Relaxing a 3year old's hair!!!!

[Tebby1017]

Re: Relaxing a 3year old\'s hair!!!!

[ QUOTE ]
ms_kenesha said:
I definitely do not think a 3 yr. old should have relaxed hair and I hate when people teach their children that their is something wrong with their hair when it is simply their own laziness or intra-racial bias against certain hairtypes.


[/ QUOTE ]

I agree with this statement wholeheartedly. I really thought about this long and hard when my cousin suggested relaxing my daughter's hair. I didn't want to seem like I was lazy, but the more I thought about it the more I realized....I was physically hurting my baby when I was doing her hair...so much so that everytime she saw me coming with the comb she would start screaming and running. My daughter's hair is not bone straight, it was applied really quickly, and like I said, only done once. I will probably only relax it once a year.

As for teaching children that something is wrong with their hair, I DO NOT allow ANYONE (not even my own mother) to say my daughter's hair is nappy. I don't allow anyone to talk negatively about the texture of her hair. I believe that is why children have complexes and negative self images now.

Tebby

 

[goldilocks20]

Re: Relaxing a 3year old\'s hair!!!!

NO JOKE !

 

[KinksnCurlz]

Re: Relaxing a 3year old\'s hair!!!!

[ QUOTE ]
Tebby1017 said:
As for teaching children that something is wrong with their hair, I DO NOT allow ANYONE (not even my own mother) to say my daughter's hair is nappy. I don't allow anyone to talk negatively about the texture of her hair. I believe that is why children have complexes and negative self images now.

Tebby

[/ QUOTE ]

ITA. I will not let my daughter's hair be her focus. She tells me everyday mommy i love your hair as she smoothes it down and i tell her the same thing. It is VERY important that we teach our girls how beautiful they are... inside and out.

 

[Guest]

Re: Relaxing a 3year old\'s hair!!!!

NEED is such a strong word to use with RELAXER. That's just my opinion.

 

[Mufasa]

Re: Relaxing a 3year old\'s hair!!!!

[ QUOTE ]
Caramela said:
I have a grown neice (she's a year younger than I) who has a daughter who is 3 years old. Let's call my grown neice "T" and my great neice "B".... T relaxed B's hair today!!!!!

She said that her hair is "terrible" and that she "can't do anything with it" and that she's "tried everything".Now to make matters worse, she says this in front of B... to let B grow up thinking something is wrong with her hair. Her hair is very thick, and it's cottony, with a super tight curl pattern. I guess like 4B, but I don't believe this. Am I wrong for thinking that she shouldn't by any means be relaxing the baby's hair? I told her my views and she said that it's her daughter and she's the one who has to do her hair. This is so sad to me. It's outrageous

[/ QUOTE ]

I had started to say nooooooooo! Don't do it! A child's hair should not be permed so early - there are other ways!

 

[silk]

Re: Relaxing a 3year old\'s hair!!!!

Ok, all these people going on and on about how difficult it is to comb their daughters hair. Do yourself a favor and do some research. I am sick and tired of people complaining about nappy hair.

I have a niece who has the thickest thickest thickest hair ever. I do her hair every saturday. I only comb her hair when it is sopping wet and saturated with conditioner and even then I don't actually drag the comb thru her hair. I just use the comb to detangle the knots. Then I section her hair comb it GENTLY then twist, braid or cornrow the section, I do this until her whole hair is done, and I DO NOT hear a wink out of her with regards to pain.

If all else fails there is always the options of cutting the hair, I see lots of kids with cute TWAs adorned with nice hair clips and barrettes. pls do the right thing and stop exposing your kids to potential damage.

 

[Tebby1017]

Re: Relaxing a 3year old\'s hair!!!!

If you had to do my daughters hair you would understand why I say NEED.

Her texture is really hard to explain. She has naturally curly hair like mine (which is 3a/b) but the density of her fathers (4b at best). It looks beautiful when it is wet..like it would be manageble...but once you get down to the roots, it's another story.

