She prefers to wear her hair straight, why is that self-hating?

[LoveisYou]

My friend went off on my cousin a few days ago because she said that she prefers to wear her hair straight. My friend and I are both natural. The three of us (me, friend, cousin) were out having drinks this past week when my cousin complimented my friend's hair. My friend told her that she should go natural too, and my cousin responded that she prefers the look of straight hair on her for now. My cousin has been natural in the past. My friend went on a tangent and accused my cousin of self-hate. Naturally (no pun intended) my cousin was offended.

I was appalled at my friend's reaction to my cousin's statement, because I believe that people should march to the beat of their own drum. If my cousin prefers to wear her hair straight then she should be able to do so without criticism and/or accusations of self-hate. What gives anyone the right to dictate to a woman how she should wear her hair?

 

[luckiestdestiny]

This is a can of worms...

All I can say is I'm natural: worn my hair straight and kinky. I think it's sad when others inflict their opinions on everyone else.

 

[I Am So Blessed]

oh snap here we go again. lol this is talked about in so many threads. i think your friend should wear whatever hair that makes her happy. it grows out of her head so let her wear and do what she wants.

eta: im natural and love it. and when i get my maxiglide lol (should have had it by now) i will be rocking straight up asian style.

 

[LoveisYou]

This is a can of worms...

All I can say is I'm natural: worn my hair straight and kinky. I think it's sad when other's inflict their opinions on everyone else.

This is where I might be different, because I don't see it as a can of worms. What's the big deal? It's not like she said natural hair was ugly, she simply said she prefers to wear her hair straight. I think she displayed an appreciation for natural hair by complimenting my friend. Wearing one's hair staright does not automatically equal self-hate.

 

[30something]

People toss this self-hate idea around tooo much, like they're Tyra banks or something.

 

[Firstborn2]

I am so sick and tired of this issue. I mean really, why would your friend care what your cousin reason is for wearing her hair straight. What is she going around checkin ppl black card? Does your friend think she is better because her hair is natural,smh, ppl really need to get over themselves forreal!

 

[sheba1]

True dat, Firstborn.

Yeah, I think we may just dodge the bullet on this one as, I believe, everyone is tired of this argument.

 

[PinkSkates]

I am so sick and tired of this issue. I mean really, why would your friend care what your cousin reason is for wearing her hair straight. What is she going around checkin ppl black card? Does your friend think she is better because her hair is natural,smh, ppl really need to get over themselves forreal!

This goes double for me!^^^
From my experience, many times when a natural head tells a heat-straightened natural head "that message"...it's because they want to dabble in heat straightening methods but have no clue how to do so in a healthful manner.

 

[Odd One]

People toss this self-hate idea around tooo much, like they're Tyra banks or something.

............

 

[Mz.MoMo5235]

yall already said what i was thinking lol

 

[naturalmanenyc]

I guess being a natural hair nazi is still in for the 2010.
I'm 100% natural, finally after a 2 year transition, and my hair is flat ironed right now. Let the self hate comments begin. Lol lol

 

[ctosha]

This thread should be closed. Its been talked about over and over. Point blank what someone else does to their own hair is their business and if no one else likes it then don't look or shut the f**k up (im sorry for that but its that simple for me at least) You can offer positive advise but one should not pressure or inflict their views on another in a confronting manner. Case closed. By the way i am 100 percent natural i press occasionally AND I DONT HATE MYSELF!!!!!!....

 

[melissa-bee]

It's hair. It's able to be worn any way feasible. Straighting your hair ain't life threatening.

 

[longhairlover]

sometimes I think the natural thing is a cult, to each her own, if a person wants to be natural cool, but I just get tired of folks that are natural feeling like they have to enlist others for conversion. there's no self hate, to me it's self hate if a person has to make a comment to someone that chooses something else like being relaxed, to me that's a natural person that is not comfortable being natural.

if someone relaxes that's their business, I like my hair straight too, and my natural hair texture is beautiful but I like my hair straight so what.

what a person does with their hair is "supposed" to be their choice, just like with religion, or sexuality do you but should you go out trying to convert others if they don't want to be converted? no!

and no offense to the natural ladies on here.

and yeah LHCF needs to ban natural/relaxed type threads, it just pisses people off, we shouldn't even bother posting these topics anymore.

 

[Salsarisma]

Who cares? **Yawning**

Does it matter if I chose to wear tampons over maxi pads? Or fake nails instead of real nails? Or wax instead of shave?

 

[longhairlover]

LMAO!!!
your right yawn.

you know what this kind of reminds me of the whole vegetarian thing vs non vegatarians.

my hubby's aunt is always trying to convert us to stop eating chicken lmao!

Who cares? **Yawning**

Does it matter if I chose to wear tampons over maxi pads? Or fake nails instead of real nails? Or wax instead of shave?

 

[sharifeh]

We need to unite and band together. Why must we treat each other like this?

 

[melodies815]

If I never see this topic again, that would be great. To the OP...it's not your fault that you witnessed this or that you shared it, so no worries there. *big hug* It's just the argument in general is a dim one. Relaxed versus natural is not usually a self hate thing anymore. It's just a hairstyle option.

