BLACK MEN AND NAPPY HEADED LIVING – VOLUME 1

[msa]

Apparently I need to move because Los Angeles is not natural hair friendly at all.

 

[Raspberry]

I use to be a school teacher and anyway this little girl in my 2nd grade class had the most beautiful natural 4b hair that she wore in afro puffs or sometimes in a big fro with headbands...anyways of course some of the other kids would tease her because they either had relaxers, extensions, or 3 type hair that hung a little differently in ponytails...so I used to tell her how beautiful her hair b.u.t then she would tell me how she wished she were pretty and had hair like me (I was relaxed)...it was at THAT moment that I decided to go natural and never looked back...NOW earlier in the process my husband did say he liked my hair straight because I looked like a little kid with natural hair (my daughter and I had matching hair); however, now he LOVES it and he has since grown LOCS...though natural I wear my hair in all kinds of ways; now sometimes I do feel men prefer my hair straight or in the curly fro style...b.u.t every time I think that I get smacked on my butt...I wore a natural out with just conditioner and a little gel this weekend and a young man (between 14-18) grabbed his boys to look at my hair and was like yo' I like ya hair..that cracked me up...I do agree many of us (women and men) alike have been affected by the weight of White supremacy; however, I think we are evolving as a people and we are educating others everyday about different types of beauty

Girl, when I had loose hair and would wear it in a big twist-out or puff I would get tons of teenage boys lookin at me all mesmerized and tryin to flirt . I get some stares with my locs too, but I think I look closer to my age now so they're not as bold lol - my puffs and twist-outs got me carded. I don't know what it is, but that made me think that a lot of these young men will fall in love with natural hair if we just show them it can be beautiful.

A lot of black men have a knee-jerk negative reaction to natural simply because they haven't been exposed to the diversity of textures and styles in real life. All they think about is an India Arie or Badu persona...they have to see it for themselves, we can't expect them to get all enlightened out of the blue. Shoot, a lot of the comments you all are recounting are the same things many black women think and say about natural hair, why do we expect more from black men?

 

[RegaLady]

So true. And to be honest, many people going natural may not have the full knowledge of hair care (as was said, the only good hair is healthy hair). Most naturals I know are still in the TWA phase and never leave it. Guys probably aren't checking them because 1. the hair is short 2. It doesn't look like the do anything with it. I don't see long natural hair that much, but the girls that do have it get attention

WHo says that they aren't getting attention? I dunno to assume someone who doesn't have the norm is lacking in attention, doesn't make it so. Some men may not like fuller, afro hair, either. Some men care others don't.

 

[SEMO]

I agree that men seem to like long hair above all. And some of them are not really caring whether it's relaxed or natural. Before I transitioned back to natural I once had a guy ask me if I was relaxed. He had thought my straightened hair was my natural hair. This surprised me. Like straight hair must have been the default.

But I admit before I went back natural I used to think that way. Back then I felt that natural hair was great on little kids, but once you got older and matured your hair should be straightened. Putting away the little kid ponytails equaled becoming womanly and wearing straight hair.

Of course I know better now, and I go easy on those who still might think that way. I've gotten a lot of "you have good hair" comments. After my big chop one person even said I never should have been relaxed in the first place. And sadly part of me knows that one of the reasons I have not gotten any negativity from men or women since going natural is b/c people like my hair texture.

ETA:
I think the thing men love about relaxed hair over natural hair has to do with a fantasy of wanting run their fingers through it. When I was relaxed in undergrad I forever had some guy (even guy friends who I knew didn't want to date me) wanting touch my hair or trying to run their fingers through my hair.

It was like my hair was a magnet. They just had to touch it and see if it felt as silky as it looked. When I went natural I never got any flack from guys (even though my hair was shorter), but I didn't get them wanting to run their fingers through it anymore either. Curly hair just doesn't make men want to do that.

 

[keepithealthy]

Honestly, we can say all we want about this subject, but we are not black men commenting on this, so it is hard to get a good prospective on the subject...And saying that black men don't like "nappy" hair is a slap in the face to the intelligence of our brothas. Now long hair..might be another thing entirely..

Most of the black men that I've encountered don't understand why this is such a big deal and they are confused at why we relax or press our hair in the first place. They said they prefer our natural hair, but the majority of us are going to relax regardless, so they just accept it. If a brotha had to choose from short relaxed hair and long natural hair on a black woman, the majority would pick long natural hair, if that makes any sense. Men of all appearances prefer long hair.

I have been told this many times by black men. It is not them that keep us relaxing/straightening our hair, it is us doing it. We are falling for this image that the media and advertisers are putting out--and I doubt the majority of those ppl are black men. If we were all natural, they would just accept it, as they do to our relaxed hair.

