Anyone CURRENTLY uncertain about what direction you're going with your hair?

Smiley79 said:

WOW, y'all wouldn't believe that when I was typing this thread, I seriously thought I was only going to get a handful of replies from those going through this feeling. I am floored by how many of your comments are identical to how I feel now. We are a family here for real, LOL!

Soooo, now that we got this whole "uncertain" thing off our chests, what do we do now?erplexed


:scratchch

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I am so glad you made this thread, because alot of us have these feelings and don't know what to do or confused, I still feel that Lightly Relaxing will make it much easier for me as far as product usage and softness and stretching it out a bit, plus I just want to.
Thanks Smiley79!

onejamifan said:

I am going to the salon with my 5lb tub of relaxer in case I decide to relax. That's what I'm doing next.

I like my hair curly and everyone in my life likes my hair curly, but I LOVE my hair straight. I realized that my problem is not having the time and correct techniques to keep my ng straight. I plan on starting my work out regimen again in a couple of weeks and I can only imagine how the sweat will get my ng to kink up in no time flat. Hair is such an important part of a person's image that when your hair looks jacked up, no matter what you're wearing, you'll still look jacked up I am tired of feeling like I don't look put together because my hair is never quite right.

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I feel the exaxt same way. I really really hate to have a new bad @ss outfit, nails done, eyebrows together, make up on point, and then, hair jacked. I feel like I just wasted an outfit bc the hair messed up everything.

Ese88 said:

me. i am transitioning but i must admit sometimes i feel like relaxing.
Im starting to gain length & i feel like if i chop it all off it will take years to get it back.(im a slow grower). I also want to be sure that it's really what i want to do because im feeling apprehensive about all these stories about ssk's & shrinkage.
On the other hand my relaxed hair is not as full as i would like it to be & i thought going natural would help that.

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Yes! I am hoping, that going natural will help with fullness. I'm too old to wait, play and make any more hair mistakes.

Smiley79 said:

WOW, y'all wouldn't believe that when I was typing this thread, I seriously thought I was only going to get a handful of replies from those going through this feeling. I am floored by how many of your comments are identical to how I feel now. We are a family here for real, LOL!

Soooo, now that we got this whole "uncertain" thing off our chests, what do we do now?erplexed


:scratchch

Click to expand...

This thread made me realize I need to pick a stance and roll with it. So for now, I'm getting kinky twists for about a month and during my vacation. Then in the meantime I am going to try to procure some of this kinkycurly weave i've been seeing in threads. And use it to make a phony pony and a half wig for the work week while I exercise ( I have half wigs and phony pony's now but I'm not really crazy about the quality and texture). And continue to straighten weekly and enjoy my hair out on the weekend.

Then in a couple of months probably get kinky twists or some form of braids again. So basically just continue wearing straight, and braiding it up every few months to give it a break.

I think this is one of the best threads I ever read.... Y'all have me cracking up when you're venting. I'm at work...I'll reply in more detail later.

I'm on the brink of relaxing. The brink! However, I'm a bit uncertain. My friends all thinkI should stay natural, but honestly right now I'm not feeling my natural hair...sigh

onejamifan said:

I am going to the salon with my 5lb tub of relaxer in case I decide to relax. That's what I'm doing next.

I like my hair curly and everyone in my life likes my hair curly, but I LOVE my hair straight. I realized that my problem is not having the time and correct techniques to keep my ng straight. I plan on starting my work out regimen again in a couple of weeks and I can only imagine how the sweat will get my ng to kink up in no time flat. Hair is such an important part of a person's image that when your hair looks jacked up, no matter what you're wearing, you'll still look jacked up I am tired of feeling like I don't look put together because my hair is never quite right.

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Are you in my head? Those are my thoughts. I can't be walking around like who did it and ran. I want to learn how to do my hair, cause I am challenged, but I don't want all the manipulation since I'm stretching/transitioning/I dunno. UGHHH. I want to texlax but I am scared it won't come out right. I don't trust anyone to do it, except for maybe one stylist. But when I see my fuzzy halo of curls, I LOVE THEM!!!

