we're reading a book called The Bait of Satan. Its about offense and forgivenss. Very relevant...

Excellent book! I just finished reading this book in a bible study class. I related to this book so very much. It takes practice to apply it. I'm going through an offense now (and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel) which leads to hurt, anger, bitterness and unforgiveness. God is teaching me so much through this. I know that He will continue to put me through the test until I get it. I recommend everyone read this book.

 

[plainj]

Check out this song video and lyrics entitled "A Heart That Forgives":

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=indCvnD4Ji4

I adore this song. I play this ALL the time and will continue to play it until it sinks deep within my spirit. I discovered/heard this song at the same time I started reading Bait of Satan. God was and still is speaking to me.

 

[plainj]

I think the key is to be ever mindful of self, personal sins and shortcomings, as well as being mindful of our own desire to be forgiven by G-d which will not happen unless we forgive others. Nothing is easy but if you are committed, you can achieve freedom. I also realize that we sometimes need the steps to forgiveness, a model of action and prayer. We also sometimes need to look at it from a pragmatic approach...why forgive and what exactly does it consist of and what it does not consist of?

It's to say that I do not hold grudges of any kind against the offending person. It means that I let them off the hook with my anger and bitterness. It means that what they did was atrocious and greatfully wrong and that it was never okay to do that to me. But I let them off the hook. I forgive myself for not forgiving them. I ask G-d to forgive me for my own offenses. Very importantly, I do not let them have this emotional control over me and this past situation, to bring up the hurts and offences. I let go of those hurts and will not allow them to hurt me again with the memories.

By Mangan:


"When the allied soldiers found the Nazi concentration camp at Ravensbruck where about 92,000 women and children died, they found a note tied to a rock alongside a dead woman and child. It is actually a prayer written by one of the women:

“O Lord, when I shall come with glory into Your kingdom, remember not only the men and women of good will; remember also those of ill will.

“But do not only remember the suffering they have inflicted on us. Remember the fruits we bought thanks to this suffering: our comradeship, our loyalty, our humility, the courage, the generosity, the greatness of heart which have become part of our lives because of our suffering here.

“May the memory of us not be a nightmare to them when they stand in judgment. When they come to judgment, let all the fruits that we have borne be their forgiveness. Amen. Amen. Amen.”

Those are the exact words of the prayer that was written on that note.

You look at yourself. Put yourself up against that kind of great love and forgiveness to see how far we have to go. How much road we have to travel to become people who can be so loving and forgiving under those horrendous circumstances, just like our Lord as He was being nailed to the Cross. “Father, forgive them,” He said. “They don’t know what they are doing.”

This is what we mean by “love one another.” It’s not easy; it never was easy to love your enemies, to love your neighbor. It’s not ever going to be easy. Yet, that is what we are called to be. To be people like that . . . to be young people like that.”

Powerful!! Deep!! Reminds me of a book I heard of (haven't read it yet) by Corrie Ten Boom called The Hiding Place. I just went to amazon.com and saw some other titles of hers that sound great and encouraging and relevant to this topic of forgiveness.