It's Easier to be Natural If...

[Sarafina]

I have a thought that I'd like some opinions about. I'm honestly not trying to be controversial so please don't stone me.

After reading another post and seeing how many women 'feel ugly' when their hair is natural, or ignored by men, it got me feeling a little down because I can relate. My hair is processed but it still looks napptural because it is resistant. I am a 4a/4b. I

I've thought about going natural quite often (and still am) but sometimes it doesn't seem like its' all that its' cracked up to be. All the positives about being liberated, and knowing your hair for the first time, etc. sound great. But what about the other part? About how it makes you feel when you get more compliments outside your race; you get ignored by your men, etc. I see a dramatic difference of people's reactions to me when I have braids, when my hair is straightened, and when I do a wash and go. As someone who has grown to identify with others telling her how attractive she is, its' kind of hard to feel like you are 'giving that up'. Yes it shouldn't mattter what people think, but we can't ignore the fact that we are people and are bound to be affected by others' reactions.

So, my thought is...sometimes it seems that people who have what others consider 'good hair' have an easier time going natural, considering going natural etc. A lot of people say they have 4a/4b hair, but it is still hair that would be considered 'good hair' by others.,,ie they have a very strong curl definition, etc. In this sense, some people may even gain by going natural.

Is it possible that the amount of liberation or fullfillment in being natural varies by hair texture and others' reactions to it? That women who have kinkier hair textures have a more emotionally challenging 'natural journey' than others.

 

[kimmy132]

I have been relaxer free since November 2005 (transitioning) and I do have a natural curl pattern (4a) in my hair but when I sweat or pic the curls out i'm let with a matted brillo pad so I understand exactly where you are coming from. Most of us would like to go natural but the stereotye of beauty is hindering. Sometimes I wish I had curlier hair too. I feel you completly but unfortunately I don't have any answers.

 

[Country gal]

It's all in the attitude. If you have an attitude that doesn't concern itself with other's opinion, confidence and style, than you can sport natural hair.

I don't have loose 3 c curls. My hair shrinks and doesn't grow south except in the back. I work my natural hair and sport it like I am a hair model.

 

[Tene]

It's all in the attitude. If you have an attitude that doesn't concern itself with other's opinion, confidence and style, than you can sport natural hair.

I don't have loose 3 c curls. My hair shrinks and doesn't grow south except in the back. I work my natural hair and sport it like I am a hair model.

I agree with this

 

[MizaniMami]

Imma keep it totally real.

I want to be desired/attractive to men. I want men to think I am beautiful also. I am NOT saying that natural women aren't beautiful at all. All I am saying is this is one of the reasons why I am not natural. I don't really think I would be pretty with natural hair, kinda cute yeah, but not pretty. IMO cute is not what men like, it's pretty girls. There are PLENTY of pretty naturals out there, but really don't think I got much going on face wise.

Also, I feel you on the naturals with less kinky/coily hair. Sometimes it irks me (still keeping it real here) when natural women with 3b hair and below say things like women who aren't natural don't love themselves and yaddi yah, but they don't have to deal with my hair! It's so easy to say what other women are doing wrong when you have that hair that othr women relax to have. I hope you catch me drift.

 

[caligirl]

I totally feel you. But honestly I get more attention with my hair natural. I have coarse, 4a hair. Guys say things like "oh, your all natural right? You don't see women with natural hair anymore." I think bushy, kinky hair is starting to come back in style. I think there will always be a bias toward toward silky, curly natural hair though.

 

[Sarafina]

Countrygal & Tene: I agree with you. It is all in the attitude. If you don't care then you don't care and you do what you want.

lol@ MizaniMami's post. I feel you...Maybe this is me being vain, young, superficial or whatever, but sometimes I'm like why would I choose to be considered (not actually) kinda cute over fine if I have the option to be considered fine? I hate that I feel that way and wish I had Countrygal's attitude, but I don't right now.

Sometimes I wonder if geography is part of it. I am from Cali and people seem more accepting of natural hair in other places I've been (East coast especially)

I too hate it when I hear people say its' not hard to deal with natural hair...it's all about knowledge. From where I sit, that sounds like B.S. to me sometimes. I did have natural hair when I was younger. My mom is one of those African women, straight from the continent who knew how to take care of it, braid it, thread it, style it, etc. But it took WAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY longer to do, and was WAAAAAAAAYYYYYY more painful then when I relaxed. For someone with very dense, tightly coiled strands who is very busy, braids or a relaxer is the easiest option. The manageability of natural hair is another huge consideration for me.

