Relaxed Vs.natural

J

jennifer30

Well-Known Member
Hi. So im having a really hard time with my hair. I big chopped a year ago and still trying to grow my hair out...nevermind that. My problem is that im having a really hard time with my natural hair.. its always dry and starting to look nappy. I cant do anything with it...i used to be relaxed and im starting to realize natural hair may not be for me. I really miss my hair being easy to take care of. The only good thing about my natural hair is the thickness. Im afraid if i get a relaxer my hair will be really thin (i hate bone straight hair). My hair never grew past my shoulders when i was relaxed. Not sure why. I just feel pressured being natural though because some say its healthier and the only way to grow long hair.. its really not working for me. Are relaxers really bad and unhealthy and can i still have long healthy hair being relaxed?
 
Don't feel pressured to be natural. You've got to do what works for you. I do miss my straight hair because it was easy, but my hair has probably never been healthier. I will say that the 1-year mark was hard for me. I had to adjust my attitude and my expectations. I believe it was worth it for me. I'm still struggling with styling but my hair is in awesome shape health wise. I just celebrated my 3 year nappyversary-I swore I'd never go natural as long as they kept making relaxers. Good luck to you.
 
There is a natural support thread, but I cannot find it. What exactly is going on? What have you done thus far? It took me 7 years to figure out what my hair and scalp needed, and I went natural back in the 90s. Fortunately, it will not take as long for you. Believe that.
 
Thanks guys. My hair is just really super dry. Nothing i put on my hair works. Its really nappy..i cant do anything with it esp. It being short....i guess ill see the coming months ....
 
@jennifer30 Relax if you feel that is what is best for you. However from what you have stated so far a relaxer doesn't seem like it would be the answer to your issues (it will still be the same length). If you do relax what's so easy about it? What practices are you going to to do with relaxed hair now to get pass shoulder length? How are you wearing your natural hair? Do you straighten? You said your hair is dry. What are you doing to combat the dryness? What products are you using? What is your regimen? What do you mean nappy?
There is a level of work that is required for both relaxed and natural hair. There is no easy fix for either.
 
I don't personally believe that a 'healthy' relaxer exists but I do think you can have long hair with it. Problem is you seemed to be having issues even while relaxed. Gonna echo what everyone else said and ask: what's your regimen? Is you hair high or low porosity? Are your strands thick of thin? How is your scalp health (dry, oily, itchy, inflamed, etc)?
 
Coilystep said:
@jennifer30 Relax if you feel that is what is best for you. However from what you have stated so far a relaxer doesn't seem like it would be the answer to your issues (it will still be the same length). If you do relax what's so easy about it? What practices are you going to to do with relaxed hair now to get pass shoulder length? How are you wearing your natural hair? Do you straighten? You said your hair is dry. What are you doing to combat the dryness? What products are you using? What is your regimen? What do you mean nappy?
There is a level of work that is required for both relaxed and natural hair. There is no easy fix for either.
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With relaxed hair detangling seems easier. And my hair isnt dry with a relaxer as much as it is with natural hair. I dont really have a regimen. I just wash and keep my hair braided sometimes. I cant comb thru it ..its really tough..thats what i meant by nappy..lol. maybe im using the wrong products..i dont know..i just cant figure it out..its mind boggling
 
von rose said:
I don't personally believe that a 'healthy' relaxer exists but I do think you can have long hair with it. Problem is you seemed to be having issues even while relaxed. Gonna echo what everyone else said and ask: what's your regimen? Is you hair high or low porosity? Are your strands thick of thin? How is your scalp health (dry, oily, itchy, inflamed, etc)?
Click to expand...
I have high porosity hair...my scalp is ok..no regimen
 
jennifer30 said:
With relaxed hair detangling seems easier. And my hair isnt dry with a relaxer as much as it is with natural hair. I dont really have a regimen. I just wash and keep my hair braided sometimes. I cant comb thru it ..its really tough..thats what i meant by nappy..lol. maybe im using the wrong products..i dont know..i just cant figure it out..its mind boggling
Click to expand...
Can you list your products? You cannot just wash your hair and hope for the best. When you say you can't comb through your hair I hope your not trying to comb through dry naked hair. The first order of business is to get some type of regimen.

There are several examples of regimens on the board. @YvetteWithJoy has a thread on tweaking Regimens that you may find helpful.
 
