New member!!!...Very Depressed...HELP

[SSBD]

okay so i been lurking this site for almost a year and i finally broke down and decided to join because i just don't know what to do any more. Thank You everybody for all the inspiration...

I believe i am 4a/4b or maybe just 4a i'm not sure, but anyway i been struggling with wanting hair since i was younger. i've never had long hair and my hair is very fine and thin...i hate wearing my hair with out some type of fake hair. i am 18 and i wear wigs, i don't see anything wrong with it, but my mom says i'm too young to be wearing wigs and i'm always praying that nobody accidentially knocks it off and i take it off infront of my boyfriend,and he says he doesn't care, but i don't want him to look at me and stop finding me unattractive. i wish i had my own pretty thick long hair. i'll say it i'm obsessed with hair because i won't my own so badly. and it's hard typing this message cuz i just want to cry...i just want to give up.

anyway so i got a relaxer in may 2006 because my hair was so heat damaged that it might as while had been relaxed, and i was doin well with it til i got another one in august2006. i thought i did good with strenghing, but after my touch up my hair just got thinner and was not working which proved to be i'm just not suppose to have relaxed hair because when i got one when i was little my hair fell outerplexed

so now i am transitioning and i have been now for five months and i just don't know what to do with my hair...i want to bc but i'm scared because my hair will be so short (like an inch) and i'm not sure if i would feel pretty anymore...i don't know if my boyfriend will find me attractive...i don't know what the kids at school would say...my friends, my family....i just know i need to do something, because i really don't want to rely on weave for the rest of my life!!!!! i told myself i'll take the next two years to grow my hair out before i start using heat again, but i just don't know what to do. I WANT HAIR SO BAD THAT IT IS TAKING OVER MY LIFE!!!!

i just want to feel comfortable in my own skin and feel attractive and have my own hair. HELP ME PLEASE....HELP ME.....

 

[Ms.Allyse]

Awwww i just sent you a message!!

 

[glamazon386]

okay so i been lurking this site for almost a year and i finally broke down and decided to join because i just don't know what to do any more. Thank You everybody for all the inspiration...

I believe i am 4a/4b or maybe just 4a i'm not sure, but anyway i been struggling with wanting hair since i was younger. i've never had long hair and my hair is very fine and thin...i hate wearing my hair with out some type of fake hair. i am 18 and i wear wigs, i don't see anything wrong with it, but my mom says i'm too young to be wearing wigs and i'm always praying that nobody accidentially knocks it off and i take it off infront of my boyfriend,and he says he doesn't care, but i don't want him to look at me and stop finding me unattractive. i wish i had my own pretty thick long hair. i'll say it i'm obsessed with hair because i won't my own so badly. and it's hard typing this message cuz i just want to cry...i just want to give up.

anyway so i got a relaxer in may 2006 because my hair was so heat damaged that it might as while had been relaxed, and i was doin well with it til i got another one in august2006. i thought i did good with strenghing, but after my touch up my hair just got thinner and was not working which proved to be i'm just not suppose to have relaxed hair because when i got one when i was little my hair fell outerplexed

so now i am transitioning and i have been now for five months and i just don't know what to do with my hair...i want to bc but i'm scared because my hair will be so short (like an inch) and i'm not sure if i would feel pretty anymore...i don't know if my boyfriend will find me attractive...i don't know what the kids at school would say...my friends, my family....i just know i need to do something, because i really don't want to rely on weave for the rest of my life!!!!! i told myself i'll take the next two years to grow my hair out before i start using heat again, but i just don't know what to do. I WANT HAIR SO BAD THAT IT IS TAKING OVER MY LIFE!!!!

i just want to feel comfortable in my own skin and feel attractive and have my own hair. HELP ME PLEASE....HELP ME.....

Awww it'll get better. Have you thought about just treating your hair and then getting some braids to put it away for a while?

 

[Crackers Phinn]

Hello and Welcome!

I transitioned for 14 months and would be happy to help you as would the other ladies on the board, but could you provide some more info.

How do you wear your hair?

Do you use heat?

What kind of products are you using?

How often are you washing your hair?

LHCF will get you through this!

 

[~*~ShopAholic~*~]

First I would like to say Welcome, , and second you have to do things in life for yourself first, and let others reap the benefits.

Maybe you should transition a little longer w/braids, twist, braidouts or updo's. I don't know what styles you like on yourself but whatever works for you. and then once you reach a comfortable length to BC go for it. During your transitioning time you can search for natural styles you like and natural inspirations.

I would definatly DC atleast 2x's a wk. and start wearing styles that will camofloge (?sp) the NG, like braidouts, rollersets, rod-sets (are really good for that and are low manipulation), and french braids with the end of the braid tuck under. Also castor oil is know for thickening the hair, along with some other things. I'm sure some other ladies will chime in and help out.

