mnemosyne
Well-Known Member
Hush!!!
Don't you know, to even admit that we have to do special things and go to greater length to retain hair than our white and asian counterparts means you're full of self-hate?
Hair...The Black Woman's Curse?
- Thread starter lilamae
- Start date
Monigirl
New Member
Just in my life I have experienced more delimas with my skin than my hair (acne, cyst, blemishes). I feel hair makes a woman beautiful weither it be long, short, or medium but a womans skin is what trully makes her beautiful. Personnaly I get more jealous when I meet or see women with youthful beautiful blemishes free skin tone... may I add without wearing makeup. That is why I am planing to a do a master cleanse or detox soon in the efforts to improve my skin complexion.
OT:
Hyperpigmentation is something all races deal with espically women of color and women in my family. I personally have minor hyperpigmentation on my face in a few areas. Hyperpigmentation is when your skin heals darker than the original shade after you get a scar or pimple or experience trama. In a nutshel is it a blemish or mark that heals darker than your original skin tone. I will be going to school soon to study skin and beauty procedures to help myself and other achieve flawless youthful complexions.
No I am not refering to the overall color of my skin....I love my beautiful brown skin color that God has given me and would not want any other. I just want clear skin.
Here are some pics of black women dealing with hyperpigmentation and got chemical peel treatments.
Before:
After:
After
nodisrespect
New Member
Well, at the risk of being labeled a black Nazi (or whatever) or self hating (or whatever) I'd like to throw my two pennies into this here pot:
Both sides of the issue are valid. It is just an undebatable fact that black people, with curlier hair that is thus more fragile, have to work harder to retain their hair. I don't see how one is wrong for being upset or frustrated for having to work twice as hard to get something that comes effortlessly for others. I wonder if anyone who is of the opinion that this is a weak, self hating, or invalid argument feels the same about about black people who believe America is still racist and blacks still have to struggle twice as hard as whites for the same jobs, same education, same rights?
Yet on the other hand, when DOES the frustration become a self-hindrance? I read the part about the exercising. Personally, I am in the gym all the time and the only thing I think about my hair is if it's coming out of the ponytail or how dry it will be because of the sweat. This is something that I really don't like about the whole difference-in-hair argument because is showing the world your hair in its natural state such a horrific scenario that you are going to avoid exercise? Like, I'm black, and when I sweat, my hair gets frizzy and big and NAPPY (OOH THE N WORD), so what? Who cares? That's what it naturally looks like, that's what people should expect for it to look like when it gets wet, both black people and white people, so why is something this fundamental and simple such a hindrance to something so beneficial? I really don't like this because it (the argument itself) feels like to me people are so afraid of anyone seeing them without their hair Euro-straight that they can't participate in anything that would betray that illusion.
I mean, I get mad that it seems to take a million magic lotions and potions for me to tame my hair. But at the same time I realize that as a black person, my hair is never going to be sleek straight, and anyone seeing me with my hair NAPPY is seeing me for what I am, and if they take issue with that, especially as a fellow black person, they are the one with the problem. Black people seem quicker than anyone else to look at you funny if you show even the slightest hint of curl, unless you are somewhat Afrocentric and then they will take it as some sort of statement of defiance. I eventually had to come around to this way of thinking, because it IS ingrained in us and in our culture. It took a few months into learning how to care for my hair that well, it's going to HAVE to look "not-straight." It's NOT going to be able to be combed and styled all the time. Once I realized how much more my hair is going to flourish from not trying to force styles on it that it can't handle, the idea of wearing my hair straight all the time started to seem ridiculous, and I was able to not care what anyone would think if I wore my hair less sleek and less styled than people expect of me. I am not a Nappy Nazi by far (and I would go so far as to say I do not advocate their way of thinking at all) but I do think there is a lot of latent resentment for "nappy" hair that we all need to get over. I DO NOT MEAN THAT PEOPLE WITH RELAXERS ARE SELF HATING.