You could relax, but relaxing or staying natural and not having a regimen isn't going to get you anywhere. You need a regimen. You know that your hair is dry and hi-po, do a search and read all the hi-po and dry hair threads on here from beginning to end, take notes or screenshots. Read the length retention ones too. Then go on YouTube and watch videos. Find people with hair that looks like or similar to yours. Binge watch their videos, take a break and watch some more then come back here and read some more. Take lots of notes. Matter of fact, get a notebook or app to use as a hair journal. But most importantly, take the info you get from here and YouTube and actually apply it.

Not to be rude or anything but I remember seeing your posts from last year with you expressing some of these same hair issues and you were given great tips and people said some of the same things I'm saying now. It won't matter if you're not incorporating them. We can only give so much advice, you've actually got to do the work.
 
jennifer30 said:
Well i wash and dc but maybe like once a month. I leave my hair in protective styles mostly. I will find me a regimen though. Ive been looking at youtube videos also.
Click to expand...
First start by washing weekly or at least every two weeks. Incorporate a moisturizing spray and spray your hair daily. If you can access your ends, moisturize and heavy seal them every day, twice a day. Take a break from protective styling until you can get your moisture balance corrected because no matter how much you protect your hair, if it's dry and brittle it's going to break off.
 
KinksAndInk said:
First start by washing weekly or at least every two weeks. Incorporate a moisturizing spray and spray your hair daily. If you can access your ends, moisturize and heavy seal them every day, twice a day. Take a break from protective styling until you can get your moisture balance corrected because no matter how much you protect your hair, if it's dry and brittle it's going to break off.
Click to expand...
Okay. Thanks
 
Hi, @jennifer30.

I can relate a lot to your post:
  • My natural hair stayed dried for 2+ years, no matter what I tried. It was VERY frustrating.
  • Caring for my natural hair EASILY takes 10 times as much effort, money, products, time, etc. as compared with what caring for my relaxed hair did. EASILY. That's not the case for everyone, and I'm getting faster/better, but that is the case for me.
Here's what I think, and please take my thoughts with a grain salt.

Time and Effort versus Ease versus Long, Healthy Hair

How much time would it take for you to take really good care of your hair?

I'm not very fast, and so at the moment I allot about 5 hours on wash day, once a week, and about 30-45 minutes on each of the other days of the week. I use those 30-45 minutes to preserve my style at night and to refresh my style in the morning.
​
Once you've determined how much time great hair care would take for you, then look at your free hours on paper and decide: Can I do this, and will I do this? If not, there's your answer: You won't be investing in your hair like that. You need a very short and/or low maintenance style, and moisture and length and strength are not your priorities.

I'm trying to be a little more conscious of the values, beliefs, and attitudes that I pick up from American culture. American culture says a lot of things, like that everything should be fast. American teachers often end up getting like 15 minutes to eat, and many of our/their gut health suffers because of it. Eating slowly and savoring one's food is done in some other cultures, and now folks are doing studies about how important it is to eat slowly and savor as you eat. Slowing down: That's just not an American value.

In some cultures, beauty -- including hair care -- is not a "how fast can I get this done" kind of thing. The women make sure to pass on beautifying methods and habits. I'll never forget the first time I saw this photo:

chain-of-young-women-braiding-each-others-hair-picture-id522018384


Slowing down, investing in one's beauty and body: I don't know if that was passed down to me or not.

I have had to SLOW DOWN when it comes to my hair care. I use Esther 2:12 for inspiration when I get to thinking that my hair doesn't "deserve" so much time and attention. When something is truly valuable, it gets time. That's just how it is.

At my hair growth study experience blog, I wrote out my hair care philosophy, and it includes this excerpt:

We are BLESSED if we have the means and ability to care for our hair. This means:
It’s not “I have to do my hair, but I get to do my hair! Caring for my natural hair takes much longer than caring for my relaxed hair ever did. I can experience that as a painful fact or I can slow down and just embrace what natural hair care is for me: a weekly 5-hour or so, loving date with my crown that shows me that I value myself, my beauty, and my hair.​

I'll finish my post in a second post, after this. :smile:
 
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I'm back! :wavey:

The other thing I wanted to share was that I had high porosity, dry, natural hair. Now my hair acts more normal porosity, and it is quite hydrated and moisturized.

