Changing Your Focus" From being miserably single to happy single.

[Kiadodie]

So, I'm to the point where I realize that i need to change my focus in order to be happy. I keep hoping this "guy" will come along. I keep focusing on being "single" & praying to God for love to come into my life. Meanwhile, the clock is ticking and nothing is changing.

So therefore, I want to get to the point where I'm happy in the state that I'm in. So, how do you do this? I don't want to stop praying for what I want and that is to be married but how do I shift my focus and be happy in the state that I'm in???

For those who are striving for this or have accomplished this..please share.

 

[caligirl]

Thank God everyday for all of the wonderful blessings in your life, including friends and family. Try to be a blessing to other people. Get out there and enjoy life, travel. Life really is short.

 

[klb120475]

I'm single, not miserably single. IDK....every once in a while a do get a lil down in da dumps waiting for Boo. But that usually only lasts a couple days. I know just rediscovering myself helped a lot. Taking out time to really get to know myself.

Also, if I go outside I never go out lookin a hot mess or half hot mess. When Boo finds me I wanna be presentable. My hair is done, clothes, shoes, purse and make up are on point. There's something about walking outside believing in your heart that your the hottest one. It really builds your confidence.

And of course when I get to yearning for Boo. Crying out to my Father always help. There's something about the comfort of the Holy Spirit.

 

[MochaEyeCandy]

Make a list of goals you'd like to accomplish before getting involved in a serious relationship. That'll change your focus, keep you positive, and help you get "you" together.

 

[NaturallyGraceful]

The only way you'll be satisfied in your singleness is if you have faith that what you've prayed for is already done. Trust, believe and have patience.
Learn how to enjoy you in your present state.
A marriage isn't 50/50 as so many say, sometimes it 80/20 40/60 and so on....which is why it requires two whole people for it to work, so work on any issues you may have and make sure you're absolutely loving you and your life so when he comes along so he won't feel that you're needy but he'll feel privileged to be able to share life with such a wonderful & together person.

I know that I'll marry and I've felt for a while now that it's way past time that I should be BUT, truth be told, I have some things I know I need to work on before hubby finds me or else I'd make the poor man miserable.
I'm currently doing a lot of introspection which is not easy. It's hard to be objective about yourself and make change. God is really working on me right now, so I'm content to be alone until He gives me the word.


God Bless You & stay strong

 

[ALWAYZL8]

I have an associate that's getting married in 28 days. She is just the sweetest person. I was talking with her last week during a meeting and she told me to be happy with myself. When she told me this I looked her at like...and then what??? She then told me her story and her advice made so much sense. To sum it up: "God has perfect timing!"

 

[Kiadodie]

I have an associate that's getting married in 28 days. She is just the sweetest person. I was talking with her last week during a meeting and she told me to be happy with myself. When she told me this I looked her at like...and then what??? She then told me her story and her advice made so much sense. To sum it up: "God has perfect timing!"

Yes, this is what I want. I want to be happy in the state that I'm in. And yes, God does have perfect timing which is most of the time, never our timing.

 

[BeautifulRoots]

So, I'm to the point where I realize that i need to change my focus in order to be happy. I keep hoping this "guy" will come along. I keep focusing on being "single" & praying to God for love to come into my life. Meanwhile, the clock is ticking and nothing is changing.

So therefore, I want to get to the point where I'm happy in the state that I'm in. So, how do you do this? I don't want to stop praying for what I want and that is to be married but how do I shift my focus and be happy in the state that I'm in???

For those who are striving for this or have accomplished this..please share.

I definitely feel you on this issue. I feel the exact same way sometimes, well actually most times. I definitely need some encouragement also...the replies are helping...

 

[All_Me]

I'm single, not miserably single. IDK....every once in a while a do get a lil down in da dumps waiting for Boo. But that usually only lasts a couple days. I know just rediscovering myself helped a lot. Taking out time to really get to know myself.

Also, if I go outside I never go out lookin a hot mess or half hot mess. When Boo finds me I wanna be presentable. My hair is done, clothes, shoes, purse and make up are on point. There's something about walking outside believing in your heart that your the hottest one. It really builds your confidence.

And of course when I get to yearning for Boo. Crying out to my Father always help. There's something about the comfort of the Holy Spirit.

I'm like going through a serious funk or withdrawl, whatever you want to call it but God is so awesome. Worst, I was trying to find happiness in somebody, wanting sooo bad for a man to feel me like I felt him. Girl no! Recently, I was like you know what, enough is enough. I need to focus on God and me. There are so many things that I want to accomplish that I cant wait on someone to come rescue me from what feels like loneliness. Its hard but I had to stop comparing myself to others! I had to realize that God did not make a mistake. I can have high self esteem and other times its like ... why am I single... why am I not like this... why am I not that. All tricks from the enemy. God is so good that He allows me to have my pity party but not for long. God knew what He was doing when my daddy met my momma! Even in my mothers womb He knew me. He knows every hair on my head. So you know what...its ALL about Me. Finishing my MBA, going on to law school, growing my hair ...

