Practicing Total Celibacy...My boyfriend's gone

[EbonyEyes]

Hi Christian family!

I've made a decision to totally abstain from all sexual activity. I've never had sexual intercourse, but I convinced myself that all the other stuff shy of intercourse was okay to do with my boyfriend of 4 years. But I knew in my heart that what I was doing was not pleasing to God.

I had been agonizing over this for a while. I knew that I finally wanted to be truly celibate, but it seemed so unfair to spring this on my boyfriend when we've been doing sexual stuff for the past 4 years.

I've told my boyfriend of my decision. We can hold hands, say "I love you", hug, and give small kissses, but that is it. I told him that if this is too much for him, I will totally understand if he doesn't want to be in the relationship anymore.

He told me that he respects my decision but he cannot do what I'm requesting right now so we can't be together. He said that for now, we can be friends but if he decides in his heart that he can do what I ask, then he will ask to get back together. But there is the possibility that we may never get back together.

We then starting talking about the odds of me finding a wonderful Christian man who would be willing to completely abstain from sexual activity. He says that statisically speaking, my chances of finding that guy are slim to none. But he then says, being a Christian himself, that God is a provider and that my guy is probably out there though statisics are against me.

So, I'm single and might be for a while. And I let go of an awesome awesome guy. But I feel that I am doing the right thing, and God can really use me during this time to do his work.

Please pray for me that I remain strong in my decision!

Thanks,

Ebony

 

[Poohbear]

Was he really an 'awesome awesome guy' to let you go because of something you wanted to do for God? Isn't God the one we should be living for anyway?

I'm also wondering what those numbers are for those statistics of there being no respectful Christian guys in the world for you. EbonyEyes, don't limit yourself to him if he's not willing to support you and your decision.

I'm sorry your relationship of 4 years ended because of this. It just shows that God may have something else in store for you or it may turn your former boyfriend's thinking around. Whatever you do, always strive to please God and give him the glory.

HTH!

 

[JuJuBoo]

DO YOUR THING GIRL!! I applaude you! It's so rare to see women come out longterm relationships with the optomistic attitude that you have. Wow...that's great! God's really going to honor you for the decision you made.

Dude was right, chances ARE slim to to find that perfect Christian man, but that's why God's a MIRACLE WORKER! And when you honor God w/ your body and your lifestyle, He shows up!

Stay strong! God's going to use your singleness to do wonderful things for Him. I'll be praying for you!
JJB

 

[Honeyhips]

Hi Christian family!



We then starting talking about the odds of me finding a wonderful Christian man who would be willing to completely abstain from sexual activity. He says that statisically speaking, my chances of finding that guy are slim to none. But he then says, being a Christian himself, that God is a provider and that my guy is probably out there though statisics are against me.

Ebony

This is a LIE. Do not fall for that. In order to substanstiate this he would ahve had to interview or meet men from around the world. Has he even been out of his neighborhood. This is a tactic to keep from trusting God for what he has for you. It will only make you desperate. Don't believe this mess. That is all it is, a bunch oflies. Just because he can't be a covenant man of GOd, does not mean that there aren't any out there. When the time is right, God will give you your mate. Don't try to do it in your will.

 

[EbonyEyes]

Was he really an 'awesome awesome guy' to let you go because of something you wanted to do for God? Isn't God the one we should be living for anyway?

I hear you Poohbear. But I know what type of guy he is. He is a wonderful man. He has never disrespected me, he has cared for me, he has dealt with my mood swings, etc. And he loves God.

He just feels right now that as a man he can't do what I'm asking. Waiting until marriage to have intercourse was hard enough for him but he did it because I asked him. But now, I'm asking him to wait until marriage to do any type of sexual activity. That's a lot to ask a man to do, especially after doing it for 4 years. He may come around one day, he may not. Only time will tell. But in the meantime, I want to use this time of 'singleness' to be used by God!