Tebby

 

[Tebby1017]

Re: Relaxing a 3year old\'s hair!!!!

Were you directing this at anyone in particular?

Tebby

 

[dontspeakdefeat]

Re: Relaxing a 3year old\'s hair!!!!

Tebby I am here to back you up girl. Sometimes in some situations, a woman has to do what a woman has to do. Let's not turn this thread into a "Bash Tebby match"

Let us try walking in Tebby's shoes. I know, I have been there.

I also relaxed my daughter hair at a young age(6) and her hair is healthier than ever and thriving. Sometimes desperate situations mean desperate measures. Not saying that it is always the right thing to do but it may seem like the only way to go at the time. Also, everyone is not educated about hair. Not every knows that there are boards like this to help out. Sometimes also, if that is the only thing you know you are going to follow suit. All my live all I knew was to put a relaxer in. Thankfully by the time I put one in my daughter's hair I was educated enough about them to not cause her hair to fall out. OK, I am done ranting now!

 

[silk]

Re: Relaxing a 3year old\'s hair!!!!

Sorry Tebby, I wasn't directing it at you (i hadn't even read your post yet) or at any one in particular. It was just a general rant.

Its just that I feel like lots of black women complain about not being able to comb their childrens hair because it is soo nappy. 80% of us (me included) have relaxed hair and have been relaxed as long as we can remember so we may not necessarily know how to take care of natural hair. But I think once you have kids you should make an effort to learn how to work with their hair. If you try to comb nappy hair the way you comb relaxed you will definitely run into problems.

I think that rather than relaxing the childs hair it is better to take the time to learn how to care for it in it natural state.

 

[Dreamn]

Re: Relaxing a 3year old\'s hair!!!!

what makes 12 the magic age to get a relaxer?? a lot of people say its a shame for a child to get a relaxer, yet its ok for 12 and 13 yr olds to get one? i just want to know what made puberty the golden time to get a relaxer.

my entire family has super thick hair and i dont remember my hair experiences as a child, but i know my cousin's hair was just like mine. she never got a relaxer, she's 15. it was never torture to do her hair, from what i remember, some baby love detangler and a comb and she was set. sometimes they pressed it, but she never NEEDED a relaxer.

technically nobody needs a relaxer, if they were never invented what would blk women do?

 

[Tebby1017]

Re: Relaxing a 3year old\'s hair!!!!

[ QUOTE ]
dontspeakdefeat said:
Tebby I am here to back you up girl. Sometimes in some situations, a woman has to do what a woman has to do. Let's not turn this thread into a "Bash Tebby match"

Let us try walking in Tebby's shoes. I know, I have been there.

I also relaxed my daughter hair at a young age(6) and her hair is healthier than ever and thriving. Sometimes desperate situations mean desperate measures. Not saying that it is always the right thing to do but it may seem like the only way to go at the time. Also, everyone is not educated about hair. Not every knows that there are boards like this to help out. Sometimes also, if that is the only thing you know you are going to follow suit. All my live all I knew was to put a relaxer in. Thankfully by the time I put one in my daughter's hair I was educated enough about them to not cause her hair to fall out. OK, I am done ranting now!

[/ QUOTE ]

Thanks, DSD....and let me just point out that I was a member of hair boards BEFORE I put a relaxer in my daughter's hair. I tried every product I could think of. I consulted professional hair dressers about her hair. This wasn't a fly by night decision, nor was it a matter of vanity when I chose to do this. I would prefer for her to be natural, but such is life.

I'm not worried about anyone bashing my decision because, frankly, they didn't have their child physically in pain from getting her hair done. My daughter has even vomitted on me because she was so upset...the horror stories could go on. I know what I did was the best thing for my daughter's hair...bump the critics.

It's easy to say what you wouldn't do when you are not/have not ever been in the situation.

Tebby

 

[Daughter]

Re: Relaxing a 3year old\'s hair!!!!

I beleive it is wrong on SO many levels to relax a child's hair so young.