At the end of the day though, I still do wish I was fully natural. I just don't know if I can handle all that comes with it (society, time commitment, etc) right now.

 

[so1913]

I was going to ask some of your locations, I think it is a geographical thing in a way. Natural hair of all textures seems to be a widely excepted and appreciated thing out this way (NY/NJ area). I hear guys talking about natural hair and even encouraging females to "go natural". They seem to be lovin' the natural look, yes even the tightly textured haired gals.

I guess to cut down on all the rambling all I can say is I'm very sorry some of you feel this way

 

[shiningstar84]

lol@ MizaniMami's post. I feel you...Maybe this is me being vain, young, superficial or whatever, but sometimes I'm like why would I choose to be considered (not actually) kinda cute over fine if I have the option to be considered fine? I hate that I feel that way and wish I had Countrygal's attitude, but I don't right now.

Yes it is

Sometimes I wonder if geography is part of it. I am from Cali and people seem more accepting of natural hair in other places I've been (East coast especially)

No it isn't

I too hate it when I hear people say its' not hard to deal with natural hair...it's all about knowledge. From where I sit, that sounds like B.S. to me sometimes. I did have natural hair when I was younger. My mom is one of those African women, straight from the continent who knew how to take care of it, braid it, thread it, style it, etc. But it took WAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY longer to do, and was WAAAAAAAAYYYYYY more painful then when I relaxed.

i assure u there are plenty of africans who do not know how to do hair. being from whatever country, it does not matter. it sounds like whoever was causing u pain did not know all there was to know about natural hair. When my mother did my hair it never hurt, but let my aunt or sister do it and i would be crying tears. it's all about knowledge and technique. if it's causing u pain, you need to change your technique.

What styles are u trying to do that take waaaay longer than it would take u to do relaxed hair a puff or afro is very quick 2 do.

But what about the other part? About how it makes you feel when you get more compliments outside your race;

u know it's funny that u mentioned this because i never got compliments outside my race until i went natural. i still recieve compliments from black men, but everytime any other race gives me a compliment i'm like
::thank you:: i used to think "they" didnt like our hair. but i know now that it's "us" that dont like our hair


you get ignored by your men, etc. I see a dramatic difference of people's reactions to me when I have braids, when my hair is straightened, and when I do a wash and go. As someone who has grown to identify with others telling her how attractive she is, its' kind of hard to feel like you are 'giving that up'.

are u implying u look unattractive with natural hair maybe braids aren't for u, and i've seen some wash n gos that look tow up. u should try to find a style that is flattering to you. i usually get more compliments when i think i look good versus when i think i look like ish. perhaps people can sense u dont like ur natural do so they dont either

Yes it shouldn't mattter what people think, but we can't ignore the fact that we are people and are bound to be affected by others' reaction

 

[Cheleigh]

((Shrugs)). I dunno. I guess I'm one of the odd ones. I feel prettier with my natural hair. Maybe it's because I'm older than many here, or maybe it's because I had a year's transition where I looked like a HAM for six months. My natural hair flatters my complexion and my facial features.

I went to the fair on Saturday with my SO. I did my usual shake and go with a pretty scarf. Wore a bright yellow skirt and a white tank with cute ankle tie wedge heels. I felt like a million dollars and like I ruled the world. My SO thought I was sexy and smoking hot (and yes, he knew me for years as a long relaxed head) Like Countrygal said, so much is in the attitude and what you project. I feel more beautiful with my kinky spongy coily natural afro hair, and so it is (for me). Does my hair always look fly? Nope, sometimes it still looks like HAM. But just like when my hair was on point when I was relaxed, when my natural hair is on point, I feel great. I'm sure that some folks are not feeling my kinky/nappy hair, but that's okay. A lot of people think it looks great. And I'm not trying to please everybody.

Honestly, it's when my skin isn't clear that I don't feel very pretty. I can make my hair work generally with creative use of hair accessories. When my skin is jacked, though, nothing I can do to hide that.

 

[seeminglysweet]

This is something that concerns me also. I don't think that I won't be pretty or cute with natural hair but I have no idea what my hair type is and I would be disappointed if it weren't ringlets or waves or some type of curl pattern that I admire so much on natural women of any hair type.