Here's what I'd try if I were you:
  1. At a time when it's okay to add protein: Chelate your hair, give yourself a protein treatment, and then follow that up with a protein-free moisture-infusing deep conditioner.
  2. Get a steam treatment and twist-out or wash-n-go from a very good natural stylist, and notice the state of your hair. If you like it, know that you can accomplish it at home if you take the months and maybe even years it takes to figure out how to DIY (do-it-yourself). Yes, sometimes it takes YEARS. Some people get this stuff down in weeks or months, but if you read through this board, you'll notice that some folks take years to figure everything out.
  3. If your hair is truly hipo, be VERY careful not to steam too much. You can really damage your cuticles and break off your hair with too much steaming, if hipo.
  4. Incorporate aloe Vera juice (AVJ) into your regimen as a hydrator. After watching MANY videos about aloe Vera juice and hydration of natural hair, I became convinced. For my wash day, I do water-AVJ-oil-styler routine.
  5. If you do nothing else on a regimen, do protein treatments followed by protein-free, moisture-infusing deep conditioning on a weekly basis AT MINIMUM (some hipos do it twice a week, i.e., every wash day for them if they wash twice a week).
There's an LHCF hipo hangout thread here: https://longhaircareforum.com/threads/the-type-4-high-porosity-hangout.799265/

Here are a couple of videos by hipo YouTubers, just in case you are unaware of the channels, and just in case something they share in their many videos ends up really helping you:

Mama Daye​

The SECOND video has LOTS of tips!!!







Afro Khadisiac​


I'm still trying to figure things out, too, but one thing I know for sure: My hair is healthier and longer natural, and it takes me a lot of time to do my hair. Best, for me, to embrace it and turn it into a positive. I get me/alone date time EVERY week when I do my hair, and everybody knows it. It's just the way it is now. I listen to music, have Hulu on in the background or while I'm under the dryer DC-ing, etc. It's like a once-a-week spa day for my hair. It's worth it to me, because I need more length in order to get the beauty (face-framing) effect I want, and I've probably got about 3 years of growing-and-retaining left to do. My hipo hair has to be strong if I'm going to retain it. This all means I have to make my hair and hair care a priority. It's been a good test: Do I think my beauty and my feelings about myself are valuable enough to care for my hair? :yep:
 
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My last post in this thread, I promise:
  1. Please don't feel pressured to stay natural. I think relaxers by definition damage the hair, but I agree with those above: You can keep the damage of relaxers minimal so that your hair grows out still, if you want straight hair. It's possible: Just look at the gorgeous heads of relaxed hair on this forum! Wow. So in THAT REGARD I feel it would be okay for you to relax your hair. You'd still have to take good care of it, though!

    I won't relax again because after 3 years, I'm starting to make progress in caring for my natural hair . . . and . . . relaxers damage my scalp and follicles, and I have the edges to prove it.

  2. Your current DC game does not suffice. You can't DC every month or so and have manageable natural hair, IMHO. Especially not with hipo hair. I know, I know: That was a big pill for me to swallow having never ever DC'd when my hair was relaxed (like, for 30 years).
Here's that Natural Hair Support thread Sharpened referenced above: https://longhaircareforum.com/threads/struggling-with-your-natural-hair-come-in-here.612917/

You can submit questions to it. However, you might get more mileage out of it if you
  • start out by asking for help in developing a regimen OR
  • wait until you've been practicing a regimen for a few weeks and THEN submit your question(s).
Of course, there are no rules, so I would submit any pressing questions whenever I like: The forum is so great at responding, especially to that thread. But . . . in my personal opinion, it's hard for folks to really help if there's no regimen.

I'll be rooting for your hair journey, @jennifer30. Keep us updated on what you decide: Relaxed or natural . . . whatever works best for you! :smile:
 
Don't give up yet.
jennifer30 said:
Well i wash and dc but maybe like once a month. I leave my hair in protective styles mostly. I will find me a regimen though. Ive been looking at youtube videos also.
Click to expand...
Ok...so can you like tell us what products you're using? It better not be Pink Lotion...:cantlook: hahah:grin:I would start fresh, a clay wash can give your hair a clean slate before you moisturize.
 
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jennifer30 said:
Well i wash and dc but maybe like once a month. I leave my hair in protective styles mostly. I will find me a regimen though. Ive been looking at youtube videos also.
Click to expand...

DC'ing once a month is not going to cut it with natural hair it really isn't. There's no point protective styling if you aren't feeding your hair the regular moisture that it needs. Your hair will just break off.

What DC's are you using? Again the conditioner needs to be suitable for your hair needs.

The ladies have offered you some wonderful advice, I would strongly suggest that you work out a plan/regimen for your hair and review its efficacy regularly.
 
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