 

[mz. new~new]

my church had a prayer revival 2 weeks ago && my pastor's mother prophesied to the single women... she said that instead of sitting around waiting for a "man" to come along, we need to "throw" ourselves into ministry. find things in the church (ministry) to do, to occupy our time. (in my opinion going to school also fits in this category.) she said that once we stop focusing on finding a man && engulf ourselves in the work of the Lord, He will fulfill the desires of our hearts.

&& it's funny because, being a single mother i was complaining about the ministries that i was already involved in && the number of times per week i was at church. ever since she said that i've been looking for ministries to join, lol. not because i think my husband is going to pop up at church while i'm there but because i believe the prophecy... it's kinda nice taking a break from planning my "pretend wedding" to do something useful! lol.

 

[Bunny77]

my church had a prayer revival 2 weeks ago && my pastor's mother prophesied to the single women... she said that instead of sitting around waiting for a "man" to come along, we need to "throw" ourselves into ministry. find things in the church (ministry) to do, to occupy our time. (in my opinion going to school also fits in this category.) she said that once we stop focusing on finding a man && engulf ourselves in the work of the Lord, He will fulfill the desires of our hearts.

&& it's funny because, being a single mother i was complaining about the ministries that i was already involved in && the number of times per week i was at church. ever since she said that i've been looking for ministries to join, lol. not because i think my husband is going to pop up at church while i'm there but because i believe the prophecy... it's kinda nice taking a break from planning my "pretend wedding" to do something useful! lol.

Oh dear, here's that old chestnut again... churches telling single women to throw themselves into ministry and into "God."

Meanwhile, single men rarely (if ever) get that same message (maybe because they aren't in church?) and married people get a pass from the message because they're occupied with spouses and children.

And yet, marriage is God's original ministry. And Lord knows, we need more of that in the black community... more marriages would be a greater ministry, IMO, for the black church and black community instead of a growing army of single women serving until God "decides" to send them a man...

Sorry, I'm not buying your pastor's mother's prophecy, no offense to her. (BTW, is she married? Has she been married?)

I do understand the general point of the thread and the concept that Kia is trying to reach. One will not be available to the right man if one is acting out of desperation and loneliness and chasing after the wrong men. One must learn to find happiness in herself as she is and fulfillment in God, which is a lifelong journey.

But that being said, there's nothing wrong with wanting to NOT be single. It shouldn't consume your life, true, and it shouldn't prevent you from doing things that you'd enjoy doing... but one shouldn't feel that she has to join MORE church ministries or do MORE to take the focus off her singleness -- we were made with a God-given void that only a spouse can fill... not buddies, not singles groups, not girlfriends, not more church ministries.

My advice would be to actively wait. Enjoy your single season with positive anticipation that you will soon be crossing into your season as a wife and mother. If you have dreams and goals, work to fulfill them. Don't depend on a man to do them for you, but look forward to a time in which a man will be there to support you in those goals in the future.

And pray that while you are growing closer to God and a greater sense of fulfillment in yourself as a single, ask for the Lord to help you fulfill his ministry of marriage so that you can soon glorify Him through your role as a wife and mother.

Edited to add: I wish that churches would do more to help single women who want to be married to get married (like, oh, strongly encouraging single men to pursue single women, and teaching single women with this desire about what it means to be a wife)... that would be more helpful than a lot of the advice they're giving now, IMO.

 

[shalom]

The only way you'll be satisfied in your singleness is if you have faith that what you've prayed for is already done. Trust, believe and have patience.
Learn how to enjoy you in your present state.
A marriage isn't 50/50 as so many say, sometimes it 80/20 40/60 and so on....which is why it requires two whole people for it to work, so work on any issues you may have and make sure you're absolutely loving you and your life so when he comes along so he won't feel that you're needy but he'll feel privileged to be able to share life with such a wonderful & together person.

I know that I'll marry and I've felt for a while now that it's way past time that I should be BUT, truth be told, I have some things I know I need to work on before hubby finds me or else I'd make the poor man miserable.
I'm currently doing a lot of introspection which is not easy. It's hard to be objective about yourself and make change. God is really working on me right now, so I'm content to be alone until He gives me the word.


God Bless You & stay strong

(1 bold) This is an excellent point. I busy myself I have so many things that I'm involved with that at times I hardly notice.

(2 bold) Yes it is, I believe he has some things he's doing with me to which is why I'm taking more time out these days to grow and mature in the Lord so that when he comes I'll be ready.

OT, I'll keep you in my prayers.

 

[Aveena]

edited post..

I'm technically divorced.

