Rejected for not being a virgin (please read)....

[RabiaElaine]

Hey Ladies,



So here goes. As some of you know I recently decided to become abstinent and change the way I was living my life. I joined a Christian dating site a few months ago but really haven’t been going on it until recently. Anyway about a week and a half ago I started having phone conversations with this single Pastor that I met on the site. He told me that he was 28 and told me that he had never had an actual girlfriend. I was astonished because I’ve never met a guy that old that has NEVER had a girlfriend. Anyway he explained that he wasn’t comfortable approaching women until a few years ago.



Anyway last night during our conversation he asked me if I was a virgin. I told him I wasn’t. When I told him that his voice changed. He started asking me questions in an accusatory tone. He asked me if I was a Christian when I did this. I told him yes I was, but my relationship with the Lord wasn’t right. I was doing my own thing. Anyway to make a long story short he basically told me that he believed that God had a virgin out there for him, someone who had saved herself like he did. He told me he was still very attracted to me but he was going to find his virgin. He said that if God told him that he was supposed to be with me anyway that he would accept me willingly.



Now don’t get me wrong, I was not wrapped up in this guy at all because we had only known each other a very very short time. But after I hung up the phone I cried myself to sleep. I feel so guilty again. I feel like I’m going to carry this non-virgin identity around with me for the rest of my life, even though I’m not the same person I used to be. I REFUSE to lie about it. I’m just scared that no one is going to accept me because of it.



Has this ever happened to any of you before, how have you dealt with it.

 

[GodsPromises]

Ok Read my lips - THE DEVIL IS A LIER, let me repeat that - THE DEVIL IS A LIAR, he is the father of the lie and he don't know any better. Now that Pastor is a fool and I feel sorry for his members. There is no way he should have said any of that to you. It's not his business what you have done in the past. What he could've said was that he felt that God has someone who had saved herself for him without making you feel guilty.


Please stop feeling guily and remember no KNOW that as long as our Lord and Savior has forgiven you, you are forgiven. He died on the cross for all of our sins, not just for some

 

[Blossssom]

I hope you won't allow this minister to derail you.

You're living a Christian lifestyle now and that's all that matters.

 

[bludacious]

Don't let this man get you down. You are a changed person and you are living your life in a manner that you see fit in God's eyes. Perhaps, this is God's way of also telling you that this man is not the one he has intended for you! Look at it as a blessing. God has someone for you! Just be patient and wait.

I won't call this Pastor a liar or any of that because I don't know what God told this man! Don't be mad at him! Rejoice in it because this is obviously not the man God has for you!

Leave you with these words, "Please be patient with me, God is not through with me yet!" No one is perfect! We are all the work of God and he is not through with us, yet!

This is a little advice that I had to adhere to going through what I have been through lately!

 

[Blossssom]

Don't let this man get you down. You are a changed person and you are living your life in a manner that you see fit in God's eyes. Perhaps, this is God's way of also telling you that this man is not the one he has intended for you! Look at it as a blessing. God has someone for you! Just be patient and wait.

I won't call this Pastor a liar or any of that because I don't know what God told this man! Don't be mad at him! Rejoice in it because this is obviously not the man God has for you!

Leave you with these words, "Please be patient with me, God is not through with me yet!" No one is perfect! We are all the work of God and he is not through with us, yet!

This is a little advice that I had to adhere to going through what I have been through lately!

Excellent advice!

 

[natstar]

I agree with everyone on this board.. Rabia- you know u are a child of God and that he who is without sin cast the first stone- we are loved and valued by our Lord and since Jesus didn't give up on us we shouldn't give up. I think maybe that this person just wasn't in God's plan for you but I know that patience is a virtue and you are and always will be of great value to God's purpose- virgin or not! Stay blessed!

 

[DragonPearl]

The way I see it, the man is a virgin, he has the right to also want a virgin for his bride. It's not like he has sown his wild oats, and still wants a virgin. I grew up with a lot of guys who slept with everyone in town yet still wanted to marry virgins.

The problem is, why are you allowing this man preference to influence the way you feel about yourself? Since when does your life's meaning and worth revolve around this man's opinion? You need to put back your sense of self-worth where it belongs, in yourself and in your faith. You'll be fine.