*another yawn* I'd rather figure out how to combat single strand knots...


cj

 

[dynamic1]

sometimes I think the natural thing is a cult, to each her own, if a person wants to be natural cool, but I just get tired of folks that are natural feeling like they have to enlist others for conversion. there's no self hate, to me it's self hate if a person has to make a comment to someone that chooses something else like being relaxed, to me that's a natural person that is not comfortable being natural.

if someone relaxes that's their business, I like my hair straight too, and my natural hair texture is beautiful but I like my hair straight so what.

what a person does with their hair is "supposed" to be their choice, just like with religion, or sexuality do you but should you go out trying to convert others if they don't want to be converted? no!

and no offense to the natural ladies on here.

and yeah LHCF needs to ban natural/relaxed type threads, it just pisses people off, we shouldn't even bother posting these topics anymore.

@ bold - Do you see how that statement is just as offensive as accusing a person of self-hate (not to mention ironic). People are individuals, straight or non-straight, selecting styles for individual reasons. Lumping people with a particular style preference in the same basket is wrong on both sides. Statements like this cause a discussion to go spiraling downhill.

@ OP, unfortunately people irl often give unsolicited opinions about hair, make-up, clothes and other personal matters on a regular basis. At times these opinions are offensive to the listener. 'Tis the way of the world.

 

[LoveisYou]

If I never see this topic again, that would be great. To the OP...it's not your fault that you witnessed this or that you shared it, so no worries there. *big hug* It's just the argument in general is a dim one. Relaxed versus natural is not usually a self hate thing anymore. It's just a hairstyle option.

*another yawn* I'd rather figure out how to combat single strand knots...


cj

I don't think my topic is really about relaxed v. natural, it's more a rant about the audacity of some people to impose their views about hair on other people. I would feel the same way if someone accused another person of self-hate because that person wears weaves.

 

[dynamic1]

*another yawn* I'd rather figure out how to combat single strand knots...


cj

Co-sign! I think the only way I can avoid them is to wear my hair like I did when I was a youngster (braided and bowed) or straighten it. But direct heat over knots = hair cut.

 

[ebonimama]

I believe that people should be able to post what they want to post. It's real easy to place your cursor over a topic and see what it's about. If you don't like it don't come into the dang gone thread. If you go into a thread and realize you don't like the topic then leave the dang gone thread. It's really just that simple sheesh!

 

[femmemuscle]

this "dead horse" has been beaten, i don't know how many times.

gawd...

could someone please close this thread before one of the Forum Siths dispatch their apprentice from the dark side?

 

[southerncitygirl]

She should wear her hair however she likes and I'm sorry this happened to her. Too many black folk like to believe that natural hair equals self love and thats just not true, I've met some sweet straight haired naturals/relaxed ladies and some wicked natural ones.
However, I do think as a society that we've been conditioned to believe that straight hair equals beauty which is not true. Its takes time to deprogram yourself from this and some people never do.
In general I think women go through phases with hair and whatever phase we're in doesn't mean we're ashamed to be black or want to be white. I hate when folks go all pro-black about hair, most times it ain't even that serious! I wish folks would state their opinion only when you ask for it.

 

[Bella_Atl]

Does anyone see a historical pattern? In the 1920s-1950s or so. Wearing black hair "natural" was self hatred. Then the 1960's-1970s/80s or so "relaxed/straight" hair was self hatred. The comes 1980s-late 1990's "natural" was again black self hate. Now today..lol. The "neo-naturals" are calling out the "natural hair straightners"

Wow..Why can't we all just get along?

 

[beans4reezy]

This thread should be closed

Why? You paid your $6.50 to be able to post threads pertinent to hair care and hair care issues, why shouldn't the OP?

If I never see this topic again, that would be great.

You can actually, you can choose not to read or take part in these threads.

The OP shouldn't be villified because she started a thread where she wanted to discuss a particular topic; whether or not it's been hashed out a million times, as a suscribing member, this is her right.

I don't think my topic is really about relaxed v. natural, it's more a rant about the audacity of some people to impose their views about hair on other people

IMO, this sums the central issue at hand up.

 

[ToyToy]

Is your friend newly natural? I find that women who are newly natural tend to be very eager and passionate about this whole "you're self-hating if you aren't rocking your hair the way God made it"-thing .
In any case, it really isn't that serious, IMO. Even if your cousin is self-hating (and I'm not saying she is), it would still be your cousin's issue to deal with, not your friend's. There are much more pressing things in life than someone's preference to wear their hair straight...

 

[aquajoyice]

I think that everyone should love themselves to wear their hair however thay want. And as black people we need to stop being so judgemental on one another. It's okay to promote self-love but don't try to inflict a self-hate comment on someone else to make yourself seem superior.

 

[I Am So Blessed]

let her vent. i agree with the other ladies, if you dont want to read about this topic, WHY THE HELL ARE U IN THIS THREAD FOR....TO COMPLAIN?? LEAVE!! WHO ARE YOU TO SAY WHEN SOMEBODIES THREAD NEEDS TO BE CLOSED?[/I] ...give me a brake...the nerve.

op, you post what eva you dam well please up in here!!

 

[aquajoyice]

I've noticed on this site that anytime a few feathers are ruffled so many want to throw the topic under the rug and act as if it doesn't exist. I don't see why some have to be as rude as to *yawn* on somone's thread. If we're ever going to GET anywhere we have to discuss the things that make us feel uncomfortable to achieve GROWTH. Imagine if every single one of us didn't think outside the box and never learned hair care. We wouldn't be where we are today. And none of us would be on this site exchanging new ideas about hair. It's 2010 people lets grow in more ways than one. Clearly this issue needs to be discussed if so many feel the need to be rude to the person that posted it. Becuase in my eyes it makes those rude individuals no different than the person labelling someone as self-hating for straightening their hair.