I don't know if I want to stretch or transition. The longest I have gone without a relaxer is 4 months. If I stretch then get a relaxer, if I decide I want to go natural I'll have to start all over again. I am not cutting my hair (on purpose).

For now I'm going to try to moisturize more and use less heat. I'll just have see how my hair does.

SignatureBeauty said:

I have made up my mind, I am gonna lightly relax my hair with Mizani Butter Blends, and just stretch, that way I will still have my curls, and my hair will remain soft all day, I am not turning back and will not regret anything. I will be Happy! I will be Happy I Say!! Lol!

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I've been feeling like this way, too, but I'm so torn. After transitioning 9 times and relaxing, I just am unsure whether being natural is for me. I have some time before I decide. I hate to think about all the length I could have had if I never BCD... I don't know what I'm going to. My hair is still short and I'm having so many issues with knots. I detangle with conditioner, I even tried to band it to stretch it. No matter how gentle, my hair just knots up something fierce. I did not have this issue with lightly texlaxed hair. I will give myself 6 months to decide. This is something I don't want to take lightly.

WOW where do I began?? Everyone makes great vaild points
I remember when I first started this hair journey oh boy was I
dumping all sorts of products in my hair! Well almost a year later N
no major setback ( almost had one so called strecthing a relaxer)
I have decided to just use 2 cond DC with 1 of them continue with my oils
use a sulfate free shampoo, go to the salon once a week ( that includes
using a hooded dryer NO Dominican blow outs) And doing my favorite protective
styles...twist n pin up!! Now the problem is staying under the dyrer long enough to let it dry... I just can't stand sitting in one darn place for more than 1/2 an hour!!!

HHG everyone
ps I want need and DEMAND healthy hair n wouldn't mind a coulple of
sprinkles of LENGTH!!

After my last major breakage/hair cut, I have no idea what to do with my hair. While I do adore my new salon hair dryer, I may have to braid this mess up. I miss having long hair I don't understand how this could happen.

I feel like I want to do something drastic...

Decisions....decisions.....

Dying hair red vs. mildly texturing vs. twist extensions vs. some half wigs I want to buy vs. all of the above vs. none of the above.

Dying my hair red & rocking half wigs will be incredibly difficult since the shade of red I'd dye it doesn't exist in synthetic hair land

Don't want to texturize the hair to the point where it looks 3b, but just enough to make it a teeny tiny easier to comb and twist out. But texturizing and hair dying may soften the texture too much.

On top of all this, I really should be more focused on apartment hunting then my hair.

I'm uncertain right now as far as my hair is concerned...I'm in limbo. I always end up being torn when I hit the 8 wk mark of my relaxer. Do I transition? Do I relax? I love my new growth at this stage but I'm torn as to whether or not I can transition fully. I normally do my touch ups at wk 12 because that's when the two textures start waring with each other. The longest I've gone w/o a touch up was 18 wks. The relaxed hair just turned into a tangled disaster and started breaking like crazy because I did not know what to do to keep the peace between the two textures. Part of me wants to do it so bad but I'm a chicken.erplexed. I don't want to lose what length I have but I don't think I'll be able to transition the length of time I'd need to in order to preserve it. That and a big fat fear of the unknown. I'm still not sure what hair type I am but I do know I have a combination. I'm at week 8 now so I have 4 more weeks until my normal touch up. Until then I will continue to hem and haw, drool and get excited over beautifully transitioned hair, decide I'm going to do it and then chicken out because I do not want to BC.

Smiley79 said:

Decisions....decisions.....

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I just noticed your siggy strip. Amazing progress

Lady S said:

Dying hair red vs. mildly texturing vs. twist extensions vs. some half wigs I want to buy vs. all of the above vs. none of the above.

Dying my hair red & rocking half wigs will be incredibly difficult since the shade of red I'd dye it doesn't exist in synthetic hair land

Don't want to texturize the hair to the point where it looks 3b, but just enough to make it a teeny tiny easier to comb and twist out. But texturizing and hair dying may soften the texture too much.

