Staying Natural without any support

[Kiowa]

How do you all deal with negative family/friends naysayer's in your life?

They always have negative and derogatory things to say about my hair..to the point where I don't even feel like visiting or talking with them on the phone, since they always get around to "When are you going to do something with your hair?"..Maybe I'm PMS'ing but today, they got to me...I don't know why they feel a right to get up in my hair, I don't get up in their Jheri wearing curls...yes, they are still rocking Curly Perms...

 

[allmundjoi]

I laugh and ignore or point out something I think they need to work on.

Granny: when are you going to do something with that God awful hair of yours?
Me: oh, granny.,*laughs* When you get new teeth or my grown cousin out your basement. Which ever comes first. *more laughter*

That's pretty much how it goes. Lol, my granny and I crack a lot. She is hilarious.

 

[CaliiSwagg]

How do you all deal with negative family/friends naysayer's in your life?

They always have negative and derogatory things to say about my hair..to the point where I don't even feel like visiting or talking with them on the phone, since they always get around to "When are you going to do something with your hair?"..Maybe I'm PMS'ing but today, they got to me...I don't know why they feel a right to get up in my hair, I don't get up in their Jheri wearing curls...yes, they are still rocking Curly Perms...

Not the Jheri's.

To answer your question OP, I just ignore them and find support else where.

 

[havilland]

i ignore hate. i don't have time for that.

it gets worse when your hair is healthy and long and they are jealous of you.

let this phase you are in now prep you for the next phases. cus they are coming. it gets worse before it gets better.

the phases people go through and the things people say to you while you are on a healthy hair care journey

-natural or relaxed, doesn't matter----
​

DENIAL
1. you are so crazy. you need a perm! you look ridiculous.
(this applies to naturals or relaxed heads on a journey because most healthy hair advocates stretch relaxers longer once they start taking care of their hair. then friends want you to relax the roots because you must be crazy to stretch 12 weeks!)

2. i wish i would do all that stuff to my hair?! who has time? you are obsessed! (obsessed with protective styles, moisturizing, deep conditioning and using products that are good for your hair)


ANGER
3. my hair don't need all that. what's the point of having nice hair when it's in a bun all the time??!!!
(this person usually has no hair to speak of or the hair they have is damaged...but i digress)

4. your hair is getting long. what's you do to it? (usually this is said like an accusation, not a compliment. sometimes followed with "did you get a weave?" or "is that all your hair?!")

DEPRESSIONerplexed
5. silence------this usually happens as they start to see that it is YOUR hair that you grew from the scalp, they see your "craziness" is working, and they can't bear to do anything but watch you in awe. God forbid they compliment you. this phase lasts the longest.....

ACCEPTANCE
6. ummm who does your hair? i really need to start doing some of that stuff you do. girl, your hair really is just wow. how did you say you got it to grow and be so healthy? dang! i wish i could get my hair like that. would you mind helping me with some products or whatever? or maybe you can do my hair, you know i need some help. what can i do to make my hair like yours?


hang in there girl. you will have the last swang.....i promise!

 

[allmundjoi]

Aw dayum, how I miss them still rocking the Jheri curl? Tell them 1983 called and they want the wet n wavy back.

 

[LuvlyRain3]

I had family members like that now my hair is longer and healthier than all of theirs. Soooo..... I Win!!!

 

[Lylddlebit]

I didn't have any support, but to be honest my family didn't change. I changed my hair. So, I just let it be. I did what I wanted to do and didn't expect them to act any differently then I knew them to be. For your natural hair there is a lot of support since it's becoming so popular now. I'm sure you will find the positivity your looking for soon.

 

[AltheaGarden]

Well, my mom is the only family member that has said anything positive about my hair. She also tells me I look just like her when she was a teen in the '70s
My sister asked me to relax her hair, which I did (reluctantly). While parting her hair, I asked why she didn't stretch out her relaxers because she had a lot of breakage and super thin ends, she said that she needed to relax now even though she was just going to braid her hair and cover it with a wig. Mind you, her hair has been neck length for roughly six years, and not by choice. So we're talking, and I'm like, since you wear weaves and wigs, why don't you try transitioning? Your hair would be thicker and you wouldn't have so much breakage. Her voice gets serious and she replies, I couldn't walk around with nappy hair, that's not me. I just drop the subject. I wear my hair in an afro 80% of the time, so I took that comment a little personal.
All of my cousins/uncles call my hair nappy, or just say 'you and all that hair.' The tone is usually negative. One of my uncles grabbed a handful of my hair and tried to convince me to let him relax it, which is what he does to his wife's hair. My dad and grandma used to always make positive comments about my thick, long, straight (relaxed) hair, now they just look at it (which kinda stings). Only my mom, strangers and a few friends say anything positive, which is plenty enough.
You gotta realize, too many people have 'good hair' mentality engrained in their psyche,they will probably never change. But what you can do is remain true to yourself, remember why you stopped relaxing and that people are going to hate, regardless. I had haters when I was relaxed as well. That's their problem to deal with, not yours. You have chosen to accept what is growing out of your scalp, anyone that has a problem with that is a sheep.
On the days when I feel self-conscious, those are the days when I do a blowout

 

[cbanks67]

I went natural while living in a dorm full of relaxed young women. I heard a lot of negative comments. But I was tired of relaxers and my poor scalp so I said to hell with them. Now, years later a lot of them are going natural. The only thing I can say is to do you and in a few years they will probably be coming to you for advice.