I think beauty is linked more so to confidence than to hair texture. Yes some men prefer the straight hair look that is consistant with the american standard of beauty but as a natural you can always have the option to wear a straight hairstyle or a weave to achieve that look.

I plan on stretching to determine my hair type and some day I may transition. Or I may not be disicplined enough to do so but I don't think going natural is easier for any certain hair type, I think the biggest hurdle, as you have just proved with this thread, is the emotional and mental transition that must take place in order to break away from what we have been taught is "beautiful."

 

[caltron]

I hear guys talking about natural hair and even encouraging females to "go natural". They seem to be lovin' the natural look, yes even the tightly textured haired gals.

This is true. I'm a tightly textured sista and I've been surprised that there are men who love to see a natural woman. Even my long term SO loves my natural hair. I have struggled with my hair for years, and to see that he accepts me completely from head to toe, that I don't have to hide anything about myself, is such a wonderful feeling. The sad thing is that I've spent so many year relaxing, pressing and weaving up my hair is that I never knew that my man felt that way until now.

However, I still think the main battle is going to be whether you truly love and appreciate your natural hair. When I'm having a bad hair day and I'm feeling down about my hair, it doesn't matter if a man approaches me and tells me I'm beautiful. This has happened on two occasions, and on both occasions my spirits were not lifted very much.

Kinda related to that, you asked whether women with looser hair texture have an easier time going natural. I would think the same principle operates with them. If they've been raised to think that the slightest wave or curl is ugly compared to straight hair, and they've internalized that way of thinking, the fact that they are going to have oodles of people oohing and ahhing over their hair is not going to make much of a difference.

 

[caligirl]

What styles are u trying to do that take waaaay longer than it would take u to do relaxed hair a puff or afro is very quick 2 do.

That's true. Anyone can wash and wear. You just might be washing and wearing an afro or a puff.

 

[so1913]

This is something that concerns me also. I don't think that I won't be pretty or cute with natural hair but I have no idea what my hair type is and I would be disappointed if it weren't ringlets or waves or some type of curl pattern that I admire so much on natural women of any hair type.

I think beauty is linked more so to confidence than to hair texture. Yes some men prefer the straight hair look that is consistant with the american standard of beauty but as a natural you can always have the option to wear a straight hairstyle or a weave to achieve that look.

I plan on stretching to determine my hair type and some day I may transition. Or I may not be disicplined enough to do so but I don't think going natural is easier for any certain hair type, I think the biggest hurdle, as you have just proved with this thread, is the emotional and mental transition that must take place in order to break away from what we have been taught is "beautiful."

Very well put.

 

[so1913]

This is true. I'm a tightly textured sista and I've been surprised that there are men who love to see a natural woman. Even my long term SO loves my natural hair. I have struggled with my hair for years, and to see that he accepts me completely from head to toe, that I don't have to hide anything about myself, is such a wonderful feeling. The sad thing is that I've spent so many year relaxing, pressing and weaving up my hair is that I never knew that my man felt that way until now.

However, I still think the main battle is going to be whether you truly love and appreciate your natural hair. When I'm having a bad hair day and I'm feeling down about my hair, it doesn't matter if a man approaches me and tells me I'm beautiful. This has happened on two occasions, and on both occasions my spirits were not lifted very much.

Kinda related to that, you asked whether women with looser hair texture have an easier time going natural. I would think the same principle operates with them. If they've been raised to think that the slightest wave or curl is ugly compared to straight hair, and they've internalized that way of thinking, the fact that they are going to have oodles of people oohing and ahhing over their hair is not going to make much of a difference.

The root of the problem....

 

[Country gal]

I worried about guys specifically black men being attracted to me. Some guys have there own insercurities so you can't get hung up on them. I have so many people complement me on my hair. I have guys that try to hit on me. Hell, I have a guy taking me to Italy. Not bragging but just saying natural hair is not always deemed unattractive. I feel more comfortable in my skin. I don't feel I look like every other black girl with relaxed hair. People tell me I can rock natural hair. The style suits me. It suits me because I was determined to stick it through no matter how my texture was underdneath.

One day I woke up and plucked my hair out. I didn't do any washing or anything special. Just left the house. I had so many complements. I just knew folks would be like what the heck did you do to your hair.One of my white coworkers was like I love your hair. How did you get it to do that? I was thinking sometimes we are our own worst critiques.

