Oh don't worry about me, my hair doesn't damage that easily!

[ajoyfuljoy]

I was having a discussion with a near and dear Caucasian friend of mine. I'm having a retro party and we were talking about how to wear her hair.

Mind you she has 1a very straight hair. She talked about teasing it to get it big and I said, "Well be careful, I don't want you to damage your hair."

Then she said, "Don't worry about me, my hair doesn't damage that easily."

The interchange just made me wonder about the state of my own hair. I had to ask myself, why do I go through so much drama to make my hair straight and "flowy" ?

It's so easy for others whose natural texture is like that. But when I do it, the littlest thing can make my altered hair be damaged. I gotta worry about the rain, heat, earth, wind and fire, lol! It feels like I gotta worry about everything sometimes. All of this and I only wear it down like 2 maybe 3 days out of the week!

I know naturals still have to be concerned about damage, but IMO it's no where near the way chemically-treated heads have to worry.

Then it also made me wonder, why can't I just let my hair "be" happy in it's natural state? She's 1a and she lets her hair be 1a. I'm 4a, why can't I just let my hair be 4a little coils the way it was genetically meant to be so I can stop "worrying" about my coily hair acting like it's supposed to be straight!

I'm all worried about my 1a friend damaging her hair by teasing it, but look what I do to my hair every three months when I relax!

I think about all this kind of stuff all the time. I actually kind of wish the question would go away


Sincerely,

a relaxed, confused & tempted to transition LHCF sista

 

[nomoweavesfome]

this is a very good reflection point. This is why I dream of being natural at times but I'm a punk

 

[ajoyfuljoy]

this is a very good reflection point. This is why I dream of being natural at times but I'm a punk

Thanks, I kept re-writing it cuz I wanted it to make sense to people. Glad you feel me

Don't worry, I'm a bit of a punk too! I relaxed about 5 weeks ago after 14 weeks of stretching for my new job. Only to wear it in a bun 90% of the time

 

[beautifulisaunderstatment]

TO be 100% honest. I have a friend who dyes her hair almost weekely. Bleaches the color out and dyes it again. Her hair is midback thick and after all these years Im still waiting for it to fall out. She likes blunt ends and retains length really well. She is 3c4a natural. I have another 4b friend whos hair is so fragile! She can only do pretective styles and she is natural because even texturizers left on for like 3 minutes would take her hair out in clumps. I have hair that can take some abuse as well. Ive flat ironed my hair numerous times in one day. No shedding, a few split ends but Im full BSL and dont really give a crap somedays. I say all that to say everyone is different, Being natural wont ncessaily mean styling your hair would be easier. I spend upwards of 2 hours doing my hair sometimes and even more when I braid it. And being natural doesnt mean your hair would take more abuse. In general I find it to be healthier for hair but I do understand what youre saying. I want silky straight hair some times. But then I remmeber my relaxed hair had to be abused further to "behave." I had to rollerset and follow up with a flat iron, problems with reversion, etc etc. Do whats best for you. But consider the "gras is always greener" theorum.

 

[LynnieB]

I was having a discussion with a near and dear
Sincerely,

a relaxed, confused & tempted to transition LHCF sista

wow girl, that's a deeeeep observation. For some folks hair isn't a big deal then there's the rest of us

I asked myself those very same things over 2 years ago and that was when i really couldn't think of a logical enough answer to that question.............that's when i said, no more riding for me on that relaxer merry go'round.

allow yourself to keep the thought in your head, let it marinate, get tossed out then back in then see where it leads you lady.

 

[ajoyfuljoy]

wow girl, that's a deeeeep observation. For some folks hair isn't a big deal then there's the rest of us

I asked myself those very same things over 2 years ago and that was when i really couldn't think of a logical enough answer to that question.............that's when i said, no more riding for me on that relaxer merry go'round.

allow yourself to keep the thought in your head, let it marinate, get tossed out then back in then see where it leads you lady.

Thanks LynnieB for your comments. I'll definitely keep thinking about it. Glad to know I'm not alone.

 

[memee1978]

natural hair needs the same type of enegy to keep it strong or it will dry and break to uneven lengths..too and wont get any longer.im a natural,,,,think about transitioning.....its a thought...good luck.

