I am so ashamed

[Tee]

I had a relaxer about 6 weeks ago. The relaxer (Motions)worked really well. But my stylist seriously overlapped! Practically all my hair was covered in relaxer! I thought the repercussions would be minimal, because it was a mild relaxer and I asked her to rinse out the relaxer as soon as I noticed that my entire head was white with relaxer cream. But it was probably in my hair for about 15 minutes (Stupid me, I was too busy reading a magazine instead of paying attention to what that h@ffa was doing!).

So, everything seemed fine for awhile after the relaxer. But then all of a sudden about 3 weeks ago, I started getting breakage. I would see 1/2 inch to 2 inch pieces of my hair breaking off, mostly whenever I washed it. I went to see her several days ago to talk to her about the situation. I've been going to this woman for two years. I've trusted her. She's been the only stylist who could style my hair right and not have me rushing home to re-wash and re-style my hair after leaving the salon. She seemed to be supportive in my quest for healthier hair. And up till now, I thought she was relaxing my hair in the proper manner. I went to see her to seek her professional advice. Instead she got very defensive, blaming the breakage on my "moisturizing it too much"! What???!!! I told her that moisture has never broken my hair off and that I thought it was because she basically re-relaxed all of my hair. Things got a little tense. But I went on to ask her if next time she could use vaseline or something to protect my previously relaxed hair. Now, I know I was nuts to even contemplate a next time with her, but I swear, it's harder to let go of a hair dresser than it is letting go of a man! So, anyway, she tells me that she doesn't like to coat the previously relaxed hair with anything because it gets on her hand, then smears into the new growth, and the relaxer wouldn't take. Then she had the nerve to suggest she cut my hair to alleviate the breakage. I refused and left. At that point I was so mad that I didn't want her hands anywhere near my head.

I'm going to interview new hair dressers next week. I've been doing twice weekly protein treatments with Aveda Curressence, and it's helping a lot, but I've already lost a lot of hair especially in the back. More than anything, I am so mad at myself for being so stupid. I should have paid more attention to what this woman was doing instead of reading a magazine. I don't think I ever paid close attention after the first few times she did my hair. Ladies, please learn from my mistake. I'm sure most of you would never let this type of thing happen. But to those of you like me, who are just gaining healthy hair awareness, watch what your hair dresser like a hawk. Ask for a mirror so you can watch when he/she is doing the back. Insist on protection for your previously relaxed hair. And if he/she refuses, like mine did, find another hair dresser. Don't be a dummy like I was.

Goodnight...

Tee

 

[pebbles]

Hi Tee,

Don't be ashamed. That could have happened to any one of us.
It's a disgrace that when you confronted her, she had the nerve to be defensive; she over processed your hair and should own up to her mistake. Good luck on your search for a new hairdresser. You're going to be o.k! /images/graemlins/wink.gif

 

[Peacesteem]

Hey Tee /images/graemlins/laugh.gif,

Please don't beat yourself up, we live and we learn. You had the intelligence to identify the problem and decide the proper course of action. That hairdresser was full of bull when she said she could not base you old growth because it get on her hands. Hello, she could simple wash her hands when she was finished basing the old growth. I don't know but I have a sneaky suspision that some Hairdresser (women) like it when you come to them to grow their hair but get jealous when your hair starts to get really long. Then they start doing hack jobs when its time for a trim! My cousin has doll strengh 4A hair and it is not that kinky but it's course. Any way her hair grows fast it was Waist length she went in for a trim about an inch guess what they cut her hair to just below her bra strap her hair was WAIST length when she went to them! I'm telling you I think some hairdressers are player haters. Stay encouraged your hair will grow back even better and stronger than before!
Peace and Blessings

 

[hairfanatic]

Tee,

Please don't feel bad. I made a big mistake too when I first moved to Texas. I had relaxed hair that was past brastrap (about 25 inches). Needless to say, I went to a shop and let a lady do my hair. She put an S Curl on my head and let it stay for 45 minutes, blowdried my hair to a crisp and gave me a french updo. Two weeks later, I took out the bobbypins and all of my hair was in it. I shaved my head, bought a wig and wore it for three months in the hot Texas weather! Now mind you, I should have known better! I REALLY SHOULD HAVE /images/graemlins/wink.gif

But look at it another way. Just get your hair evened out to where the hair is not so noticable. Sport a newer hairstyle and make every effort to condition it to heath. I know it's hard but now that you know, your beautician has probably been over processing your hair for two years and you are just now seeing how bad of a job she really has been doing. It will get better Tee. Try to get some Aphogee...shampoo for damaged hair, treatment, moisturizeer and reconstructor. This really saved my hair and made it stronger.

 

[daviine]

Tee---I know exactly how you feel. I wear glasses and always have to take them off during the touch up process. Then I can't see anything. Yesterday, I realized this and I realize that I must be sure to wear my contact lenses whenever I'm getting a touchup.

Don't feel bad. At least, we are learning form our mistakes.

daviine

 

[Dandy112]

Hey Tee,

Thanks for the warning, I am sorry you had to go through this type of experience, now that you mention it I remember the last time I went to the salon to get my relaxer and the whole time the hairstylist was relaxing my hair she had me facing away from the mirror so I couldnt see what she was doing /images/graemlins/ooo.gif When I go to get a relaxer again I am going to make sure she lets me have some type of view so I can see what is going on.

 

[Lindy]

Hey Tee,

Sorry that you had such a bad relaxer experience!! It's weird though, that you've been going to this stylist for years and this is the first time she did this. Hmmm.

