Question about celicacy in a relationship

[pretty_nappy_hair]

hola chicas,
I've been contemplating going celibate for a long time but never have gone through with it. So now I'm in a relationship with a man who loves me and my daughter. W have been in a sexual relationship but I feel the need to take the sexual aspect down a quite a few notches. I've told him that I want to be celibate until marriage but I don't think he is really taking me seriously. We are in different states right now, but I know what he will expect when he comes back to visit

So how do I convince him that it will be beneficial to our relationship? What are some of the benefits. I know he already knows that its the right thing to do. But the right thing isn't a great motivator.

Thanks Ladies!!!!

 

[cutiestyles]

What a great post I can't wait to hear the responses.

 

[dreamer26]

hola chicas,
I've been contemplating going celibate for a long time but never have gone through with it. So now I'm in a relationship with a man who loves me and my daughter. W have been in a sexual relationship but I feel the need to take the sexual aspect down a quite a few notches. I've told him that I want to be celibate until marriage but I don't think he is really taking me seriously. We are in different states right now, but I know what he will expect when he comes back to visit

So how do I convince him that it will be beneficial to our relationship? What are some of the benefits. I know he already knows that its the right thing to do. But the right thing isn't a great motivator.

Thanks Ladies!!!!

This is going to be tough especially if he is not in agreement with your decision. You've already given him the a taste of the good life (steak) and now you want him to settle for (bread and water).

Yes it is the right thing to do and if you're serious you will have to be prepared to loose him. There's a saying if you love something or someone set it free if it comes back it was meant to be.

You might have to set him free and be honest with him. Tell him that you really like him and would want a relationship with him but you feel very strong in your conviction about no sex and you feel that you all need to step back from the relationship a while. Also tell him you have a daughter that you want to set an example for. While I'm on that subject, please be careful when it comes to men around your daughter for so many reason. (WANT PREACH)

You gotta be strong if you decide to do this. He might walk away and if he doesn't come back you've saved yourself a heartache later down the road, but if he really want you and a real relationship with you and your daughter he'll come back on your terms and with a different level of respect for you. Also if you do this make it clear to him I'm saving myself for my husband so when he comes back he comes back with a 3 carat princess cut diamond ring while he waits for his 5 course meal if you will.

JMHO.

 

[Blackoutzangel05]

hola chicas,
I've been contemplating going celibate for a long time but never have gone through with it. So now I'm in a relationship with a man who loves me and my daughter. W have been in a sexual relationship but I feel the need to take the sexual aspect down a quite a few notches. I've told him that I want to be celibate until marriage but I don't think he is really taking me seriously. We are in different states right now, but I know what he will expect when he comes back to visit

So how do I convince him that it will be beneficial to our relationship? What are some of the benefits. I know he already knows that its the right thing to do. But the right thing isn't a great motivator.

Thanks Ladies!!!!

Wow....I was once the side thing to a man who's girl did the same thing that you are doing. He understood why she was doing what she was but he still had needs. His thoughts were that if it was this way from the beginning then it would have been fine or if she had talked to him about it instead of saying this is what I am going to do, then they could have worked it out. Not sure if I agree but I do know that unilaterally making decisions and changing the sexual aspect of a relationship is not always going to have positive outcomes. If he is growing on your Christian journey with you then I believe that this could work, if he is a believer and knows that fornication is wrong. However, giving up the cookie and then taking the cookie back until you are married...I don't know how that is going to turn out for you. I have only seen it successfully done when both were actively involved in the church and knew what they were doing was wrong and they truly wanted to please God. My fiance' and I fornicate and although we both love the Lord and know its wrong, we haven't stopped nor have we repented. I guess in our minds we thought that since we are getting married its fine, but its still wrong. So I am not practicing celibacy myself, but understand that you want to, just be prepared if he doesn't want to. And sista please if this is something that you have been lead to do please don't NOT do it because he doesn't like it.

 

[ClassicBeauty]

Wow....I was once the side thing to a man who's girl did the same thing that you are doing. He understood why she was doing what she was but he still had needs. His thoughts were that if it was this way from the beginning then it would have been fine or if she had talked to him about it instead of saying this is what I am going to do, then they could have worked it out. Not sure if I agree but I do know that unilaterally making decisions and changing the sexual aspect of a relationship is not always going to have positive outcomes.

If you were not in Baltimore, I would swear you were my ex's side fling!

I had a very similar situation, and I must say that the relationship did have a very positive outcome! We broke up! We were growing in opposite directions, and I'm glad that we have both moved on. The real me wanted something more, something better. I wanted someone who could lead our household in all ways (especially spiritually), someone who would love me like Christ loved the church, and someone who was seeking the Lord. Even though he went to church, he was not that guy.

I felt like I was sacrificing myself to keep him satisfied, and that lead to so many other issues and bitterness in our relationship. I felt like I was choosing my ex before God, which lead to so much guilt and spiritual frustration. The two must be equally yolked, and we started out different but ended up TOTALLY different!