 

[RegaLady]

I have to admit, I do obsess with these thoughts. I wonder why do I relax, why do I wear 'protective styles', and why do I even want to grow my hair out. People really are happy with themselves the way they are, so why can't I seem to find that. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE me, but why so do I feel like I am trying so hard. My hair was meant to be 4a,4b. Why not leave it at that? I dunno! My sister and I were laughing about now that we are getting older, some things are starting to be unnecessary, and maybe relaxers are one of those things. Well, at least for now. We shall see after this stretch.

 

[ajoyfuljoy]

TO be 100% honest. I have a friend who dyes her hair almost weekely. Bleaches the color out and dyes it again. Her hair is midback thick and after all these years Im still waiting for it to fall out. She likes blunt ends and retains length really well. She is 3c4a natural. I have another 4b friend whos hair is so fragile! She can only do pretective styles and she is natural because even texturizers left on for like 3 minutes would take her hair out in clumps. I have hair that can take some abuse as well. Ive flat ironed my hair numerous times in one day. No shedding, a few split ends but Im full BSL and dont really give a crap somedays. I say all that to say everyone is different, Being natural wont ncessaily mean styling your hair would be easier. I spend upwards of 2 hours doing my hair sometimes and even more when I braid it. And being natural doesnt mean your hair would take more abuse. In general I find it to be healthier for hair but I do understand what youre saying. I want silky straight hair some times. But then I remmeber my relaxed hair had to be abused further to "behave." I had to rollerset and follow up with a flat iron, problems with reversion, etc etc. Do whats best for you. But consider the "gras is always greener" theorum.

I get what you mean. Even if you're natural, your hair won't necessarily be so easy to take care of. When I was a kid, my hair would withstand the blow dryer, STOVE hot comb and not the best hair products that I put on my hair now, but it was really long and thick! I know my hair isn't super fragile. Even if I did flat iron my relaxed hair I'm sure it could take it (but I know my hair hates the blow dryer though). There is just so much to learn.

Heck, I didn't know until a couple of months ago that my natural hair had a coil pattern, lol! It would be so dry that I just thought it was straight "nappy."

I'm still on a discovery path. And always mindful of the grass being greener. I'd hate to chop my hair and then instantly regret it.

But if I transition, I'll probably do a long transition to make sure. Thanks for your comments.

 

[ajoyfuljoy]

I have to admit, I do obsess with these thoughts. I wonder why do I relax, why do I wear 'protective styles', and why do I even want to grow my hair out. People really are happy with themselves the way they are, so why can't I seem to find that. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE me, but why so do I feel like I am trying so hard. My hair was meant to be 4a,4b. Why not leave it at that? I dunno! My sister and I were laughing about now that we are getting older, some things are starting to be unnecessary, and maybe relaxers are one of those things. Well, at least for now. We shall see after this stretch.

Hope your stretch goes well!

I know that you can't just be natural and not do a thing to your hair. But I wonder, with all that I do to my relaxed hair (all that good stuff, DCs and cowashes, oiling, no heat, protective), if I did it to my God-given/natural hair texture, what would it be like? Would I still feel like I had to change the texture for me to be personally satisfied with my hair?

 

[beautifulisaunderstatment]

I get what you mean. Even if you're natural, your hair won't necessarily be so easy to take care of. When I was a kid, my hair would withstand the blow dryer, STOVE hot comb and not the best hair products that I put on my hair now, but it was really long and thick! I know my hair isn't super fragile. Even if I did flat iron my relaxed hair I'm sure it could take it (but I know my hair hates the blow dryer though). There is just so much to learn.

Heck, I didn't know until a couple of months ago that my natural hair had a coil pattern, lol! It would be so dry that I just thought it was straight "nappy."

I'm still on a discovery path. And always mindful of the grass being greener. I'd hate to chop my hair and then instantly regret it.

But if I transition, I'll probably do a long transition to make sure. Thanks for your comments.