I think it's true that sometimes female stylists act like they're jealous or something. Sometimes it seems like they mess up your hair on purpose, by either leaving the relaxer in too long, or trimming your hair too much. That's why my stylist is male. He's genuinely happy for me when he sees how much my hair is growing!! At least I don't have to worry about the jealousy aspect.

Anyway, just keep treating your hair well. It will come back!!

 

[LondonDiva]

</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
Tee said:
I don't think I ever paid close attention after the first few times she did my hair.

[/ QUOTE ]

Tee

The reason is why is because after the first few times you never had reason to question or doubt her method as she had been doing what you asked of her. You trusted her and she abused that trust. I would have told you you were crazy to read a magazine if it were a new hairdresser, but like I said it boiled down to trust.

Good luck in your quest to find a new hairdresser.

 

[sweetcocoa]

I wouldn't feel ashamed if I were you...they are suppose to know what they are doing. I suggested to my cousin to base her own scalp and coat her hair before she went to get her touch-up. She did....didn't mention it to the stylist...they based her again. She also pointed out to them not to overlap...which they didn't. She said she didn't burn at all for the first time in her life and she could actually relax while they were doing her hair cause she knew she had taked some precautions herself incase they didn't.

 

[Paris Belle]

Don't be..Ashamed that is. I think we've all been there at least once (in one way or another).

For me, I went to a stylist that was chopping off my hair every 8 weeks and keeping it the same length. She was definitely hating and I didn't figure it out until 3 touch ups later. /images/graemlins/mad.gif /images/graemlins/blush.gif I thought it was me and that I wasn't taking care of my hair well enough.

I found a new stylist and she trims my hair (not cut) and applies the relaxer to new growth only. But I still watch her an I'm still extra careful. /images/graemlins/smile.gif

 

[deborah11]

Tee,
OMG, i almost cried when i read our post. on Nov. 8th the same the same thing happened to me when the beautician put the relaxer on my complete hair strains and not just the new growth. my hair was shedding, overprocessed, limp, thinned out and the density is totally different. I can not tell you how much i cried. so i am definitely feeling you. what i want you to know is that it does get better. No, my hair is not the same as before my bad relaxer but it is getting better. Please do an apogee treatment to stop the breakage and you will need to do a protein treatment followed by a moisturizing treatment for the next 4-5 weeks. If you can purchase or get a copy of Lisa Akbari's book; BLACK WOMAN'S GUIDE TO BEAUTIFUL HAIR from the library , please do so. This book has helped me a lot in terms of learning how to care for my fragile hair. I also purchased her hair products which i LOVE and i believe it is these products that are helping to bring my hair back to life. I use her shampoo, conditioner, leave in protein spray, daily mosturizer and oil in a jar. These are the only products that i have been using the last 4.5 weeks and i see a tremendous difference n my hair. the elasticity seems to be returning and my hair doesn't seem nearly as limp and dry. If you have products that are working for you now just continue to use those. try and wash your hair everry 3 - 4 days, as this helps out a lot too. i decided to stay away from relaxers for a while to give my hair a chance to recover and thicken up again. it's been 9 weeks since my last relaxer and right now i have very little breakage and the new growth is coming in thick and strong. I am so glad that i didn't shave my hair off as i had originally contemplated because i thought that there was no way out. everyone on this board, held me up, encouraged me and supported me during one of the lowest points in my life. everonealso dissuaded me from immediatelycutting my hair off. they will help you also i believe within the next 6 months there will be a major hair recovery. PLEASE DON'T GIVE UP . YOU ARE NOT ALONE. DON'T FEEL ASHAMED. we have all had so many hair misfortunates. make this a learning experience. Baby your hair. right now it is sick but in time , both your hair and my hair will heal and grow. your head and heart will also feel better soon. your hair is probably not as bad as you think. please email me if you have any questions. hugs to you my sister.

 

[Tee]

Well, the good news is that the breakage has stopped. The bad news is that I had to get 3-4 inches cut. /images/graemlins/frown.gif Oh well, it's only hair... Thanks everyone for lifting my spirits!

 

[Kitkat]

Tee, please don't beat yourself up. When I read your post I felt sad, but as I'm writing this response I'm just pissed off that you had to go through that experience that left you feeling as if you're dumb. You're NOT!! I'm glad that you decided to kick that hairdresser's a** to the curb and shop around for a new stylist. Funny how this woman decided to overlap your hair this time. Is it that your hair is the healthiest and the longest it's been in two years and she just couldn't stand it? I'll bet she has jacked up hair, too.

Why is it that they get defensive when we try to discuss hair problems that stem directly from our last visit to them? Unless you were regularly losing 2 inches to breakage, why is this suddenly your fault?!! And of course, when all else fails (in their eyes), her solution is to suggest cutting your hair off. I'm so glad you're not going to her again. In Shamboosie's book, he sez never to let hairdressers cut off all of your hair unless there is absolutely no other alternative to whatever damage is going on. Glad that you didn't fall into her trap.

No she didn't tell you that you're moisturizing your hair too much?! Where did she get her cosmetology license, a Cracker Jax box?

You are not stupid and you are not a dummy. You simply chose to trust your previously reliable stylist. Sounds like she never gave you a reason not to trust her before this horrible episode. Girl, just keep doing your treatments, ignore her damfool advice about moisture, and take what you can from this experience. I never thought so before, but more and more these hairdressers reveal themselves to be true haters. Please keep us posted on your progress!! We're all her for you.