-Ebony

 

[Poohbear]

I hear you Poohbear. But I know what type of guy he is. He is a wonderful man. He has never disrespected me, he has cared for me, he has dealt with my mood swings, etc. And he loves God.

He just feels right now that as a man he can't do what I'm asking. Waiting until marriage to have intercourse was hard enough for him but he did it because I asked him. But now, I'm asking him to wait until marriage to do any type of sexual activity. That's a lot to ask a man to do, especially after doing it for 4 years. He may come around one day, he may not. Only time will tell. But in the meantime, I want to use this time of 'singleness' to be used by God!

-Ebony

Oh okay. Well, all you can do now is to prayfully seek God's will for your life while you serve Him with your singleness. Take care!!!

 

[AngelicRose07]

awwww! good luck with finding somebody right for you *hugs* im sure God has the right person waiting for you...

 

[beverly]

Hey ! I am sure that is is a good man, and it does say alot of him that he was able to wait. I think he just needs time. It sounds like you are a strong person anyway, so enjoy this time where you can just fellowship with God, he will bless you. One of my favorite verses these days is the one that references how he has already provided for all our needs before we knew that we had need of it, and that includes husbands! Bev

 

[qtgirl]

I don't mean to get too personal, but what are you cutting out? If that's too personal, may I ask, what in ways of physical affection are you willing to give to your boyfriend. Will you kiss (cheek, lips (not frenching), hug? Or are you cutting out all physical contact except maybe hand holding? I agree that it would be hard for a lot of men to have always gotten something and then to completely deny it, but I feel that it's good that he told you he can't handle it instead of forcing his own views on you or worse forcing himself on you. May God give you all that you ask for and more.

Also, I don't know every man on the face of this earth, but I do agree that it may be hard to find a man to comply with your wishes (not impossible, but hard).

I hear you Poohbear. But I know what type of guy he is. He is a wonderful man. He has never disrespected me, he has cared for me, he has dealt with my mood swings, etc. And he loves God.

He just feels right now that as a man he can't do what I'm asking. Waiting until marriage to have intercourse was hard enough for him but he did it because I asked him. But now, I'm asking him to wait until marriage to do any type of sexual activity. That's a lot to ask a man to do, especially after doing it for 4 years. He may come around one day, he may not. Only time will tell. But in the meantime, I want to use this time of 'singleness' to be used by God!

-Ebony

 

[Sweet C]

Hi Christian family!

I've made a decision to totally abstain from all sexual activity. I've never had sexual intercourse, but I convinced myself that all the other stuff shy of intercourse was okay to do with my boyfriend of 4 years. But I knew in my heart that what I was doing was not pleasing to God.

I had been agonizing over this for a while. I knew that I finally wanted to be truly celibate, but it seemed so unfair to spring this on my boyfriend when we've been doing sexual stuff for the past 4 years.

I've told my boyfriend of my decision. We can hold hands, say "I love you", hug, and give small kissses, but that is it. I told him that if this is too much for him, I will totally understand if he doesn't want to be in the relationship anymore.

He told me that he respects my decision but he cannot do what I'm requesting right now so we can't be together. He said that for now, we can be friends but if he decides in his heart that he can do what I ask, then he will ask to get back together. But there is the possibility that we may never get back together.

We then starting talking about the odds of me finding a wonderful Christian man who would be willing to completely abstain from sexual activity. He says that statisically speaking, my chances of finding that guy are slim to none. But he then says, being a Christian himself, that God is a provider and that my guy is probably out there though statisics are against me.

So, I'm single and might be for a while. And I let go of an awesome awesome guy. But I feel that I am doing the right thing, and God can really use me during this time to do his work.

Please pray for me that I remain strong in my decision!

Thanks,

Ebony

I applaud you sister that you have made the decision that you want to strengthen your walk in the Lord by practicing total celibacy. Just out of curiousity, did you ask why he could not comply with your request? You know sometimes God places us in situations like this to find out where your heart truly lies.