On top of all this, I really should be more focused on apartment hunting then my hair.

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I miss my red hair

I want to cut my hair, but I have been wearing my phony pony tail and this has helped with me wanting to cut my hair off. But the mullet is getting on my nerves and I may be cutting it off real soon.

Me too! Following some real serious scalp issues, with itching and subsequent breakage down to the root and some bald patches, I decided to stop relaxing. I researched and found a solution to the itching and breakage. I'm about 6 months post and really unsure what to do. Where my hair broke to the root and was bald in places, it's all natural (the nape and crown) but I kept the length on the top and sides. I have been wigging it since Jan but I'm really not sure about the natural thing even though every time I see someone with beautiful natural hair 4b like mine (Mzwedwi and Blackmasterpiece) I want to go natural so bad.

On the other hand, all those relaxed heads make me want to relax after I've gained a full year of growth.

I think I'm going to keep wigging it for a year and then see what I decide. My SO clearly hates my wigs, but puts up with then

I sure am I told myself once I got a job a corp job I would texlax but now I don' t want to incure any damage but then I have been 3 yrs natural and yes Im starting to see some growth since I have a good reggie Im tired of shrinkage and ssk and that hump in the top of my head when I do buns..I just want to blend in not stand out for any aesthetic purposes..

GoddessMaker said:

I sure am I told myself once I got a job a corp job I would texlax but now I don' t want to incure any damage but then I have been 3 yrs natural and yes Im starting to see some growth since I have a good reggie Im tired of shrinkage and ssk and that hump in the top of my head when I do buns..I just want to blend in not stand out for any aesthetic purposes..

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I am not natural but texlaxed and I still can get that hump at the top of my head. In order to minimize that hump but some carefree curl or scurl on your hair first or whatever moisturizer you use(if your hair is thick like mines you may need a lot) then but some gel on top and your hair will lay very nicely. Also put a scarf on your hair for around 15 minutes and that will help it out too.

I feel like I am right >< with a lot of ladies in this thread.

I had been natural and rocking braids and weaves for about 12 years but these tore out my hairline. I then started relaxing (professionally) but hated how thin my hair looked. It was awful. I have really fine hair strands and whilst shrinkage is a beast it makes my hair look fuller.

Anyway fast-forward and I BC'd in April to 2.5 inches. I have had a little growth since then and I have really been focusing on scalp health to help my hairline grow back and have been PSing with wigs and half wigs. I know that Ideally I should stay natural until I attain my goals with my scalp and hairline and get my hair and scalp back to a position of 100% health again. However recently I find myself researching and hankering after tex-laxed hair again. Whilst I my natural coils they can sometimes be a task and I still only have a TWA so dread to think how I will cope with APL natural hair . SSK's and shrinkage can be a beast !!!

I feel like I am now in a better position to care for tex-laxed as opposed to bone-laxed hair when the time should come (I am hoping to be APL when I texlax so we are talking about 2 years away here). I am particularly inspired by members such as Ms Kabibi, Prospurr and Taz007 whom I share hair types with (maybe not their thickness tho hwell).

I think that what I am realising is that indecisiveness is like PJism. You see a product and you think it will solve all your hair woes. In the same way me hankering after every members beautiful head of hair is not realistic. I will not automatically tex-lax to find 3C curls given that I have 4a pen springs and 4b crinkly waves.

Hence why I stalk hair idols with hair like me deep into the 4's. I also think this will give me a more realistic idea of what my hair will look like tex-laxed. I think I probably will relax again once I have got over this hurdle with my hair and scalp and finally resolved my hairline issues to my satisfaction. However I think next time it will probably be done with more acceptance, less guilt and more knowledge of what I am trying to achieve and how to care for my own hair.

I want to become a fully fledged DIY'er as I think part of my frustration is the reliance of depending on stylists etc. I never believed I would ever be able to DC and steam my own hair as my hairdresser had brainwashed me into thinking I would get electric shock from the steamer and my hair would all break off (shame on her). Well here I am doing in it. I also now do my own BKT, Henna and hard protein treatments so I feel that I can learn anything now.