 

[AnnDriena_]

I don't believe you should let this get you down. I also don't believe the Pastor was wrong. I myself want a virgin and if I found out a guy was not a virgin I don't think I would ask about things in an "accusatory" tone but I would want to find out if he was one of those Christians who just does anything and everything that feels good and throws out the old "He knows my heart" or "Jesus forgives" for everything.
But as for crying yourself to sleep if your feelings were hurt I can see how that might be your reaction. But I've found more Christians were not virgins themselves and whole heartedly accepted and some who just brushed off premarital sex as being part of the "real world". So don't be down on yourself thinking you'll be carrying around some label for the rest of your life. Think about it. There are probably more Christians like you than not.

 

[ArrrBeee]

Christ has forgiven you for your past transgressions. Don't let man keep you down when you are covered by the blood of Jesus. If you cry yourself to sleep, cry tears of joy knowing that you are redeemed and forgiven.


Be blessed

 

[Blossssom]

Christ has forgiven you for your past transgressions. Don't let man keep you down when you are covered by the blood of Jesus. If you cry yourself to sleep, cry tears of joy knowing that you are redeemed and forgiven.


Be blessed

These words are very true as a Christian, original poster.

I hope you won't allow that minister to discourage you.

I agree with the posters who said he has the right to find himself a virginal bride.

But as a leader of the flock of Christ, he should not have used that tone with you. That's my only problem with him.

He may have done you a favor. Continue to live your life the way Christ lived his, and He will send you someone. This is my hope for all the Christian ladies here.

 

[locabouthair]

if he's a pastor then he should know that we have all sinned whether its premarital sex, lying, etc. wat should it matter if you had sex b4 if you are trying to change and are developing a better relationship with God. in God's eyes you are a virgin becuz you have turned away from that sin. the Bible says that once we confess our sins aren't remembered anymore. if i were you i wouldnt pay attention to him at all and just work on my relationship with God. and this is coming from a virgin so its not like im trying to condone premarital sex or anything.

 

[Blossssom]

if he's a pastor then he should know that we have all sinned whether its premarital sex, lying, etc. wat should it matter if you had sex b4 if you are trying to change and are developing a better relationship with God. in God's eyes you are a virgin becuz you have turned away from that sin. the Bible says that once we confess our sins aren't remembered anymore. if i were you i wouldnt pay attention to him at all and just work on my relationship with God. and this is coming from a virgin so its not like im trying to condone premarital sex or anything.

 

[sithembile]

Rabia, God has forgiven you and He sees you as clothed in robes of righteousness. This pastor has the right to want to marry a virgin, it is his preference, the only thing is, he should not judge your past. Don't let it get you down, go on in God. If it is His will for you to be married, He will send you someone who will love you for who you are and sees you as God sees you.

 

[CandiceC]

Rabia, God has forgiven you and He sees you as clothed in robes of righteousness. This pastor has the right to want to marry a virgin, it is his preference, the only thing is, he should not judge your past. Don't let it get you down, go on in God. If it is His will for you to be married, He will send you someone who will love you for who you are and sees you as God sees you.

I agree. This just shows you that obviously this man isn't the one for you.

 

[RabiaElaine]

Ladies thank you so much for all your words of encouragement. I agree, if he feels that there is a virginal bride that God has for him, he SHOULD find her. I just pray for him that he is able to advise other virgins w/o judging them. He told me that he guessed he was "too sheltered."

And you are right this is obviously not the man for me. I think I have a bit more healing to do.

Thank you so much once again my Sisters in Christ, I love you!

RE

 

[melodee]

I agree. This just shows you that obviously this man isn't the one for you.

...nor is he the man for alot of women, and that's why he hasn't had any girlfriends. Yes, he is entitled to find a virgin bride, but he could still treat you with respect and dignity (like Jesus did to the woman caught in the very act). His approach is all wrong. God may be working with him in certain areas. Consider this a blessing in disguise--you didn't get emotionally tied to this guy before you found out he was strange.