Both sides of the issue are valid. It is just an undebatable fact that black people, with curlier hair that is thus more fragile, have to work harder to retain their hair. I don't see how one is wrong for being upset or frustrated for having to work twice as hard to get something that comes effortlessly for others. I wonder if anyone who is of the opinion that this is a weak, self hating, or invalid argument feels the same about about black people who believe America is still racist and blacks still have to struggle twice as hard as whites for the same jobs, same education, same rights?
Yet on the other hand, when DOES the frustration become a self-hindrance? I read the part about the exercising. Personally, I am in the gym all the time and the only thing I think about my hair is if it's coming out of the ponytail or how dry it will be because of the sweat. This is something that I really don't like about the whole difference-in-hair argument because is showing the world your hair in its natural state such a horrific scenario that you are going to avoid exercise? Like, I'm black, and when I sweat, my hair gets frizzy and big and NAPPY (OOH THE N WORD), so what? Who cares? That's what it naturally looks like, that's what people should expect for it to look like when it gets wet, both black people and white people, so why is something this fundamental and simple such a hindrance to something so beneficial? I really don't like this because it (the argument itself) feels like to me people are so afraid of anyone seeing them without their hair Euro-straight that they can't participate in anything that would betray that illusion.
I mean, I get mad that it seems to take a million magic lotions and potions for me to tame my hair. But at the same time I realize that as a black person, my hair is never going to be sleek straight, and anyone seeing me with my hair NAPPY is seeing me for what I am, and if they take issue with that, especially as a fellow black person, they are the one with the problem. Black people seem quicker than anyone else to look at you funny if you show even the slightest hint of curl, unless you are somewhat Afrocentric and then they will take it as some sort of statement of defiance. I eventually had to come around to this way of thinking, because it IS ingrained in us and in our culture. It took a few months into learning how to care for my hair that well, it's going to HAVE to look "not-straight." It's NOT going to be able to be combed and styled all the time. Once I realized how much more my hair is going to flourish from not trying to force styles on it that it can't handle, the idea of wearing my hair straight all the time started to seem ridiculous, and I was able to not care what anyone would think if I wore my hair less sleek and less styled than people expect of me. I am not a Nappy Nazi by far (and I would go so far as to say I do not advocate their way of thinking at all) but I do think there is a lot of latent resentment for "nappy" hair that we all need to get over. I DO NOT MEAN THAT PEOPLE WITH RELAXERS ARE SELF HATING.
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Ms.Honey
New Member
Amen, Amen,Amen,AMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ms.Honey
New Member
Note to self: ( and I guess to others) no matter who disagrees with my frustration, my feelings are valid and I will not go back and forth with others who disagree and let this thread turn unnecessarily ugly
Everybody is entitled to express there opinion regardless if they agree with me or not...
PS: No I do not think our hair is a curse I was just repeating what the lady at my office said.
Note to you: (and I guess to others) You, Lilamae, feel how you feel, how you feel, and that's that!!! NOBODY has the right to rag on you for how you feel. I don't care what anybody says EVERYBODY has had atleast one bad hair day. No one has awakened every single day of their lives loving everything about them. So some of us looove our hair and are proud, good congratulations but today Lilamae's not feeling it. Dang, you'd thought she was sacrificing virgins or something. Americans of all races have gotten into this bad habit of believing, "I got the right to say...." And no everyone's opinion does not need to be heard by everyone regardless of what Oprah says!!!!!
Please continue, thank you.
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Piscesgirl718
New Member
Maybe it's just me, but I don't see all the hype about White Women's hair. I went to school with alot of them, so I sat behind alot of them. Their hair always looked tangled, or heat damaged. Nothing great about that
Cosigning on this. Today in class, I was sitting behind this white girl and I was looking at her hair. It looked dull, tangled, and even more dry than my hair. I couldn't believe how dry it was. I guess that's a result of using a flat iron and blow drying too often.
nodisrespect
New Member
Just offering more opinions, I see far more white women with pretty, shiny, well kept hair than I do those with tore up hair. Like a 80/20 split in my experience. Of course it probably has a lot to do with each individual white girl's personal hygenic upkeep than like... white girls in general. 