 

[aileendq]

To quote a very beautiful lady: You are NOT your hair. Period.

That being said, we're all on here praying/striving for long hair. If your hair is that damaged then cut it off. Learn to work with your natural texture, or learn to relax your hair in a more gentle way (like texturizing).

It also could be that you have an allergy to relaxers (either lye or no-lye). Or, you could have a genetic disorder. I would try and get to a trichologist to determine if your hair is otherwise healthy.

The other thing I would do is get a good physical workup. Your hair is often a good indicator of your health. For good OR bad. Make sure they check your thyroid and iron levels.

Start drinking plenty of water and (after your physical) and get a good women's mutlivitamin. Exercise is important.

Work from the inside out. That is, change your outlook on why you want healthy long hair. (ie you are attractive despite the length of your hair...believe that first) Then get healthy (get aphysical to rule out underlying causes and then get hydrated, exercised, and vitamined up).

THEN come back and start reading all the wonderful posts on here
about caring for your hair...Ask questions. Try different things. There are so many gorgeous ladies on this board with lovely long, thick hair, about half who don't relax at all!

HHG! (Happy Hair Growing)

 

[navsegda]

okay so i been lurking this site for almost a year and i finally broke down and decided to join because i just don't know what to do any more. Thank You everybody for all the inspiration...

I believe i am 4a/4b or maybe just 4a i'm not sure, but anyway i been struggling with wanting hair since i was younger. i've never had long hair and my hair is very fine and thin...i hate wearing my hair with out some type of fake hair. i am 18 and i wear wigs, i don't see anything wrong with it, but my mom says i'm too young to be wearing wigs and i'm always praying that nobody accidentially knocks it off and i take it off infront of my boyfriend,and he says he doesn't care, but i don't want him to look at me and stop finding me unattractive. i wish i had my own pretty thick long hair. i'll say it i'm obsessed with hair because i won't my own so badly. and it's hard typing this message cuz i just want to cry...i just want to give up.

anyway so i got a relaxer in may 2006 because my hair was so heat damaged that it might as while had been relaxed, and i was doin well with it til i got another one in august2006. i thought i did good with strenghing, but after my touch up my hair just got thinner and was not working which proved to be i'm just not suppose to have relaxed hair because when i got one when i was little my hair fell outerplexed

so now i am transitioning and i have been now for five months and i just don't know what to do with my hair...i want to bc but i'm scared because my hair will be so short (like an inch) and i'm not sure if i would feel pretty anymore...i don't know if my boyfriend will find me attractive...i don't know what the kids at school would say...my friends, my family....i just know i need to do something, because i really don't want to rely on weave for the rest of my life!!!!! i told myself i'll take the next two years to grow my hair out before i start using heat again, but i just don't know what to do. I WANT HAIR SO BAD THAT IT IS TAKING OVER MY LIFE!!!!

i just want to feel comfortable in my own skin and feel attractive and have my own hair. HELP ME PLEASE....HELP ME.....

Awww. *gives big hugs*

Once you find a regimen that works for you, the length will come. I am sure you are beautiful and even though this is a site devoted to haircare and it's hard not to get caught up in the hype, you must remember that one's hair does not make or break a person. Neither does the length. There are many beautiful relaxed and natural, transitioning, short, medium, and long-haired ladies on this board.

What I would advise you to do now is really baby your hair. Co washes may really help you, along with deep conditioning, and making sure your hair has the right balance of moisture and protein. There are many women here that do really cute natural hairstyles and I'm sure they can advise you about what's best for you.

 

[SSBD]

Awww it'll get better. Have you thought about just treating your hair and then getting some braids to put it away for a while?

yes i thought abut it, but i don't know if i will beable to get the proper moisture to it, because i love to cw, but i know if i do that while i have braids, than it will mess them up and i would walk around lookin like a hot mess...thats why i wear the wigs so i can wash when i please, and have my hair done in 60 seconds, but im starting to think i'm to young for wigs myself...so many thoughtserplexed

 

[ayoung]

yes i thought abut it, but i don't know if i will beable to get the proper moisture to it, because i love to cw, but i know if i do that while i have braids, than it will mess them up and i would walk around lookin like a hot mess...thats why i wear the wigs so i can wash when i please, and have my hair done in 60 seconds, but im starting to think i'm to young for wigs myself...so many thoughtserplexed

u could try spritzing ur hair daily w/ conditioner and water too...
also, there r techniques to washing braids and keeping them looking good on this board too.

Welcome!

 

[Ms.Allyse]

What are braidouts??