1. Potential hair/scalp damage - I've seen this do many times

2. Relaxing/straightening at such a young ages speaks VOLUMES about the "good hair"/"bad hair" issues still prevalent today - I shall be surprised if the poor child won't see narural hair as inferior.

3. I had a head of thick long hair when I was a child (I'd love to get it that long again but that's another story, LOL) yet my parents managed to look after it without heat or chemicals and they both worked full time - why couldn't the child's mum?

4. Many who are frustrated by natural hair (please note I say many, not all) don't really a) know how to care for it effectively and b) don't WANT to care for it in its natural state, preferring straight hair anyway.

 

[Dreamn]

Re: Relaxing a 3year old\'s hair!!!!

[ QUOTE ]
Tebby1017 said:
[ QUOTE ]
dontspeakdefeat said:
Tebby I am here to back you up girl. Sometimes in some situations, a woman has to do what a woman has to do. Let's not turn this thread into a "Bash Tebby match"

Let us try walking in Tebby's shoes. I know, I have been there.

I also relaxed my daughter hair at a young age(6) and her hair is healthier than ever and thriving. Sometimes desperate situations mean desperate measures. Not saying that it is always the right thing to do but it may seem like the only way to go at the time. Also, everyone is not educated about hair. Not every knows that there are boards like this to help out. Sometimes also, if that is the only thing you know you are going to follow suit. All my live all I knew was to put a relaxer in. Thankfully by the time I put one in my daughter's hair I was educated enough about them to not cause her hair to fall out. OK, I am done ranting now!

[/ QUOTE ]

Thanks, DSD....and let me just point out that I was a member of hair boards BEFORE I put a relaxer in my daughter's hair. I tried every product I could think of. I consulted professional hair dressers about her hair. This wasn't a fly by night decision, nor was it a matter of vanity when I chose to do this. I would prefer for her to be natural, but such is life.

I'm not worried about anyone bashing my decision because, frankly, they didn't have their child physically in pain from getting her hair done. My daughter has even vomitted on me because she was so upset...the horror stories could go on. I know what I did was the best thing for my daughter's hair...bump the critics.

It's easy to say what you wouldn't do when you are not/have not ever been in the situation.

Tebby

[/ QUOTE ]

u tell 'em tebby! bump the critics! lol

 

[Tebby1017]

Re: Relaxing a 3year old\'s hair!!!!

[ QUOTE ]
Daughter said:
I beleive it is wrong on SO many levels to relax a child's hair so young.

1. Potential hair/scalp damage - I've seen this do many times

2. Relaxing/straightening at such a young ages speaks VOLUMES about the "good hair"/"bad hair" issues still prevalent today - I shall be surprised if the poor child won't see narural hair as inferior.

3. I had a head of thick long hair when I was a child (I'd love to get it that long again but that's another story, LOL) yet my parents managed to look after it without heat or chemicals and they both worked full time - why couldn't the child's mum?

4. Many who are frustrated by natural hair (please note I say many, not all) don't really a) know how to care for it effectively and b) don't WANT to care for it in its natural state, preferring straight hair anyway.

[/ QUOTE ]

1. I've seen hair and scalp damage on children without chemicals. That just comes from lack of care in general.

2. I really think a child who is in pain when their hair is being done is more concerned about that than their hair in it's natural state is inferior.

4. This is very true.

Tebby

 

[pebbles]

Re: Relaxing a 3year old\'s hair!!!!

[ QUOTE ]
Tebby1017 said:

Thanks, DSD....and let me just point out that I was a member of hair boards BEFORE I put a relaxer in my daughter's hair. I tried every product I could think of. I consulted professional hair dressers about her hair. This wasn't a fly by night decision, nor was it a matter of vanity when I chose to do this. I would prefer for her to be natural, but such is life.

I'm not worried about anyone bashing my decision because, frankly, they didn't have their child physically in pain from getting her hair done. My daughter has even vomitted on me because she was so upset...the horror stories could go on. I know what I did was the best thing for my daughter's hair...bump the critics.