I say pray about it and do what God leads you to do. It's between you and your boyfriend, but ultimately it's between you and God!

 

[Blackoutzangel05]

If you were not in Baltimore, I would swear you were my ex's side fling!

I had a very similar situation, and I must say that the relationship did have a very positive outcome! We broke up! We were growing in opposite directions, and I'm glad that we have both moved on. The real me wanted something more, something better. I wanted someone who could lead our household in all ways (especially spiritually), someone who would love me like Christ loved the church, and someone who was seeking the Lord. Even though he went to church, he was not that guy.

I felt like I was sacrificing myself to keep him satisfied, and that lead to so many other issues and bitterness in our relationship. I felt like I was choosing my ex before God, which lead to so much guilt and spiritual frustration. The two must be equally yolked, and we started out different but ended up TOTALLY different!

I say pray about it and do what God leads you to do. It's between you and your boyfriend, but ultimately it's between you and God!

I was not in Baltimore when this happened....but boy have I learned from that time. Sorry you had to go through that...no one deserves that.

 

[Shimmie]

hola chicas,
I've been contemplating going celibate for a long time but never have gone through with it. So now I'm in a relationship with a man who loves me and my daughter. W have been in a sexual relationship but I feel the need to take the sexual aspect down a quite a few notches. I've told him that I want to be celibate until marriage but I don't think he is really taking me seriously. We are in different states right now, but I know what he will expect when he comes back to visit

So how do I convince him that it will be beneficial to our relationship? What are some of the benefits. I know he already knows that its the right thing to do. But the right thing isn't a great motivator.

Thanks Ladies!!!!

Hola Chica, there is only one benefit that he is focused upon... and that is being with you. Period. He is a man and that is what he feels and wants...being close...intimate and loving.

However, because men are logical, the only way to get the importance of celibacy across to him is by saying, "It's just the right thing to do." Out of respect for ourselves, my daughter, and most of all our love and respect for the Lord, my heart wants to do what's right for all of us." Tell him, "I love you and I want more for us; more of me for you to see just how much you mean to me."

Ummmmmmmmmm, no it's not that easy. Uh-uh. But at least you are telling him the truth.

In the meantime, put on the MTG. At least the bacon grease smell will help him stay at a distance. But then if he likes bacon...I don't know what else to tell you.

Seriously, you'll be fine. The beautiful thing about relationships is when two people can 'agree' with what's right for them. I know your friend will feel the same way that you do. The two of you will agree and only grow all the more closer. That's my prayer for you. In Jesus' name, Amen.

God bless each of you...

Remember this.... "I love the Lord, He heard my cry..."

Te' Amo

 

[ashmack]

As corny as it sounds, if he really loves you then this won't matter to him. Also, if he is a man of God, he will know that what the two of you were doing was wrong and that even though you have done it before, that does not mean that you should continue to do it. My boyfriend and I have made the same choice. PM me if you want to know exactly how this worked out for the both of us.

 

[firecracker]

Divastyle I like your post. My ex fiance and I were in a year long celibate relationship after we got back together. We are both Christian's struggling against lust cuz we already experienced the mcfreaky.
It wasn't hard for me but he eventually cheated because I wouldn't drop the draws under pressure.
I could totally relate to the feelings/thought of putting a man before your relationship with God when under pressure for sex and your trying to walk right with God.

OP your going to have to trust God on this issue.
Oh by the way, this last celibacy stint was hard *** helz after I got past the year mark.

 

[Browndilocks]

hola chicas,
I've been contemplating going celibate for a long time but never have gone through with it. So now I'm in a relationship with a man who loves me and my daughter. W have been in a sexual relationship but I feel the need to take the sexual aspect down a quite a few notches. I've told him that I want to be celibate until marriage but I don't think he is really taking me seriously. We are in different states right now, but I know what he will expect when he comes back to visit

So how do I convince him that it will be beneficial to our relationship? What are some of the benefits. I know he already knows that its the right thing to do. But the right thing isn't a great motivator.

Thanks Ladies!!!!

Just make sure that when he comes back to visit, he's not sleeping in the same place as you are. Go out with him and then go right back home: where he isn't.

 

[pretty_nappy_hair]

Wow....I was once the side thing to a man who's girl did the same thing that you are doing. He understood why she was doing what she was but he still had needs. His thoughts were that if it was this way from the beginning then it would have been fine or if she had talked to him about it instead of saying this is what I am going to do, then they could have worked it out. Not sure if I agree but I do know that unilaterally making decisions and changing the sexual aspect of a relationship is not always going to have positive outcomes. If he is growing on your Christian journey with you then I believe that this could work, if he is a believer and knows that fornication is wrong. However, giving up the cookie and then taking the cookie back until you are married...I don't know how that is going to turn out for you. I have only seen it successfully done when both were actively involved in the church and knew what they were doing was wrong and they truly wanted to please God. My fiance' and I fornicate and although we both love the Lord and know its wrong, we haven't stopped nor have we repented. I guess in our minds we thought that since we are getting married its fine, but its still wrong. So I am not practicing celibacy myself, but understand that you want to, just be prepared if he doesn't want to. And sista please if this is something that you have been lead to do please don't NOT do it because he doesn't like it.