Anyway long rant over and lets just keep supporting each other on this fantastic journey !!!

locabouthair said:

I'm stretching right now but I look fully natural. I wore my hair in an updo and my neighbor told me yesterday when was I gonna do something with my hair she told me to make sure I do something with it before I go to work tomorrow. I knew my hair wasnt looking that great but I wasnt expecting that comment lol. So I definitely feel you. I was trying to stretch longer but at this point I can't see my part so maybe it's time lol.

A few months ago I wasnt sure I wasnt to try and self relax or find someone to do it for me, so I basically did nothing but wear my wig and I got tangles galore, which lead to breakage at the demarcation point.

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Chile!!!!! reading your posts I realise that your hair and mine are similar. I am going thru the same thing. Lawd, right now my hair is so puffy it looks like I have a BAA. I only have like 2.5" on NG WTH is going on here?!!! LOL

Yeah.... the PS I was raving about about a month ago aren't working now. Alot of thickness and not enough length to hold the style properly. So I've been doing WnG mostly.


See OP? The pendulum is about to swing again. Yeah This is probably going to be a long stretch not a transition . Lemme get a decent bun first. *sigh* I miss buns.

I have been in same way over the past few months. But I think I am finally getting somewhere with my hair goals overall and how to get there.
1. I think that first of all I am going to have to use heat. Cause streching any other way just causing too many tangles and SSK.
2. going to wash less often (cause I have to use the heat)
3. I'm definately not going back to perms. I know that alot of people are on the fence about this but is is probably the one thing I am sure about.

What I don't know is when to cut off my relaxed ends. The are so different from the rest of my hair because of damage/old highlights/henna (my relaxed hair doesn;t lioke henna so i had to stop doing it.) they are sticky. Does that make sense?? I don't want to just cut then becasue the hair that is left seems healthy but I think maybe I shoudl and just put my hair in braids for the summer. Any ideas people?

melissa-bee said:

Not really, it just needs to grow!

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exactly, I just want my hair to grow so I can do more with it

I started off my hair journey in August 2008 wanting to grow long relaxed hair, and setting a goal of APL by December 2009. When I failed to reach that goal (hair was still shoulder length ), I decided I may as well stop relaxing and give going natural a go, to see if my hair will be stronger and see if I'd like having an afro . I've carried on following the Crown and Glory technique of wearing braid extensions every couple of months, and just hoping I get some decent length this year. I'm currently 9 months post, and I still might decide to relax again in the near future, but right now I will just concentrate on making my hair healthy and getting it to retain length. I don't want to keep disappointing myself and getting obsessed about hair goals too much, I will just look after my hair the best I can and I will eventually cross that "shall I big chop or relax?" bridge when I get there

I don't know......I want to say I'm confident still, and know what I'm doing is right (no more chemicals and regular heat use, etc.), but maybe it's because I've been having an off week in general and have been a definite debbie downer, but I am questioning whether the last couple months has been worth it. I love that I now can care for my own hair, that I can at least distinguish some good hair products from bad ones, and I can say my hair is soft and I fixed my breakage problem, but I just think to when I was getting relaxers....my hair was longer. I miss wearing my hair down. I miss not having to worry about whether I'm retaining length or if I am causing damage with my hair grazing against any little thing. I was definitely beyond ignorant, but it was sort of nice. And my hair was longer. I know mine has grown since my hair about broke off, but I guess just it's hard sticking it out when it's shorter than I'd like it to be, and I don't even want to length check for fear of misusing a flat iron (before I was too ignorant to know) and fear of being completely disappointed by the actual revealed length result. It doesn't help that some days my hair seems longer than others......I hate being so negative and mopey, but I guess I've been like this overall and so it makes it a heck of a lot easier to turn that negative energy to other unrelated things, i.e., hair. I've also been really annoyed my skin feels way more oily lately and it can't be because of what I'm eating. I don't know, I'm probably imagining things.....but yeah, I'm not feeling too self-assured with my hair right now. Sometimes it seems easier to just go back to how things were before. erplexed