It's easy to say what you wouldn't do when you are not/have not ever been in the situation.

Tebby

[/ QUOTE ]

Girl, don't feel the need to defend your decision to anyone. Like you said, you know what you had to deal with, so you handle it the way you feel is best. If folks don't like it, well, that's just too bad.

 

[dontspeakdefeat]

Re: Relaxing a 3year old\'s hair!!!!

I just want to ask all of the ladies who oppose relaxing a young child's hair, Do you have children of your own? Hair that you have to style day in and day out? Many hair problems that you tried every solution to solve with no avail? No one nows anyone's entire situation unless they ask. People are just assumming that relaxing was the very first decision made. Forget about all the time we spent going back and forth to stylist trying to find solutions. Forget about the hundreds of products tried with no solution. Forget about the restless child who is screaming bloody murder because her head hurts so bad.

I don't think that any of us here did it because of vanity. Nor do we teach our young ladies that relaxed hair is better than natural. It was just about a personal choice. It was at the time the right choice.

Now with the knowledge that we have about hair we can take that decision and continue to keep their hair healthy and vibrant.

 

[Tebby1017]

Re: Relaxing a 3year old\'s hair!!!!

What is so funny to me is how we could go to ANY haircare board geared towards women of color and there is always the relaxed/natual debate going. People who oppose relaxed hair always say how it is damaging to the scalp, to the hair, to ones self-image...and these are comments geared towards grown women...not pre-pubescent (sp?) little girls.

I really thought I had escaped the relaxed/natural drama on this board, but I guess I was wrong.

Tebby

 

[Chipmunk]

Re: Relaxing a 3year old\'s hair!!!!

[ QUOTE ]
dontspeakdefeat said:
I just want to ask all of the ladies who oppose relaxing a young child's hair, Do you have children of your own? Hair that you have to style day in and day out? Many hair problems that you tried every solution to solve with no avail? No one nows anyone's entire situation unless they ask. People are just assumming that relaxing was the very first decision made. Forget about all the time we spent going back and forth to stylist trying to find solutions. Forget about the hundreds of products tried with no solution. Forget about the restless child who is screaming bloody murder because her head hurts so bad.

I don't think that any of us here did it because of vanity. Nor do we teach our young ladies that relaxed hair is better than natural. It was just about a personal choice. It was at the time the right choice.

Now with the knowledge that we have about hair we can take that decision and continue to keep their hair healthy and vibrant.

[/ QUOTE ]

I do not have any children, but I do oppose the relaxing of a child's hair at a young age. I, personally haven't made or expressed any assumptions about the mother who relaxes her child's hair at a young age. So maybe your questions weren't really for me.

My stepmother put chemicals on my hair (a curl) when I was 6yrs old. Chemicals which left scabs all over my scalp and caused me to have to take medication in order for my hair to grow again. Therefore I have an aversion to them.

Now that's not to say that just because it happened to me that it will happen to other people's children. That's not to say that I think that a woman who relaxes her child's hair is a bad or lazy mother. I just think that chemicals can be dangerous, especially on a young scalp.

 

[pebbles]

Re: Relaxing a 3year old\'s hair!!!!

[ QUOTE ]
dontspeakdefeat said:
I just want to ask all of the ladies who oppose relaxing a young child's hair, Do you have children of your own? Hair that you have to style day in and day out? Many hair problems that you tried every solution to solve with no avail? No one nows anyone's entire situation unless they ask. People are just assumming that relaxing was the very first decision made. Forget about all the time we spent going back and forth to stylist trying to find solutions. Forget about the hundreds of products tried with no solution. Forget about the restless child who is screaming bloody murder because her head hurts so bad.

I don't think that any of us here did it because of vanity. Nor do we teach our young ladies that relaxed hair is better than natural. It was just about a personal choice. It was at the time the right choice.

Now with the knowledge that we have about hair we can take that decision and continue to keep their hair healthy and vibrant.