I partially agree with his statement of you having a hard time finding a guy willing to comply. Because the fact of the matter is, a. you are not to find a man, you are the precious jewel worth more than rubies that is to be found and b. it is not enough for a guy to comply, he has to be committed. And this is where sometimes we as Christian women can mess up. We look for some one who is willing to deal with our request of maintaining sexual purity instead of leading by example. But I commend you b/c I know at first it doesn't seem as easy, but in the end the benefit is more than worth it.

 

[EbonyEyes]

I don't mean to get too personal, but what are you cutting out? If that's too personal, may I ask, what in ways of physical affection are you willing to give to your boyfriend. Will you kiss (cheek, lips (not frenching), hug? Or are you cutting out all physical contact except maybe hand holding? I agree that it would be hard for a lot of men to have always gotten something and then to completely deny it, but I feel that it's good that he told you he can't handle it instead of forcing his own views on you or worse forcing himself on you. May God give you all that you ask for and more.

Also, I don't know every man on the face of this earth, but I do agree that it may be hard to find a man to comply with your wishes (not impossible, but hard).

Hi qtgirl,

I will be cutting out oral sex and hand contact with the sex organs.

Basically, what you said will be allowed: hugging, kissing on the cheek and lips (but no french kisses though).

-Ebony

 

[EbonyEyes]

I applaud you sister that you have made the decision that you want to strengthen your walk in the Lord by practicing total celibacy. Just out of curiousity, did you ask why he could not comply with your request? You know sometimes God places us in situations like this to find out where your heart truly lies.

I partially agree with his statement of you having a hard time finding a guy willing to comply. Because the fact of the matter is, a. you are not to find a man, you are the precious jewel worth more than rubies that is to be found and b. it is not enough for a guy to comply, he has to be committed. And this is where sometimes we as Christian women can mess up. We look for some one who is willing to deal with our request of maintaining sexual purity instead of leading by example. But I commend you b/c I know at first it doesn't seem as easy, but in the end the benefit is more than worth it.

Thank you Sweet C! I didn't think to ask him why he couldn't comply because I already knew that he couldn't while I was telling him of my decision.

And I appreciate your last statements. I do want to lead by example, but not go searching for that right guy. I pray that God will send the right guy to me when I'm ready.

-Ebony

 

[EbonyEyes]

Thank you so much ladies for your love and support. This is for you:

-Ebony

 

[Honeyhips]

I applaud you sister that you have made the decision that you want to strengthen your walk in the Lord by practicing total celibacy. Just out of curiousity, did you ask why he could not comply with your request? You know sometimes God places us in situations like this to find out where your heart truly lies.

I partially agree with his statement of you having a hard time finding a guy willing to comply. Because the fact of the matter is, a. you are not to find a man, you are the precious jewel worth more than rubies that is to be found and b. it is not enough for a guy to comply, he has to be committed. And this is where sometimes we as Christian women can mess up. We look for some one who is willing to deal with our request of maintaining sexual purity instead of leading by example. But I commend you b/c I know at first it doesn't seem as easy, but in the end the benefit is more than worth it.

totally agree. We get excited jus b/c he is in church and calls himself a Christian. But that really means nothing. What are his fruits. Does he have a true covenant (commitment) with God. Is he selfish or selfless. Most men know what to say, but do they know how to act? Even the guy that can quote scriptures all day long can be a wolf.

 

[BlkHoneyLuv2U]

I hear you Poohbear. But I know what type of guy he is. He is a wonderful man. He has never disrespected me, he has cared for me, he has dealt with my mood swings, etc. And he loves God.


-Ebony

How can you in all honesty say that this man loves God when he is not willing to accept your decision. If he was a real man of god, he would be backing away from things that are not pleasing to God without you having to initiate it. As a born again believer, he knew that any type sexual activity outside of marriage is wrong and shouldnt be done. Not only did he disrespect you but also God by claiming to be something he's not. Stay strong and belive me, you have lost nothing but have found something beautiful. A closer walk with God. Be blessed and stay encouraged.
LadyDee36330

 

[Bublnbrnsuga]

Hi Christian family!

