I hate my hair! Giving up?

[Kaela]

Please don't give up, you'll really get the hang of it, honest!
There is one thing that you could try that might help. A hair journal. Now before, I thought the whole concept of those was kind of silly, but then based on advice here I started to keep a really basic one in a notebook. No frills, just what combination of products I used or tried, what drying method, and the effect afterwards from them. Also keep track of my trims and deep conditioning, clarifying, etc.
This is has helped me a lot because I haven't been repeating the same mistakes twice, and if I notice something unusual or dryness, etc, I can trace it back to when I made a change in my regime. On the other hand, if something went amazingly well, I have a record of what I did too!
Another thing...if there are products that worked really well for you before (those containing mineral oil, for example) you could easily go back to using them....

I wish you the best and it will get better, honestly, and all the money you save from going to the hair dresser you can spend on yourself!

 

[AngelForLove]

I had planned to start one originally but I didn't keep up with it. I think it will help in the future but I am not sure if it would have showed me what was causing what because I made so many changes all at once. I probably should have started more slowly. But I kept seeing the amazing results of all the women on this board and I was only using such a small percentage of all the advice that I got from the board (and there is a lot) that I didn't feel like I was changing that much.

I don't know what to do about my ends though. They still look ragged although I don't notice split ends (of course that doesn't mean they aren't there). I don't know if I can let my hair be cut anymore; it is already so much noticeably shorter than it was when I started. Yet I don't want the damage to get worse. Would it be terrible if I waited until my next relaxer (around Thanksgiving) to get it trimmed again?

 

[honeycomb719]

Angel believe me, I know what your going through being a 4a myself. I understand the trial and error thingy your experiences, but that just what it's going to take before you find out whats right for your hair.
As for the money thing, I've been there too, but out of desperation I have a bunch of products that I bought only to find out they're not for me. I in love w/ Keracare poo and humecto cond, but I know money is funny, so I say give Creme of Nature in the green, yellow, and white bottle atry 4 cond, you should try Organics Hair Mayo, for your protein conditioner which I use once a month, or after relaxers. For a moisturizer cond, I dont really have one to suggest, but the Keracare Humecto, thats the only one that my hair responded to well.
I keep my hair moisturzered w/Lustrasilks Moisturizing spray my hiar LOVES that stuff, It keep my hair soft.

I tried washing every 3 days but didnt keep to it, but I was 1st weekly, and airdry ONLY!
Leave the scissors alone for awhile, seeing the diminished length so often just keeps your sprits low. I suggest every 2 mos, snip a little here and there. Dont try to even things up all at once.

As for oils, I use Organics Olive Oil. Its green, and my hair responds great to it. I try doing the braids and noticed that my hair shedded too much after I removed them, so I steer CLEAR from braids. They do nothing for me. Especially if your hair is thin and fragile like mine.

I been wearing clip ons alot lately. Nothing fixed, that dont allow me to moisturize regularly or massage the scalp.

I'm far from my goals, but I've come to far to give up now, and so have you.
Feel free to PM me any time if you have questions.

 

[fine_beauty]

Hi Angelforlove,
I'm 4a/4b and maybe more 4b than 4a. My hair does give me rough times but I have stuck with it and the suggestions on this board plus a large dose of experimentation and it has paid off. I take care of my hair myself. I live in the dorm too. I was washing twice a week and noticed as much shedding as I get when I wash once a week, so I'm back to washing once a week. I make a pony tail out of my air dried hair, braid the pony tail, lace it with my redken's anti-snap, s-curl and carrot oil mixture, fold it and pin it under the base of the pony tail then I tie my hair up in a silk scarf. I only use a wide toothed comb to comb my hair and an old toothbrush to smooth it down. The air in the room is very dry (prob'ly worse than outside) so I remoiturize as above at night and make sure my hair is in a scarf before going to bed.
Hang on in there, you won't believe the number of times, I wailed out to heaven in protestation over my hair and even thought of picking up a scissor. God did it and I just had a touch up and everyone is commending my hard work. In the mean time, I'm sticking with my braided style and once a week shampoo, protein conditioning w/joico (ran out and now using redken's deep fuel) and deep conditioning w/clairol 5x conditioner for colored/permed hair
I was gonna go the bun or phony tail way but they are too much hassle right now because my phony tail is too heavy for my small diametered hair strands and might break off my hair.
Good luck and keep praying, all will be well and don't forget to be observant anytime you're dealing with your hair.... it does speak

 

[God_Favor]

Please don't give up! I know exactly where yor are coming from. As a matter of fact I was feeling the same way last week. Just be patience. Our hair is not going to groe over night. We did not damage it over night. Make sure you are using the best products for your hair. And moisturize, moisturize, moisturize, moisturize! I soon will be going home for Thanksgiving also. I am not happy with my hair right now (at all), so I going to wear a bun the entire time I am at home. With time, patience, and a lot of care, we too will have beautiful, healthy hair !!!!