[/ QUOTE ]

I agree with everything you've said. I don't have a daughter, I have 2 sons, so I don't have to deal with the problems some other women with daughters do. My only concern would be the potential burning that can occur with the use of relaxers on one so young. At 37, if I have a spot that burns from a relaxer I'm ready to die,

so I can't imagine how it would feel to a 3 year old. However, if that's what a mom feels she can do to make managing her daughters hair more pleasant for all involved, I think she should do what she feels is best.

 

[hotshot]

Re: Relaxing a 3year old\'s hair!!!!

[ QUOTE ]
honeydrop215 said:
what makes 12 the magic age to get a relaxer?? a lot of people say its a shame for a child to get a relaxer, yet its ok for 12 and 13 yr olds to get one? i just want to know what made puberty the golden time to get a relaxer.

my entire family has super thick hair and i dont remember my hair experiences as a child, but i know my cousin's hair was just like mine. she never got a relaxer, she's 15. it was never torture to do her hair, from what i remember, some baby love detangler and a comb and she was set. sometimes they pressed it, but she never NEEDED a relaxer.

technically nobody needs a relaxer, if they were never invented what would blk women do?

[/ QUOTE ]

i had perms from about 9 or 10 years old, but 12 is when my hair started looking terrible because i started doing it myself.

 

[sassygirl125]

Re: Relaxing a 3year old\'s hair!!!!

[ QUOTE ]
honeydrop215 said:
what makes 12 the magic age to get a relaxer??

[/ QUOTE ]

Good question. I always heard that you shouldn't relax your hair until you start menstruating. I have no idea why. Dark & Lovely Beautiful Beginnings says their product is safe for kids ages 5 and up. But they are in business to sell relaxers...

 

[dontspeakdefeat]

Re: Relaxing a 3year old\'s hair!!!!

[ QUOTE ]
Chipmunk said:
[ QUOTE ]
dontspeakdefeat said:
I just want to ask all of the ladies who oppose relaxing a young child's hair, Do you have children of your own? Hair that you have to style day in and day out? Many hair problems that you tried every solution to solve with no avail? No one nows anyone's entire situation unless they ask. People are just assumming that relaxing was the very first decision made. Forget about all the time we spent going back and forth to stylist trying to find solutions. Forget about the hundreds of products tried with no solution. Forget about the restless child who is screaming bloody murder because her head hurts so bad.

I don't think that any of us here did it because of vanity. Nor do we teach our young ladies that relaxed hair is better than natural. It was just about a personal choice. It was at the time the right choice.

Now with the knowledge that we have about hair we can take that decision and continue to keep their hair healthy and vibrant.

[/ QUOTE ]

I do not have any children, but I do oppose the relaxing of a child's hair at a young age. I, personally haven't made or expressed any assumptions about the mother who relaxes her child's hair at a young age. So maybe your questions weren't really for me.

My stepmother put chemicals on my hair (a curl) when I was 6yrs old. Chemicals which left scabs all over my scalp and caused me to have to take medication in order for my hair to grow again. Therefore I have an aversion to them.

Now that's not to say that just because it happened to me that it will happen to other people's children. That's not to say that I think that a woman who relaxes her child's hair is a bad or lazy mother. I just think that chemicals can be dangerous, especially on a young scalp.

[/ QUOTE ]
Nope, this question wasn't directed at anyone in particular. I just wanted to know. I was thinking about the saying "walk a mile in someone else's shoes".

I completely understand about the potential damage and all those other things. It was just the choice I made at the time. At the time I felt it was the right choice. I just make sure I am extra careful with my child and I only relax about every 4-6 months.

Sorry you had such a bad childhood experience.

 

[dontspeakdefeat]

Re: Relaxing a 3year old\'s hair!!!!

[ QUOTE ]
pebbles said:
[ QUOTE ]
dontspeakdefeat said:
I just want to ask all of the ladies who oppose relaxing a young child's hair, Do you have children of your own? Hair that you have to style day in and day out? Many hair problems that you tried every solution to solve with no avail? No one nows anyone's entire situation unless they ask. People are just assumming that relaxing was the very first decision made. Forget about all the time we spent going back and forth to stylist trying to find solutions. Forget about the hundreds of products tried with no solution. Forget about the restless child who is screaming bloody murder because her head hurts so bad.