DragonPearl
Well-Known Member
I agree with you that the frustration can become a self-hindrance. Often times, frustrated women just give up on caring for their hair and just slap a wig or weave in order to move on with their lives. Yes, for many of these women, their hair feels like a curse, especially if they have not been exposed to correct hair practices and are not aware of what protective styles can do for our hair. That doesn't make them bad people. Thank God we have sites such as these to educate black women on finding ways to handle our unique hair, whether in its natural or relaxed or texlaxed stage.
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lilamae
Active Member
I agree with you that the frustration can become a self-hindrance. Often times, frustrated women just give up on caring for their hair and just slap a wig or weave and move on with their lives. Yes, for many of these women, their hair feels like a curse, especially if they have not been exposed to correct hair practice. That doesn't make them bad people. Thank God we have sites such as these to educate black women on finding ways to handle our unique hair, whether in its natural or relaxed or texlaxed stage.
Yes that's is exactly what I was thinking. I've been wanted waist lensth hair since I was in grade school. I'm 30 now and without this forum I have no idea how i would have ever found a way. I am certain I'll be there in the next couple of years.
bravenewgirl87
New Member
And the other argument about how some of us are fighting against what our hair should do is not exactly true either. Because if that was the case, then we should have these huge gigantic afros hanging on our heads
And no, we may not know what White or other Non-Black people are doing in their homes, but we know they ain't taking the vits and doing all the MTG and Indian hair products on their hair. I mean you got 4 year olds with their hair already down their backs.
Those Flintstone vitamins ain't doing all that! Their good but not that good
Actually, white women are more healthy than average black women because of their diets. Proven fact. And they have better nutrition and take more vitamins than the average black woman does.
Which will explain the hair growth. Usually white woman with terrible diets do not have the best looking natural hair or skin.
WhipEffectz1
Well-Known Member
Look here, I'll tell you this. I absolutely hate my hair when it tangles around one another and sheds a lot(I be calling it more than a curse at some points) but I absolutely love my hair when its being nice to me and not acting like a *****'s worse curse. 
Every woman not just black women, hate their hair from time to time because its the nature of the beast to try and find something wrong with us even if there isn't anything. Just hang around the others long enough to find out!
Every woman not just black women, hate their hair from time to time because its the nature of the beast to try and find something wrong with us even if there isn't anything. Just hang around the others long enough to find out!
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cocoberry10
New Member
I'm still reading through this thread. Ironically, there was a very similar thread started about a year ago called "Was Our Hair Meant to be this difficult" (I searched for it and found it). I'm linking it here.
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=114263
I don't think our hair is a "curse" and there's nothing wrong with it. We have been poisoned to think it's "bad" and "cursed," and instead of these haircare manufacturer's genuinely finding "solutions" for OUR hair problems (like they have for white women, etc.), they've given us options that are damaging and destructive (relaxers, flat irons, hot combs). None of these things is necessarily terrible, if you know how to care for your hair.
However, it's my personal theory that there ARE AMAZING solutions out there for our hair problems that would allow us greater styling options without doing drastic things to our hair that could harm it.
Now, if the focus was on that instead of making us feel bad about our hair, I don't even think these types of discussions would be necessary.
For example, I think Black hair tends to have the greatest versatility, but things like dryness lead to breakage and tangling/knotting. If the haircare people actually sought things that could help prevent this, we would love wearing afros on Monday, flatironed looks on Thursday, and curly looks on Sunday (get what I mean?). Instead, as said above, there are people who literally spend thousands on weaves, wigs, relaxers, hairdressers, braids...basically things to "cover" their hair instead of actually caring for it.