I've made a decision to totally abstain from all sexual activity. I've never had sexual intercourse, but I convinced myself that all the other stuff shy of intercourse was okay to do with my boyfriend of 4 years. But I knew in my heart that what I was doing was not pleasing to God.

I had been agonizing over this for a while. I knew that I finally wanted to be truly celibate, but it seemed so unfair to spring this on my boyfriend when we've been doing sexual stuff for the past 4 years.

I've told my boyfriend of my decision. We can hold hands, say "I love you", hug, and give small kissses, but that is it. I told him that if this is too much for him, I will totally understand if he doesn't want to be in the relationship anymore.

He told me that he respects my decision but he cannot do what I'm requesting right now so we can't be together. He said that for now, we can be friends but if he decides in his heart that he can do what I ask, then he will ask to get back together. But there is the possibility that we may never get back together.

We then starting talking about the odds of me finding a wonderful Christian man who would be willing to completely abstain from sexual activity. He says that statisically speaking, my chances of finding that guy are slim to none. But he then says, being a Christian himself, that God is a provider and that my guy is probably out there though statisics are against me.

So, I'm single and might be for a while. And I let go of an awesome awesome guy. But I feel that I am doing the right thing, and God can really use me during this time to do his work.

Please pray for me that I remain strong in my decision!

Thanks,

Ebony

You are not the only one who has done this, knowing it was not pleasing in God's eyes. Girl, abstinence is a VERB! Whew!

 

[Supergirl]

I hear you Poohbear. But I know what type of guy he is. He is a wonderful man. He has never disrespected me, he has cared for me, he has dealt with my mood swings, etc. And he loves God.

He just feels right now that as a man he can't do what I'm asking. Waiting until marriage to have intercourse was hard enough for him but he did it because I asked him. But now, I'm asking him to wait until marriage to do any type of sexual activity. That's a lot to ask a man to do especially after doing it for 4 years. He may come around one day, he may not. Only time will tell. But in the meantime, I want to use this time of 'singleness' to be used by God!

-Ebony

That's NOT alot to ask a man of God to do. That's the standard for a man of God. You are not asking him to do anything more than the good Lord Himself has asked of him.

It almost sounds like you are coming down on yourself for this decision. You've done the RIGHT thing, trust me. And by doing so, you've shown that you understand your own value and worth and won't sacrifice it for anything.

 

[MrsQueeny]

totally agree. We get excited jus b/c he is in church and calls himself a Christian. But that really means nothing. What are his fruits. Does he have a true covenant (commitment) with God. Is he selfish or selfless. Most men know what to say, but do they know how to act? Even the guy that can quote scriptures all day long can be a wolf.

Girl I know that's right because even the devil knows the bible!!! I too applaud you and know that GOD will bless you for your commitment. HE can do all things but fail!!! Take care Q

 

[EbonyEyes]

How can you in all honesty say that this man loves God when he is not willing to accept your decision. If he was a real man of god, he would be backing away from things that are not pleasing to God without you having to initiate it. As a born again believer, he knew that any type sexual activity outside of marriage is wrong and shouldnt be done. Not only did he disrespect you but also God by claiming to be something he's not. Stay strong and belive me, you have lost nothing but have found something beautiful. A closer walk with God. Be blessed and stay encouraged.
LadyDee36330

I understand what you're saying but just because he cannot back away from all sexual activity right now does not mean that he's not a man of God. I didn't back away from it for 4 years and convinced myself that I was not sinning. So during that 4 years, I wasn't a woman of God?

David in the Bible was called the man after God's own heart and committed fornication and killed a man so he could have his wife.

My mother is one of the strongest Christian women I know and she has made so many mistakes. Though she was a Christian since a young child, she started having premarital sex and 19 and had me out of wedlock. She started getting involved with my stepfather when he was still married to his first wife. It took my mom YEARS to repent for what she had done wrong. So during those years, she wasn't a woman of God?