 

[RabiaElaine]

...nor is he the man for alot of women, and that's why he hasn't had any girlfriends. Yes, he is entitled to find a virgin bride, but he could still treat you with respect and dignity (like Jesus did to the woman caught in the very act). His approach is all wrong. God may be working with him in certain areas. Consider this a blessing in disguise--you didn't get emotionally tied to this guy before you found out he was strange.

this is true

 

[beyondcute]

Wow you ladies have said it all! How can he be a pstor if he does not have the ability to look past peoples past discretions? Thats wierd! If God has forgiven you then no MAN can take that away. No matter who he is.

 

[CandiceC]

..you didn't get emotionally tied to this guy before you found out he was strange.

You just put it out there didn't you?

It is strange that he has had a problem talking to women for so long. He can't judge someone for not being a virgin. It's not like he's been tempted. He's just getting over his fear of girls!
Umm no. We don't have cooties. Weeell some of us do. Not us classy ones though! lol.

 

[CatSuga]

Well.............maybe he's a virgin and wants to save himself for a virgin.

But don't feel bad.
Jesus said go and sin no more.

 

[phynestone]

(off topic)

Cat Suga-

I have the exact same sculpture that's in your avatar in my house! What a small world.

 

[rozlips]

Sounds like a guy with intimacy issues to me. Usually when folks get hung up on this type of thing they're looking for ways to avoid intimacy. It's sort of like folks who have fetishes. They create any barrier they can. Personally, I wouldn't want a man who is 28 years old and never had a relationship with anyone. There's something seriously wrong there. Before its over with you may well be thanking Goddess that your lack of a hymen drove him off. I guarantee he's going to make some poor virgin a miserable woman.

Most folks who commit to remaining a virgin until marriage marry fairly early. All my sisters and a few of my girlfriends were virgins when they married. None of them were over 21 when they walked down the aisle. If being celibate as an adult single woman is important to you and makes you feel closer to your God or whatever, by all means do so. But that should be about your own spirituality and your own choices. Don't you dare let this ridiculous developmentally arrested jack-leg preacher make you feel bad about yourself. Anyone who fetishizes a hymen in this way has got issues, and you are well rid of him.

 

[Supergirl]

satan would want you to walk around feeling condemned forever because of mistakes you have made in the past. I have felt this condemnation also, and it is so important to forgive yourself.

When in college, after I decided to become celibate, I was quite concerned with how my future husband would respond to my past sexual sins. A dear godly sister helped me out on this one day by saying "God is preparing him for that right now." In other words, she was saying that whomever God was preparing for me wouldn't have a problem with it.

I sit typing this at my computer with my wonderful Jesus-Loving husband sitting a few feet behind me on the couch watching TV. He was a virgin before we got married and just like my sister in Christ told me in college, he was not phased by my past. He was so graceful toward me and reminded me that he wasn't perfect either and that he loved me anyway. He did this in our relationship from the time that I felt comfortable enough to share with him that I was not a virgin.

So, take my advice: God is preparing him for you, past, present, and future YOU right now!

 

[RabiaElaine]

satan would want you to walk around feeling condemned forever because of mistakes you have made in the past. I have felt this condemnation also, and it is so important to forgive yourself.

When in college, after I decided to become celibate, I was quite concerned with how my future husband would respond to my past sexual sins. A dear godly sister helped me out on this one day by saying "God is preparing him for that right now." In other words, she was saying that whomever God was preparing for me wouldn't have a problem with it.

I sit typing this at my computer with my wonderful Jesus-Loving husband sitting a few feet behind me on the couch watching TV. He was a virgin before we got married and just like my sister in Christ told me in college, he was not phased by my past. He was so graceful toward me and reminded me that he wasn't perfect either and that he loved me anyway. He did this in our relationship from the time that I felt comfortable enough to share with him that I was not a virgin.

So, take my advice: God is preparing him for you, past, present, and future YOU right now!

Thank you so much for your testimony Supergirl!! It was truly a blessing, and I will try to see things differently because of it.