I agree. I have had some of my guy friends ask me why I choose to relax my hair, then again I have also had some ask my why I am deciding to transition to my natural hair so I guess it depends on the man.....I will agree that most men just like long hair <period>

 

[lonelysky]

I think that natural hair is beautiful. I choose to relax because it is easier to manage.

My personal texture + curly= hot mess

I've flirted with the idea of transitioning. Maybe I'll do it after I prove that I can grow my hair to waist length and beyond.

I personally believe that beauty is as beauty does. It doesn't matter the texture of one's hair or whether it is relaxed or straight. If men want to trip about sistas having natural hair, its their loss. All we can do is educate them and show them the options.

People always ask me why I don't wear my hair in an afro or locs and I have to explain that i'm relaxed, and that it really isn't an optinon unless I start over, which I don't want to do.

 

[ebaby]

My husband is not fond of natural hair at all but he loves me and I am not relaxing. He prefers straight hair. My dad likes straight hair, and said if you are natural then press. I have been natural for a while now and I am loving it. I like being unique and most times I am the only natural in my circle. My part of the South is not fond of natural hair.

 

[Sugarhoney]

My husband is not fond of natural hair at all but he loves me and I am not relaxing. He prefers straight hair. My dad likes straight hair, and said if you are natural then press. I have been natural for a while now and I am loving it. I like being unique and most times I am the only natural in my circle. My part of the South does not love natural hair.

I applaud you for being yourself. It is hard. I really don't see what's so great about straight hair, anyone can have it. Why doesn't your husband like your natural hair, may I ask? Maybe he will come around one day.

 

[cutenss]

Here is my take...

First of all, as far as the guy goes, he was HONEST! You gotta give him credit for that. Now the way he presented it left alot to be desired. Everyone is entitled to what they are attracted to. Thank God he did not waste anymore of her time than he already did.

Second we as brown people (I personally don't like using AA or black, but thats MY personal perference) need to learn to love and embrace our own heritage/idenity. I have the attitude: If you like it, I love it! Simple as that. You will never be able to change everyones opinion. All you do is be the BEST person you can be. Physically and mentally. God only looks at heart, as so should we all. Whether you are brown, non-brown, or in between.

I am 100% natural in my hair, but people think I am mixed, Indian and everything but what I am. I actually had a brown girl ask me what I was mixed with. I won't put what I told her because I don't want to offend anyone. I think every head of hair is as beautiful as the person attached to it. The best thing about us is our versatility. Hair straight one day, kinky curly/coiled the next. Afro on Wedneday...etc.

We are unique.

 

[snillohsss]

I get more compliments now with natural hair than I ever have with relaxed hair. My dh is a dredhead....so he adores natural hair. He just hates weaves.

 

[delitefulmane]

I am loving this thread!! I don't really have much to add except I believe men love HEALTHY HAIR. POINT BLANK!!
Please continue!!

 

[jaszymeen]

i agree with this post that many people are not acceptant of natural hair. but on the other hand who are they to say that if you choose to relax you are disreguarding your culture. i remember when i got my first relaxer. up until i was 9 i wore braids and as you can guess i had a nice length. my mom gave me an option she said do you want braids or do you want a relaxer? i decided i wanted a relaxer and she asked me if i was sure and i said yes. while i'm wearing a relaxer now i'm still ok with that decision and i love my natural texture. i want to grow my hair to waist length wear that for a couple of years and then donate it. after i do that i'm going to bc and go natural and i want to accomplish the same goal.

 

[ryanshope]

This post is the EXACT reason why I decided to go natural--in order to change society's perception of afro hair we have to first embrace it by wearing it. I have heard since I was knee high that my hair was too nappy to be natural and that my "grade" of hair was so kinky that it would never look nice...i was like whatever...I am gonna do me cuz this is what GOD gave me and I will cherish and respect it like I do any other part of my body.

 

[ebaby]

Great thread....it seems as if we are our own worst enemy. Many of my family member dogged me about being natural. I often heard, "I can't believe she went natural. You hardly ever hear, "I can't believe she got a relaxer. I transitioned in 2007 and went 100 percent natural in June 08. I was the sister who got the relaxer faithfully every 6 weeks, 2 months at the max. I love my black man but for so long so many sisters have put the needs, wants, and desires of black men before their own. My husband said, baby, I like your hair the way it was when we first met, natural is not for everybody(fist day of bc). He is now coming around a little. There were some things I liked about him when we first met as well but time brings about a change. Also, I do not believe he is going to relax my hair as needed, use 3 different curling irons to flip it in layers at 5:30 every morning. He is not going to hold my head at night so I can sleep 8 hours w/o messing up my curls. Rocking my God-given natural curls is much easier for ME, maybe not for you, but 4 me.