That was me too. I SWORE I was gonna have 4b hair I just KNEW it! Some hair can take a licking. I know youre glad you were blessed with hair that can withstand a few rounds in the ring! And youre right, dont cut nothing until youre 1000% sure (like them girls on Maury)

 

[ajoyfuljoy]

That was me too. I SWORE I was gonna have 4b hair I just KNEW it! Some hair can take a licking. I know youre glad you were blessed with hair that can withstand a few rounds in the ring! And youre right, dont cut nothing until youre 1000% sure (like them girls on Maury)

That's funny I personally feel that it's sad that I didn't even know that about myself the end of last year, but hey, you live and you learn.

If I transitioned, I'd wait at least a year. During my last stretch I noticed that my hair is way easier to take care of when it's moisturized (cowashing was a big help). If I dont' wet my natural hair, it draws up and I don't know what be going on! But when it's freshly moisturized, it's like different hair.

 

[tinkat]

Very interesting observation. I think how easily a person hair damage varies from person to person regardless of being relaxed or natural BUT to me my hair was more healthy in its natural state. Maybe the affects of damage appears to not be as bad when hair is in the natural state bc there is not chemicals in it (idk, just rambling). Regardless it takes the same amt of energy to keep up with your hair, relaxed or natural. But I love how low maintenance my natural hair is for me..You don't have to worry about water, humidity or touchups.

 

[nomoweavesfome]

TO be 100% honest. I have a friend who dyes her hair almost weekely. Bleaches the color out and dyes it again. Her hair is midback thick and after all these years Im still waiting for it to fall out. She likes blunt ends and retains length really well. She is 3c4a natural. I have another 4b friend whos hair is so fragile! She can only do pretective styles and she is natural because even texturizers left on for like 3 minutes would take her hair out in clumps. I have hair that can take some abuse as well. Ive flat ironed my hair numerous times in one day. No shedding, a few split ends but Im full BSL and dont really give a crap somedays. I say all that to say everyone is different, Being natural wont ncessaily mean styling your hair would be easier. I spend upwards of 2 hours doing my hair sometimes and even more when I braid it. And being natural doesnt mean your hair would take more abuse. In general I find it to be healthier for hair but I do understand what youre saying. I want silky straight hair some times. But then I remmeber my relaxed hair had to be abused further to "behave." I had to rollerset and follow up with a flat iron, problems with reversion, etc etc. Do whats best for you. But consider the "gras is always greener" theorum.

This is a valid point as well as my hair is so fragile, you can scream at it and it will fall out. ok I'm exagerrating but you get what I'm sayin. I do feel tho that it may not be necessarily easier to take care of but less damaging as putting chemicals on it. I believe my hair will only be long to a certain poiint with chemicals because of this, but I believe if I were natural the sky is the limit. I know styling wouldn' be easier natural because although I love the natural 4a puff on everybody else, that is simply NOT my style. So I would be frustrated. I like newsreporter hair for me.
this is a great thread

 

[ajoyfuljoy]

This is a valid point as well as my hair is so fragile, you can scream at it and it will fall out. ok I'm exagerrating but you get what I'm sayin. I do feel tho that it may not be necessarily easier to take care of but less damaging as putting chemicals on it. I believe my hair will only be long to a certain poiint with chemicals because of this, but I believe if I were natural the sky is the limit. I know styling wouldn' be easier natural because although I love the natural 4a puff on everybody else, that is simply NOT my style. So I would be frustrated. I like newsreporter hair for me.
this is a great thread

Thanks! Newsreporter hair, that's cute! I wouldn't mind doing a puff every now and then, but I believe if I went natural I'd probably pull it back a lot (just like I do with my relaxed hair, ha ha!). When I wanted to wear it "out" I'd probably do a twist out or just let it's natural texture be all out there getting funky with it! I also know I'd probably just want to put on a wig sometimes too. I still do that sometimes and I don't think that would change if I was natural.

Whenever I see natural heads (that are well kept mind you) I just stop and stare. To me it seems like that person just exudes this natural confidence, whether they are rocking a TWA or longer. And I feel it's b/c I know they are probably a strong/self-assured person to break the relaxing trend in our black communities and just let their hair be itself.

 

[ajoyfuljoy]

Very interesting observation. I think how easily a person hair damage varies from person to person regardless of being relaxed or natural BUT to me my hair was more healthy in its natural state. Maybe the affects of damage appears to not be as bad when hair is in the natural state bc there is not chemicals in it (idk, just rambling). Regardless it takes the same amt of energy to keep up with your hair, relaxed or natural. But I love how low maintenance my natural hair is for me..You don't have to worry about water, humidity or touchups.