I don't think that any of us here did it because of vanity. Nor do we teach our young ladies that relaxed hair is better than natural. It was just about a personal choice. It was at the time the right choice.

Now with the knowledge that we have about hair we can take that decision and continue to keep their hair healthy and vibrant.

[/ QUOTE ]

I agree with everything you've said. I don't have a daughter, I have 2 sons, so I don't have to deal with the problems some other women with daughters do. My only concern would be the potential burning that can occur with the use of relaxers on one so young. At 37, if I have a spot that burns from a relaxer I'm ready to die,

so I can't imagine how it would feel to a 3 year old. However, if that's what a mom feels she can do to make managing her daughters hair more pleasant for all involved, I think she should do what she feels is best.

[/ QUOTE ]
Thanks Pebbles! I agree wholeheartedly. Sometime we have to do what we think is best.

 

[dontspeakdefeat]

Re: Relaxing a 3year old\'s hair!!!!

[ QUOTE ]
Tebby1017 said:
What is so funny to me is how we could go to ANY haircare board geared towards women of color and there is always the relaxed/natual debate going. People who oppose relaxed hair always say how it is damaging to the scalp, to the hair, to ones self-image...and these are comments geared towards grown women...not pre-pubescent (sp?) little girls.

I really thought I had escaped the relaxed/natural drama on this board, but I guess I was wrong.

Tebby

[/ QUOTE ]
Yeah, I feel ya girl. At least we are doing it in a lady-like manner!

 

[Valerie]

Re: Relaxing a 3year old\'s hair!!!!

[ QUOTE ]
Bublnbrnsuga said:
I believe you are right. And we wonder why so much hair hatred is prevalent in our race today. I have a friend who has 2 daughters, 4 and 1. The 4 year old has hair similar to your great nieces and the 1 year old hair grows in straight and curls at the ends. When the 4 year old was about 2,her father's family put a perm in this baby's hair!! I was so irate,so was her mother. Well,her mother started growing out her perm. One day I was combing this baby's hair and she told me,"my hair is nappy."This angered me and I confronted her mom and told her to stop saying that her hair is nappy and that she could not do anything with it. Now the 4 year old has a perm all over again. I hate to see what is going to happen as the two sisters grow up and hear the talk about their different hair textures. They are going to grow up with the idea that there is "good hair" and "bad hair." They might even begin resenting one another later,since the baby has what some may consider "good hair." I thank God that I had a mother who NEVER complained about fixing my hair! My hair is tremendously thick,but my mother never resorted to pressing or perming to make my hair "manageable." I think some mothers today are just lazy-they don't want to give their child's hair a chance to thrive,so they just slap a perm in it.

[/ QUOTE ]

It is so nice to hear finally someone who agrees with me. I think the word 'nappy' is a very damaging and derogative. It is usually referred to people who have type 4b, I have even heard people say, "she doesn't have curly hair, she has nappy hair". Which is so terrible for the person. I know there was a book at one time. "Proud to be nappy". I sometimes think that we are going back to time of using phrases like "Sambo", "Golliwog" "Topsy". Sometimes I wonder with all the pain we have suffered, we still want to go bad to those times. This self hatred of our hair in its natural form is so soul destroying. One thing I am very proud of this website, is that you encourage all Ladies to achieve their goal.

 

[Tebby1017]

Re: Relaxing a 3year old\'s hair!!!!

I always say nap is how you measure the grade of a carpet, not hair.

Tebby

 

[KinksnCurlz]

Re: Relaxing a 3year old\'s hair!!!!