I totally agree. I'm not trying to force him into this decision. I know if I did the outcome would not be in my favor. He's already in another state right now. So I think that will be a bigger challenge for him than celibacy would be. But I'm not trying to make the decision for the both of us. I want him to be willing and honest and in agreement. But I totally get what you're saying and have thought about that too.

 

[pretty_nappy_hair]

Hola Chica, there is only one benefit that he is focused upon... and that is being with you. Period. He is a man and that is what he feels and wants...being close...intimate and loving.

However, because men are logical, the only way to get the importance of celibacy across to him is by saying, "It's just the right thing to do." Out of respect for ourselves, my daughter, and most of all our love and respect for the Lord, my heart wants to do what's right for all of us." Tell him, "I love you and I want more for us; more of me for you to see just how much you mean to me."

Ummmmmmmmmm, no it's not that easy. Uh-uh. But at least you are telling him the truth.

In the meantime, put on the MTG. At least the bacon grease smell will help him stay at a distance. But then if he likes bacon...I don't know what else to tell you.

Seriously, you'll be fine. The beautiful thing about relationships is when two people can 'agree' with what's right for them. I know your friend will feel the same way that you do. The two of you will agree and only grow all the more closer. That's my prayer for you. In Jesus' name, Amen.

God bless each of you...

Remember this.... "I love the Lord, He heard my cry..."

Te' Amo

AMEN. thank you sooooo much.

 

[pretty_nappy_hair]

As corny as it sounds, if he really loves you then this won't matter to him. Also, if he is a man of God, he will know that what the two of you were doing was wrong and that even though you have done it before, that does not mean that you should continue to do it. My boyfriend and I have made the same choice. PM me if you want to know exactly how this worked out for the both of us.

I may sound corny but I believe that too.

 

[Shimmie]

AMEN. thank you sooooo much.

Mark chapter 10...

"Whatsoever you give up for the Kingdom of God, will be given back to you 100-fold; NOW in THIS time. "

I Peter 3...

"Who is he who will harm you, because you seek to chose after righteousness."

Hebrews 6...

"I have seen your works and have not forgotten your works of labor. "

The word I shared above are in different translations, but the meaning is still the same; that God honors our faithfullness. He will surely honor yours. We can never 'lose' with Jesus...never.

I've been celibate for 25 years....and Oh well

Yet will I trust Him... our Lord Jesus. Amen.

Sweet blessings, angel.

 

[pjrndon]

I was dating this guy and had been for over a year. We had this really big fight and we broke up. The Lord had been sending so many messages to be celibate and I would be so guilty when I fell. So after the break it was a prefect time to I pick up Juanita Bynum books "No More Sheets" and her DVD. I also ordered a book by Ty Adams "Single , Saved And Having Sex". I begin to get it in my spirit. Those books so ministers to my spirit that my journey was a learning process but I eventually understood what God was trying to teach me. It is a journey for you and only for your boyfriend if he decide to walk it with you. The problem with trying to convince someone else is that it could end up a temporal decision, but when God is in the decision then it is permanent and complete. In other words make sure that his decision is based on Gods word not because he wants to please you. I eventually married my boyfriend after 2 years of separation because he could not handle my choice. We got back together after that but it was never the same and a completely different situtation emersed after we got married, but that is another book for another time . I would encourage you to do what God has placed in your heart. The 2 books and DVD were ministering angels to my ears. They're full of scripture about how God intended for us to live and how sometimes we choose different paths that are not honored my God.

Be blessed.

 

[upandcoming]

Those feelings sometimes are from the Holy Spirit nudging you to do whats right. It's your decision but I would definitely say stop having sex. I heard about this couple who started having sex (or maybe it was heavy making out) and they felt led to stop doing it. They stopped and got married. Their attraction to one another was MUCH greater and they're glad they did it; even if it was hard.

Follow your heart boo, and most importantly, GOD'S WORD. It's just you and God here really. =)

 

[tmichelle]

If you were not in Baltimore, I would swear you were my ex's side fling!

I had a very similar situation, and I must say that the relationship did have a very positive outcome! We broke up! We were growing in opposite directions, and I'm glad that we have both moved on. The real me wanted something more, something better. I wanted someone who could lead our household in all ways (especially spiritually), someone who would love me like Christ loved the church, and someone who was seeking the Lord. Even though he went to church, he was not that guy.

I felt like I was sacrificing myself to keep him satisfied, and that lead to so many other issues and bitterness in our relationship. I felt like I was choosing my ex before God, which lead to so much guilt and spiritual frustration. The two must be equally yolked, and we started out different but ended up TOTALLY different!

I say pray about it and do what God leads you to do. It's between you and your boyfriend, but ultimately it's between you and God!

Thanks for sharing your story! I commend you and totally agree that you did have a "good" outcome.