I think not worrying about touchups and getting out of the relaxing cycle would be a very liberating thing. Just let your hair grow and let it do what it do!

"Just let your soul glo!"

Lol! No, BTW I'd never get a jheri curl, but that's another thread

 

[drasgrl]

I hear ya. I'm relaxing tomorrow and I'm thinking this may be the last erplexed But I just spent good money on a tub of relaxer so I don't want it to go to waste
I think one day but who knows when. Maybe I'll stretch farther than 12 weeks the next time and see how it goes week by week.

 

[tinkat]

I think not worrying about touchups and getting out of the relaxing cycle would be a very liberating thing. Just let your hair grow and let it do what it do!

"Just let your soul glo!"

Lol! No, BTW I'd never get a jheri curl, but that's another thread

LOL yes it is! I learned alot more about myself and our history by transitioning and becoming natural. Because I started thinking about deeper questions like you are now. Untangling the Roots of Black Hair in America is a great book and was a big eye opener for me, I read that early this year. It is liberating. What was interesting was that My SO has been gone for a whole year for military training and he came back last week. Before he left for a year, I was still wearing sew-ins, afraid to wear my natural hair out. But he told me that I seem like I am more "in tune" with myself, with my body and soul and he is feeling that alot.

 

[ravenmerlita]

That was me too. I SWORE I was gonna have 4b hair I just KNEW it! Some hair can take a licking. I know youre glad you were blessed with hair that can withstand a few rounds in the ring! And youre right, dont cut nothing until youre 1000% sure (like them girls on Maury)

Me too! I swore my hair was 4a or 4b for years. I'm still not sure that the classifications make sense but now properly moisturized and taken care of my hair has curls and spirals that never came out before.

I'm transitioning now but I can see how much stronger the new growth is and how much more it can withstand. I've accepted that my hair is extremely fragile in general and probably more fragile than most people. But more fragile with chemicals is much worse than more fragile and natural.

 

[ajoyfuljoy]

LOL yes it is! I learned alot more about myself and our history by transitioning and becoming natural. Because I started thinking about deeper questions like you are now. Untangling the Roots of Black Hair in America is a great book and was a big eye opener for me, I read that early this year. It is liberating. What was interesting was that My SO has been gone for a whole year for military training and he came back last week. Before he left for a year, I was still wearing sew-ins, afraid to wear my natural hair out. But he told me that I seem like I am more "in tune" with myself, with my body and soul and he is feeling that alot.

That's great that your SO said that! Sincere compliments like that can stay with you for a long time!

I'm gonna look up that book. I'm a book-a-holic, so all you had to do was say book and my head snapped back! I'm gonna look on Amazon. Thanks!

 

[Pheonixx]

My hair is pretty resilient. It can take a licking. If it were natural it'd be like Teflon, prolly.
To be natural is like...embracing you SELF in it's entirety (i guess)
But--then I think of styling options and maintenance and I just chicken out.
lol

My hair gets almost uncontrollable (for me) and uncomfortable big and poofy when it's gone without a relaxer for longer than 18 to 20 wks.

If I last any longer without a relaxer...'it' becomes SELF-AWARE.
'It' won't even respond to the Chi. But 'it' WILL obey the elements the minute I step outside---and all day long I'll just be walking around looking crazy with hair flying all over the place.
I could imagine this same scenario being Natural except I won't be heat styling so I'll really like a HAM.

But we'll see...I'm tryng different methods now so who knows.

 

[ajoyfuljoy]

My hair is pretty resilient. It can take a licking. If it were natural it'd be like Teflon, prolly.
To be natural is like...embracing you SELF in it's entirety (i guess)
But--then I think of styling options and maintenance and I just chicken out.
lol

My hair gets almost uncontrollable (for me) and uncomfortable big and poofy when it's gone without a relaxer for longer than 18 to 20 wks.