 

[SSBD]

What are braidouts??

when u braid ur hair and leave it that way for like a day, the night or a few days whatever ur preference and take the braids down and wear your hair down like that

 

[Ms.Allyse]

awwwww my sister used to do that. I wish i could do that.

 

[SSBD]

Hello and Welcome!

I transitioned for 14 months and would be happy to help you as would the other ladies on the board, but could you provide some more info.

How do you wear your hair?

Do you use heat?

What kind of products are you using?

How often are you washing your hair?

LHCF will get you through this!

i wear my hair in a scarf, under a wig, or in a phony pony, but lately the shrinkage has made it hard to make a ponytail and the two textures look HORRIBLE together airdried

i blow dry sometimes, but i've have been cutting way down on heat

suave milk and honey/split ends, relaxed and natural, Le keirs conditioner, AV, EVOO, castor oil, motions, sulfur grease(but it has a lot of petrolem) i even used that nitrate stuff thats suppose to be used for yeast infections(try explaing that to ppl) among other things ( My friends say i am the bss...lol...)

i cw alot now and i do dc with a hooded dryer... i only wash when my hair starts to itch or i use to much product...

does that help?

 

[blazingthru]

I am so sorry to hear about your troubles with your hair. I think you have to make a decision of what you want for you. Not what everyone is going to think or feel. Its your hair. You have to live with it and learn to love it for you. Having very short hair is not as bad as you think. Especially if you keep your mind focused on just taking care of it and yourself. I was scared to death when I got all my hair cut down to really nothing. I was even scared to post my picture of my hair being so short, but I learned to love it and accept it. I got a lot of negative feedback about my hair but I had gained so much confidence in myself and I review a lot of photos and talk to so many people on here that I was able to handle the challenge of short hair. Now 8 months later I dont' have very short hair anymore. I am just about shoulder length. What I did was CW everyday and I used curly gel - Curly leave in conditioner, and Curly moisturizer. I wore it just like that every day.

 

[glamazon386]

yes i thought abut it, but i don't know if i will beable to get the proper moisture to it, because i love to cw, but i know if i do that while i have braids, than it will mess them up and i would walk around lookin like a hot mess...thats why i wear the wigs so i can wash when i please, and have my hair done in 60 seconds, but im starting to think i'm to young for wigs myself...so many thoughtserplexed

Awww no you're not! I'm 20 and I wear wigs too! I've been playing with half wigs since I was 16. I understand what you're saying about an instant hairdo. If you still want to wear the wigs you can. They're a great protective style. You can baggy under your wig to moisturize your hair if you'd like. But it's important to find out whats wrong with your hair right now so you can get on the road to healthy hair.

 

[WhipEffectz1]

I sent you a message.

 

[HERicane10]

Don't be discouraged! You'll find as many disappointments as you will success on your healthy, long hair journey. Just set your mind to overcome those mental games we sometimes play with ourselves and you'll be amazed at the transformation your hair will make. If your concerned RIGHT NOW about the length (and don't mind wearing braids) please visit www.groafrohairlong.com and check out the amazing progress of Robin and other ladies who've used her technique. Our beauty begins from within. NO AMOUNT OR LENGTH OF HAIR SHOULD EVER DICTATE WHO YOU ARE INSIDE. Set your goal and be diligent about it and you'll be amazed at how quickly your hair will respond. One of the members here, Babygurl, used the Cathy Howse method to grow her hair from just below shoulder to nearly waist in about 2 1/2 years. If your hair is long enough for even a small ponytail this might be something you could try. I'll be starting that same regimen Jan 2007. Search for her and check out her album, it'll really motivate you. Reneice is another member, a licensed beutician, who used weaves to grow her hair. There are so many alternatives to achieve your goal. BE ENCOURAGED MY SISTER! We are here to support and advise each other on this wonderful haircare journey!

 

[HERicane10]

Check this out for some motivation: These ladies are beautiful and have reaped the benefits of sticking to healthy haircare practices!

Hope they won't mind. But they're great inspirations to many of the ladies here. And both are very willing to advise and help as much as they can.

http://public.fotki.com/BabygurlNC/

http://members.fotki.com/anky/about/

 

[Candy1978]

Well I want yo uto know that you're not alone. I used to feel like that also. I wore micro braids for over 6 years, because I though my hair wouldn't grow and that no one would find me attrative without extensions. Well I finally gave up the extensions for good in July. Be patient, and pray about it. Seriously, I prayed to God and told Him, that I wanted HIm to help me to love myself and my hair the way that HE made it, and that if He could help my hair grow, and show me what I need to do to take care of it. Pateince is the number one key. I had to cut my hair off almost blad, becuase of a stylist that colored my hair platinum blond, and I wore wigs for a while. I don't think wearing wigs all the time is good for the hairline personally, but if I were you, just do moisturizin treatments on your hair, take vitamins, use some MTG...you have nothing to lose by trying it, and everyone who uses it raves about how it makes their hair grow. Love yourself most of all. I will say a prayer for you. Good luck in your hair growth journey!!!