Now, I know on this board, people use weaves/wigs/etc. to grow their hair. But we as members of this board are armed with knowledge.......and that's what's missing in the majority of the Black hair care industry (even from some of the so-called "experts"). I commend hairdressers, and people that make products who join haircare boards, b/c they want to be as knowledgeable as possible!
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=114263
I don't think our hair is a "curse" and there's nothing wrong with it. We have been poisoned to think it's "bad" and "cursed," and instead of these haircare manufacturer's genuinely finding "solutions" for OUR hair problems (like they have for white women, etc.), they've given us options that are damaging and destructive (relaxers, flat irons, hot combs). None of these things is necessarily terrible, if you know how to care for your hair.
However, it's my personal theory that there ARE AMAZING solutions out there for our hair problems that would allow us greater styling options without doing drastic things to our hair that could harm it.
Now, if the focus was on that instead of making us feel bad about our hair, I don't even think these types of discussions would be necessary.
For example, I think Black hair tends to have the greatest versatility, but things like dryness lead to breakage and tangling/knotting. If the haircare people actually sought things that could help prevent this, we would love wearing afros on Monday, flatironed looks on Thursday, and curly looks on Sunday (get what I mean?). Instead, as said above, there are people who literally spend thousands on weaves, wigs, relaxers, hairdressers, braids...basically things to "cover" their hair instead of actually caring for it.
Now, I know on this board, people use weaves/wigs/etc. to grow their hair. But we as members of this board are armed with knowledge.......and that's what's missing in the majority of the Black hair care industry (even from some of the so-called "experts"). I commend hairdressers, and people that make products who join haircare boards, b/c they want to be as knowledgeable as possible!
cmesweet
New Member
Exactly! That's where I think people are missing the OP's point.
It just seems like their hair grows much quicker and longer than our hair. Regardless of how their long hair may look, whether it's bad, tangled, or matted; they could cut it off if it's damaged and then 6 months later, they are almost SL or longer!
That's not the case with most of us, and I think that's what still frustrates some of our sistas, in regards to hair care. At least from what I see on this board.
And the other argument about how some of us are fighting against what our hair should do is not exactly true either. Because if that was the case, then we should have these huge gigantic afros hanging on our headsor our hair being super long, if it's in braids. But most of us don't! I mean with the exception of dreads, I see plenty of sistas that have natural hair and their hair still is around the same length, regardless of shrinkage.
And no, we may not know what White or other Non-Black people are doing in their homes, but we know they ain't taking the vits and doing all the MTG and Indian hair products on their hair. I mean you got 4 year olds with their hair already down their backs.
Those Flintstone vitamins ain't doing all that! Their good but not that good
I agree, people can have whatever opinions they would like, HOWEVER<
the resources have been provided for those who would like to examine and research this information. These products are used in the White community too. They didn't just start using Mane and Tail and Indian products when hair forums popped up. Hair vitamins have always been around.
Also, what you said just contradicted itself. SO you don't know, but you know? HMMMM interesting.
Anyways, all black people don't use growth aides, I aint using no MTG, Indian products, no WOODILLY cream, none of that. My hair seems to be just fine.
cocoberry10
New Member
Actually, white women are more healthy than average black women because of their diets. Proven fact. And they have better nutrition and take more vitamins than the average black woman does.
No offense Bravenewgirl, but I kinda disagree with you. Of course someone who takes care of their hair will Usually have better looking hair, but I know plenty of white women who never touch veggies and eat nothing but junk food, and their hair is much longer and thicker than some non-whites who do care for their hair.
I think that someone really needs to study black hair. It has so much versatility, but issues such as dryness, and breakage really stump growth, even for someone who takes good care of their hair. If we could increase softness (in some cases) and combat dryness and/or tightness (shrinkage for some), I think things like relaxers and other harmful/harsh chemical processes would be a thing of the past
In many ways, I think we have the best hair in terms of versatility, but the problems above are the thing that destroys our ability to "love" our hair. I definitely don't think our hair grows "slower" (I used to, but now I know better). But retention is the key, and that tends to be the biggest issue for Black hair
Southernbella.