Seemingly sweet- Natural hair is really a mental transition. To me of us have a relaxed mind but trying to go natural. When you learn to love yourself completely than you will get over the hang ups. I could very well not have any hair. I could lose my hair to a battle with chemo. Does it make me less beautiful?

 

[kimmy132]

I'm from chicago which is considered north and yea natural is I guess a trend right now in hair mags but it's not widely accepted or anything up here. I have seen more naturals lately than usual, like a good handful. But when I tell ppl I'm want to be natural even my best friend in the world, she looks at me like im super crazy . Here it is still considered an (depending on where you stay) eccentric, neo-type of thing to do.

 

[so1913]

I worried about guys specifically black men being attracted to me. Some guys have there own insercurities so you can't get hung up on them. I have so many people complement me on my hair. I have guys that try to hit on me. Hell, I have a guy taking me to Italy. Not bragging but just saying natural hair is not always deemed unattractive. I feel more comfortable in my skin. I don't feel I look like every other black girl with relaxed hair. People tell me I can rock natural hair. The style suits me. It suits me because I was determined to stick it through no matter how my texture was underdneath.

One day I woke up and plucked my hair out. I didn't do any washing or anything special. Just left the house. I had so many complements. I just knew folks would be like what the heck did you do to your hair.One of my white coworkers was like I love your hair. How did you get it to do that? I was thinking sometimes we are our own worst critiques.

Uh huh....

(yes, call me the peanut gallery )

 

[seeminglysweet]

I'm from chicago which is considered north and yea natural is I guess a trend right now in hair mags but it's not widely accepted or anything up here. I have seen more naturals lately than usual, like a good handful. But when I tell ppl I'm want to be natural even my best friend in the world, she looks at me like im super crazy . Here it is still considered an (depending on where you stay) eccentric, neo-type of thing to do.

I'm in Detroit and its basically the same here. But I have also noticed more people wearing their hair natural or wearing weaves to achieve a natural look. It's definately regional.

I wonder for the ladies who have transitioned if you get a different type of guy approaching you now that you are natural?

 

[Country gal]

I'm in Detroit and its basically the same here. But I have also noticed more people wearing their hair natural or wearing weaves to achieve a natural look. It's definately regional.

I wonder for the ladies who have transitioned if you get a different type of guy approaching you now that you are natural?

Nope. ABout the same.

 

[Sarafina]

IWill38: I guess I finally hit a nerve. It was clearly stated that I was not at the point of being able to be natural. For you to take my words and flip them is IMO immature.

assure u there are plenty of africans who do not know how to do hair. being from whatever country, it does not matter

I never implied all African women knew how to do natural hair--that was your reading on it. That is why I specified my mother. And my hair is so dense that it hurts whenever anyonedoes my hair (relaxed or natural, but especially when natural). I am tenderheaded. So for me personally, it has nothing to do with technique or skill.

What styles are u trying to do that take waaaay longer than it would take u to do relaxed hair a puff or afro is very quick 2 do.

I can pull these styles off now. But the very fact you asked that question illustrates my point that all natural hair (or forget natural, even processed) is not the same. I am not one of those people that can just rock an afro or pony puff with no manipulation. It does take way longer than my relaxed hair.

are u implying u look unattractive with natural hair maybe braids aren't for u, and i've seen some wash n gos that look tow up. u should try to find a style that is flattering to you. i usually get more compliments when i think i look good versus when i think i look like ish. perhaps people can sense u dont like ur natural do so they dont either

Let me clarify that I get more attn with braids & straightened hair than wash and gos. I purposely stated (considered) more attractive because I don't look in the mirror and think I look worse with natural hair. As for your last sentence, I know others caught my drift from the responses so far and the pms I've gotten. I do not dislike my natural hair. I simply noted the different reaction from others, and the manipulation time with it. There is a huge difference and its' pretty easy to see that from my post if you are doing actual--as opposed to emotional--reading

 

[Sarafina]

Kinda related to that, you asked whether women with looser hair texture have an easier time going natural. I would think the same principle operates with them. If they've been raised to think that the slightest wave or curl is ugly compared to straight hair, and they've internalized that way of thinking, the fact that they are going to have oodles of people oohing and ahhing over their hair is not going to make much of a difference.[/quote]

That's true. I'd never thought of it that way.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

I have a thought that I'd like some opinions about. I'm honestly not trying to be controversial so please don't stone me.