/negative nancy

By the way, I relaxed last week and it was the BEST decision I could have made . My shedding basically stopped, I had zero breakage this week and when I washed my hair today, it took me 20 minutes to detangle and roller set!!! Considering I was at the water park yesterday, the tangles were virtually non-existent. And that's including the fact that the stylist did not relax the entire length of the ng. I was so worried about overlapping, that I think I told her the ng started much farther up the hair shaft than it really did, so that there is some curl along the length...LOL!!! Either way, I'm glad I got a touch up. Will probably be stretching for 5-6 months at a time now. Oh, and getting a hair cut. That's my next undecided. I'm not sure what length I want to cut to. Right now I'm somewhere between HL and TBL, but I want to cut to either BSL or MBL...

PositivelyRadiant said:

I feel like I am right >< with a lot of ladies in this thread.

I had been natural and rocking braids and weaves for about 12 years but these tore out my hairline. I then started relaxing (professionally) but hated how thin my hair looked. It was awful. I have really fine hair strands and whilst shrinkage is a beast it makes my hair look fuller.

Anyway fast-forward and I BC'd in April to 2.5 inches. I have had a little growth since then and I have really been focusing on scalp health to help my hairline grow back and have been PSing with wigs and half wigs. I know that Ideally I should stay natural until I attain my goals with my scalp and hairline and get my hair and scalp back to a position of 100% health again. However recently I find myself researching and hankering after tex-laxed hair again. Whilst I my natural coils they can sometimes be a task and I still only have a TWA so dread to think how I will cope with APL natural hair . SSK's and shrinkage can be a beast !!!

I feel like I am now in a better position to care for tex-laxed as opposed to bone-laxed hair when the time should come (I am hoping to be APL when I texlax so we are talking about 2 years away here). I am particularly inspired by members such as Ms Kabibi, Prospurr and Taz007 whom I share hair types with (maybe not their thickness tho hwell).

I think that what I am realising is that indecisiveness is like PJism. You see a product and you think it will solve all your hair woes. In the same way me hankering after every members beautiful head of hair is not realistic. I will not automatically tex-lax to find 3C curls given that I have 4a pen springs and 4b crinkly waves.

Hence why I stalk hair idols with hair like me deep into the 4's. I also think this will give me a more realistic idea of what my hair will look like tex-laxed. I think I probably will relax again once I have got over this hurdle with my hair and scalp and finally resolved my hairline issues to my satisfaction. However I think next time it will probably be done with more acceptance, less guilt and more knowledge of what I am trying to achieve and how to care for my own hair.

I want to become a fully fledged DIY'er as I think part of my frustration is the reliance of depending on stylists etc. I never believed I would ever be able to DC and steam my own hair as my hairdresser had brainwashed me into thinking I would get electric shock from the steamer and my hair would all break off (shame on her). Well here I am doing in it. I also now do my own BKT, Henna and hard protein treatments so I feel that I can learn anything now.

Anyway long rant over and lets just keep supporting each other on this fantastic journey !!!

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.................same here


ETA: I know which direction I want to go, I'm just enjoying reading the thread. I know that I want to weave up my hair for a little while and then relax my hair. I like straight hair and I am impatient. I don't want to deal with blowdrying/rollersetting and then flatironing and wrapping to get the look I want.

i am actively trying to get my hair to grow longer but honestly, i don't know why given that all i do is sport one bun after another....i blew out my hair to do a length check last week and i had no idea what to do with it afterwards...i see so many creative and beautiful natural styles on the ladies in this forum and i do try to mimic what i see but 9 times out of ten i end up looking like a hot mess...sometimes i wish i could get one of my hair idols to suddenly appear at my house and break out a comb and do my hair in some wickedly funky style or at least give me an in person tutorial...

^^^get out of my head. I feel the same way. I spend forever detangling, blowdrying, flatironing only to look a mess. I then end up pulling it all back or throw in some braids. My hairline is growing back in but not fast enough which means i have big tufts around the edge...not a pretty look