Well-Known Member
i just think it's sad that anyone would refer to black hair as a "curse."
I will never, ever, ever understand this mindset. I didn't have it when I was relaxed, and I don't have it now.
bravenewgirl87
New Member
erplexed How can you compare hair to a social problem?
bravenewgirl87
New Member
I agree with everything else you've said, but we are the leaders in hypertension, diabetes, and a slew of health problems related to poor diet and exercise. There's no way that we can be healthier (in a current state) than white people with the health problems that affect that black community. They might not eat their veggies, but on a whole, they are not dropping dead as quickly as we do.
bravenewgirl87
New Member
You're diffusing the point. All I am saying is that white, asian and hispanic women go through the exact same problems as ourselves. You might not know it, then just say so. But, our hair is not that different from theirs. The only way our hair can be any more difficult than there's is if you alter the chemical properties of it, then you've created your own problems. Same for non-black women.
ladylibra
New Member
okay first off... i've ALWAYS had small breasts and NEVER gone bra-less, at least not outside the house...
and many girls with long hair complain about how long it takes to wash/detangle/style etc. but you still see them day in and day out with long hair. and when and if the DO cut their hair short, the first thing i hear is how LIGHT their head feels.
now obviously it's cheaper and easier to cut your hair than to have a breast reduction
but you get my point.te
I think that's the main problem - Our men. If they could just get past hair they could love us. They're so caught up that it's given us women a complex. Is it long enough, straight enough. They (just like white men) adore our bodies and strength as women but let Becky's skinny *** pass by swinging her blonde hair and he's gonna look. It's ridiculous because half the time it's extentions, when it's a black man with his white girl he's breaking his neck to check our body thoughWhatever.
i've never... ever... EVER seen a black man breaking his neck to look at a white girl's "swangin" hair. where do y'all live?
SERIOUSLY. i've seen them breaking their necks when they see it on a black woman, but NEVER a white one. and where i live black men are dating white women like it's going out of style in 10 minutes...
bravenewgirl87
New Member
okay first off... i've ALWAYS had small breasts and NEVER gone bra-less, at least not outside the house...
and many girls with long hair complain about how long it takes to wash/detangle/style etc. but you still see them day in and day out with long hair. and when and if the DO cut their hair short, the first thing i hear is how LIGHT their head feels.
now obviously it's cheaper and easier to cut your hair than to have a breast reduction
i've never... ever... EVER seen a black man breaking his neck to look at a white girl's "swangin" hair. where do y'all live?
I think we both live in So Florida. Self-hate is out of control down here. I think she's also getting this from the internet because I read it all over the internet. But, I'm going to be honest: The opinions of most black men are like caca to me when it comes to black beauty. IMO, men don't need to be talking about women's beauty practices... period. I don't talk about your funky arse pomade for your 360 waves, your dumb behind tape ups and dye-ing your hair ultra-black with bigen powder to prove you've got indian in your family... so don't talk about weaves, perms, relaxers, natural hair or anything else dealing with black women's perception of beauty. That's the number one turn-off growing in me about black men; discussing topics that don't concern them not one bit. Let women worry about women stuff; you worry about men stuff.
Ms.Honey
New Member
What are you talking about? When did I say other races don't have hair issues? I never said our hair was more difficult than white, asian or hispanic girls hair. You need to reread what I posted. What I'm saying is everyone has bad hair days black, white whatever. And EVERY race can experience hair issues but it is a fact that curly and kinky hair is more delicate than other textures. Black girls aren't the only women who have curly and kinky hair. It's the texture not the race. Some black girls have wavy or straight hair and looser curl patterns.