 

[mz. new~new]

bunny77: i agree with your post for the most part... speaking from my experience, there aren't a lot of single men in church (at least not mine) so they're probably not getting the same message that we are. but i go to a "working" church so i don't feel like the expectation for "ministry" is greater for the single women. everyone (pretty much) does there share. my problem was, i have the talent to do 'xyz' but because of my circumstances i was only choosing to do 'x'. you may not agree with the prophecy, which is fine, but hearing it encouraged me to go ahead && do what God had already called me to do. && maybe her words were easier for me to accept because i know her... she's worked in the church all of her life. she was married for many years but is now a widow. as a single woman she took care of God's house && when she was married she took care of her man (the former pastor). no one said get so wrapped up && tangled up with the church building that you can't do other things that you enjoy.

 

[Bunny77]

bunny77: i agree with your post for the most part... speaking from my experience, there aren't a lot of single men in church (at least not mine) so they're probably not getting the same message that we are. but i go to a "working" church so i don't feel like the expectation for "ministry" is greater for the single women. everyone (pretty much) does there share. my problem was, i have the talent to do 'xyz' but because of my circumstances i was only choosing to do 'x'. you may not agree with the prophecy, which is fine, but hearing it encouraged me to go ahead && do what God had already called me to do. && maybe her words were easier for me to accept because i know her... she's worked in the church all of her life. she was married for many years but is now a widow. as a single woman she took care of God's house && when she was married she took care of her man (the former pastor). no one said get so wrapped up && tangled up with the church building that you can't do other things that you enjoy.

Okay, I understand.

And I think it's fine that if you have the desire and talent to do XYZ and God was calling you to do XYZ, then by all means, do XYZ!

I just know that in some situations, a person is doing XYZ, but is also encouraged to do ABC as well to keep her focus off being single and lonely, which is something I don't think is fair.

Thaks for explaining.

 

[Kiadodie]

Oh dear, here's that old chestnut again... churches telling single women to throw themselves into ministry and into "God."

Meanwhile, single men rarely (if ever) get that same message (maybe because they aren't in church?) and married people get a pass from the message because they're occupied with spouses and children.

And yet, marriage is God's original ministry. And Lord knows, we need more of that in the black community... more marriages would be a greater ministry, IMO, for the black church and black community instead of a growing army of single women serving until God "decides" to send them a man...

Sorry, I'm not buying your pastor's mother's prophecy, no offense to her. (BTW, is she married? Has she been married?)

I do understand the general point of the thread and the concept that Kia is trying to reach. One will not be available to the right man if one is acting out of desperation and loneliness and chasing after the wrong men. One must learn to find happiness in herself as she is and fulfillment in God, which is a lifelong journey.

But that being said, there's nothing wrong with wanting to NOT be single. It shouldn't consume your life, true, and it shouldn't prevent you from doing things that you'd enjoy doing... but one shouldn't feel that she has to join MORE church ministries or do MORE to take the focus off her singleness -- we were made with a God-given void that only a spouse can fill... not buddies, not singles groups, not girlfriends, not more church ministries.

My advice would be to actively wait. Enjoy your single season with positive anticipation that you will soon be crossing into your season as a wife and mother. If you have dreams and goals, work to fulfill them. Don't depend on a man to do them for you, but look forward to a time in which a man will be there to support you in those goals in the future.

And pray that while you are growing closer to God and a greater sense of fulfillment in yourself as a single, ask for the Lord to help you fulfill his ministry of marriage so that you can soon glorify Him through your role as a wife and mother.

Edited to add: I wish that churches would do more to help single women who want to be married to get married (like, oh, strongly encouraging single men to pursue single women, and teaching single women with this desire about what it means to be a wife)... that would be more helpful than a lot of the advice they're giving now, IMO.

Thanks Bunny . If God does call me to do XYZ that's what I'll do. See, I just finished wrapping up 2 1/2 years of going to grad school. I just finished & got my MBA this past Dec. Then, after I was done..I had so much time on my hands & then I was like "now what?". The spirit of loneliness crept in & I was feeling miserable. The next thing my heart is seeking is marriage..

Now I've been praying about it and God spoke to me thru someone's post in this forum. She quoted the verse "The Lord is my shepard, I shall not want" Psalm 23.

It made me look @ the past and I saw how God worked in my life. He gave me things when it was His time. It had nothing to do w/ how much I prayed, what I did etc etc. It was all by his Grace and He knew I needed & wanted it. Therefore, I'm choosing to stay as I am meaning being happy in my present state and not changing anything. When I say changing I mean, joining this or joining that kind of thing..that is unless He puts it in my heart to do that because truely, I will NOT be happy trying to do things unless I really wanted to. Now, I'm not going to sit @ home and be miserable either but I"m going to do what I enjoy.

As my pastor put it, I'm in the "waiting room"..waiting on God and that requires patience which I am praying for. I'm also praying for happiness in my current state of being singleness.