Dangit, I haven't thrown stones all day! But since you asked nicely, I'll keep my pitching arm restrained.

I've thought about going natural quite often (and still am) but sometimes it doesn't seem like its' all that its' cracked up to be.

I think this really depends on your reason for going natural. I'm one of those folks that did it for all the 'wrong' (unenlightened) reasons, so for me it's all gravy.

But what about the other part? About how it makes you feel when you get more compliments outside your race; you get ignored by your men, etc.

Trust me, I belong to quite a few boards and there is a ton of discussion (complaining) on this very subject.

Is it possible that the amount of liberation or fullfillment in being natural varies by hair texture and others' reactions to it? That women who have kinkier hair textures have a more emotionally challenging 'natural journey' than others.

I agree with this up to a certain extent. I will fully acknowledge that I think that a brownskin girl/woman with type 3 hair will be given 'good hair' bonus points. <==I made that up

I think that whether a woman with type 4 has a harder 'natural journey' will depend upon where she is emotionally with her life AND the type of people surrounding her.

I am constantly amazed when I read the 'nappy' horror stories of comments made to people about their hair by friends and family. Everybody I know, knows better than to come at me just any old way and I haven't met a stranger that thought about taking a chance.

But then again, I tend to have an invisible 'I WISH YOU WOULD' sign on my forehead.

 

[Cheleigh]

I wonder for the ladies who have transitioned if you get a different type of guy approaching you now that you are natural?

Not really. I have had a few more Nigerian guys (like two) think that I'm Nigerian as well.

Most guys still look past the hair altogether and look straight at the boobs, to be honest--not that much changes with men.

 

[sweetascocoa]

didnt work for me. i did not look pretty with natural hair

 

[Crackers Phinn]

((Shrugs)). I dunno. I guess I'm one of the odd ones. I feel prettier with my natural hair. Maybe it's because I'm older than many here, or maybe it's because I had a year's transition where I looked like a HAM for six months. My natural hair flatters my complexion and my facial features.

See, I didn't want to sound patronizing, but I think that age plays a huge part in this. And I hate to say this, the young'uns that I find preaching the gospel of nappyness the loudest tend to sound the least sincere -almost like they are trying to convince themselves along with everyone else.

 

[SEMO]

Currently I am almost finished transitioning to natural (just need someone to cut the last of my relaxed ends). For me the hardest part about transitioning was knowing styles that could be done on natural hair (regardless of the curl pattern) and transitioning hair in the meantime.

I tried twice before the go natural and ended up relaxing b/c I didn't know what to do with my hair besides brush it back into a ponytail. Even when I was relaxed, the ponytail was my staple hairstyle. To me, it seems like it's harder to transition if a person is not that good at styling hair in general. I feel like if someone was creative and good at styling their relaxed hair, then it would take less effort to become good at styling natural hair (no matter the texture).

I have been styling-challenged in the past (even though I had what some people say is "good" hair), and for me styling natural hair, whatever the curl pattern, will take some work. Luckliy I found LHCF and have lots of natural inspiration.

BTW, I go to college in the Midwest and I have started to notice WAY more natural haired ladies walking around (esp. on campus).

 

[Bublnbrnsuga]

It would be easier as a natural if the standard of beauty was Afrocentric!

 

[so1913]

It would be easier as a natural if more the standard of beauty was Afrocentric!

Hee hee....we could only dream of that one.

 

[Bublnbrnsuga]

Currently I am almost finished transitioning to natural (just need someone to cut the last of my relaxed ends). For me the hardest part about transitioning was knowing styles that could be done on natural hair (regardless of the curl pattern) and transitioning hair in the meantime.

I tried twice before the go natural and ended up relaxing b/c I didn't know what to do with my hair besides brush it back into a ponytail. Even when I was relaxed, the ponytail was my staple hairstyle. To me, it seems like it's harder to transition if a person is not that good at styling hair in general. I feel like if someone was creative and good at styling their relaxed hair, then it would take less effort to become good at styling natural hair (no matter the texture).

I have been styling-challenged in the past (even though I had what some people say is "good" hair), and for me styling natural hair, whatever the curl pattern, will take some work. Luckliy I found LHCF and have lots of natural inspiration.

BTW, I go to college in the Midwest and I have started to notice WAY more natural haired ladies walking around (esp. on campus).

SEMO, who's that in your avatar?