[ QUOTE ]
honeydrop215 said:
what makes 12 the magic age to get a relaxer?? a lot of people say its a shame for a child to get a relaxer, yet its ok for 12 and 13 yr olds to get one? i just want to know what made puberty the golden time to get a relaxer.

my entire family has super thick hair and i dont remember my hair experiences as a child, but i know my cousin's hair was just like mine. she never got a relaxer, she's 15. it was never torture to do her hair, from what i remember, some baby love detangler and a comb and she was set. sometimes they pressed it, but she never NEEDED a relaxer.

technically nobody needs a relaxer, if they were never invented what would blk women do?

[/ QUOTE ]

Hmmm, i said 13 would be the age I'd let my daughter make the decision about whether she wanted a relaxer or not because I feel at that age she is more capable of helping me take care of it. And in 10 more years, I'll be an 'official hair guru' so I will have all the rights and wrongs of hair care down to a tee.

 

[cybra]

Re: Relaxing a 3year old\'s hair!!!!

Well, I guess I'm going to be fussed at too

But, don't expect an apology from me for a decision I made after much debate and analysis.

My oldest daughter, like many on this board have indicated about thier daughters, has very, very, very thick hair. Her hair type would probably be classified between 3c/ 4a. Her natural hair makes medium sized, deep waves. However, because it was so thick, it was a nightmare to get done. Although it was gorgeous once done. Well, up until she was about 8, I primarily kept her hair in cornrow styles. But, once she was eight, she started getting upset with me when she had to miss hours of play on Saturdays so I could wash, condition (using a dryer), and rebraid her hair. So, I put a relaxer in it. Now, I did not make it bone straight, but it was much looser than previously. It was so easy to do and then she could simply get some body cream/lotion in it and pulled into a ponytail or puppy ears. She loved it. Now, BlackCardinal's natural hair was about the same, except her hair was much thinner than her sissy's. I could literally wet and wrap her hair around my finger to make ringlets. Also, if I wanted her hair pocker straight, all I had to do was blowdry it. But, one day I thought that my always blow drying it caused more damage than putting a mild relaxer in it. So, I put a mild relaxer in it, but only left it on, literally 3 mins. This was all she needed. Well, they are now 20 and almost 23 and both have a beautiful hair (my oldest daughter's is just shy of being bra strap length) and BC's you can see in her pics...and this is after having it trimmed by me (and I took off about an inch) before going back to school in Sept.

IMO, neither of them suffered any blows to their self-esteem or self-worth as a result of my relaxing their hair. Now, I know helping young AA girls to appreciate who they are the way the are is important. But, I think relaxing your hair does not mean that a person wants to be white, nor should it devalue who they are. No more than it would if a white person who got a perm should make them feel they are trying to be black, or lower their self-worth.

If my daughters ever said, "mom, I don't want you to do my hair like that anymore" I promise you I would have stopped. I believe I have a rapport with my daughters that they feel free to tell me their likes and dislikes. I have changed the way they dressed, redid their bedrooms, making certian food, and stopped doing hairstyles on them at their requests. I think open communication is a must between a child and his/her parents. And decisions for their lives should be based on their feedback.

 

[ms_kenesha]

Re: Relaxing a 3year old\'s hair!!!!

Tebby, DSD, Cybra I make no judgements because A) I have no children and B) I feel that by your statements you are exceptions to the reason why a lot of people put relaxers in their children's hair at a young age. I think a lot of people do it because they prefer straight hair and despise "nappy" hair and/or are genuinely lazy and not concerned about their childrens health. Like someone said I know as a teen and adult getting a relaxer burn feels like hell so you know how it must feel to a child or a baby. There was a girl I went to Univ. with and she put a relaxer in her sons hair because it was "hard to manage" but they kept his hair low, she just wanted it to look like he had "good" hair, the boy was only 4 yrs. old....these are the people that need a good lashing

For whomever asked why 12 or 13 was the magic age I was told by my friend a chemist that you should not use any chemical on a child's hair until after puberty is over because their bodies/hair is still growing and changing.

I guess most people think of 12 and 13 as the age of puberty, but my friend said after puberty; I know personally I didn't start menstruating until I was 14 so my getting a relaxer at 7 or 8 was not the right time IMO