4a/b
current length past neck

1st goal SL
2nd goal APL
3rd Goal BSL

http://www.fotki.com/candy78



Stop supporting the Real Life Asian Beauty Supply Store Monopoly Game. Don't shop at Asian Beauty Supply Stores! Visit http://www.BOBSA.org for more information on what's really going on, and how you can help keep the Multi Billion $$$$ Black Hair Business in the Black Community

 

[Crackers Phinn]

i wear my hair in a scarf, under a wig, or in a phony pony, but lately the shrinkage has made it hard to make a ponytail and the two textures look HORRIBLE together airdried

I transitioned by wearing my hair in a bun. After about 5 months I was in the same situation with the shrinkage. What helped was washing and detangling my hair in 4 sections, adding my leave in products then, pulling it into a bun while still wet/damp for it to air dry.

suave milk and honey/split ends, relaxed and natural, Le keirs conditioner, AV, EVOO, castor oil, motions, sulfur grease(but it has a lot of petrolem) i even used that nitrate stuff thats suppose to be used for yeast infections(try explaing that to ppl) among other things ( My friends say i am the bss...lol...)

The products that you are using (in addition to co-washing only) are prone to leaving a buildup on the hair. Buildup makes the hair feel hard to the touch and can lead to weak, brittle hair. I really hate to recommend spending money, but go get a $0.99 Suave or VO5 clarifying shampoo.

HTH

 

[SerenavanderWoodsen]

Welcome to the boards!

 

[nomoweavesfome]

TOO YOUNG TO WEAR WIGS?? WELL HMM I DUNNO. i'VE BEEN WEARIN WIGS SINCE i WAS 16 WHEN I HAD A PART TIME JOB AND COULD AFFORD ONE. I TOO WAS OBSESSED WITH HAVING LONG PRETTY HAIR AND THE WIG WAS THE QUICK FIX, NOW THAT I HAVE BEEN THRU THE FIRE AND THE STORM OF MY NATURAL HAIR, I AM ON THE QUEST FOR LONG NATURAL HAIR THE RIGHT WAY THANKS TO THIS BOARD.

THE GREAT PART ABOUT THE WIGS NOW THAT YOU FOUND THIS BOARD IS THAT IT'S ONLY TEMPORARY. KEEP DOIN WHAT YOU DOIN GROWING IT OUT WHILE BABYING THE HAIR AND IN 2 YEARS YES , YOU WILL HAVE LENGTH AND THEN YOU CAN TUCK EM IN THE DRAWER. THE WIG NOW IS ONLY A A QUICK FIX FOR A LONG TERM GOAL. PERIOD. IT WON'T BE FOREVER, AND TRUST ME IT SOUNDS LIKE YOUR BOYFRIEND LOVES YOU REGARDLESS. GROWING HAIR IS FRUSTRATING AND IT TAKES PATIENCE. YOUR DRIVE WILL TAKE YOU WHERE YOU NEED TO GO JUST DON'T GET TO THE POINT WHERE IT BECOMES MORE HARM THAN GOOD. YOU'LL BE FINE BABY GIRL. IN THE MEANTIME, ENJOY YOR WIGS- TAKE A LOOK AT MY ALBUM TO GET SOME IDEAS-
WWW.PICTURETRAIL.COM/NOMOWEAVESFOME

 

[OneInAMillion]

Welcome SSBD

I don't have much to add, as the advice you've received so far was really good. I would just suggest reading more on the boards, and protecting your hair (phony ponies, buns, baggying under wigs) for a while so you can figure out what's best for you!

 

[kimbaparis]

i understand how you feel. i feel the same way. i followed the advice i found here and still had a period of intense breakage--it's not that the advice was bad, it's amazing and supportive--it's that i had to figure out my personal regimen. but no one wants to look bad. right now i have a weave, short curly, everyone thinks it is my hair. it is woven on a net so as to put no stress on my hair and i bought expensive curly afro hair from naturegirl.net. you can use it for a year. i am going to keep my hair in for four months (redone after two) and then try again. by then i should have enough length to make me comfortable. (and by the way, i have had every type of hair even almost bald by choice for 2 years when i was 22 so it's not about an particular image for me, it's what i feel most comfortable with at this stage in my life) don't let people make you feel bad for feeling unattractive with a certain look. its about what works for you. you aren't your hair but we all want to feel attractive to ourselves and our lovers. good luck!!!!!!