We are all sinners. There are sins that each of us have a hard time backing away from. In my ex-boyfriend's case, it will be hard for him to totally back away from all sexual activity. He is only 21 years old! How well were you able to just back away from a particular sin at 21 years old? Just because he couldn't be with me because of the decision I made for MYSELF does not mean that he doesn't respect me. If anything, it shows that he respects me enough to be honest and not say he can do what I'm asking and then cheat on me behind my back.

Maybe I'm just not understanding what it means to be a woman of God or a man of God.

But in any case, I really appreciate your support. A closer walk with God is really what I need right now!!

-Ebony

 

[EbonyEyes]

That's NOT alot to ask a man of God to do. That's the standard for a man of God. You are not asking him to do anything more than the good Lord Himself has asked of him.

It almost sounds like you are coming down on yourself for this decision. You've done the RIGHT thing, trust me. And by doing so, you've shown that you understand your own value and worth and won't sacrifice it for anything.

I guess when I say "a lot", I just mean that it is HARD to do. Maybe it wasn't the correct phrase to use. What God expects of his children living in a sinful world is incredibly hard.

Oh no! I'm not coming down on myself at all! I know in my heart that i made the right decision. I just get a little defensive when people I know are accused of not being men or women of God. If I ever heard someone say that I wasn't a woman of God because of mistakes I've made, my heart would be broken. And I know that if my ex-boyfriend stumbled on this post, he would be hurt too since he knows in his heart that he loves God.

-Ebony

 

[mahogany]

I think Supergirl, LAdyDee, And HoneyHips gave you great responses.

I just broke up with my long term boyfriend and he told me the same crap. One of his favorites excuses was, "He can't abstain because statistics show that men his age are at their sexual peak". After hearing this come from a guy that proclaimed himself as a man of GOD I was totally disgusted and lost some respect for him. Nevermind what statistics say that is a LIE, the only person who knows you is your MAKER and that is GOD. You can do all things through CHRIST.


It is so amazing how GOD works, just a few years ago I was depressed and almost suicidal, but GOD put my ex in my life and he helped me restore my FAITH in GOD. Now it seems like the roles have changed and because of what my ex has did for me, I could never hate him and I pray that GOD restore's his faith as well.

 

[Honeyhips]

Thank you. I didn't want to be the one to say it.

How can you in all honesty say that this man loves God when he is not willing to accept your decision. If he was a real man of god, he would be backing away from things that are not pleasing to God without you having to initiate it. As a born again believer, he knew that any type sexual activity outside of marriage is wrong and shouldnt be done. Not only did he disrespect you but also God by claiming to be something he's not. Stay strong and belive me, you have lost nothing but have found something beautiful. A closer walk with God. Be blessed and stay encouraged.
LadyDee36330

 

[Honeyhips]

That's NOT alot to ask a man of God to do. That's the standard for a man of God. You are not asking him to do anything more than the good Lord Himself has asked of him.

It almost sounds like you are coming down on yourself for this decision. You've done the RIGHT thing, trust me. And by doing so, you've shown that you understand your own value and worth and won't sacrifice it for anything.

Preach it girl!

 

[beverly]

Well we all struggle with sin, and all are sinners. Because you decide to do one thing, such as fornicate, doesn't exclude someone from loving God, it really a question of how much importance and love that person has for God. Its a matter of whether or not you love God more than yourself and are willing to deny yourself of something that God meant for pleasure, but within a marriage setting. Because her ex wants to participate in premarital relations that doesn't mean her boyfriend doesn't love God at the same time. However, when you deliberatly disobey Gods word, that is when you experience the consequences and I don't believe the person who started this thread wants to experience that, and she made her decision also decided she loved God more than choosing to fulfil her own desires.

 

[Honeyhips]

Beverly you do bring up a good point. And we can't sit here and say how much a person loves God or not. I think we are taking the stance that if you love God you will be obedient. And I thought it said you can't love God, if you are going to willingly disobey his word. But you are right. We can't sit in a place of judgement and comment on where he is in his walk with God, since we don't know him.