 

[shunemite]

I'm a virgin. But I'll pick the first non-virgin guy that treats me right over the virgin guy that doesn't. Personally, I think this guy should be more interested in finding the right mate who is a spirtual woman. 2 verses come to mind: the one where Jesus said if you break one commandment, you break them all; and the one where Jesus said that whoever even looks at a woman lustfully has already slept with her. So while we may have scientific definitions of virgin vs non-virgin, we've all lusted one time or another. So maybe in God's eyes, the "scientific" virgins, and the spiritual reborn virgins are not so different after all. As long as we repented we're all forgiven.

Don't worry about this dude. He has plenty of mistakes he's made in his own life, and needs to learn to be a more compassionate pastor. Not one that makes people feel guilty unnecessarily and cry themselves to sleep.

 

[Enchantmt]

satan would want you to walk around feeling condemned forever because of mistakes you have made in the past. I have felt this condemnation also, and it is so important to forgive yourself.

When in college, after I decided to become celibate, I was quite concerned with how my future husband would respond to my past sexual sins. A dear godly sister helped me out on this one day by saying "God is preparing him for that right now." In other words, she was saying that whomever God was preparing for me wouldn't have a problem with it.

I sit typing this at my computer with my wonderful Jesus-Loving husband sitting a few feet behind me on the couch watching TV. He was a virgin before we got married and just like my sister in Christ told me in college, he was not phased by my past. He was so graceful toward me and reminded me that he wasn't perfect either and that he loved me anyway. He did this in our relationship from the time that I felt comfortable enough to share with him that I was not a virgin.

So, take my advice: God is preparing him for you, past, present, and future YOU right now!

Thanks for sharing this SG. It blessed me and I'm sure it will bless others.

 

[sithembile]

Supergirl

Thank you for sharing your testimony, I recently met a man who is a virgin (I am not) we are good friends, and it could possibly lead to a relationship and marriage. He knows about my past and it doesn't bother him, in fact, he is always telling me how our pasts do not matter, and that just because he was not committing the same sins as I was, does not make him better in the eyes of God because because we have all sinned.

 

[Sweet C]

yes, Supergirl and everyone else, your posts have been awesome. I think this man just has a lot to learn in this area. He doesn't seem to be ready for any woman, virgin or not. Though we all have a preferences, who God choses for us doesn't have to fit those preferences we have chosen, only the ones that God has chosen.

So, Rabia, keep your head up. Cause there is no condemnation under our Lord Christ Jesus, and remember that what God has for you, is for you!

 

[BlkHoneyLuv2U]

I received this email today and it seemed appropriate for your situation. Just as he say there is someone for him, God has someone for you too. Hold your head up and carry on like the child of the King that you are. Remember that your father is a King so that makes you a princess. Be blessed Princess.

One night in a church service a young woman felt the tug of God at her heart. She responded to God's call and accepted Jesus as her Lord and Savior. The young woman had a very rough past, involving alcohol, drugs, and prostitution. But, the change in her was evident. As time went on she became a faithful member of the church. She eventually became involved in the ministry, teaching young children. It was not very long until this faithful young woman had caught the eye and heart of the pastor's son. The relationship grew and they began to make wedding plans. This is when the problems began. You see, about one half of the church did not think that a woman with a past such as hers was suitable for a pastor's son.
The church began to argue and fight about the matter. So they decided to have a meeting.As the people made their arguments and tensions increased, the meeting was getting completely out of hand. The young woman became very upset about all the things being brought up about her past.
As she began to cry the pastor's son stood to speak.. He could not bear the pain it was causing his wife to be. He began to speak and his statement was this:
"My fiancee's past is not what is on trial here. What you are questioning is the ability of the blood of Jesus to wash away sin." "Today you have put the blood of Jesus on trial. So, does it wash away sin or not?"

The whole church began to weep as they realized that they had been slandering the blood of the Lord Jesus Christ. Too often, even as Christians we bring up the past and use it as a weapon against our brothers and sisters.


Forgiveness is a very foundational part of the Gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ. If the blood of Jesus does not cleanse the other person completely then it cannot cleanse us completely. If that is the case, then we are all in a lot of trouble.

What can wash away my sins? Nothing but the blood of Jesus!

 

[Supergirl]

Glory Hallelujah on that one lady dee!