If I last any longer without a relaxer...'it' becomes SELF-AWARE.
'It' won't even respond to the Chi. But 'it' WILL obey the elements the minute I step outside---and all day long I'll just be walking around looking crazy with hair flying all over the place.
I could imagine this same scenario being Natural except I won't be heat styling so I'll really like a HAM.

But we'll see...I'm tryng different methods now so who knows.

"IT"---that's funny! A lot of ladies say that when you get deep into stretching that it gets difficult. I hope above all that you find what works for you

 

[Bublin]

Hope your stretch goes well!

I know that you can't just be natural and not do a thing to your hair. But I wonder, with all that I do to my relaxed hair (all that good stuff, DCs and cowashes, oiling, no heat, protective), if I did it to my God-given/natural hair texture, what would it be like? Would I still feel like I had to change the texture for me to be personally satisfied with my hair?

Well i was having these same thoughts with sleepless nights! So i shaved off my hair, grew out my natural hair, learnt a hell of a lot about my hair (i blamed relaxers for much of my hair and scalp problems but they were still there as a natural) and decided to relax again but armed with so much more knowledge.

I had more hair worries being a natural.

The grass is not always greener but sometimes you have to go to the other side to realise that.

 

[Cheleigh]

I think not worrying about touchups and getting out of the relaxing cycle would be a very liberating thing. Just let your hair grow and let it do what it do!

It IS very liberating...at least to me. It's actually one of the main reasons I went natural. My hair doesn't always look like I want it to, but at least I know that I don't need a good retouch as the base to even start playing around with new styles.

And it is true that going natural doesn't mean that it's not easy to damage--my strands are pretty fragile and tangle easily. I actually feel like my natural hair is more fragile than my relaxed hair was. But, that doesn't mean my hair isn't growing or that it's difficult to take care of.

 

[ajoyfuljoy]

Well i was having these same thoughts with sleepless nights! So i shaved off my hair, grew out my natural hair, learnt a hell of a lot about my hair (i blamed relaxers for much of my hair and scalp problems but they were still there as a natural) and decided to relax again but armed with so much more knowledge.

I had more hair worries being a natural.

The grass is not always greener but sometimes you have to go to the other side to realise that.

Point well taken. It really is such an individual journey. I know that your relaxed hair will be bangin' now that you know so much more about your hair!

 

[Rae1234]

wow this was an amazing post! i`m natural (been that way my entire life)
i totally agree with your post!!!!

 

[ajoyfuljoy]

wow this was an amazing post! i`m natural (been that way my entire life)
i totally agree with your post!!!!

I'm glad you have enjoyed this thread. These really are my naked thoughts and it feels good to know that others understand me and can identify with me

 

[ajoyfuljoy]

Me too! I swore my hair was 4a or 4b for years. I'm still not sure that the classifications make sense but now properly moisturized and taken care of my hair has curls and spirals that never came out before.

I'm transitioning now but I can see how much stronger the new growth is and how much more it can withstand. I've accepted that my hair is extremely fragile in general and probably more fragile than most people. But more fragile with chemicals is much worse than more fragile and natural.

ITA, I think for a lot of people this is and will be true!

 

[onejamifan]

I have really enjoyed reading this thread and it has gotten me to thinking a lot about being relaxed vs. being natural. I have been relaxing my hair for the past 21 years and I don't think I remember what my hair looks like natural. I don't even know what hair "type" I have . The truths is that I have been wondering what it would mean to me to transition. I've discussed this with my husband and he told me that he'd like to see what my "natural" hair looks like (he used to think a WnG was my "natural" hair). How hard would it be to straighten my hair after all the relaxed ends are gone? How will I care for the 2 different textures? How long will I transition? Right now I have more questions than answers, but I guess if you do go ahead with it, I'll figure it out along the way

 

[divya]

This is a great thread.

I have been natural and texlaxed - always curls. The latter would just remain straight longer, and I liked that. But at this point it my life, I am so over straight hair.

I love my own hair. I was not born with straight hair. Some people were and of course, it looks nice on them. However, that's not what God gave me. My hair is much more beautiful and healthy just the way grows from my head. So, I'm transitioning.

Also, I just love seeing curly/kinky/wavy hair. That's what most of us naturally have. I hope for the day when the majority of us realize that "the" norm is not "our" norm...and that our norm is right for us.