Lilamae I directed that post to you TRYING to say that YOU have the right to feel like you feel and that OTHERS shouldn't make it seem like You were sacrificing virgins by having the hair blues today. If you thought I was insulting you I'm so sorry, that was not my intent at all.
bravenewgirl87
New Member
I say what YOU posted and I'm telling you we're not MAD at Lilamae. We just don't understand why people think black hair is so hard compared to other races. She's not the first person to post about this same subject, but everytime the topic comes up I cringe, because IMO it should be common knowledge (what with all the commericals, books and magazines on hair care directed at non-black women) that everyone struggles to get the perfect hair.
DragonPearl
Well-Known Member
I disagree. Case in point: In the summer, I go to a pool, where I can see a variety of white, asian and hispanic haired women swimming, and they ALL swim with their hair loose, none of them are wearing swimming caps. They don't do anything special to their hair. On 2 occasions, I have tried doing the same with my loose natural APL 4a/b hair, and I had so many tangles afterward, I had to cut out parts of my hair.
Now whenever I am going to the pool, I make sure I wear my hair in 2 or 3 braids or ponytail braids, while praying that they don't come off and unravel while I am swimming. I have also tried swimming 4 times a week with twists. By the time the week was over, my twists were already beginning to loc, and it took me forever and a day to undo them.
Let me not even bring up how I cannot let my hair shrink up into a 2 inch ball after I have washed and conditioned it. I have to start banding/plaiting/twisting/cornrowing whatever RIGHT AWAY. I wouldn't mind the shrinkage, but I know that 1 day later, after I have slept on it, I would have had MAJOR tangles to deal with.
Our hair is different. It is the lack of acknowledgment of the differences that has caused our hair to retain less length. We were taught to run a comb through it everyday, like our non-black counterparts, and expect to see continuous growth like they do. I don't know why we refuse to acknowledge that our hair is UNIQUE, and has its unique challenges. The only natural thing for my hair would be to let it lock because this is what it wants to do NATURALLY. Anything else I do with it is more or less fighting with its natural tendency.
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Ms.Honey
New Member
Ok, I need a nap
. Our hair is really beautiful whether natural or relaxed. Some days I do hate my hair but I've never hated myself. It can seem at times like everybody else has better hair than ours but it's just not true. If white women's hair was truly better than ours companies wouldn't be putting out so many products to care for their hair because they wouldn't need it, right? I can't remember the stats right now but white women especially in Europe are the top buyers of Indian and Chinese hair for hair extensions than any other race. Now to me that doesn't seem like something people who are growing hair with great ease and loving it do.
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naturalgurl
New Member
Didn't read all of the posts but we don't have a curse. The curse is, we don't accept our natural hair. The "God forbid someone see me with my hair nappy" attitude is well imbedded into our psyche. As for length, that's not a curse. My hair is all shrunk up to my shoulders but if straight it's more like BSL. I guess we as women like shaking our hair, but our hair is different. We can shake it but it doesn't flow as much(natural hair that is). This is just my opinion though...erplexed
erplexed
lilamae
Active Member
It's all good ...and i feel your point and i kinda knew i'd get a lot of different views on this subject.
My opinion is that length comes easier to others ( mostly non-african americans) but at the end of the day I do love the hair one my head and even if its takes a lot more i'll be waist length someday soon
.
naturalgurl
New Member
O...K. I read the previous posts and see I might have stepped into some ish...ooops!
Southernbella.
Well-Known Member
i've never... ever... EVER seen a black man breaking his neck to look at a white girl's "swangin" hair. where do y'all live?
If they are, it works both ways. Ask the white guy who yelled out to me in the grocery store parking lot last night, "Hey! I love your hair!"
I grew my relaxed hair to MBL with no protective styling, no silk scarf at night, and no coochy cream. It really isn't THAT hard, and it definitely isn't a curse.
lilamae
Active Member
Thanks for the support. And yes, like you said it was just one of those days. I failed to mentioned that earlier that morning i had a bout with some major breakage and that also fueled my temporary frustration about the extra steps we have to take just to retain length. But again..it's all good