 

[jainygirl]

Please dont get too discouraged, i've been feeling "blah" myself over my hair this past week. I just tried doing the airdry thing and although the results were nice, i also didn't like manipulating my hair so much while wet. I will be using my blowdrier next time, but at least you are trying the methods that you are learning about on this board. Everything is trial and error but don't stay discouraged

 

[Supergirl]

Don't give up girly--Hang in there! Stick with your healthiest-hair-possible regimen and your hair will thrive & only become stronger and stronger. I don't know how long you've been pampering your hair and following an excellent regimen, but trims may need to occur more often until the effects of your "excellent" hair care begin to manifest. Does that make sense?
For example if someone is just starting a healthy-hair regimen, but in the past they used heat, didn't condition well, etc. then much of the hair on their head is still affected by that than by the new regimen. Give it time. And as far as air-drying. It just ain't pretty

Air-drying can make you feel like your hair is in worse condition than it really is, but it's really okay. Air-drying can make your ends look sick when they really good. This is why I think one should use heat every once in a while (every 2-3 months) to see the real condition of the hair & ends.

Stick with it. If the search feature worked, I would bump a couple of threads that I started about avoiding scissor happy stylists & about not getting discouraged with your hair.

 

[Spagirl]

I have to agree with the ladies about the protein. This is something I was possibly experiencing. I was told by a stylist that too much protein can cause your hair to puff up starting on the ends (brittle hair -> split ends). I ended up buying a split ender and got rid of some of my ends. Now I apply either Giovanni's direct leave-in or Bumble and Bumble leave-in followed by oil or grease (resently Katawentz all natural braid oil or Fantastix Hair thickner with pure wheatgerm oil and honey), and then the baggie technique. It's only been a couple of days but so far so good.

Previously I felt like wacking my hair off...I'm glad now that I didn't. So hang in there and make some adjustments to find out what your hair is telling you.

Also I'm a part of the bun challenge.

Edited to add: If you purchase any new products make sure you purchase from a store that has a good satisfactory return policy that way when you sample a product if it's not for you can return it as long a you retain your receipt and return in the time alloted. HTH as well.

 

[Lucia]

Don't get discouraged but I see a red flag here IMO.
Washing: Like I said before, I used to have my hair washed once every two weeks by the hairdresser. Between visits I would grease my scalp or put pink lotion on my hair. That was it
I think you should re-think the hair grease, maybe try some oil or hair cream/cream hairdressing instead. And you need to give that Luster's Pink oil the boot, it goes on thick/oily but it dries out and dries out your hair with it. Also do some deep moisterizing conditionig with cholestrol or another thick not protein cond. w/a heat cap.
Here are some hair product suggestions:
Palmer's Hairdress
Marc's Lano lustre
VO5 hair dress
wild grwoth hair oil
Amla Dabur (green Indian oil)
Jojoba oil
hth

 

[LiqueXX]

If you still want to use the relaxer your stylist does maybe you could buy it online and take it to a stylist in your area.
Also, for a protective style you might want to try Adrienne's phonytail method. I had never really used protective styles before using a phonytail, now I love the break it gives my hair. Phonytails are really cheap $10-15 and come in many different colors and styles.
I agree with everyone else, you just have to find the products that work for you. You also have to know what your hair needs at any particular moment and that takes time and effort (or trial and error

.
Just keep the faith.
P.S. There is nothing wrong with going to a hairdresser. I just personally think that every black woman should take some control over her haircare, whether she goes to a hairdresser all the time or never.

 

[AngelForLove]

You all gave such great advice!

I can't wait to try your recommendations. I will especially keep reminding myself that the ends I am worried about now are left-over from my unenlightened days.

Unfortunately, I will not be able to get my hair relaxed when I go home because my hairdresser is going away. I think I am going to stretch it out until December (and I think I will bring my relaxer with me in the future to the hairdressers in this area. What is the proper etiquette for that? Does it lower the price?). Now that I am trying to stretch out my relaxer I want to do a protein treatment. I haven't used a relaxer in about a month and I've had a lot of new growth since then... Do you think it is safe to do?

 

[mocha105]

gurl i can feel your pain. I'm stuck in Philly at school and i'm completely isolated from anything that is bebnficial to my hair. After facing setbacks with a few sewn-in tracks and later a fake ponytail, i just turned to my extensions. i'm in the process of taking them out now and i'm noticing a positive difference in my hair's health. So even though you are hesitant to do so, i would definitely suggest braiding up your crowning glory and using essential oils. Coconut oil and jojoba oil on their own are great for moisture and shine. HTH