I usually enjoy your astute observations but I’m going to have to disagree on some points.
1. I don’t care about other women, only BW. If women of other groups or races were as invested in BW as they claim we would not be the ‘most brutalised, ignored, oppressed & tossed aside group.’ No doubt we have our supporters but what’s key is - they are not enough to effect real change.
2. These terrible experiences are partly due to lack of boundaries. We are too nice, too inclusive, too forgiving. Everyday our collective images are damaged, ridiculed, overlooked, erased. While this happens, NO ONE cares. No one cares enough to fight openly, with us, for us. Biden speaks to of all people Cardi B as a representative of us, where was the universal outrage?
3. I think BW need to stop being reasonable & look out for ourselves and no one else. During wartime people aren’t trying to play nice, they are protecting themselves & their own group. There is a war against the image of BW. Doing the same thing over & over without reaping any benefits sounds suspiciously like insanity. We need to course correct.
We are actually in agreement on all of your points for the most part. On only caring about bw, I get it. I do think of others too, but I do think we deserve the prime spot in protection. Also with number three, I again agree that we need to look out for our stuff first, I do feel that it's personal whether we want to lend support elsewhere in addition to supporting our own initiatives but in general, I agree.
And I do think our image is super important, everything is super important. We're usually told that our opinions need to just be shoved into a corner at the expense of every other group. We sometimes do that to ourselves and each other.
But either way, our first instinct should be to protect ourselves because no one else is doing that job too well. In the past we were taught to overlook our needs and protect out brothers, husbands, and sons instead meanwhile no one shielded us. And we've passed on those instincts which is why you point out that we aren't fighting for specific issues, some of which are valid and need our support. I don't want that used as an excuse to bash ourselves. There are others already doing that. We need to get proactive instead of pointing fingers at ourselves because the whole of the world is doing that. We can see where we need to grow and improve without doing that while supporting our initiatives, goals, lives. A good way of doing that is being real with ourselves like you've done here. We can mention where we lack so we improve without getting into a "that's what you get" or cancel culture mode . We need love and nurturing right now and we need to give that to ourselves in the form of support, love, and the truth when it's valid (some that you've mentioned). Then, we need to put things into action which is the most important thing.
The reason for that post was that I just wanted to point out the other issue of us being silence, battered, threatened, overlooked and gaslit , too when we do defend ourselves because I believe we are exhausted defending ourselves on all ends too. With that said I definitely agree that there are places where we definitely need better boundaries, and there are others where we have fought but are shut down and silenced. It's a catch 22 for us. By mentioning that does not negate the fact that we do have to make certain to stand up and not let things slide in our community.
With that said when I look at your 3rd point, I have mulled over the idea that we should move in secret and develop collective ways to encourage and support ourselves for the time being. And we need to be able to decipher who understands this logic and get with like minded individuals. I shouldn't have to go on the defense to explain that we need some protection, love and support right now. I shouldn't have to explain that some things should be obvious. We need to gather together and plan by finding those of like minds, and if we can't move on our own in secret (I think of both examples as moving in secret because the main plans are obscured from any group except bw, or our own self depending on our choice).
We need to support ourselves and those like us, and no matter what pretty much move quietly to achieve our objectives. When we get in positions of power, we help others move on up too (without announcing it on twitter
so that we can keep on moving other bw up), and so on. In relationships we need to encourage younger women (and ourselves for single women) to practice hypergamy and also making good ethical choices when dating and marrying (determined by our individual needs). It's obvious to all other groups but we are maligned if we speak about it and shamed into trying to make Tyler Perry choices
. There are many areas where we need to overcome the blinders placed on us and some where we have begun removing them but still need to make choices without announcing them to other groups who will only judge and/or hinder our progress while trying to pretty much do the same themselves.